Im so Stuipd!!

[The door mat]

So my Ex called me Sat. morning and i did good again I didnt pick up the phone and i didnt call him back so it was about 3 weeks of NC. well later that night I went out to the bar with some friends I was having a good time and then the Ex showed. he came up to me and said hey you cant come over and say hi, I have been trying to call you, you cant call anyone back. So i just looked at him and said well I tried to call you a few times but you seem to be to cool to call anyone anymore and im not going to chase you. So anyway as the night went on he hung around more and more. i usually dont go out to much and to my supprise i drank a lot so my ex told me that he would drive me home b/c there was no way I should be driving and i agreed, but we went to his house instead of me going home. Things happen when you have been drinking and im not going to blam it on that but yes we did have sex. The next morning he was acting like himself again..a jerk. he acted like he got what he wanted and there was no reason for me to touch him. So we got up and he drove me so i could get my car but when i leand over to give him a kiss goodbye he moved so i would kiss his cheek and he gave me a hug..I was so mad that he had to make me feel like some cheep date that he does not even know. we just spent the night together and he could not even kiss me. So now im upset b/c i broke the NC rule and i gave in again... why do i keep doing this.

[brando]

Do you think he will change his mind about the relationship???

 

Well what is done is done. All you need to do now is learn form this lesson. I'm sorry you are struggling with this, but it will get easier.

 

Just don't be so hard on yourself for what happened. It is over now, and now you know better.

 

be well,

brando

[chai714]

Learn from it. Like Brando said, what's done is done. Take this experience and learn from it. I'd go back into NC with your ex now, unless of course you want to be his sex buddy and nothing more.

[BellaDonna]

It's ok.

 

You made a mistake.

 

Maybe you needed to make this mistake to be reminded of the "jerk" he really is.

 

Now that you have this final confirmation that he is not worth another second of your time- you should begin NC again. If you are going to go out- try a different location where he's not likely to show up.

 

You're not stupid. You just made a mistake. Try not to be hard on yourself. Just don't make the same mistake again, because then it really is "stupid" to hurt yourself in the same exact way yet again. Remember the wise words of Albert Einstein : Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

 

 

But I agree with the others: what's done is done. This is one mistake. Learn from it, and most importantly use it as motivation to move on. (Don't repeat it.)

 

 

BellaDonna

[PrincessLinzay]

Ouch! (( hugs ))

 

I agree with the other posters. It sucks that it happened that way, but don't beat yourself up over it. We all make stupid mistakes when it comes to the exes.

 

Go back to NC and try to move forward. He doesn't deserve another moment of your time. Good riddance!

[The door mat]

How do i switch things around to make him think that i dont care? I dont want him to think that he gets the best of me.

[designer71]

If you go back into NC - he might actually see what he is missing. You have nothing to be ashamed about, he was the one who made it cheap. It didn't have to mean that you were getting back together, but he also didn't need to make you feel like a one night stand.

 

I think if you stay in contact with him, that is exactly what WILL show him that you DO care. Stay out of contact. Do good things for yourself. Take yoga classes, get a manicure, a massage, buy a self-help book on break-ups, anything you can think of to take your own power back and start feeling better about yourself. Pretty soon you really won't care and he will see that he hasn't gotten the best of you. If you confront him and complain to him about how he acted and handled the situation, he will indeed see that he did get the best of you.

 

Good Luck - it's hard, but everyday you get through with no contact makes the next day easier.

[PrincessLinzay]

The best revenge at this point would be indifference.

 

Don't call him or acknowledge him at all. If you do see him out, ignore him completely, if he calls, don't answer. By refusing to acknowledge him, you take away any power he might have had.

 

Right now he most likely feels like he's gotten the control back, he now has been assured that you still are thinking about him. He's probably even expecting that you'll call him now. When you don't, it will throw him back into uncertainty.

 

Again, it really sucks that it's come to this, but I think indifference and apathy are all he deserves. His chance with you is gone and he doesn't deserve your thoughts.

 

Hang in there and good luck!

[The door mat]

When him and i broke up we said that we have been through way too much together and had been a huge part eachothers lifes to not be friends. I want to be friends with him and talk sometimes buti dont want him to think that everytime we talk that we are going to sleep together. I want to do NC for a while just to let him know that he did not get the best of me but how long do i do NC before i can talk to him and let him know that i still want to be friends.

[PrincessLinzay]

Initially, I can understand the wanting to be friends. When you've been in a relationship with someone for any lengthy period of time, I think upon breaking up that's everyone's initial inclination (being friends that is...). However, under the circumstances I would let his actions be your guide.

 

Do you truly want to remain friends with someone who could treat you with such casual indifference?

 

To me, someone earns friendship. It's not a given just because we've been through a lot together. If someone treats me like crap, I walk away.

 

Of course the decision is completely up to you, just something to marinate on....

[The door mat]

He has changed a lot since we have been together. I get so digusted sometimes with the ways that he has changed like he is just trying to impress people now and hes not being himself. I wonder sometimes if im still in love with him or if im in love with what we once had. I can take the way that he treats me now. he treats me like im a one night stand and I was with him for 5 years and engaged. I thought that he would have a little bit more respect for me then he has been having. I wish things could go back to the way that they used to be. I try to be friends but then it leads into other things. I want to have the upper hand i want to stand strong and when he calls not pick up the phone or if i do and he invites me over i want to go over watch a movie and leave not spend the night. I want him to relize what he gave up!

[PrincessLinzay]

Girl, I understand where you're coming from. I often think that people aren't so much in love with their exes as they are with the "idea" of them. It's easy to look back on a relationship in retrospect and see only the good, or the point in the relationship when things were great.

 

It definitely does seem like he's changed, and not for the better. If nothing else, just remind yourself that you had him when he was at his best, not this person that he has become.

 

Chin up hun, don't let him know he has any power over you or your emotions.

[designer71]

To answer your question, I think you do NC with him until you actually do want to be JUST FRIENDS. With no hopes or ideas of getting back together. Then you can be friends. But only then. And you may find that after a while, you don't even want to anymore. It is amazing what NC can do for you!

Good Luck!

[BellaDonna]

Doormat,

 

I don't even think he deserves to be your friend. You need to cut him out of your life 100%. I'm not saying that you have to be bitter and resent him for all of eternity- but you should move on from him- completely.

 

I think as long as you have him in your life in any way, shape, or form, You will not be over him.

 

Besides "friends" are not supposed to treat you the way he has. Friends are not supposed to hurt you over and over again. That's mroe like the behavior of an enemy. He's not worth keeping in your life for any reason.

 

Do NC with the goal of healing and moving on, not to try to prove to him what he's missing. You need to see what you're missing, and forget this jerk and give yourself the chance to meet someone who will treat you right and give you the respect and happiness you deserve.

 

BellaDonna