feeling weak and wanting contact her!!!

[jl301]

Hello everyone,

 

I'm on day 10 of NC and I'm really struggling today. I really miss her dearly. I'm so tempt to call her, but to say what? Would my call solve anything? NO!!! I wish all this misery/ anguish would all go away right now. I guess, I just needed to vent that is all. I'm going to go work out maybe that will take my mind off of her. Thanks for listening everyone.

 

jl301](*,) ](*,) ](*,)

[Goodfun88]

You are doing great with the NC and you are right, contacting her will not solve anything or help in anyway. Stay strong, you are doing the right thing!

[friscodj]

Just keep posting here...we'll listen to your venting. Stay strong...

[deejay74]

keep going on, you're doing ok.

 

you responded to my post the other day in which i contacted my ex and it completely ended up the opposite way in which i wanted it to.

 

if you don't want to risk that, then do not call. just use me as an example.

 

hang in there!

[jl301]

Thanks friscodj, Goodfun88, and iwantherback for listening!

 

iwantherback :

Sorry to hear that things didn't go the way you wanted. Hang in there buddy!!!

[Scout]

Ten days of NC? Wow, you're doing great! I commend you on your resolve to heal yourself, no matter how great the temptation is to give in and contact her. Continue to let go and let the Universe do it's work here, my friend.

 

Good job.

[kellbell]

You are doing great! You can do it...just keep venting/talking to us. I am rootin' for ya!

[Relationship Coach]

Great job, I'm glad you posted! Keep moving forward towards what is best for you and soon you will realize the long journey backwards isn't worth the price of a gallon of gas these days!

 

RC

[sbrew21]

I am on 5 weeks of no contact and it gets super rough sometimes and you just want to call but you can't. It sets you back. You have to force yourself not to. Nothing else you can do but move forward.

[solo34]

I'm on the 10th week and some change, and it's still hard 4 me. Not so much fighting the NC...it's not that at all. It's the fact that if she even thinks about me, etc. like I do about her.

 

It really hurts sometimes. It REALLY hurts. I just remind myself that it's on HER and the ball is in her court.

 

Hang in there everyone. I see light at the end of the tunnel 4 us all, I'm just hoping it's not a train...

 

-Solo34

[jl301]

Thanks for the encouragement everyone.

I'm not going to lie, but I almost called her last night after having few drinks with my classmates to celebrate that midterms are over and spring break is upon us. I guess, I was getting angry in my mind and wanted to ask her why does she feel that she need to disconnect herself from me. What the hell did I do to deserve all this. I was just really unstable last night and so I went for a walk to calm myself down. I knew deep down that calling her wouldn't matter at all.

 

Like solo34 says : "It's the fact that is she even thinks about me, etc. like I do about her" I miss her alot and that she is constantly on my mind. But I promise myself that I will not look weak and be strong for myself/ maintained what ever dignity that I still have left.

 

Hang in there everyone, eventually things will look up for all of us.

jl301

[Scout]

Wow. Even drinking, you remained strong. Hon, I know it feels like you're going through hell, but from where I'm sitting, you appear to be a truly strong person who deep down knows he has to protect himself from further hurt. If only every poster on eNotalone could stick to that resolve.

[deejay74]

Wow. Even drinking, you remained strong. Hon, I know it feels like you're going through hell, but from where I'm sitting, you appear to be a truly strong person who deep down knows he has to protect himself from further hurt. If only every poster on eNotalone could stick to that resolve.

 

No doubt! i admire your strength jl301, i sincerely wish i had your will power. i am still upset over the times i broke NC, espcecially the last time. 8-[

 

looks like you'll be able to stick with it!

[jl301]

Thanks Scout / iwantherback for the encouragement. I realize that I will probably go through few more situations similar to last night before I complete heal from this. I will take everything day by day and hope that I will have the courage / strength to deal with whatever comes my way.

[Scout]

When I was going through a break up a few years ago, someone gave me some helpful terminology for what I was experiencing that I now often use at eNotalone to help folks going through a similar situation.

 

These feelings of sadness, longing, regret that we've lost the "one" person who will ever be perfect for us are actually "waves." And waves come and go. Sometimes they're big, sweeping feelings...that we're caught up in for a bit...but waves do eventually roll over us and move on and we feel better again. And after a while, they appear fewer and farther between as we go through the healing process.

