He just doesn't care about me at all...not one tiny bit.

[Hunny1607307342]

First he was nice to me out of guilt. Now maybe that guilt has gone or something, but now he just sees me sometimes he doesn't even bother to say hi. He just gives me the most detached looks sometimes. E.g. when hes with a group of friends i feel he looks at me the same way he looks at girls that he barely knows and judges from a distance. I just get that impression from the looks I get and the whole atmosphere. Before, when he were together he told me he's definitely coming to see my play. But then today I asked a group of people with him too, if anyones coming and he just ignored me, so looked directly at him and he was like 'oh I promised you I'd go, okay'. And I was like "Oh no! ITs just if you want to, you can get the tickets now or later" and he never got them. He never even wished me good luck. I mean what kind of a FRIEND is this?! It just makes me really upset to think, really, he NEVER cared about me. Most of you guys had loving boyfriends and girlfriends who cared about you and still do in an affectionate way. But with this guy, everything was pretend.

[Rebel]

You're over-anylizing. I don't know how recent your break up is but it sounds to me like seeing and/or talking to him isn't the best thing for you right now. You need time to heal and being involved with him in anyway is only going to make it take longer. Don't give a care if he goes to your play! If he doesn't then who's missing out? He is!

[arwen]

Girl, he just doesn't know how to behave. You should try to stay away from him as much as possible. I have an ex that I sometimes run into... it's so obvious he ignores me out of sheer embarrassment. It's not YOU. This behaviour tells you something about HIM. Not a good thing, mind you. You deserve better, don't let his behaviour get you down. You are in the same college, right? I'd suggest to hang out in different crowds as much as possible. Why don't you join something new, like a reading-society, theatre, a sportsclub, something you KNOW he won't be a part of? If you do have to meet him (like in class), just be breezy. Just say normally hi, and walk past him. I think ignoring tells a lot more than acting normal. I think he is really not sure what to do, and considering the way you guys split, I can imagine he doesn't know how to act around you. The same holds for my ex. We were part of the same swimming club. Whenever I see him, he starts getting all weird, and ignores me on purpose. I know it's because he knows that other people we BOTH know, also know MY side of the story (how he stood me up, ignored me, cancelled dates at the last moment, until I plainly dumped him over the phone).

 

Why do you want to be friends with this guy? He is not your friend. Nor should you want him to be. He's an ex, and belongs to your past. What lies before you is the future, with all these possibilities and chances. Be glad he's no part of that. Don't let him absorb all the good stuff that is going on in your life. You are a smart lady, and you will soon realize that there's more to life than him. Try to focus on the things you want out of your life. Your academic purposes, a career, sports, your own friends.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse

[Scout]

Most of you guys had loving boyfriends and girlfriends who cared about you and still do in an affectionate way.(

 

Hmmm, well I'm pretty sure my last ex would either flip me off or turn in the opposite direction if he saw me coming, so at least you have a leg up on that one.

 

I am sorry you're still hurting over his either real or pretend disinterest. I know it makes you feel devalued, but once you realize that he does not determine your worth, you'll stop feeling that way. Keep posting on here for support and to air your thoughts, and let time do it's magic healing.

[keenan]

It's not YOU. This behaviour tells you something about HIM. Not a good thing, mind you. You deserve better, don't let his behaviour get you down. I think he is really not sure what to do, and considering the way you guys split, I can imagine he doesn't know how to act around you.

 

 

Ilse's right--this was the guy who was way too friendly with you before, right? (The hugger?) He's just a young, awkward, uncertain guy who goes too far in either direction. Don't let him get you down. He DID care for you very much when you were together. He just isn't very skilled at acting normal and natural now. Try to shrug it off.

[Diggitydave]

i'm afraid of my ex.

[Scout]

lol diggitydave

[Hunny1607307342]

Thanks a lot for all your advice I reeeeeally appreciate it. Today was also weird, he told me he is coming to my play (but he lies like a rug) and then later he was talking to someone and the other person asked him where he's staying after this party, and he didn't say anything but he MOUTHED "girlfriend", and the other guy was like "what?" and again he mouthed "GIRLFRIEND". Although I obvioulsy realised what he was trying to say, he mouthed it that so I wouldn't hear. Why?! I don't know. Maybe its because he told me he doesn't want a relationship with ANYone when he broke up with me. He's just a complete fake. My God I really hate him for what he's done to me. I really miss who I thought he was.

[Scout]

Try not to hate, it just gives him more power over you. Remember, you are ultimately in control of choosing who you love and the reasons why. So, use your judgement wisely in the future. Don't give yourself and your trust to someone until they have really proven they have staying power.

[Scout]

On the other hand, it's perfectly ok for you to have little, if any, respect left for this guy.

[Hunny1607307342]

Your right Scout. I just had to learn that the hard way. I supposed most of us do though

I'm trying my extreme hardest not to hate. The only thing that I can think of as a nice thing is him at least being honest with me when he did break it off, and not stringing me along anymore than he already did. Other than that...nothing else I respect him for. I wish he was the same person I met a few months ago, just simple, lovely. I am nice to him and everything I keep telling myself he's a good friend to have and that I shouldn't hate him. Hate is too strong anyway. I think I'm just pushing the my blame onto him, because I blame myself for letting this happen. You might tell me not to blame myself, but I shouldn't have been so naive, but now I know and thats how I learnt my lesson. Why do bad things have to happen to us for us to learn things?! Its tres sad... Why is he trying to hide his girlfriend from me?

[Scout]

Actually, it doesn't seem like he was trying too hard to hide his girlfriend from you, since you saw what he was saying.

 

I dated a guy very briefly this summer who seemed to really like me, then he disappeared without any warning. It was very upsetting, because I questioned my own original judgement of him. Anyway, we ended up emailing again every now and then, and he showed up recently somewhere I was at. I honestly looked at him from completely different eyes...he's ok I guess, and has his good points, but I also distinctly saw a "too cool for school" side of him that would have eventually been unbearably irritating. You live, you learn, you move on to guys who are much better for and to you. After a while, you stop caring why a jerk is a jerk, but just thank your lucky stars you're finally with someone more emotionally mature and reliable.

[Hunny1607307342]

Thanks. I don't know, I'm having like another really quite insignficant dilema too. I have just recently become really close to this guy friend and we talk for AGES online, meet up at the gym, hang out and school, and talk about ANYTHING. We never run out of conversation... and I don't know if it's normal but sometimes I wonder what it would be like if it went further. But the thing is, he's MAJORLY in "friend zone" so its so weird, like he doesn't give me butterflies. I've never gone out with someone I'm SUCH good friends with. Maybe its just a silly little thought and he doesn't think of us that way at all, and we'll probably ALWAYS be just friends, but hmmm. I'll probably post this as a new thread if it comes back onto my mind later but anyway thank you so much for you advice

[keenan]

Mmmm. Sounds like a potentially good slippery slope, to me.