At Wit's End - Need Help - His One Night Stand

[muse]

I entered my relationship with my current bf of 3.5 yrs after a very physically, emotionally and mentally abusive marriage in which my ex-h cheated on me continuously and made frequent trips to prostitutes. Thankfully, when I left that marriage, I tested negative for any STDs. Unfortunately, my soul had a bit of healing to do after going through five years of battering.

 

I met my bf and we hit it off. We had so many common interests, liked each other and all in all, I thought (and many others) we had the perfect relationship. We loved each other, understood each other, knew what our insecurities were and worked earnestly to be a source of support, love and comfort for each other. We promised each other that we would always let the other person know if things got to the point that cheating. We were working towards a future together.

 

In the last year or so, things weren't the same.. He used to say "I guess the honeymoon is over" when we got into fights about normal things like our schedules, household chores, etc. It started out that I felt that he was being more distant and I attributed that to a recent promotion that came with more stress and twice the workload. I just didn't get his attention when I needed to talk to him about what I though was wrong in our relationship. Don't get me wrong, we still had a lot of fun together, but IMO it was a way to hang on to whatever connection we had at that point in our lives (which was full of stress from both ends). In spite of all that, and what some others though as disrespectful flirting on his end (I allowed it as he felt that it was his way of feeding his ego as he never felt that he was very attractive - I had enough self-confidence to know that it was harmless - wish I thought differently) I felt we still had a connection, I still felt that I was the only one he had eyes for. I still felt loved. I still felt beautiful. I always thought that we would be able to work through anything because I trusted him and knew that he loved me.

 

Everything fell apart...

 

He went on a business trip and while there, we had a few small fights due to 1) My insecurity that there were prostitutes that propositioned him last time he was at that location and the memories of my ex as well as the actions of my some of my male friends. I trusted him implicitly but I couldn't help but to make sure that it was a route that he wouldn't take. 2) Stress from ongoing events in our life 3) Lack of communication from him while he was so far away.

 

It is normal for him to go out to the bars and clubs by himself if he is traveling by himself. I never gave it a second thought. I didn't want him to stay in his hotel room if that was something he didn't want to do. My stance had always been that he was responsible for his own actions. I trusted him enough not even think about controlling his whereabouts when we are apart. After all, I am not his babysitter, I am not his parent and I trusted him. He also often reminded me (and others in our circle) that cheating was the most demeaning and worst thing someone could do while in a relationship.

 

I was diagnosed with an STD not long after he returned and not by any infidelity on my part. It all came out.. He was completely trashed at a bar there when he was started talking to a woman who went up to the bar to buy a drink. He bought her a drink, continued on his usual spiel, talked, flirted and before he knew it, he agreed to go back to her hotel so they could have another drink. Come on now…. Like he didn't know what was going to happen there!!! He thought that it would be an ego boost, was intent on continuing to receive the flattery he got from this woman and thought that he would leave after the drink. So, they were in her hotel room having more drinks and it lead up to making out and eventually sex. I am crushed. Not only did he do something that went against everything he told me and everything that he believed in but I am now at risk of infertility as a result of his actions. I asked him why and he said that it was his intoxication, the thrill of being so blatantly pursued by someone different who in his words was not hot but not "unattractive" but was so direct in her advances that it made him feel attractive that it became very difficult for him to not want to have sex with her. When it did eventually get to that point, it wasn't until after he realized what he was really doing that he stopped (after five minutes of f*cking???? – I should think that it would take less time and even being in the hotel room with her.  ) pulled his pants up and fled the room.

 

I am obviously still trying to figure out what to do. I can understand how he may have had a moment of weakness in light of his insecurities… e.g. he's overweight, his temples are greying, etc. but I had done everything in my power to try and make him feel better about himself. I would consider myself to be very intelligent and also attractive based on the amount of attention I receive from other men. I am quite a bit younger than him, though 7 years is not a huge difference when you are in your late 20's, mid 30's and cannot understand for one moment how he could sacrifice our history and my heart for the sake of a half-complete one night stand. I am at wits end and I no longer feel like I have very much to live for. I need help… Can anyone explain to me how and why this can happen or why someone who was so against it and claimed to be in love with me, do this to me? He was so drunk that he didn't even think to protect himself or me  I am waiting for the results of additional tests and do not know what I will do when I get the results back. Someone help please.

[Itsok]

I am so sorry to hear that this has happened to you!

 

My first question: Would he have confessed had he not infected you with an STD?

 

Honey, don't give up your life and your happiness for this guy. You have done nothing to deserve this, and have already endured enough suffering at the hands of your ex.

