last night okay, this morning - not so good

[deejay74]

listen everyone, i really hope i am not becoming an annoyance on here. i apologize if i am. right now, i just need a place to get my thoughts and feelings out. you can reply if you want, but if not, that's fine too.

 

last night was pretty good, i went out with coworker after work and we had a good time, although i thought about what my ex was doing a few times. i came home around 1:30am and yes, i thought about if my ex was with someone at her house. luckily i was tired enough to fall asleep. and no, i did not make any attempt to contact her.

 

this morning, however, not so good. it's amazing how this recovery process is working. many of you are correct - i seem to be "swirling" through good days, bad days, strong days, weak days, etc. i just hope that i am moving forward and making progress.

 

today i feel a profound sense of sadness and longing for my ex. we used to have a routine where i would go to her house on tuesday nights and we'd wake up on wednesday mornings, get breakfast, walk her dog, and head into the city. yesterday would've been our first Valentine's Day together and who knows what we would've done. i still haven't gotten quite used to not going to her house on tuesdays and wednesdays. All i know is i miss her terribly RIGHT NOW. even after the treatment i got from her the other night, i still feel this way. i also feel guilty in a way for the way i reacted to her and i am upset that her last impression of me is not a good one, it's not someone who she saw when we were going out and who know's if that's the way she'll always remember me.

 

last night, almost all of my dreams were about her. they all had the same theme: i am frantically running around, trying to find her but i never do. i feel this overwhelming sense of panic as i am trying to locate her. i wake up frustrated and sad.

 

it hasnt' even been 2 months since the break up but if feels like months and months. i am getting so tired of feeling the way i do, i just want to get on with my life and to stop feeling sad and lonely and i want to stop missing her. she obviously isn't feeling the same way i do and knowing this makes me sad too. please, someone just make it stop.

[NJRon]

Realize that you really only started letting go last weekend. Though you have been apart for 2 months, you just started healing a few days ago. You are making great progress. Allow yourself to feel the sadness. Don't ignore it. Just allow yourself to grieve. It will end.

[vesper]

hang in there....move on with your life, there is a lot out there that you are probably missing out on right now...

[Echo]

I think everyone goes through different phases of healing.\

 

I think the first instinct is to just deny the person is gone...

Then when they realize the person IS in fact gone, they panic

Then they try to "woo" them back

Then they beg, plead, harass, stalk, promise to change, call, text, email...

some are successful but usually only temporarily, then it starts all over again.

Then they get angry, and make resolutions to NEVER contact that person again

Then they get sad, and weak again...the cycle starts over.

Then they start asking for advice. Crying to friends....their cat. Whoever will listen anymore.

Then they get angry again

Then sad again

Then they slowly feel the fog lifting as they realize that it's sink or swim. Their lives ae passing them by as their ex goes on without them in it....happily.

They start making plans again, working out, even smiling again. They feel hope again, little by little....

 

THIS is what "progress" is.....sometimes it varies, but it is what everyone MUST go through to get over a heartbreak. This was MY progress. i have slipped many times...but I didn't die. I am alive and well, and able to talk about it.

Hang in there ...you WILL get over this.

[sukerbut]

when? i felt liek crap last night ... becasue i was thinking of how special i made her feel..all teh things i did for her as apposed to other women that lvoed me...and what did i get ... zero..i got betrayed..i swear that feeling of betrayal has to be the worst feeling.of you going all teh way for someone and them not caring if you exist any more!!.i am getting whats due to me..and i am glad i learned this lesson in life now...for the first time i am alone after 10 ys..and it sucks.i always had soemone loving me..even when she broke up with me the first 2 times i always had love and nerturing be it from an ex..or some one i wsa seeing..and now..its all unravelling and hitting me in the face..hard...I HATE HER!! I REALLY DO...i have my reasons...I wish she gets fat..i wish she gets used and abused..i only wish bad things to this new person that does not care...i mean the first time we broke up ..2 months later i had a huge accident on my motorcycle on the highway..she did not have the decency to call and ask how i was doing .. took her back 2 more times just to fall in nthis black hole again...only this time i am not 26 i am 30...she made me believe that i was safe with ehr..made sure to convince me that wewere going to get married...at 30 i would of not taken that risk if she did not make me feel a false sense of secutirty..SO YEAH I HATE THE FN' B%$%!!!

[octopus]

iwantherback,

 

you have to live every feeling that comes to the surface, and I promise one day you decide you won't let it take over your life anymore. But until that day, it's all in cycles, and although you think you're set back to square 1, you recover quicker every time.

 

You are healing, it's only normal to miss her. She was a beautiful part of your life for 6 months. Remember the feelings when you first met each other? How could your body get over those so easily? Of course it will hurt. What you need to keep in mind is, there is NOTHING you can do, until she decides to want you back.

 

NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING.

[Relationship Coach]

iwantherback,

 

Here is your weekly SLAP of reality!!

 

You are suffering from selective memory recall. You are remembering those things you miss and sadly those things are long gone. Someone else is going to fill your Tuesday night slot and Wednesday activities. Reality hurts but what hurts worse is living in a fantasy world and day dreaming about what once was. You need to stop looking at the good times and focus on today's reality, she may or may not be with someone else but she's not with you.

 

Think of how bad she hurt you and how she embarrassed you at the art gallery. Those are the things you need to recall to get over this self-centered, cold-hearted witch. I believe her words were "I only care about myself, no one else." You have been taking two steps forward and one back every week! You have to stop, you're torturing yourself over something that is long gone.

 

RC

[deejay74]

don't you think i realize this? that's the frustrating part, i try my hardest but i t seems like i may not be strong enough mentally. i don't know what else to do. i'm seriously considering meds, as i mentioned in a previous post of mine from a while back.

