i wanna die

[The Mask]

i'm drunk,fell like crap,wanna die...

yeah yeah i know,i'm saying this because i'm drunk and all...but i just wanna die...and its all because of this girl...man...i love her,we've been dating for like a month,very very very close friends and i still love her,its been a year since we broke up...but i love her...shes the most beautifull girl ive ever seen and i know some people say shes just cute,and some say she not even beatifull...but to me shes the most beatifull girl!!!shes dating this one dude and i want to kill him!!

i hate him!!

even though i know that i have no right to be angry at him...he's her first love..before me...and thats killing me...i wanna kill him and then kill myself because she will hate me for this!

anyways,i fell like sh*t right now...maaaaaan...i dont think ill last this night...just hang myself or something..

[arwen]

Dude, you're not going anywhere, ok? Just stay away from the bottle, make yourself some coffee to sober up and stay right here on the forum. Call a friend. You will get over this girl, she's just one small chapter of your life and many (bigger) chapters are still to follow.

 

Take care,

 

ilse

[Mysterious Gurl]

First of all sober up! second of all, getting yourself drunk isn't going to make this situation any better for you.

 

This girl is with someone else. Yes it hurts, I know, but you have to let her go. I know it's easier said than done, but you are 17, you have the rest of yourlife before you to meet someone who loves you just as much as you love them, so if you end your life, you are going to miss out on a load of opportunities.

[Dako]

You'll get past this if you don't do anything dumb. Drinking is the last thing you should be doing now. Drink too much coffee or Redbull or anything but not booze.

I was in your shoes years ago and have been grateful I didn't give in to the darker ideas I had. In my case she wasn't worth the trouble but at one point she seemed like a goddess. Remember how fine girls look through beer goggles? Take them off and look around. Breathe deeply. Try to eat something. Take a shower.

Come back and talk to us. It'll help.

[coollady1957]

Hello The Mask.

I agree sober up, get that shower and something else besides alcohol to drink, gather your thoughts with a clear head. Keep coming here and talking to all the great people here. I have gained so much from my friends here. I certainly feel that you can overcome this and there are new and better things to come for your life. We are here for you, take advantage of the vast knowledge and wisdom that every one here can offer to you.

[The Mask]

i've been on this forum for quite some time...i know...nc,nc,nc...hobby hobby,hobby....been there,done that,doestn help!

its been an year!!!a

[Ms Omaniac]

try to stop drinking sweetee. when im depressed...i would also start drinking. but ive found that when i do that...i get sooooooooo much more emotional. and my healing slows down drastically. the days go by fast but it's not like i heal so much faster.

try and shower up. get dressed. go out. but TAKE CARE OF YOU.

[darkblue]

This is all exaggerated because of the alcohol.

If it's late - I suggest that you go to bed, because time is the only thing that will actually sober you up.

 

Then come back and talk to us.

[Dako]

I'm sorry you're hurting, and I know how advice rings hollow when your love is so incredibly strong for someone who doesn't return it.

I feel odd offering advice while I hang on by a thread myself. I wish this could speed up for you.

[coollady1957]

I agree the drinking is probably causing alot of uncontrolled emotions at the moment. I wish you would relax and calm down and get control of your thoughts soon, so that we can hopefully help you through this. You came here obvously because you needed to vent your anger and frustrations. I hope you will come back and let us talk to you and help you through it. But first your head needs to be clear and more rational.

[Relationship Coach]

The Mask,

This is beyond NC, NC, NC,...Hobby, Hobby, Hobby! You need to understand something from a physiological perspective. You are 17, your testosterone levels are going through the roof right now. Your hormones are raging and making your attempt at recovery much more intense. Now, toss in her first love in to the equation and some booze and you have a recipe for destruction.

 

She ripped your heart out and yet you still love her? No, I think you loved being with her, and you miss that and don't want to let go of that. As of now there isn't a time machine, so the past is out of your control but the future clearly puts you in the drivers seat (sober of course). You're closing in on being 18, a man by many standards, you need to move forward.

