Question for everyone doing NC?

[SilverCloud]

How is everyone doing? I am doing ok... dont know what i feel anymore.

 

Somedays i wake up dreaming of him, and wanting to go over to his place and others i just dont give a s***. Maybe i am getting over him.

[Spawn]

yesterday it was pretty ok,today morning the radio started with Hoobastank - the Reason.......now it sucks. I love and hate that song.

 

Brought back all the memories.....

[Spawn]

oops didn't mean to hurt....sorry moreheadlessheart.

 

i will remove the lyrics for good...

 

take care man....

[SilverCloud]

oops didn't mean to hurt....sorry moreheadlessheart.

 

i will remove the lyrics for good...

 

take care man....

 

OK Everyone,

Now you all know about the struggles i have gone through in the past 3 1/2 months. So here is one from me...

 

And remember you will feel hurt... and no matter what i say or anyone else you will get out of it in your time.. Let yourself bleed the hurt but trust me time will create clotting for your hurt too.. I miss my ex everyday, hate the fact that he has someone new but then love also means learning to let go of the one you love and find happiness in seeing them happy with someone that is actually making them happy.

 

I truly feel this song represents me.. I was a cleft palate baby in a time and area when they didnt have all the right technology to even feed such a baby. I survived that. Before i met my ex i used to believe that i am a fighter and i will survive through anything and now i am starting to remember that about me.. I am a fighter and i will survive and gracefully accept that my ex will find happiness elsewhere.... lol, i am not gona say more cause i will have to eat my own words on the days i feel low... but for the time being here is what we need to listen too...

 

I Will Survive ~ Diana Ross

(F. Perren / D. Fekaris)

 

At first I was afraid, I was petrified

Kept thinkin' I could never live without you by my side

Then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong

And I grew strong

And I learned how to get along

 

And so you're back from outer space

I just walked in to find you here, with that sad look upon your face

I should have changed that stupid lock

I should have made you leave your key

If I had known for just one second you'd be back to bother me

 

Go on now, go walk out the door

Just turn around now

'Coz you're not welcome anymore

Weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye?

Did you think I'd crumble?

Did you think I'd lay down and die?

Oh no not I, I will survive

For as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive

I've got all my life to live

And I've got all my love to give

I'll survive

I will survive

Hey hey

 

I, I will survive Hey hey

 

It took all the strength I had not to fall apart

Just trying hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart

And I spent oh so many nights just feeling sorry for myself

I used to cry, but now I hold my head up high

And you see me, somebody new

I'm not that chained up little person still in love with you

And so you felt like dropping in and just expect me to be free

But now I'm savin' all my lovin' for someone who's lovin' me

 

Go on now, go walk out the door

Just turn around now

You're not welcome anymore

Weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye?

Did you think I'd crumble?

Did you think I'd lay down and die?

Oh no not I, I will survive

Oh as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive

I've got all my life to live

And I've got all my love to give

I'll survive

I will survive

Hey hey

[SilverCloud]

Sorry about the long song...hehehehe.. hope it was inspirational for everyone..

 

How is everyone doing?

[didyoumissme]

Hey SilverCloud, I'm alright, hanging in there... how are you?

[SilverCloud]

I am doing good... i still have my days but good ones are more then the bad ones...

 

I am glad to hear you are hanging in there, trust me there is light at the end of all this..

[Meeky]

Hi spawn,

 

I'm stuck on this, too. Mine was more a mutual breakup (we both had our problems), but I know what I need to improve on. Not for him, necessarily, but for ANY relationship to work for me. But I wonder: is he working on his probs? Does he know I'm working on mine? Does he think I learned nothing from the past and have just moved on? I hope not. I keep thinking maybe one day in the far future we could work it out.... arggh

 

I had a mutual sort of break up. Well, I asked him to leave, but so thought he would wake up and realise that we were great together and that he didn't want to lose me. Oops. Backfired. He is now "unsure" of what he wants. Well, to me that means he does not want me.

 

I know I was controlling in the relationship (partly due to my personality, and partly due to his behaviour) but he also has MAJOR issues to work out. I know he won't work on them. He would rather put his head in the sand and pretend everything is fine. That there is nothing wrong with him. That the problem is all mine.

 

I think people who need to change, almost never do. It takes a lot of effort, a lot of will and the realisation that they HAVE a problem.

 

Unfortunately most don't.

[Spawn]

Thats right in a sense.

 

My ex had a habit of blaming me for everything bad that happenned between us. It went to such an extent that i had to say sorry to her even for the mistakes that she commited. But then when she started repeating the same mistakes once again i had to rudely make her understand that its not good and you shud not have done that. But that was not good either instead she started blaming me for calling her a bad person for whatever happenned between us.

 

There is somethin called as realising our mistakes.If one person doesn't think they have made a mistake then nobody can help em.

 

When we were still in LC after breakup, i would give her all the nice advices but that all went deaf ears....making her aware of the issues was not even taken in the right spirit.