 

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move forward. We'll be here to support you either way, and it WILL be ok!

 

Tell us what you think you will do and we'll help.

[Relationship Coach]

Muse,

My heart goes out to you, I'm sorry such a horrific thing has lead you to ENA but I'm certain you fill find comfort and friends here who will help you through this.

 

I cannot understand what kind of man would do what your BF did to you especially knowing your history! Call it a moment of weakness, stupidity or drunkenness but his moment had cost you a lifetime. Don't make any excuses for him, I don't care if he is butt-ugly, overweight or has blue hair! Look he has no respect for you and I'm not sure even Mother Theresa could forgive him. I pray for your health and sanity.

 

RC

[Hope75]

Hi Muse,

 

I too am sorry that this happened to you. Someone else posed a great question, would he have confessed if you hadn't gotten an STD?

 

What STD is it, is it treatable?

 

Only the two of you can decide together if you can repair a relationship that has been damage by this infidelity. It will take a tremendous amount of work on both of your parts for him to earn back the trust and for you to learn to trust him and forgive what he's done in order to get past it.

 

Since he put your health and ability to procreate at risk, the insult is even higher, and personally I don't know if I could get past it.

[muse]

I was due to visit his family the week after it happened and needless to say, I don't think he wanted to open this can of worms before I arrived. In addition, I had several ongoing projects that were very important and the stress of his confession (as he says) would have prevented me from performing well. Unfortunately, it all came out right before the most important week and I failed miserably because of the symptoms of the STD that came out and the inevitable confrontation. He was going to tell me but wanted to wait until things got to a less stressful point for me.

 

I would be lying if I said that I didn't love him. He wants to do whatever possible to make this up to me but I just can't see how he can. What makes me even angrier is that for a while there, he was saying.. "I already said I was sorry.. what more can I do if you don't tell me?" I would think that he would do everything in his power to...... The deed has been done, my heart is broken and now I have an STD - the results are due anytime now. Our relationship is broken as I see it now and I don't know what to do to fix it.

 

BTW, the reason why his cheating was so unfathomable to me is that he'd picked out a ring in August and had planned on proposing to me on New Year's Eve. (This I know from close friends who helped him plan it out) We had our little tiffs and fights but I thought we were stronger than that. Right now, I have asked him not to discuss this with anyone since (so we can work through this without our friends knowing) but I'm not sure that it is such a great idea anymore. At this very moment, he is actually on a business trip returning to the same city (later on this week) where he did this. I am a mess but at the same time, I feel myself not caring

 

The same questions are still plaguing me:

1) Am I getting the entire truth about that night?

 

2) If it was so easy for him to cheat (after knowing this woman for only 1 hr at the bar) and if it was it was so easy for him not to stop after making out with her, how many times has he done this before?

 

3) What was it about the other woman that made him think that he couldn't pass up the opportunity? I am beautiful, smart and the best girlfriend anyone could ask for but he wanted to screw someone who he didn't really think was that hot? 7 on his scale - What's the point there? I'd like to think that I was his "once in a lifetime" opportunity. I can't see how he can say that he loves me so much.

 

4) If he can't come up with a reason (without my leading questions) as to why he did it - what does that mean?

 

5) Could he have truly been so hammered that this happened? We didn't even have unsafe sex until after a year of dating and he has unsafe sex with some stranger?????

 

I hate feeling like a victim... but I feel myself falling further and further into despair

[muse]

I have been treated for one STD but am displaying symptoms for another. We get the result of the tests back sometime this week.

 

Based on the STD that I had, I know that he must have been having sex with her for at least 2-3 minutes. If he was screwing her for more than the 5 minutes he did before he claimed to have stopped, then the risk of contracting more severe STDs is even higher.

[Itsok]

Honestly, I doubt he 'stopped in midscrew' to be blunt. He just added that part in for good measure and to sound like he had a change of heart.

 

Yes, how many times has he cheated before? The fact that you had to find out about this because you contracted an STD is grounds for relationship termination. Of course any cheating is wrong, but I still maintain that he wouldn't have told you had you not gotten ill. If someone can hold in a secret like that for any length of time and not be eaten by guilt, they are not trustworthy.

 

This completely sickens me and you have my deepest sympathies muse.

You are a wonderful girlfriend and person I'm sure, and you didn't deserve this.

 

I would seriously think about finishing this relationship. Something stinks about this whole thing, especially since he is getting annoyed with you about what HE did and you are questioning about.