She ripped this other guys heart out like she did yours and more than likely she will do it again and again and again. The statistics of two 17 year olds staying together until death do you part is less than in your favor. There are so many changes in life between 16 and 26 that many couples end up heading in different directions due to college, work or in pursuit of something bigger than the relationship itself.

 

Now you can just disregard everything I've said here or perhaps respond with more incoherent babbling but what you need to realize is, you have something going for you that many of us here don't, youth. There might be an overwhelming showing of hands of those who would like to go back to 17 and choose a better path to follow than the one they selected years ago. Take this as a second chance to learn more about whom you are and what you want out of life rather than living in 2005 and hurting over her.

 

RC

[dax321]

Hey Mask! I dated my HS sweetheart for 10 years and went through a horrible break up when I was 25.. BOy it was bad! My stomach & heart hurt for atleast ayear.. No other women really interested me.. Then one day something BIT me and it was all over.. I was obsessed with her physical beauty, plus she was definitely my first love. Ask yourself is she really such a wonderful person inside? Physically beauty sure is not, but not everything! GOOD LUCK!

[The Mask]

Yeah man,shes so wonderful,so beautiful,so smart and funny i love being with her she has this sourt of aura that keeps magnitizing me to her,she's the one i would give up everything for,shes the one whos makes me wanna wake up,shes the one who makes fell like i am someone...

 

And i'm sorry about you're break up..Very sad indeed

[MI_Shell]

What you are going through is very hard, and it is understandable that it would take time to get over her. Try to make a conscious descision that you will now put yourself first and take care of yourself. If the girl was ever going to change and like you it would only be likely if you were happy in yourself despite her. When you focus on other aspects of your life that you can put energy into to make yourself feel better, time will help you heal and you will be able to look at the situation from another perspective that is less painful. It is important to make yourself put energy into other things and try not to think of her so much because eventually you will feel better and be an overcomer.

[musicguy]

TheMask, break-ups happen all the time whether you are 17, 27 or 37 or older It happens. There are plenty of fish in the sea. 2 billion to be exact. so try to get over this girl and move on

[ocrob]

Hi Mask,

 

I definitely feel bad for your situation and also want you to be happy. I realize that we all go through very sad times and life feels impossible. Life can suck at times, but I will give you a bit of tough love. It's great to have people support you and understand what you are going through, but sometimes you just need a swift kick in the @ss. Heartache sucks, but suck it up. You are sounding like such a coward by saying you want to kill yourself and her boyfriend. When you think of those young kids that did the killings of Columbine, what do you think? I think f'n cowards. It's time to be the man that you are and suck it up. It's tough and will not be easy, but if you deal with it, then you will be that much stronger. You will have several relationships in your life. The break ups will be hard, but you are a human being with a heart. Let me tell you that you have so much great stuff ahead of you. The next few years are a lot of fun. I have a feeling you are an intelligent guy and won't do anything stupid, but if you need someone to set your straight, then I am here. Don't make me put on a steel toe boot and give you that kick in the * * * *. lol

[The Mask]

ocrob vbmenu_register("postmenu_940542", true); ohh please give me that kick,in fact all of guys here on forums give me that kick,i really need it!

You can call all you want,weak,pethetic,coward or whatever i don't really care that much.At first i though so too,i'm weak i would done such a thing but it was a long time ago...Now i really don't care anymore,btw i did tryied to hang myself a few days ago..Just coudnt do it.Shes the one who keeps me in one piece, she came to meet me at my place last week,and tomorow and she wants to do it again next week i know i should not meet her but i cant...She lives an hour ride on a bus from me but she keeps coming,all this time spend together we were cudeling,man...what a memories..I know i know...i'm stupid to even think of her not to say meeting her,but shes my bestest friend in this black hole of the existence we all call life,i met her an year ago and not even my male friends that i know for 6 years know about me like her...Today i cried for 3 times...It is weird because i havent cryied since i was about 14 when my dad left my family...But today all of the emotions broke i just coudnt stop then from spilling then out..And again,call me what you will..

