Dumped via email

[furakura]

Hi everyone,

 

I would like to share my story and would like some advice. My ex and i were in a LDR for more than 6 months with plans for me to move to the same city next year. Two weeks after returning from visiting him for two weeks, i received an email from him to inform me that he is ending the relationship and that he and i cannot even remind friends so as "to not remind him of what could be". Also, i am to cease contact all form of contacts with him cos he cannot deal with the loneliness and has found it too painful to wait a long time before he can see me again.

 

I frantically tried to reach him on his mobile but he refused to answer my calls. In the end, i managed to reach him on another number where he tried to hang up on me many times. I asked for an explanation as to why he made his decision and he said he has said all he wanted to say in the email (which basically explained nothing except admitting to me that he actually went out on dates with other women) I pleaded with him to give the relationship another shot but he turned me down flat. On hindsight, i shouldn't have done it but it was useless.

 

Since that phonecall, i have erased all traces of information related to him and embarked on NC cos to me, the guy i had loved has died. But after two weeks, i still feel hurt every morning when i wake up and i haven't been sleeping well. Is it cos i have not shed a single tear or even feel like crying?

 

The thing i wanna ask is my friends have advised me against moving back to the same city as the ex is living as i currently still have plans to. My reason is to further my career but my friends think that it's better for me to wait till i have completely gotten over the end of the relationship. What do you guys think?

 

Any comments will be greatly appreciated. Many thanks!

[DN]

Unless it is absolutely vital for your career to move I also think you should wait. The temptation to contact him will be very strong if you are that close to his home and maybe you will yield to it.

[kadvati79]

I got dumped via MSN, after two years, long distance.

 

We have since started talking, and are going to look each other up in the future.

 

I was faced with your dilema, he said please don't ring me or find me because the minute I see you I will tell you everything will be okay because I love you, but it has to be this way - we are hurting too much. He was right.

 

But in the end, I just had to see him, it was like he died. So I abandoned a contract I was on (i travel alot) and flew to his city to see him. I got some closure, and now we keep light communication open and are going to look each other up in a few months.

 

This will be a crushing time for you no doubt. I was so stressed and upset I nearly re-enlisted in the military. My advice, don't make any big decisions for a few weeks or months. I handed him a "olive branch" not long after we broke up, saying I didn't hate him, I respected his decision, and I understood why he couldn't face me.

 

The result is that we are both moving on, as best as we can, and will catch up in a few months - hopefully by then at least we can be friends without problems, maybe more if circumstances allow.

 

I suppose I can't give much advice, just wait, the decisions you feel now will be very different to the ones you will make later. However, I needed to see him. I had too. And I think that was a good decision, otherwise it was like he just disapeared and I couldn't handle that. When I saw him, I realised he was happy. And when I saw that, I knew it was the right decision. I stopped worrying about HIM and started worrying about ME.

[Tigris]

I think your friends are very wise! You are very vulnerable at present and moving to where he is will not help, plus you'll be leaving your friends behind to. I advise that you stay where you are until your heart has time to heal before you move on.

 

Good luck and take care.

[furakura]

I have no desire to see the ex again honestly with the method he has chosen to use to end the relationship. Even though i don't hate him, he has lost all my respect.

 

I have to apologise but i didn't indicate in my first post that i used to live in the same city as the ex. But due to family commitments and responsibilities, i had to move overseas to help my father with his business. In the process, i left behind majority of my friends, including the ex who was still a friend then.

 

I do wished that i didn't have to make the decision to move back too but i just cannot stand being emotionally abused by my mom here anymore and i want to get as far as i can from my meddling family.

[DN]

If you feel you would be happier moving there then you should.

[Msnak]

Depends on how big this place is that you would move.

 

And if your career opportunities would mean you bump into your ex.

 

Me personally, I'd love to move far, far away so I can't be reminded in the least about my ex.

[luvagain]

My ex ended our relationship via email and then over the phone. We dated for 7.5 years and she didn't even have the respect and courage to look me in the eyes and tell me. What a coward I say. I guess she figured I was 600 miles away then it would be easier for her. I couldn't do a darn thing about it. I took the knife to the back when I knew there was someone else she was seeing while she was with me. She couldn't handle the LDR.

 

Sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds just like my situation. Ex trying to ignore you and not taking calls to give explanation. That's a cowardly way to go out and he doesn't deserve your respect or love.

 

The girl I love/loved is gone, dead and buried just as you stated about your ex. My ex has made a 180 degree turn. She has turn into a different person and I would rather remember her for who she was than for what she is now.

 

I am so sorry furakura. I feel that you, like me, will be on your own when it comes to getting closure and that hurts but it will make you stronger. I am growing a thicker skin because of it.

[shamus]

wow, people can be so cruel. i got dumped via text message. no returning of my calls, or answering my texts.

i agree it's cowardly. she could never look me in the eye and tell me what she really feels.

[Pikey1972]

furakura, that sounds awful - yes, it's cowardly, and I'd also advise you not to make any big decisions at the moment. It sounds like you have some very sound friends who have your best interests at heart, and they're worth their weight in gold.

 

take care.

[furakura]

Many thanks to everyone who has commented I feel very encouraged by your kind words.

 

DN: Thanks for advising me to wait. There is still time for me to change my mind cos the earliest i can move is early next year anyway, i'm determined to move on though. There is no temptation to see him at all, i don't even have the urge to contact him. Yes, I do know i will feel much happier moving back to that city. He may have crushed my heart but my spirit is still intact and whole

 

icemotoboy: I'm sorry that ur ex chose to dump u via msn. It's good to hear that you and your ex are both moving on though and are still in contact. I simply can't bring myself to worry abt him anymore when he's dead to me.

 

Msnak: My career opportunities will not let me to bump into him. He's in law enforcement while i am working towards becoming a certified accountant. But if i ever bump into him again, i will say hi cos i know i have not done anything wrong.

 

luvagain: Thanks for being able to relate, it is a very painful healing process especially when there wasn't any proper closure from the ex. I know i will become stronger like you said

 

shamus: Sorry to hear that your ex. Take care of yourself, i'm sure you'll mean someone who's truly worthy of your love.

 

Pikey1972: Yes! I am very grateful for my friends' support during the darkest hours.