 

i know and i have experienced first hand everything you've just said obviously. i feel really weak mentally and it this stage, it is getting rather embarrassing. my self esteem has been shattered to pieces so perhaps this is why i am having such difficulties. the progress i do make seems to get underminded by my own obsessive thoughts. i am my own worst enemy right now and i am trying not to let myself defeat me, if that makes sense.

[octopus]

I say NO to meds. I'll tell you why: it will lengthen your time of healing.

 

Maybe you'll feel a little better, but the overall period of time you'll still be miserable will be longer, because they won't make the original problem go away; which is: You lost a love, and you have to deal with it. I lived a murder in my family, my life lost its meaning, i hated people, i couldn't sleep because i relived that scene in my dreams every night..but never took medication.

 

You will be as strong as you need to be. And if you can't handle all this pain this time, it will come back to the surface next time you have a break-up, or a loss; and you will have to deal with it then.

 

You are, and you will be as strong as you need to be. There's more to your life than her.

[Echo]

Relationship Coach hit the nail on the head....

 

Youa re remembering all the GOOD things about her, when that is NOT the reality of who she REALLY is. She told you who she is wih her OWN words.

 

I agree with RC... remember how crappy she made you feel the last time you saw her. Is THAT someone you are proud of?

 

The GOOD news is that you are now free to date a better suited person for you. One who DOESN'T make you doubt who you are or your greatness!!!

[Relationship Coach]

Your best medicine right now is realizing what she has lost, you. I think you are trying to figure out why she may of developed something for this other guy. Mr. Record Label. If she is that superficial, she is in for a lifetime of misery. The problem is, you do know everything you need to heal. Is it that moving towards healing means you've actually given up on her? How could you every trust her again? Med's are not the answer to everyone's problems, I think they are too willfully prescribed. You need to be sharp in order to get past this not gumbied out. Yes it may seem like it will make things better but it will not change your thought patterns. In order to heal you need to feel.

 

RC

[deejay74]

you guys are right. i guess i am trying to hold onto good memories because i just can't believe how completely different my ex was to me the other night, and if she did do something with that guy during or right after our relationship, then her reason's for the break up were all lies.

 

i didn't realize how powerful denial is.

 

as far as the meds are concerned, there have been issues i have had with myself my whole life and i think this traumatic break up has brought all of it to the surface again and they've taken a hold on me. i've been seeing a therapist prior to the break up, but now it's just too much for me to handle. i am going to seriously consider them though.

 

[EDIT] i also have a hard time believing there are people who are complete users and will use people and then never care about what happens to them. how can people like this live with themselves? i've always been an honest and generous person, so i cannot fathom how these people think or live their lives [/EDIT]

[metalheart]

Maybe its a negative way to feel and think about our experiences, but I Totally in a 100% agree with sukerbut's opinion.. Its very hurting give all your dreams, efforts, time and undestanding to someone just to get kicked like that, just like we and all the people here in the site..

 

Personally, has been the third time that this happens to me in a Long time Relationship and.. it hurts me a lot because my ex gf and I were the best's friends and we have passed through the hurt of being the dumpee/cheated in our previous relationships.

 

Seriuosly.. My beliefs about.. Life, Love, Relationships, Trust, Faith and Commitment are very broken ( even, i dare to say "destroyed")

 

All i what lefts for me right now.. its all the roller coast that im going through.. where the angry/ distrust/ vulnerability are the common expresion of this intense emotions.. while im still preparing, hoping and waiting "See the Sun again"..

[healinginnyc81]

hey iwantherback, I'm sorry you're not feeling well today. I know you don't think you have the strength to get through this but you do. It's going to hurt, let it hurt for a while, but you will pull through. The pain will start to fade. You just have to believe that you're in a temporary phase and that you will get better.

 

As far as the meds go, the only reason to take them is if you need those chemicals in order to get through depression. They won't stop you from feeling the pain. It would take a few weeks for them to kick in also. Plus, like RC said you still have to deal with the thoughts. That's what's painful so the meds don't help with that. The meds are supposed to eventually help you break out of clinical depression but not the sadness. I don't think they would hurt you but I don't think you need them either. You will get through this, keep fighting.

[deejay74]

once again, i woke up feeling sad. this time, i wasn't thinking about the good things about my ex, i just feel sad in general.

 

i am really getting sick and tired of feeling this way. i know it's over, however all the negative feelings are overpowering. i can't seem to be positive or see the positives about this break up. for the past month and a half, i have not been myself at all. i've lost motivation in just about everything.

 

i've tried to do things to take my mind off of my ex and the break up, but it doesn't work too well. i've always wanted to make music, so i bought music software that cost me $500, but i have hardly touched it. i bought a new skateboard, but only skated once. i signed up for drum lessons and it starts on sunday so we'll see how that goes. i've considered joining a gym, but it costs too much. i'm moving in april, and i was excited about it but not anymore. i've bought a few books about overcoming break ups and other topics and they're good while i am reading them, but when i finish, it's only slightly better.

 

i've also tried getting angry at my ex yesterday, but it only lasts for a few minutes, then it goes away and i just start feeling sorry for myself.

 

well i am at work, so i will try to focus on that - but even work isn't distracting enough.

[77streaks]

instead of meds, consider a therapist or a hypnotherapist...someone to make you aware of the thought and memory patterns that's hurting you?

 

good luck!

cheers

[octopus]

drum classes certainly worked for me. I can't wait to go every week and i end up feeling soooo good afterwards.

however, everytime it feels that good, i want to reach for my phone and call him and tell him about it, but i know he's not there to share anything with me anymore