He "loves" Me But Does Not Want 2 Deal With My Sweet 4 Year Old Boy

[latina07]

I Had Written B4 About Him Not Divorcing His Wife. Thank You For The Advices I Got. Honestly I Think I Should Drop This Guy Cause I Don't See Him Wanting What I Want, But There's My Gut Feeling Telling No! Give Him A Chance, He Needs Time! (do Not Ask Me Why. It Just Does) So We Have A Great Relationship Most Days. But!!! There's Always A But. I Want More. We've Been Together For Almost A Year, And I Truly Love This Guy. If It Would Be Up To Me We Would Live Together But He Says It's Too Soon That He's Not Thinking About That Now And Makes It Sound Like I Should Wait. And There's Also The Drama About My Loving Little Boy. He Is A Very Sweet Boy. He Has One Of His Own But He Is With His Mom. He Told Me Two Days Ago That He Only Deals With His Son And No One Else's. And Whoever Is A Mother Knows And Feels Their Kids Should Be Taken In To Acount. We Have Only Gone Out With My Son Twice. I Sugested It Once And He Did Once Which Was The Only Time I Went Out With His Too. I Want And Need A Serious Promessing Relationship. He Is A Great Guy But I Don't Think We're Going The Same Way. How Do I Get Him To Understand That I Need A Very Suporting Sure Of What He Wants Man?

[theantibarbie23]

He's letting you know upfront that he wants nothing to do with your child. As much as it hurts, it would be better if you found someone who who is willing to build a relationship with your son.

[Mrocza]

I agree..

 

You can't force him to change, and after a year he's not coming around on his own.

 

You may love the guy and want to make it work, but if including your son into your relationship is an important factor, you might have to move on.

 

There are plenty of men who would accept and integrate your child into their lives, especially if they knew how much it meant to YOU.

[maroB]

Please do not make every single word start with a capital letter. it not easy to read.

 

How long have you two been dating? do you feel that the relationship is to a point where you want to include him in your son's life? If a break up does happen, your son will find it hard to understand why your bf is not around anymore.

 

I personally avoid single mothers as much as i can. i would not want to break a little kids heart if the relationship did not work out. if i did date a single parent i feel it would be right to wait a whole year before i get introduced to the child. its only fair.

[LiquidCherry]

Your son is the most important part of your life and he wants nothing to do with him. If it was a sort term relationship I would sort of understand because it's an important step to introduce children but being cautious and careful because of that is a bit different that just wanting nothing to do with it. I'd move on. Wouldn't you be happier having both the men you love in your life rather than just one at a time?

[annie24]

Yes, please do not post with Every Letter Starting With A Capital.

 

It is extremely difficult to read.

[Mrocza]

It's not as though you can change the fact that you have a son.

 

He's part of the package. Take it or leave it. All or nothing.

[latina07]

thank you for visiting and sharing ur opinion. we broke up about 20 minutes ago. we have done it in the past but we keep coming back. i am very weak to his smoothness and charm. also for his very seductive touch which includes his long talk that makes me regret my break up decision eventhough it might be the right one. im really tired of datting and being involved with guys that do not take my son in consideration and that do not want to move further than sleeping at each others houses, going to dinner, movies, and just the usual dating stuff. it hurts me a great deal but i have to be very strong and move on that way i can fine the right guy that will do the right thing for me and my son. not forgetting that will do it without me having to ask for it, that it'll just come from his heart.

[BellaDonna]

All I can say is that if he does not want your son in his life- it's his loss.

 

Remember, family comes first. You and your son are a team- if a your BF can't deal with that- he has to go!

 

Children are very smart and can sense when someone does not like them or want to be in their company.

 

Your son deserves a better male figure in his life, and you deserve someone who loves you for YOU- the total package. Being a mom is a big part of who you are. IF he rejects that notion, then he is in essense, rejecting you.

 

 

BellaDonna

[Mrocza]

Good luck, latina07.

 

Stay strong through this all. *Hugs*

[Taomagicdragon]

I agree with the above posters. The right guy IS out there, and he will love and cherish your son as much as you do. Don't settle for anything less than what you two are worth!

[fishrrshortae]

How old are you latina? I am almost 23. I have a son, too. He's 2 1/2. And any guy that would treat my son like he's something he has to "deal" with would be OUT faster than you can say the word OUT. No matter how damn "smooth" or "charming" he tries to be.

