Ex bf's mother strikes again

[renaissancewoman101]

Not sure what to do now. I just got an interesting phone call from the ex bf's mother. Apparently she heard about me getting my car broken into and my stuff getting stolen, including my jewelry box (and a small locket that he had given me). I asked her how she found out and she told me that my insurance company had sent her son a letter asking about the price of the locket (when I filed my insurance claim, I had to list all the stuff stolen, how much they were worth and if it was a gift, the person who gave the gift and their address). Apparently he had shown her the letter. She called me to sympathize with me about my loss of my stuff and she wanted to see how I was doing out here. I told her that I was doing ok and that I was surviving out here. She then asked me if I had taken care of my "problem" yet and I told her that I was working on it. She then told me that she still thinks I can get her son back and that he talks about me at times in a nice way. She also told me something and she told me that she shouldnt be telling me this, but she wanted to because she likes me a lot. She told me that her son is having problems with his new gf (the one that replaced me) and now their relationship could be on the rocks. She says the girl is flighty and doesnt know what she wants and bounces back and forth about things. She tells me to have hope because she sees a breakup between them in the future and if I get my ducks lined up, I have a big chance. She surprised me and I told her that, "even if I have a chance, how in the world am I suppose to make it work, if I live out HERE??" She just said, give it time and it will work out. Besides, you can always move back here. She then had to go and she told me that she would be in touch.

 

What the f*ck!!!!!!!!!

 

I am trying to forget about him but this takes the cake, and now I am worried about things? I want to make a life out here and it is hard, but I want to try. I also miss him.

 

Why does life throw me curve balls like this????

[DN]

I think you should concentrate on getting yourself sorted out there and not be distracted by the possibility that he might break up with her and might be interested in getting back together with you. Too many 'mights'.

[AwdreeHpburn]

To test your strength and conviction.

 

Those are great things to hear and she probably thinks she's doing you a favor. Sounds like she likes you and wants you to know it.

 

Don't let it get to you. Stay your course. If you are doing well, keep doing what you're doing. I'm not intending to string a bunch of clichés here, but if it ain't broke...don't let a monkey wrench break it...

[Dako]

RW,

If he wants to be with you he could always move here, away from his mother.

Funny how that's not even an option.

I think you're better off charting a new course.

You deserve it.

[renaissancewoman101]

DN, I am trying to get my life together out here. It is hard though because I have not had to start over like this in a LONG time. I am having a hard time adapting to life out in San Diego because I feel so alone out here(when I first moved to Milwaukee, WI, that was different because I went to college out there and it was easier to meet people). I think I need to stop running up to Irvine to hang with my best friend every few days or to see my parents in LA and stay down here for one WHOLE weekend, that is what my best friend's mother thinks I should do. I also need to get out more and meet people. I have been here for one month and I really havent made any friends yet. I finally got the the impetus and the courage to go out and apply for jobs. I went to a temp agency and put in an application for a temp job. I hope I can get a job soon because that will help me get out of my shell and meet people.

 

Ta_ree_saw, I wish life would not throw me these curve balls, I am not that strong to deal with all of the stuff that life throws at me. Last year was a tough year and it took a lot out of me. Moving back here is a challenge and there are some days, I feel overwhelmed by it. I need to learn to depend on myself and live for myself and be happy with myself instead of running to my best friend or my parents when I am lonely. I have been doing that ALL the weekends I have been out here, running to Irvine or to LA. That is one reason I chose to live in San Diego. I didnt want to be too close to my parents or to my best friend because I wanted to make a life ON MY OWN, but it is hard. I just feel so lonely out here. I wish I had someone to do stuff with.

 

I am staying my course. There is no turning back. I do like life out here. I just have to get used to it, start enjoying it, get a job, meet people, and make some friends. I can tell that I am happier out here. Life has a lot to offer me, it is just time for me to take charge and go and ENJOY what life has to offer me.

