miniblinded2 Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 I'm 30 and my true love is 47. He confesses to having "really low mileage" when comes to women. He tells me he can't believe he "scored" such a gorgeous young thing like me. We've been together for a year and he still has moments of insecurity. He asks me why I want to be with an old fart like him when I could get any guy I want. He worries that I'll someday get fed up with him and leave him. He's obviously looking for reassurance, but I'm not sure what kind of reassurance he wants. Does he want to be told he's loved unconditionally or that he's a stud in the... er, romance department? What can I say that will send his ego orbiting around the outer planets? Essentially, what I'm getting at is: 1. What are the biggest insecurities older guys have about being with a younger woman. 2. What do they want to hear from their younger woman which wil reassure them when they get insecure? Link to comment
moink75 Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 1. not performing required duties, loss of love, too old for quality and length of relationship 2. you love them and will always be there for them Link to comment
ElektraHere Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 I am not sure there is anything you can tell him that will miraculously make him secure. He needs to believe that you are with him because you love him and WANT to be with him. I dont see anything wrong with the age difference. I have been attracted to men that were alot older then me. All you can do is just do what your doing and that is love him. Hopefully he will see the light Good Luck Link to comment
Dako Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 I feel qualified for once to answer a question here, although I admit to projecting my own POV. Forgive my self-indulgence. He feels like an old fart because he has aches and experiences that don't show. He's got scars and near disasters and other drama that no one can see. He looks in the mirror and wishes he were 30 again. He recalls feeling more alive then and thinks you're being cheated by being with him past his prime. He sees wrinkles, thinning hair or a need for reading glasses as a sight of defeat. He's wondering what a young lady could possibly see in him because he can't see it himself. He's afraid to be in love and risk the pain of loss at an age where love is so profoundly more important than money, sex or life itself. He's scared, lonely and lost without you, but would set you free if it made you happy. Stuff like that. I wish I knew how to reassure the guy. If you find a way, let me know. I'm not having a real fun time myself as a codger. This really is a PITA. Link to comment
moink75 Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 ok Dako, that is quite a point of view. Very well expressed Link to comment
Dako Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 It has become my main hobby lately. Time I did something else. Really. Link to comment
Ash Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 To add to what Dako says (and I must say I feel a lot of what he does although I haven't quite gained the wisdom he has yet), he remembers a younger man who had more energy, drive and determination. He remembers a time when his back wasn't sore all the time. He's trying to decide whether to hang on to his youth as long as he possibly can, or whether to submit accept the passing years with grace and poise. He wants to be told that he's attractive. He wants to know that he pays more attention to you in bed than a younger man might because he doesn't see himself as the most important person there. He wants to know that at the end of each day, you will give him a hug and a kiss and tell him you love him. He needs to understand that your feelings for him are far more than skin deep, that you live the person he is, not just the covering on the outside. Sometimes you may have to insist on giving him a back rub when he claims he doesn't want one, and when he returns the favour you should let him know that nobody has ever touched you like that before and you never want him to let you go. Tell him his maturity is part of why he's so attractive to you. He needs to feel important in your life now, and needs to see that he has a place in your future. Let him hold doors, give you his jacket when you're cold, and let everybody else know when they see those things that you love him for all that too. Let him take care of you now, and give him the comfort of knowing that you want to take care of him too. Link to comment
Luvtax Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 Wow. What's with the low self-esteem??? Tell your man that wrinkles, thinning hair, and reading glasses show CHARACTER. It says this person has experienced a lot of life and all the richness that goes with it. As for aches and pains, ANYONE who is in bad shape feels them, not just the "old" folk. If you're feeling dem old bones, get thee to a gym ASAP! As for wondering what a young lady might see in him, how about his maturity, experience, patience, generosity, and the kind of wisdom that only comes with age? Now that he is (hopefully) established in his career, he has more time to devote to you, your relationship, and kids in the future (if you want them). So what's not to love? Link to comment
Dako Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 I was responding to the title of the thread. My low self-esteem just came along for the ride. Since this is an age-related part of the forum, how old are you, luvtax? Link to comment
newbie30 Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 That didn't sound like low self esteem... to me it sounded like poetry wrapped in truth. I would bet that is exactly how the poster's older b/f is feeling. I was with a younger guy (he 23, me 30), and, on occasion, you need the other person to fill in those little 'age-related' insecurities. It fades in time. Dako, if I may, you should be writing a book. Maybe poetry? I'd buy it immediately, and read it under a tree after flying a kite Link to comment
Luvtax Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 Hey Dako, I was just teasing ya. I just turned 25 and the object of my affection is 48. Link to comment
Luvtax Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 That didn't sound like low self esteem... to me it sounded like poetry wrapped in truth. I would bet that is exactly how the poster's older b/f is feeling. I was with a younger guy (he 23, me 30), and, on occasion, you need the other person to fill in those little 'age-related' insecurities. It fades in time. Dako may be poetic, but the "truth" remains. An occasional bout of insecurity like what you speak of is normal and we all experience it. But a persistent negative self-image--to the point where you might actually sabotage the relationship by constantly questioning why the other person is with you--smacks of low self-esteem. And btw I was also just teasing Dako, hence the winkie face. Link to comment
Dako Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 No offense taken. I wasn't attempting poetry, just describing the inside of my head. It may not be up to a high standard of confidence, but that's how it looks from th POV of this aging dumpee. I'm sure my feelings are quite common to anyone in my shoes. Link to comment
moink75 Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 How old do you consider old? My God, responses from 40+ and 50+ year olds and you make it sound like you are over the hill. No way, Remember you are years YOUNG not years old Link to comment
Dako Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 So moink, spill the beans about your age. Link to comment
Luvtax Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 Moink is right. These days 50s is the new 30s! Link to comment
Luvtax Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 No offense taken. I wasn't attempting poetry, just describing the inside of my head. It may not be up to a high standard of confidence, but that's how it looks from th POV of this aging dumpee. I'm sure my feelings are quite common to anyone in my shoes. Somebody dumped you?? Well, you know what? It is THEIR loss! They are doing you a big favor by screening themselves out and freeing you to meet some lucky lady who WILL appreciate you. I'm sorry to hear things didn't work out. ((((HUGS)))) Link to comment
moink75 Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 Dako, what do you want to know? Lets just say my "love" was 12 years older. I was younger, but I was more of an adult than he could ever be Link to comment
keenan Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 It's interesting how often people use their birth year in their login. Moink, could you perchance have been born in 1975? Link to comment
moink75 Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 RIGHT ON. Original Right? or if you want, take it like I am 75 Link to comment
Dako Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 1975. Well, don't worry, you're as young as you feel. Oy veh... Link to comment
moink75 Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 What, you make me sound like I am an artifact. Link to comment
Dako Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 It's okay if you drive with your blinker stuck on at 25 in the fast lane. You can block the aisle at the grocery store while you count coupons. I'll help you find your cat. Link to comment
moink75 Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 Hey, come on now. Get real. I have a dog, not a cat. Get it right Link to comment
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