Just can't attract girls

[Magic_Monkey]

OK, I'm 24 and I've never had a really serious relationship. I've not got a great deal of experience with girls, I've had a couple of drunken one night stands and a few kisses in clubs and stuff but girls just don't seem to like me. I was kind of OK with this but at the end of last year I went out with a girl for a few weeks, she finished it though and now has someone else. Since then I've just been really down about being single all the time. I just want a nice girl to like me and to have a proper relationship. Everyone else seems to so why can't I? It's OK when I'm out at night or with mates doing stuff cos I don't think about it but when I'm on my own or just sat at work I'm always thinking about it.

I don't get why girls don't fancy me. I'm not very good looking and can be shy but when I'm out I'm fairly outgoing and confident. My friends tell me I'm funny, I'm pretty intelligent, I often get good comments on my clothes, I've kind of got my own style I don't just follow the crowd (I've sometimes been told I look like I should be in a band. And girls like guys in bands right? The ugly rock star always gets the girls ).

I've got female friends, last week I went out with friends from work and there was me and 5 women, so I can talk to girls and get on with them. They always seem to just see me as a friend though.

I never get approached in pubs and clubs either. The only thing I can put it down to is that I'm not good looking and that's the first impression girls get.

What can I do to attract more girls?

 

Cheers.

[Burning]

Well Magic....for women it is more about how you treat them. Women want to be flattered, pampered, spoiled, caressed, and put on a pedestal. If you make a woman feel like she is the only one in the world, you just might get somewhere.

 

Older (but wiser) woman.

 

Burning

[Scotcha]

I've gone out with guys that weren't necessarily "good looking". When it comes down to it looks just don't make or break a relationship. Perhaps your friends just see you as a friend because that's how a relationship with them was established. Rather than sitting around when you go out wondering why you are not being approached.. Why not approach someone yourself in a way that wouldn't only lead to a one night stand?

[Jinx]

The pubs and clubs, that doesn't work for everyone, and I really can't estimate how many of the people that are there actually are looking for a long term relationship, doesn't seem like the overwhelming majority.

 

Women approaching men still has the social taboo you realize, and there maybe those which do indeed fancy you but it would be improper for them to initiate the interest. You may consider what it is that you're doing when you approach women, your verbal and nonverbal language. Secondly, who you're approaching and why you approach them over say, the woman beside the first. I assume there is something in your approach that gives a woman a friend signal instead of romantic interest, and looks aren't much of an excuse. I've seen enough couples to know that you can be extremely unattractive and get someone if your approach is right, while someone who is average to attractive may be having more problems because they can't tackle communication their interest in a way which allows the other party to understand the intent.

[_Tiki_]

Magic Monkey, I have that problem too!

 

My relashionships don't last that long. I rarely get chat up by guys, but it's always the sleazy old ones or ones that come up to you with cheesy chat up lines. I was wearing devil horns on halloween for a staff party and this guy said "feeling horny?" I just couldn't even be bothered to reply. Another cheesy line was when this guy told me his friend was the best dancer in town! and he almost got onto X factor. He kept going on about it, expecting me to be impressed so I just told him, good for him! Then he turned to his friend and said "bust a move!" so his friend stood there and flexed his arm muscles with a dead serious look on his face.

 

Guys only seem to want me for sex, I fine with sex aslong as it's with someone I really like and he likes me for me and has some respect for me. It has to be for the right reasons cos I hate being used. I hope not all guys arn't just after sex cos I'm sick of guys only showing interest in me to drain their balls.

 

I don't follow the crowd either. I like to be myself and I'm hoping I can find a guy that doesn't see that as a problem.

 

I just want a nice girl to like me and to have a proper relationship. Everyone else seems to so why can't I?

- I was just thinking the same thing last night. Well with a nice guy

 

I can't really give any good advice since I'm in the same situation, but don't change to suit someone else. Always be yourself cos one day you'll find someone who loves that and loves you for you. I'm sure you'll find someone. I'm shy so that might be my problem, but you said you're outgoing so you might have a better chance.

 

Take care,

Tiki x

[wlfpack81]

Deleted by user

[Carnatic]

Your problem stumps me as much as it stumps you. I know this isn't really much help but maybe you'd like to know I don't understand what attracts women either

[Magic_Monkey]

Cheers for the replies. At least I know some other people feel the same. Hopefully something will come up soon. My mates getting married in a few months and I'd love to be able to take someone to the wedding.

[coooolsome]

Hey, you may think that you dont attract women, but what you dont realize is that you do, you just arent aware of it. I felt the same way after my ex dumped me, but then I opened my eyes and realized that girls are always looking at me.

 

Trust me, your getting looks, you just dont realize it yet.

 

Also, to get a girl, its all about how you make them feel. You have to make them feel like she is the only person in the world. Just dont over do it.

[shamus]

ok, if you are out at the bars,

dress up, get a nice shirt and good jeans.

make yourself stand out from the crowd...try to go one step overdressing. wearing a cool shirt will make you feel more attractive.

a good opening line never really works...try "hi, I'm xxxx. just thought you could use some company" or "i just wanted to meet you"

keep it simple

tell some jokes. clean ones.

talk about the bar the club what she's wearing

throw a few compliments, but dont be afraid to sass her too, treat her like a bud at first and try to have fun.