 

And one day they're gone! We're then able to look back and see very clearly the reasons why things didn't work out, and what's more, we realize there are many more opportunities to meet someone really great for us.

[jl301]

Thanks Scout, I just print that off and put it on my inspiration board. You're truly wise and valueable member to this site.

[Scout]

Hey, you just made me break out into a big smile right at my PC! Thanks so much for saying such a nice thing to me.

 

Now...if I could only apply all that wisdom to my own life sometimes, ahem.

[friscodj]

Actually I find what makes it easier is if you keep telling yourself that's she's gone and never coming back...at least not the person you had the relationship with...

[jl301]

Frisco,

Your comment was a little bit harsh, but it just might do trick some people. I just don't want to think about anything right now. I'm just going to let nature take its course. I'm going to do my best to work on myself and grow from this experience. I don't know what will transpire in the future. One thing, I do know is that I will be myself again. However, now I'm get ready to go out with my friends have some green beer and then tomorrow get on plane for 13.5 hrs to see my family. Life is good, if you make it that way. I feel better now, thanks everyone!!!

[Scout]

Have a good trip! You gotta love family. No matter what transpires in life, they'll always be there for us.

 

Cheers, man! Have a good St. Patty's Day.

[friscodj]

Your comment was a little bit harsh, but it just might do trick some people.

 

I look at it as balancing out the emotions. One side of you is pulling you so hard to create hopes that things will work out with your ex. With this opposite thinking, you get a little tug-o-war going on between the two. In time, both sides get tired and drop the rope...which is exactly what you want to have happen...

[jl301]

Good terminalogy frisco!

[jl301]

Hello everyone,

 

Well she just text me last night saying: "I Miss you so much". It was hard not to text her back. I'm going to remain strong, day 16 of NC. She needs to show me more effort than an text although it did make me smile for a little bit and knowing that she still thinks about me.

 

Should I text her back? What should I say then?

[kellbell]

No...don't text her. You are doing so well. 16 days is awesome.

[Royltnxile]

This post by MajorD on another thread hits this whole "NO CONTACT" issue head on. He nailed exactly how I have felt over the past year regarding the "to call or not to call" question:

 

Hope you don't mind me recycling your words MajorD!

_____________________________________________________________

NC is hard, hard work and some days I struggle not to send an email....but the knowledge that she doesn't have the power to make me feel better stops me. There is nothing that she can say except "I've made a mistake" that will ease my pain, so I figure what is the point of contacting her?

If she was going to say that it would NOT be on an occasion that I had called her - it would be something that SHE would initiate.

 

This is a little note I wrote to myself a few days ago when I was feeling weak. I thought about how NC would affect her:

 

"If I call her, I look weak. The longer I last without contacting her, the stronger I appear in her eyes. The stronger I appear in her eyes, the better I feel about myself. The better I feel about myself, the less I care about what she thinks about me. The less I care about what she thinks about me, the more intrigued she becomes by me. The more intrigued she becomes by me, the more of a challenge I present. The more of a challenge I present, the more likely it is that SHE will contact me....and if I'm feeling that good about myself, I can then tell her to go and jump"

 

Regardless of when that contact from her comes, I will have maintained my strength and not contacted her. And she will be the one approaching me from a submissive position. What I do with that contact is then UP TO ME. I will have the power in the situation, regardless of whether she wants me back or not...because I have not let my resolve weaken.

Maintaining NC builds a sense of pride. You prove to yourself that you can get on with your life without your ex....even if you have days where it is unbearable, and you can't imagine going on, you stick to it.

 

The beauty of NC is the ex doesn't get to see your pain, they don't get any insight as to how it is affecting you - so despite the fact you may feel as weak as a kitten, your ex will never know that. Breaking NC runs the risk of shattering that illusion, and all of a sudden your ex gets a confidence boost because they thought you were moving on....but your call suggests you are not.

Focus on the positives of NC for YOU.

 

1) You heal and move on...it takes time, but it will happen.

2) You maintain your dignity by not looking weak in your ex's eyes. Feeling 'pitied' makes healing a heck of alot harder...you beat yourself up about it for months.