[The Mask]

Oookay...Today is the same,fell really bad.

She sayied that she can't come to visit me next week because her parents wouldnt let her.Well that sucks..

Anyway,today is same old same old,exept that i didnt go to school today,i hate it,hate the kids,hate the teachers,hate the hours..

Today i thought alot about suicide,still wanna do it but can't because of my friends and family,don't want to hurt them..But then again i wouldnt care when i'm dead,right?

Damn...I know it's just temperary but i got tired of waiting,I'm trying not to think about her and her bf,whom i hate,even though i have no right to because it was my fault we broke up,my fault she got back to him because i waited for too long.Man it could've been so good between us,i know she's the one for me,but am i the one for her?Don't think so..

"I got to keep on pushing" - That's what i tell myself every morning i wake up and you know?I got tired of it,just so freakin' tired that i can't stand it no more,it has to stop someday!But when?Time will tell...Don't you just hate that sentence?

But still i thank god i'm not using drugs!I know alot of people use them because of situations like this..Jeez..I want to see her again,i want to hold her,smell her hair,kiss her and to tell her how much i love her,i want to tell her that i love everything about her,her eyes,her lips,her smile,her hair,the way she talks,walks,the face she makes when i act like a little kid,i love her when she's mad she gets so beautiful,when she cryies, i love every little inch in her body!God she's so beautiful!!!

Yeah,i know,i dream too much..But i'm sure,with all my heart,this day will come,soner or later this day will come and i will say those things to her!

But it's not going to happen any time soon...I just have to wait longer..One more thing that keeps me here,today,writing to you is that she told me once that she thinks about her and me everyday,that she wanted to break up with her bf so many times,but....(There's allways a "but" isn't it??) She loves him,and he loves her..They will break up eventually,but by that time,i don't think i'll be here..Even if i would that still wouldnt make any difference because he was her first..At everything..And that's what kills me the most,he broke her inocence..God that makes so mad!!!

 

 

Anyways,just wanted to get it off my chest,Comments and advices will do me very good..So please,post your comments..

[The Mask]

Well...It's 6:30 am...I have to go to school in 10 minutes,and guess what?I'm not going..I have to,i know i have to but i'm in a such deppresion right now that i don't wanna even see people today!God..

Yesterday i dicided i whouldnt text her,cuz i'm doing it like everyday and we talk for a while.She usually never text me,well sometimes she does but she surprised me yesterday,she wished me a good night and sayd that she misses me!It made me so happy and gave me like hope of some kind..But on second though were just good friends and we flirt alot too..I don't know what to think !!!!HELP!!!

[The Mask]

Wow,thanks for so many comments and advices!Wasn't expecting so many at once

 

Anyways,sorry for posting so many posts i'm just getting things off my chest everyday and it kinda helps..but the comments would be more helpful

 

 

Well,today is the same as allways,havent eaten in a while,6 days to be exact.Fell so weak,can't even lift a cup of coffe..

Tryied to eat,but the food makes me sick.Lost 5 kg's in those 6 days..

Yesterday i asked my sister about anti depresants,she sayd it is a drug,when you use it you get addicted to it (duh) and when you're out of pills,you put a bullet in youre head.Eventually she asked why did i need them...i sayd because i fell bad..But she's totally against me taking those pills..She even left me some siggaretes this mornig,Which she never did before.She knows that something is wrong with me,tryies to talk to me but i'm not the person to talk about things like that,as i sayd before,not even my family knows about me the way she does (my ex)no one does..