 

bottom line, show some balls and make a move

remember it is a numbers game. the more women you talk to, eventually you will find one you click with. but expect to get shot down.

make a game out of it...see if you can get to 20 no's in a night. remember you will eventually get a yes.

 

also realize if you are shot down, it may not be you. the girl may be tired from work, on her period, just having girls night out, just out of a relationship. there's so many x-factors that come into play.

 

ladies, what do you think?

[Micwu_25]

Guys, this guy is suffering from the nice guy syndrom and some of you are telling him to be even nicer, not good.

[wlfpack81]

Deleted by user

[GottaLetItBurn]

It's all about charm.

 

You have got to get it out of your head that woman are selecting you. You have to really believe that you are the one choosing a girl. When you can believe that truly, you will have some confidence.

 

The truth is, most men try too hard. There are desperate. You have to have the attitude you don't need a damn thing. Tease the hell out of woman, don't be afraid she won't like you. Teasing worked in the second grade, it works whem your an adult too.

 

Good luck

[Carnatic]

I would say there has to be some niceness in there somewhere.

1/ If you are born a nice guy you're not ever gonna learn to be an attractive 'rebel without a cause' style bad guy... you may pull off the 'complete prat' Arnold Rimmer style bad guy but that's not attractive, stick to what you're good at.

2/ GottaLetItBurn has a point about charm, charm is nice, girls like charm. Don't pander to her every whim, or behave like you need her but don't be totally dismissive of her, becuase if you are behaving like too much of a bad guy then you just end up being antisocial and that doesn't exude confidence, joke with her, have a laugh, complement her, show that you aren't afraid to do these things. that's attractive.

 

Anyway that's my point on that debate, but other than that, I hope this doesn't turn into yet another nice guy/bad guy debate, because I don't think this post needs to do that.

[k2004myway]

I have one word for you, it goes along the lines of shamus. I'd like you to put it into daily practice and see what happens. I'll spell it for you: R-I-S-K Go up and initiate the conversations, be yourself and cool with a simple introduction. And yes, be aware of the x-factors. There's a girl I spend a lot of time with now, and mid-last week at our lunch she was aloof and wouldn't talk. However, then I remembered I took her to the store a couple of days before and she bought certain female things. All was fine a couple of hours later.

[DRB]

Micw_25 you are so right,

 

Sounds like you are being too nice. There are so many guys out there thinking to themselves "if I just be nice she has got to like me and if she doesn't she isn't the right girl for me" F......... orget that. That is just another excuse, excuse's are crapola. SO all these girls are getting approached by a ton of guys all the time, they are all trying the nice angle and getting no where. People don't value something that is readily available and you, by being nice are readily available. Mix it up man, don't let them know where you are coming from. Don't be a jerk but don't be too nice. Be unpredictable, right now all these great girls you know already know you and exactly what you are going to do and say.

 

Women get predictable everyday of their lives, so don't be. Be the guy that they tell their girls about. Mix it up. What else have you got to lose right now, I think its time for a social experiment so go out and test it out. Get the confidence and the girls will see it, have the guts to say exactly what your thinking and next time a girl says "all I want is a nice guy" think to yourself "yeah a guy who can be unpredictable, have a bad streak, be mature, be confident, be smooth and then be nice"

 

Girls don't know what they want and some will even try to tell you that they do. Don't get offended girls, its not a flaw just a feature. I think its our duty as men to adapt to you girls. If you do find a girl who knows what they want hold onto her. You won't change them so you must go with it. If they change go with it, don't fight it. Don't think if I be nice I'll be right, its obviously not working so try something else

[Iceman26]

Nice guy syndrome? He's having one night stands with drunken women. That doesn't qualify as your typical "nice guy".

 

You are simply hanging out in the wrong places my friend. If you are looking to have a relationship, I suggest meeting women in other places that don't include mass quantities of alcohol and a bunch of dudes swordfighting over average looking women.

[Magic_Monkey]

Nice guy syndrome? He's having one night stands with drunken women. That doesn't qualify as your typical "nice guy".

 

You are simply hanging out in the wrong places my friend. If you are looking to have a relationship, I suggest meeting women in other places that don't include mass quantities of alcohol and a bunch of dudes swordfighting over average looking women.

 

You may be getting me wrong here. I only said I'd had a couple of one night stands, none for a couple of years.

I don't really go to the "meat market" type places you describe. The clubs I go to are generally "indie" clubs where the people are generally all like minded and go mainly for the music as opposed to just pull.

I actually managed to get a girls number on Saturday. Unfortunately it was a special day and I ended up very drunk and can't actually remember talking to her so I don't actually know what I did to get it.

[Carnatic]

sounds like someone had a great time

[knglerxt]

Hey, you may think that you dont attract women, but what you dont realize is that you do, you just arent aware of it. I felt the same way after my ex dumped me, but then I opened my eyes and realized that girls are always looking at me.

 

Trust me, your getting looks, you just dont realize it yet.

 

 

It takes a lot more than just getting looks. I get looks from girls all the time, but nothing ever comes of it. Looks are flattering, but you have to be able to capitalize on it. If you can't do that, you might as well not be getting any looks at all because nothing is going to happen.