 

Even when in the relationship when i would tell her please don't talk to your ex or go out with him, she wouldn't like me tellin her what to do or not. Well that was the only thing i actually asked her not to do but she would get pissed off with me for that.

 

In any case if the relationship was mature enough things wouldn't have turned out the way it did in the end.anyways,I took all the blame for the issues and told her if it were not for her contact with her ex things would have been different.

 

Guess somethings are not meant to happen.......

[Meeky]

Hi Spawn,

 

Yes, I guess some things aren't meant to be. My ex was also fond of making big mistakes (like lying!) and then trying to turn it around like it was my fault. I always tried to explain things from my perspective, how what he did hurt me and upset me. And then he would go and do it again. He would learn nothing. And he has still learnt nothing. He thinks there is absolutely nothing wrong with his behaviour and that I am jealous.

 

I told him that if it weren't for his sneakiness and deception, we could have had the best relationship in the world. I hope one day he realises that he needs to be open and honest and trustworthy (I don't think you can have a relationship without these things), and that he should have at least tried with me. I hope he realises he has lost the best thing in his life.

 

But if he doesn't, I guess that is HIS problem. I just have to keep telling myself I deserve BETTER. That there MUST be someone out there who has similar principles and norms to me.

[Diggitydave]

you two's conversation and "i will survive" gave me inspiration.

 

Thank you

[SilverCloud]

Diggitydave, you will get out of this.

 

Make lots of new friends, memories and get it out of your system here. I am for the most part out, only part left is to learn to forgive the ex. I dont want him back, i just want to be able to not say anything mean to him if i ever see him. And to me that would be the final step. When i get there i would be free as if out of jail.

 

What i am trying to say is dont ever forget there is light at the end of the tunnel. You will go on and we are here for you. Everyone here has been here for me, and we will be here for you too.

 

Didyoumissme, how you holding up?

[Diggitydave]

Thank you.

[didyoumissme]

Update on me:

 

I was trying to stick to NC but I ended up breaking down a few days ago on the 7th. I broke down and sent him a message thro facebook. This is what I said in the message. "What's up Buddy? How have you been doing? I thought to send a hello to you since it's been a while... I hope all is well and I hear from you again soon" I guess he thought to call me since I sented him that message. Instead of replying to the message online he just called me Saturday night instread on the 10th left me a voicemail and said " Hey, I'm just giving you a call. I'm okay and everything. Give me a call sometime. Talk to you later. Bye " I was so excited & still so excited happy hearing from him! He tried calling me again too the other night on the 11th. But, I ended up falling asleep and miss his call again.

Even tho I want to call him back right now, I'm going to wait because his birthday is this coming weekend. I was thinking in calling him back to wish him a "Happy Birthday" and/or maybe even just send him another message just typing " Happy Birthday" in words. I'm nervous talking to him over the phone again because it's been almost 4 months now since we last spoken over the phone together and plus he has a new girlfriend now so that even makes me even more uneasy talking to him over the phone because I don't know if I'm ready to talk to him over the phone and over him just yet "hearing about his life about his girlfriend etc. I only read that he's in a relationship with his girlfriend on his profile. He didn't actually tell me, I just read it.

Please help, Whatcha think I should do? Do you think that I should actually call him for his birthday or just send him a Happy Birthday message online thro facebook?

I feel like I should call or send a message in saying " Happy Birthday" to let him know that I'm thinking of him and knowledge it's his special day.

How is everyone else on here do with no contact? If you were me what would you do?

 

Thankyou ~ Didyoumissme?

[Roxari]

If he is in a relationship with someone else, why do you want to have contact with him. I have learned that it is selfish to try to be a part of someone's life when they are with someone else.

What difference does it make if you say happy birthday. His world will not end because someone didn't tell him happy birthday. You are making excuses to keep him in your life. You need to STOP looking at facebook and MySpace and whatever other site you can to keep up with him.

 

What do you expect to happen by you contacting each other?

Are you ready or can you be JUST FRIENDS?

 

You stated that you don't know if you are over him yet. Until then DO NOT CONTACT HIM.

 

It is all to easy to fall into the trap of contacting and thinking you are friends and wanting so much more that will ever come of it.

[didyoumissme]

Yes, I would like to be JUST FRIENDS with him that's it. I know for the most part he is over me and has someone new. I've was trying to be good in not contacting him leaving him alone & trying to go on with my life to get fully over him. Then i relieze his birthday is coming and I wanted to wish him a happy one. Maybe he wouldn't care if he didn't get a birthday wish from me. Maybe or maybe not.. Who knows.. I will feel really bad if I don't say anything to him. I will care even tho he may not. He has to care somewhat ( i would think) to contact me again (even tho he has a new gf) so maybe he does want to stay in touch with me from time to time.

[didyoumissme]

I sented him a birthday card in the mail, it's going out today.

Then, I'll send him an online greeting wishing him a happy birthday, then that's it. I tried so now I think I can rest now knowing that I did greet him for his special day.

[didyoumissme]

Yep. One, last, meaningful communication... and then disa-freaking-pear. Poof, gone...