Yesterday i texted my ex,told her i'm very depresed right now,she replyied after an hour asking what was wrong and offering help,i replyed very strangly like "never mind,sorry for bothering you,talk to you soon..." (i never replyed to her that way..I allways talk to her whenever i get the chance,i allways stop doing whatever i do and talk to her,but it's not the case) i just didnt wanted to talk to anyone...She sayed that whenever i fell i can allways talk to her...Well,it hasent changes,since yesterday i havet talked to anyone..

[shebop]

THe Mask,

I know this must be sooo difficult for you...but you have 2 choices...you can stay in this depression and let this girl control your life and your emotions or you can take control of your life and start realizing that life is short and every day you waste be depressed you will not get back. Life is a gift and i know it doesn't seem like there is any point in living it without this girl...but seriously one day you will meet someone else that absolutley love. Each relationship gives you an opportunity to learn things about yourself....and hopefully make you a better person in the long run.

I know that you have probably heard this all before...but I believe you have it in you...to move on....to start enjoying life...

 

Today is a new day... I wish you luck... keep posting, everyone is here for you

[DaMadHatter]

DAMN MAN!!! this sux, i wish there was something I or ANYBODY here could say to make u feel better. The truth is we can't. I've been there, when i was your age, u feel like this girl is your whole world u would give up everything for her. Been there done that went to hell and back, my point is i came back! got my life together and moved on.

 

I know it doens't feel like it now and i sound like i'm blowing smoke up ur a** but try to take some comfort in knowing that the misery your going through is not eternal. A year is nothing! time will heal your wounds it took me a little over 2 years to completely have a normal pleasant life again.

 

Whenever u feel like this come on here and vent your frustrations and sadness. I speak for everyone when i say were here for you. Stay strong.

[The Mask]

Thanks for your support people !

 

Yesterday we talked for like 4 hours on the ICQ!

When she was at my place last week,we were cudeling and she started crying...I asked her why but she wouldnt tell me,till yesterday.

She sayed that she hated her bf,and i started to convince her to break up with him,i sayed that i really want to help her in any way that i can to forget about him,i started to beg her to come back to me..Yeah,i know,kinda low

 

To make it short i asked her if she wanted to get back to me,she sayed no cos she doesnt want to hurt me like she did the last time,that her feelings to him would return but i continued to beg her for second chance and sayed that would help her get over him,that i love her,that i want to be in her life as a bf and a friend,i want us to try and work things out..She asked me if i can give her time to think about it,so today i'm going to send her txt message..asking what she dicided...Man...If she would say no,that would be the end of me...She asked me how can i be with a person who loves another one,i told her that i'm willing to take that chance and do my best so that we would be happy!God how can i be so stupid after all of this???I love her,damn...

But, as i sayed,i love her with all my heart and soul,and i know i'm made a big mistake asking her about us...damn...Well,tonight is my jugement day.

Wish me luck!

[The Mask]

She didn't reply.It's been two days and she continues to turture me,i know she has read those SMS but isn't she replying?

My guess is that she wants to talk to her bf about their relashionship and then speak to me..God,give me strenght to live those darkest days of my life!

[Bethany]

At the moment you're living in fear, the fear of what she may say, what she may do and why she doesn't reply. You're holding on to that fear so tightly and it's making you tense, upset and anxious. In fact, it's making you worse. Release it, let go.

 

She isn't the person who can take all this away. YOU ARE. You HAVE the strength to make it through the rest of your life, with OR without her, even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment because you are doing this to yourself, she isn't doing anything to you.

 

Your feelings are your own and you must face them. I know it's hard but they ARE only feelings, thoughts and fears. Anyone can overcome them as soon as they understand them. Stop holding onto yourself so tightly, relax and let yourself 'fall'..... Nothing will happen, you wont fall into a big hole of despair where only she can take it all away, you won't get stuck there or feel worse, you may even feel immediate relief but even if you don't, eventually you WILL rise up out of that blackness where you think you will stay. You are at the moment a prisoner of your own making. Free yourself.