How do I lose high expectations?

[JC3]

Hi..i need some advice. I started talking to a man on the personals about a month ago. We got into very deep conversations and I started to develop feelings for him because he has so many qualities that I want in someone. I know that you have to meet in person to make it "real" or to have a relationship. We did meet in person about 2 weeks ago and had a great time and sat in the car talking and necking for hours. He still called me and emailed me after that but never made plans to see me. He is very busy with work and visits with his children out of state every two weeks so I understand that however I just feel that if he wanted to see me, he would make plans to see me not just talk to me on the phone and text messages and emails. Now my problem, I have a lot going on emotionally..I lost my job 5 months and my unemployment runs out in 2 weeks...i had a cancer scare which I sent him an email and he never responded to it which just hurt me so I told him that I didn't want to see him anymore because he just said that he wants to be friends. My friends and family say it is me..that I have too high of expectations from a man who i don't really know and that I needed to give him a chance. I did call him the other day and he did talk to me and said that he would call me back when he was able to talk. I know that he is not a game player and is genuine in his busy-ness however am I wrong to want him to make plans with me or want to see me? It was a week after our date in person that I told him that I didn't want to see him anymore because I was mad/hurt that he didn't acknowledge my surgery or just even ask questions about it. I am reading and doing personal things to keep my self esteem up where it should be but my reading on this is that he was a glimmer of sunshine in my life and I just wanted, maybe too much, for him to feel what I felt for him. I don't know what to say to him now when he calls back to finish our discussion. I did apologize and he said that he understands where I am but that he just can't give me the attention and time that I want in a relationship. My "normal" self is very busy with friends/family. I am working out every day now to keep my spirits up and to get my body back into shape and trying to do things that I know that are causing me to have low self-esteem. I want to do the right thing and that is maybe to just be his friend right now but how do I lose having the high expectations and expecting him to react to me the way that I want him too? I try so hard but I"m just so confused right now and I know that I drove him crazy with long emails pouring out my soul and just having dr. jekyl/mr hyde reactions to him. He is really someone who I want to know better. I just need to lower my expectations of him and to take it from where we are..one date..not the fantasy that I have built in my mind. Any suggestions?

[ocrob]

I think that sometimes if you show too much interest, it turns the other person off. I don't know your situation, but if a woman calls me too much or asks to see me too much, then it can feel overwhelming. With that being said, if I really like a woman, then I will always ask to see her.

[JC3]

How long do you wait to ask her out again? Was I being unrealistic to expect him to ask me out again after a week? We talked on the phone but he never asked me out. I rarely call him..my problem was spilling my heart to him in emails

[NJRon]

I'm sorry, I just read down to the part where you said you don't want to see him anymore... and he said he just wants to be friends.

 

The expectations are set right there...

[ravenfox]

i dont really know what to say

 

i guess just remember to put yourself first also - there is nothing like the feeling of loosing all expectations. its like having every dream snatched away and killed even before it is imagined. it does nothing but strain the way you feel about someone...the resentment alone can be crazy

[JC3]

so what do I do at this point? He is probably going to call me on Thursday or Friday so i need to figure out what I want to say to him.