 

Dako, he will never leave his mother, she will see to that. She is a very controlling woman that likes everything done HER way and she has bullied both her kids all their lives to doing what she wants. He rebels against her a lot but at the end, he still does what she wants, and she lets him live at home and act like a kid, and she treats him like one. If she had her way, she would have me move to Chicago and live with them. I know that because of what happened about a year ago. Last year I found out that I have some issues with my spine, where two of my upper vertebrae in my spine are fused together and pushing in on my spinal cord. To correct that problem I need surgery and the surgery would have entailed a month's recovery time. My ex's mother is a nurse and I told her about the surgery. She took charge of the situation and tried to find me the best doctor around in Chicago and she wanted to take care of me saying she could do it best. I ended up not doing the surgery because I am afraid of surgery and because I didnt want to end up depending on her. My ex's mother scares me because she is SO controlling. That was one of the reasons why my feelings for my ex died out. I couldnt stand going over there and staying there and dealing with his mother constantly nagging at the ex and at me for not keeping him in line.

 

The first time he broke up with me, a year ago, she was INSTRUMENTAL in us getting back together. She told me that she would have a "talk" with him and get to the bottom of this.

[DN]

Are you sure that it would be a good thing to get back with him if she were to be in your life like that. Has it occurred to you that she might want him to get back together with you so that she could control both of you?

[renaissancewoman101]

DN, I am not sure what I want anymore. I do want to get back together with him but the way his mother seems to want to control this situation scares me a lot. Personally, I dont think he wants to get back together with me and I think his mom is trying to force the situation like he is a little kid and doesnt know what he wants and doesnt know what's good for him. I never liked his mother's controlling ways and she has always been nice to me and treated me well but I could tell that she likes me because she thinks I can make him grow up and keep him in line. I dont want to be like that to ANYBODY. I miss him a lot and part of me wants him back, but after being out here for a month, I am starting to realize that I can live without him. I am happy out here too, but I need to start coming out of my shell, meeting people, and making friends.

 

And, if I got back together with him, I know she would control the situation and she would make EVERY attempt to control our lives. I can see that by the two phone calls she has made to me since our breakup and by what she said to me at the end of Dec. about the abortion thing last April. She pretty much told me that she wished I could have come to her about it and she would have helped me deal with it, instead of having me choose what I chose to do. She is a scary woman.

 

Right now, I have to look forward and stay the course and realize that although everything is scary and different out here, I have the guts and the courage to MAKE it out here. I was able, at one time in my life, move out to Wisconsin without knowing what was out there, and I MADE IT OUT THERE. I can do it out here too. I am happier out here and starting over is a good thing. I am going to make a concerted effort to make it out here and make some friends along the way.

[Dako]

I know it's hard, but you can get past this. Having her contact you is a setback but you might see her as a reminder of why things didn't work with her son.

[renaissancewoman101]

Dako, I will get past this. It will take time. Overall, I am happy that I moved to San Diego. The weather is nice out here and there is a lot to do out here and I have a chance to start over again w/o reminders of my past. I just have to ACTUALLY go out and DO something and get involved in things like I was doing when I lived in Milwaukee. We get out of life what we put into it, and I havent been putting a lot into trying to live life out here yet.

 

Has anybody on here just picked up and moved somewhere? How long did it take you to adapt and start living life? Was it hard?

 

My best friend moved out here for his job and he is dealing with life but he did it with the help of me and his bf. His bf drove out here with him and I took a week off work to come out here and help him settle in after his bf left and I was here through his first week of work.

[Lady Bugg]

Yes RW I did it. I moved to a state 1500 miles from where I am from ...and lived there for 7 years. Well, I had a brother who lived there..but I made my OWN friends and even found a b/f that I lived with for 3 years...even though it did NOT work out, I still have a lot of GREAT memories.

 

You CAN do this. Just stay positive.....and keep focusing on yourself.

I am proud of you for comimg this far

[renaissancewoman101]

Yes, I am going to stay positive. I just have to be proactive and go out of my shell and seek things to do, meet people, etc. There is a lot to do out in San Diego and people here seem nice and friendly. We'll see. Well I am off to my parents for the evening. My mom cooked me one of my favorite dishes so that is good. The traffic should be less now and I am going to be heading up to LA soon.

 

Moving back to CA was the second momentous thing I have ever done. Moving FROM CA to Wisconsin was the first.

 

LadyBugg, did it take you long to make friends and find stuff to do?