Failure to find closure

[furakura]

Hi everyone,

 

I'm currently in my third week of NC. Deleted my ex's contact details from the phone/IM/email and i don't have any urges to contact him. But i'm really bothered about the fact i keep remembering the wonderful times i spent with him prior to him sending me that breakup email (exactly two weeks after i left) which never truly explained why he reached the decision, except that it's too painful for him and that he and i cannot even be friends because he doesn't want to be reminded of what could be. I can't help wondering what i did to push him to make the decision, especially every morning when i wake up. He wrote that he respected me in his last email but if he really did, why choose such a way to put an end to a relationship? I know i should stop pondering and questioning but it's really a challenge at the moment.

 

Anyone got any advice?

[Blue In Texas]

Can you provide more details? Not sure who left whom and for what reason.

[sukerbut]

ahhh that closure is a killer aint it! my dear these next couple of months will be probably the hardest...that constant investigative work you will be looping over and over and over in your mind...i know for me finding closure was the hardest thing from this break up..how can someone tell you they love you and want to be with you forever one month and the next they tell you i can never imagine living with you never mind having children with you..wow...this is the only advice i can give you right now...ITS NOT YOUR FAULT!!! i know you will be tempted to find what you did wrong to ruin something so great...once again i reitirate its not you its them that chaged..once you find closure within yourself and realize that the realtionship was sabotaged by them and not you then you will be at peace. there are many reasons people leave.. commitment, new found love, too much pressure, not enough love and most importantly timing! soemtimes people think they are ready fro something when thye truly are not! excuses will be given by teh counter party that mean nothing..thats all they are excuses..i am in my 5th month and even though i have given up trying to find what happened i still sometimes think when the tides started turning. bottom line is thats its over...something was not working right...again fro me i think it was timing i am alrady were i want to be..she just started her journey..and as much as hate it i have come to the realization that its over not because of my actions, but becasue it just was not meant to be..i hope this post gives you a little piece of mind..i would suggest you go run or do cardio for an hour..it helped me tons..i would be on that machine for an hour and i would relieve all my stress and thinking through exhausting my body...make your own closure and move on..whatever it takes..one last letter or e-mail...whatever you think will make you feel better..i hope you dont dwell on this too long becasue life is too short to give a s hitt about people that dont want to give a shi t about you!!! good luck and remember its not your FAULT!! I PROMISE YOU

[furakura]

To: Blue In Texas

 

Sorry for a very brief summary:

 

Met my ex more than three years ago and we started out as friends first. Then, i had to move overseas but we remained in contact till i visited him last year where i realised the ex had feelings for me and we decided to give an LDR a shot with plans for me to move back next year. Fast forward to this year, i took time off work and visited him. Exactly two weeks after i left, he sent me an email telling me that he feels too lonely and it's too painful for him to wait. Thus, i should not contact him anymore (along with details that he actually had opportunities with other women) and refused to answer his mobile. I managed to contact him in the end on another line but he was very evasive and he said he cannot be romantically involved with me ever again. I thought i got closure the first time when i got him to tell me that he is breaking up with me but what really bugged me still was when i asked him why, all he can say to me is that he has said all he has to say in his email.

[Scout]

Well, his email was pretty clear. Obviously, an LDR wasn't going to work for him after all, and he also hinted at meeting other women, so I assume he met someone who was physically closer.

 

Proximity is definitely important for relationships.

[furakura]

Yes, i know proximity is very important which was why i planned to move back to the same city as him next year. Guess he can't wait....

[Scout]

Yes, i know proximity is very important which was why i planned to move back to the same city as him next year. Guess he can't wait....

 

Well, you never know. You may hear from at some point, so who knows how things could be a year from now. But I do think he was rather abrupt, almost callous, in how he ended things, so he may not have been worth it in the long run, hon.

[Beyondthesea]

He was really rude in the way he ended it, not even doing so over the phone? That's very callous and unfeeling.

 

He probably has met another girl who is closer, and if that's the case, fine. You two just aren't meant to be, and I'm sorry

[furakura]

sukerbut: Thanks for your advice and have been going to the gym. I hope i can get to the point where i will stop questioning myself.....

 

Scout: I doubt i will ever hear from him again since he has made it very clear that he wants nothing to do with me anymore. This is even though he wrote in his email that he was very happy when i visited. Why would someone wanna do that? It just hurts

 

Beyondthesea: Nope, the funniest thing is he never ever called me the whole time i was overseas and i was the one who always did. I feel i have put in too much of my feelings and now i am paying the price. I wished he had told me of his decision on the last day of my visit, at least face-to-face but i guess to him, i don't even deserve that