 

How unfair to your son. You should think of him first. He will be the one who suffers while you waste your time on this idiot, knowing when he grows up that his mom put him 2nd to some idiot who doesn't even like him.

 

Don't do that to your baby, please.. get rid of this guy fast. There's no one more important than your little one.

[annie24]

yes, there are men out there that will love your son like their own. My dad loved my half-brother (his step-son) like he was his own child. Forget this man.

[changes]

i didn't even read your whole post once i got to the point where he said he doesn't want to be involved with your son...nothing else before or after that matters. your son is a part of you....you are a package. if he loves you, he has to love, or AT THE LEAST tolerate and have respect for your son. not an attitude that he has...he has to go..I'm sorry you deserve someone who will love you and your son just the same.

[latina07]

well everyone!!! thank you very very much cause the more i read the stronger i feel. I BROKE UP WITH HIM OVER THIS!!! and i feel pretty good i did. i love my son with all my heart, no in here doubt it. we will remain separated unless he has an honest attemp to try. im 24 by the way.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

well everyone!!! thank you very very much cause the more i read the stronger i feel. I BROKE UP WITH HIM OVER THIS!!! and i feel pretty good i did. i love my son with all my heart, no in here doubt it. we will remain separated unless he has an honest attemp to try. im 24 by the way.

 

I'm so glad that you broke up with him. Don't get back together under any circumstances.

 

Remember this: if you get back together with him and it gets serious, he will always make your son feel like a 2nd class citizen. It will break your heart, but it will hurt your son worse.

[annie24]

I think you did the right thing latina! You will find a man that loves your son as much as you love your son! Good luck

[pumpkinjam]

i can understand him wanting to wait a little longer because it is hard for someone to take on another person's child BUT you can not have a man in your life who is not willing to accept your son at all.

[fishrrshortae]

Hiya again Latina

I think you did the right thing

One day you will be so happy with someone who will treat your baby like his own.

[novaseeker]

I agree that the OP should find someone else who is open to being with her AND her child.

 

But for the record I don't think there's anything wrong with someone who does not want that. To each his own. I can imagine a good number of people who do not want to get involved with someone else's children. But what is wrong is then getting involved with someone who has a child, and continuing with that relationship if you are not interested in a relationship with the child as well eventually ... at some earlyish point, you should exit the relationship once you realize you don't want that.

[latina07]

somebody please read everything and help me answer this. y does he tell me im rushing things? y doesn't he just tell me he loves me an that hell do anything for me? y does he always make me feel like im wrong about me wanting a little more regarding my son. he says i rush him too much that i should just go with the flow? that i don't know what his intentions are? please help me!!!!!! im going to loose it cause there's something about him and what he feels for me that makes me feel i should take him back, but in the end i won't get what i want and then we'll be at this again. i am going to loose my mind. we work together and i miss him a lot. it's been only a week that we broke up but it feels like eternity. please help me tell me what i should do

[pumpkinjam]

you don't want him back. he says you are rushing things because he is neither ready nor mature enough to take on an instant family. you are not wrong in wanting more regarding your son. he makes you believe you are because he is selfish. he wants you all to himself and finds this hard to accept.

[latina07]

i know im right cause im not even asking for the ring and the whole nine yards yet, and he is already backing up!!! imagine if he does start hanging out with my little one, what's going to happened when i want the big rock is he going to think im rushing again.??? what if he begs me and tells me he loves me and wants to try working this kid thing??? (which i don't think it'll happened but just in case it does i want to be prepare.???? what do i say????

[prozzack]

2 deal with you boy?

he should be honored too

[Unchained_melody]

Sad but true.

 

Some men have difficulty accepting a kid that isn't his. It's kind of like lions, lions often kill the offspring of other lions in other herds even when they have the same mother. It can be just nature.

 

Okay I have four assumptions about this guy:

 

1. Either he is like the Lion

 

2. He doesn't feel like he is responsible enough yet and wants to be ready beforehand.

 

3. He is still got alot of maturing to do, which means he is only using you for sex or a hot fling romance - and sadly the thought of the kid turns him off!

 

4. He has never had a kid of his own and would like to start a family that has not already started. So he doesn't feel like he's that special to you ( he will more likely leave you, or be uncomfortable around your family)