Some advice for those still stuck in anger and sadness

[Orlander]

I had a true moment of zen last night. Moments like those are infrequent, yet really cool. I, like many here, am trying to piece my life back together again after my girlfriend of 4 years decided to break off things for good a couple of months ago.

 

Many of us are going through very tough times but I want to encourage everyone feeling as though they cannot live without their ex, to consider the truth that moving away emotionally from your ex is the ONLY way to ever have the opportunity to get back together in the future.

 

You all know as well as I do that we secretly, even often times openly, wish our exes would come back. What a mess that would be! We are emotional disasters, just trying to get by, day by day. The last thing we need is our exes getting back in touch with us now and wanting to get back together again. Afterall, we are doing NC for a reason and that reason is to get well.

 

Any chance of reconciliation in the future, regardless of how you feel about that at the moment, can ONLY come when we have achieved emotional equanimity. Equanimity means you are at a true balance: getting to a place where you don't hate your ex, you don't need your ex, you don't long for your ex and you think of your ex, in essense, the way you did when you first saw him/her.

 

I know this sounds trite, but if it were meant to be, it will be and it can never be unless you get well and move on. As long as you hold on to your ex, to the past, you can never have the opportunity to get back together.

 

Get to that place of equanimity.

 

 

Thanks for listening and good luck to all,

 

 

Orlander

[Dako]

Couldn't be put any better!

I hope some of those vacillating NC/hopefuls take it to heart.

[metalheart]

After some kind of setback in the passed days, im feel a little bit better today. I liked your post Orlander, i hope that this post keep "printed" my mind and yours, so as in the minds of everyone who's actuallya suffering by a breakup.

[keenan]

That's a really nice post: beautifully written and very helpful. Thanks.

[gratefulpain]

Well put...I want to reach that point....

 

 

I’ve been trying to get down

To the heart of the matter

But my will gets weak

And my thought seem to scatter

But I think it’s about forgiveness

Forgiveness....

Even if, even if .....you don’t love me anymore

 

~Don Henely~

[Blue In Texas]

Orlander, as one who has been fighting the urge to break NC all week, this insight comes at a perfect time for me. Thanks.

[Spawn]

Good post orlander, so nicely put, if i had read it earlier i might not have broke the NC and could have let my ex keep on messaging me forever. Well.....no regrets atleast i got to know that she hasn't changed a bit still.

 

keep up with the NC guys.....we need to get a hold of our lives. Time to be selfish.

[BONO]

Get to that place of equanimity.

 

 

Thanks for listening and good luck to all,

 

 

Orlander

 

 

Equanimity !! Love it I even looked it up and found this

 

link removed

 

 

 

 

Scruff

[NJRon]

Hey, nic epost. Though I hope I don't feel about my ex like I did when I first saw her. We trully had love/lust at first sight and the first 6 months of our relationship was an LDR... it was torture for both of us. Yeah, if I had to choose that, versus how I feel now... I think I would go with now

[writegirl]

Great post, orlander! thanks for sharing that with us...

 

may all of us have luck in life and love.