How to just stop loving someone??

[srt86hil]

There's this friend who I've kind of fancied for over a year now and I've known her for over two years, so I would definitely say that I love her.

 

Anyway, I'm not going to go into it but she doesn't feel at all the same way, I know this. Basically, I'm finding it really difficult because I can't stop thinking about her and I really want to somehow get rid of this feeling I have towards her of love and I suppose you could say a bit infatuation.

 

How on earth do you go about doing this?? Not seeing her at all is not an option because shes one of my best friends and we get on really well.

It's just so incredibly annoying because I'm living in a constant state of frustration almost.

[friscodj]

This is a tough one. You've got to somehow put some distance between the two of you. See less of each other, communicate less. Ultimately, you will have to put up an emotional wall to her, and simply fight the feelings you have, given that you are sure they are not reciprocated...

 

At any rate, don't be her doormat, don't be a martyr, don't try to make her love you...

 

How well do you know each other? Any chance she might think differently once she really got to know you? Just a thought...

[Taomagicdragon]

Also, none of us here our mind readers, try discussing your feelings, it'll help no matter how she feels.

[srt86hil]

Hmm, I know her really well kind of. I would never talk about emotions like that with her though, as she is quite secretive about that kind of side of her. Is their no other way to get rid of these feelings than putting space between us, because thats not really possible, as we go to the same school, are in loads of the same classes and I actualy really enjoy her presense, moreso than nearly anyone else?

[friscodj]

Hmm, I know her really well kind of. I would never talk about emotions like that with her though, as she is quite secretive about that kind of side of her. Is their no other way to get rid of these feelings than putting space between us, because thats not really possible, as we go to the same school, are in loads of the same classes and I actualy really enjoy her presense, moreso than nearly anyone else?

 

So if she's so secretive and you never talked about this with her, then how do you know she's not into you? Who knows, she might be holding back too. I'd explore this a little further before dismissing this possibility...

[ShySoul]

How do you know she doesn't like you back? Perhaps she does like you or would at least consider seeing what could happen. In that case, talk to her and ask her to hang out. Spend more time together and see if there is anything there. Get comfortable and then say how you feel. Don't be afraid or nervous, or try not to be.

 

Should things not work out, there is unfortunately no way to make yourself stop loving someone. You can create distance, put your energy on other things, but that doesn't mean you will stop loving them. The only thing that lessens the impact of the feelings is time. Somewhere in your heart you always love the person, but in time it becomes less of a need and focus of your life.

[SLMitchell918]

There may actually be a chance that she likes you back, but since you haven't brought your feelings up to the table, she may think your not into her.

 

However, if you feel that she is not into you, you will honestly have to distance yourself from her. I'm not saying forget about her, but backing off will be the only way you can dim some of those feelings.

 

You will never know though until you talk to her about it!

[Kaia]

I think it should not be too difficult to let her go if you are absolutely sure that she doesn't like you back. You can't let go because you still have the small hope of "what if she likes me a little.." and start wondering about things from there. I think it's best to talk with her directly so it'll either give you a wake up call, or perhaps a pleasant surprise!

 

At this stage you really don't know how she feels. I know it's easier to think that she doesn't like you back because then you don't have to deal with the confrontation, but it doesn't seem like you're losing your attraction to her, so I doubt you can forget her until something else comes up. (e.g. she gets a boyfriend or you start liking someone else etc)

 

Whatever your action is, i wish you the best of luck!

For over a year (or maybe longer) I've had secretly liked a friend of mine too who has the same classes as me, same group of friends. At the end it took a 3rd person to make me tell him how i feel. But we've been dating every since.

 

If you really manage to tell/ask her, don't tell her that you "love" her. Keep it light and just say you'd like to date her. See what she says!

[friscodj]

If you really manage to tell/ask her, don't tell her that you "love" her. Keep it light and just say you'd like to date her. See what she says!

 

Yes! Don't drop a bomb on her. Ease into it, and feel out her response before you give more. There's nothing worse than pouring your heart out to someone who doesn't care...

[Relationship Coach]

Unrequited Love is one of the hardest things to overcome, when the person is a best friend, OUCH! What you need to do is stop viewing her in the light in which you are. All of the things you admire and love about her, she doesn't see in you. The fact she would rather share her affections with someone else is enough to make you see that in her book, you are not her type or good enough. Imagine her making out with your worst enemy and her flaunting him in front of you. You either have to force yourself in to not wanting her or live a long and lonely miserable life watching her date other guys that she finds more appealing than you. I know this sounds harsh but you need to hear it and feel it.

 

Anyway, I'm not going to go into it but she doesn't feel at all the same way, I know this.

 

Sooner or later you need face the truth. You may have to pull back some from your friendship in order to get over her.

 

RC

[ShySoul]

Should she end up not liking you as more then a friend, then don't force yourself to change your feelings. More you force, harder it will be to let go because you will be fighting the natural feelings that your heart has. That struggle is just going to make you feel worse. So go with your heart and ride your feelings as long as it takes. Some days you will hurt, other days you will feel great and have hope. But its no use fighting something if you really don't believe it. In time, the feelings will rest and someone else will enter the picture.

[aving21]

I had this same problem. Freshman year i had my best friend who i eventually fell for. I just wantd her to dump her bf for me every day but it never happened. Then sophmore year i met my gf and totaly forgot about her. THEN she had a crush on me. figures eh so we go on and i start having feelings for her which breaks my gfs heart. But we move on and now i havent spoken to her since graduation \. She was really a good friend and i miss her =/

[Dreng3333]

I would have to say I agree with the above posters, if you don't know what her feelings are for you, then how do you know it couldn't work. You never know if you don't try.

If I had known a way to stop loving someone, my gf and I would not be together. I had liked her for a long time an we had become best friends before we were in a relationship. I never thought she would have feelings for me, but we now are ina great relaionship.

 

Basically, I am saying that I think it is worth a try to tell this girl how you feel, otherwise you might spend the rest of your life (ok, maybe just a very long time) thinking about what could have happened.