Same here. I'll call to wish him a happy birthday or whatever. But, right after his birthday, I'm On the road of trying to heal my heart again.

[karchino]

I havenot spoken to him for more then 2 weeks now, to be honest, I do not know actually how many days, I am too busy doing other things and having fun with other people! I did send him a sms last sunday because Netherlands won their first game in the World Cup (i am dutch..) I did not get anything back (yet) and frankly, I do not care if I hear from him, yes or no.

 

So really, the best thing is to keep yourself busy. I am really having a great time with people here and just enjoying myself. He is not in my mind all the time anymore, he is sometimes but I can put it aside more easily.

[didyoumissme]

after tomorrow, I'm starting No Contact. I gotta stop doing this to myself, it's tearing me up inside. The whole "birthday greeting" thing is getting to me. It's never ending. It's like I want to wish him a Happy Birthday to show I care & knowledge his special day.. But, I didn't want to just send an online message so I sented him a birthday card thro the mail too.

Now, I've been debateing back & forth in my mind if I really should call for him to actually hear me say " Happy Birthday" But, I don't know or think it matters if I call or not.

I guess it's just me, I think he cares, I want him to care. But, I think it's all in my head because of my caring heart.

Please help

[SilverCloud]

after tomorrow, I'm starting No Contact. I gotta stop doing this to myself, it's tearing me up inside. The whole "birthday greeting" thing is getting to me. It's never ending. It's like I want to wish him a Happy Birthday to show I care & knowledge his special day.. But, I didn't want to just send an online message so I sented him a birthday card thro the mail too.

Please help

 

didyoumissme... we all have what i would call hope, but what use is that hope when it only brings us down?

 

I am as of today in the 6th month of no contact... my ex i would rather not talk about, reason being what happened has happened.. he hurt me bad, he treated me worse then garbage and i realize these things now cause at first i was blind. I honestly dont want to be with him ever again and feel sorry for him cause he refuses to see or fix things within him that he can fix or should fix for his own good.

 

In these past six months i have worked a lot on me.. I know me more.. I have increase respect for myself and have added some new talents to myself.

 

My ex taught me that loving someone does not mean you lose who you are, cause your love should complete you, not constantly break you in different ways. If you really need to fix someone to consider them perfect then they are not for you.

 

You caring for him will not stop cause thats how humans are designed. And i guarantee you that he also knows that you care for him, soo since he already knows i dont think you should try harder to show it.

 

A very good friend of mine told me in my time of need 'Live and let die'...I hope i quote him correctly J but you know what i mean. If you need to talk feel free to PM me. I am here for you.

[didyoumissme]

Hey SilverCloud, Thankyou!!

 

It's nice to hear from you again, it's been a while..

 

Wow.. your doing great with NC & working on yourself! I am going to try with NC again after I send him a Birthday email greeting today.

I know, I will try to do it and succeed this time. Since I already sented him a birthday card in the mail & going to send him an online birthday message today, I don't think I should be calling him too.. Do you agree too?(since like you said he probably already knows I care) So, really it would make no sense in calling as I probably already made my point in wishing him a Happy Birthday. I should stop now...

Feel free to always pm me too *hugs*

[fifregister]

didyoumissme--i know how much you want to know that he cares, and all your gestures come from the love & care YOU have. but you're right, you should stop. you're really wishing him happy birthday twice already. he knows you care. it seems that you're hanging on to that connection you have with him with these gestures for his birthday. it's a special day for him, but it shouldn't be an excuse to keep you from moving on with your life.

 

i know how tough it can be. i've tried NC a couple of times and broke it. each time i ended up more hurt & felt crappier about myself. this time, it's been 2 weeks and i feel much better. remember that nothing is more important than YOU, not his birthday, not whether he cares, etc. you have to put yourself, your life, your own feelings, and your dignity first....the sooner the better.

[SilverCloud]

I couldnt have said it better...

[didyoumissme]

Thanks for your reply too!

Actually, it's not only that I want to know that he cares.. I do know he cares a little since he just "recently" lefted me a message on my voicemail last week. It's just that we are still friends and his birthday is tomorrow. I feel bad "since we are suppose to be friends" for not calling him back exspecially right now cos of his birthday. Am I a bad friend for not calling him back on the phone? I know he has to think of me as a friend, only a friend tho that's it. I don't think he actually knows that I still have more feelings then that for him. He will never know & I will never tell him that either. I just can't call him right now, I feel uncomfortable & your right I wished him Happy Birthday twice now so I should stop & I will stop. The reason I sented him a card in the mail( after getting his voicemail) is for myself more so that I felt a little better for not calling him back on the phone.I have to work on myself again now. The sooner the better. I have started now.. It's hard & I feel like crying my eyes out now. But, I know I have to try to be strong & can do it now after sending him birthday wishes & everything. Just one thing tho, what if he calls me again & leaves me a message(thanking me for the b-day card)?

Should I still continue not to call right now , going on with my life & kinda ingore him til I'm feeling better about my self etc?