So lost.

[Hannibal]

Ok well its been about 3 months since we broke up. She left me for another guy more or less and they're together now.

 

I have yet to have one good nights sleep since we broke up. Everyday I wake up sweating and really really upset. It takes me about 20 minutes to finally calm down from this, sometimes it ends in me crying.

 

I feel so helpless, I can't do anything but think of her and how we were. Its destroying me and I just want it to end. I'm so sick of having my life be in a complet mess over this and I really don't see a way that I can change things as they are generally out of my control.

 

I do get out and go to the gym and all that stuff. It makes me feel physically good but my mind is still a terrible terrible mess. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm fighting a battle that I can never win and its ripping me up inside.

 

Any advice for someone who desperately needs some?

[jl301]

Hey Hannibal,

 

Sorry to hear that you aren't doing so well. I wish there are things that I could say to make pain go away, but there isn't. I know you still think about the good times that you and your ex had. But maybe try to think about bad things that she has done to you. I'm not trying to tell you to hate your ex, but to understand that she has move on. I know you feel so helpless right now, but all this go away with time. Just hang in there and know that things will get better.

[Hannibal]

A good friend of mine told me last night that I need to let go. I agreed with her but I really dont quite understand what letting go exactly entails. could anyone add some specifics of maybe what they think letting go is and how they came about doing so?

[heloladies21]

This is the part that can take the longest. Best thing for you to do now is to stay in NC and start talking to other girls. Even if you have to force yourself, other girls will help you put some distance between you and the situation. Your feelings will die out eventually.

[Setter5]

Sorry to hear about your situation.

 

I myself am on the same timeline of about 3 months since me ex left me for a former abusive boyfriend. No signs, no warnings, just gone.

 

I get the very same feelings that you do. I know how difficult it is, especially when I question the "what if's" and "how did this happen."

 

But I will agree that writing out some of the things that you didn't necessarily like will help. The goal isn't to hate your ex, but instead, to help yourself and what you want - hopefully in your next healthy relationship.

 

Even reading the words "she has moved on" in an above post can make me cringe.

 

Time will help this.

 

By writing some things out, talking them out with a friend who won't go nuts over hearing them a million times, and getting some good sleep will help let it go.

 

Don't let go of those good times, just put them away for a great long time. Then look back on them to appreciate them, and not mull over them. I am trying this approach and it seems to help. The good time memories are still YOURS if you want them to be. Just distinguish what is now YOURS and what was then BOTH OF YOURS.

 

I know it sucks. It's the worst feeling. But we should simply believe we'll come out cleaner on the other side.

 

Good luck!

[LostInMyThoughts]

Bro I know exactly how you feel. I'm really sorry you have to go through this. I was married, and I found out my wife was having an affair. We're divorced now, but up until recently I went through the flurry of emotions.

 

Here is what I did.

 

I leaned heavily on a close confidant; my little sister. Having someone who was available to talk with pretty much round the clock helped a bunch.

 

When I got sad, I would cry, and just let it all out.

 

When I got angry, I would scream, cuss, beat on pillows, and beat it all out.

 

When I had bad nights, I would stay awake and think about all the crap that happened.

 

Finally I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

You're hitting the gym; thats a great first step. Take this time to reconnect with friends, or make new ones. Try some new hobbies.

 

At some point the pain will lesson, and you will have essentially moved on. It takes time, but it gets a whole lot easier. You may not believe it now, I sure didnt, but it does get easier. Depending on how you roll, you could make it even more kick * * * too!

[Dako]

5 months and counting...

I was literally lying on the floor this morning after calling in sick. I had slept in my clothes and hadn't shaved or anything. I was considering getting blotto, offing myself (not very original!)or continuing to stare into the rather attractive seafoam green carpet.

 

I jumped up and rounded up all the things that remind me of my ex. The engraved watch, the shirts she liked, the Goretex jacket her sister gave me and a lot more. I drove to the beach and plopped the bag into a trash can and spit on it for good measure.

 

I felt much better afterward, although I have second thoughts about that fine jacket. Too bad about that expensive gold pen too.

The main thing is it gave me a feeling of doing something, instead of being a victim.

[Hannibal]

I've done all that aswell. Let me tell you after burning her break up letter I felt like a million bucks.

 

For some reason though I still come down from those highs, and I seem to slip right past normal into depressed.

 

And that goretex thing made me laugh. All I thought about was George on Seinfeld.

[LostInMyThoughts]

The best way to describe it, is its like an emotional rollercoaster.

 

Highs and lows for a while (the length of time will vary).

 

One way to speed it up is to actively date, keeping it light and friendly. This can backfire, cuz if you hit a dry spell you might take a hit to your confidence.

 

So I say start doing things that you enjoy doing, and make you feel good about yourself.

[Hannibal]

Today for the first time in three months (and i mean a solid three months) I got a decent sleep. I woke up from a happy dream of an engagement to someone other than my ex instead of a terrible and very violent nightmare. Let me tell you I felt like a million bucks. I forgot how good it feels to wake up normally rather then with tears streaming down your face and sweat pouring off your body.

 

Unfortunately my friend is just going through a break up right now with his girl. I can't help but wonder if maybe waking up today feeling ok was a way to help my friend.

 

I'm kind of intoxicated right now so please forgive my rambling.