 

If I were you I would walk and show him that you won't tolerate this type of treatment. He knows that you have been cheated on and abused before, and still chose to go through with this.

 

I don't care how drunk a person is, if they can be of stable enough mind to leave the bar, go to someone else's place and start having sex, 'drunk' is just an excuse.

[muse]

I have my doubts too about how long it went on as well. I wish I could believe him when he tells me that he stopped himself because he just didn't want to be there anymore I will never know the whole truth until he decides to tell me. I am waiting for that honesty and the rest of our relationship is hanging by that thread because after being lied to about something that destructive, I think I deserve to know anything I want to know about that night. He, on the other hand, thinks that providing too much detail to me will completely destroy whatever is left. What a crock of sh*t. Isn't that awful to hear that he will not even give me closure?

 

I had no doubt that he hadn't done anything like this before, however, like I said.. I was confident that he wouldn't cheat either.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Im not an unreasonable person, but he knew what he was doing. He knew your insecurities, and he still goes and does that.

 

Its not forgivable. Yes, he's wrecked a longterm relationship but thats his doing. Moving on is hard but its possibly the best thing to do in this situation...Im so sorry to hear what's happened.

[Hope75]

I also have serious doubts that he had a sudden attack of conscience and stopped in the middle of having sex. Supposedly he's using being drunk as his feeble excuse.... he went home with her and got into bed with her.... suddenly he's going to remember he's got a girlfriend while he's inside some other women?

 

It's awful, and I feel sick for you and so sad that this happened to you.

 

What makes me even angrier is that for a while there, he was saying.. "I already said I was sorry.. what more can I do if you don't tell me?" I would think that he would do everything in his power to.....

This makes me angry too. He expects that he can say "sorry" and that you will forgive him and just "get over it" like nothing happened, like he didn't destroy any trust you had in him, and respect you had for him, jeopordize your sexual and reproductive health... for God's sake what if you next find out this women is pregnant??

 

He can say he's sorry all he wants, but his attitude right now really stinks. If he were really sorry, wouldn't he have told you before you showed signs of an STD? Instead he hid it.. and now is acting dismissive as if it's something that he can just apologize for and that YOU should have no problem forgetting.

 

Honestly, I think he's sorry that he got caught... and not much more.

 

Now he's back to the city where he hooked up with this other women.. how can you ever trust that he won't do it again?

 

I just couldn't.

[muse]

Like I said, I have my doubts as well in regards to his stopping in the middle of it. I just don't think that it is a possibility if he was so into it that he went beyond just making out with this woman to full on sex. One of his excuses in not thinking that he contracted anything was because he didn't "finish". How ignorant.

 

As for his comment, "I already said I was sorry.. what more can I do if you don't tell me?" I would like to clarify that he wasn't angry, just frustrated that the situation was out of his control, that he didn't know what to do after committing such a heinous act. I, on the other hand, was infuriated by this comment because we wouldn't be in this state had he not decided to be so selfish and self-serving, that I thought he would be doing everything in his power to try to make this up to me and himself. He's hurt so many people by doing what he did. Me, himself, all our close friends that believed that he was such a great guy.

 

To give you some perspective into the impression we left on others, it was not unusual at all that female friends came to both of us if they were having problems in their relationships. We were the "golden" couple who could connect on so many different levels and still function as separate units in our social scene if so desired. Maybe it was not good that I didn't display my jealousy more often, perhaps that didn't reinforce the boundaries that we set in place. But, my thoughts always were, I am not his keeper and love is not about possession rather it should be a celebration of who your partner is and a celebration of who you are together.

[muse]

He doesn't remember her name, what they spoke about, how she really looked like (aside from vague details), or where she lives. His claim is that she pulled his pants off, they fell around his ankles and she offered her crotch to him and he took it. He f*cked her for about 5 minutes but then decided to stop because what he was doing went against everything he ever stood for. Blah blah blah.. So after reaching that "epiphany" he promptly pulled up his pants and fled from the room. I don't think she was sober enough either to realize what was going on, to tell you quite frankly. The more I look at it, and the more he repeats it, I am beginning to see that he really isn't the type of guy that women would approach. I guess I was just in love with him and blinded myself.

[PrincessLinzay]

The way I see it, playing the drunk card is a complete and utter cop out. Drunkeness may lessen your inhibitions, but it doesn't make you lose your conscience or your memory.

 

What he has done is a complete betrayal of your trust. The fact that he claimed previously that cheating was so heinous and disgusting just makes it even worse. If he could cast aside his morals so easily this time, who's to say he hasn't done it before, or won't again?

 

In addition, his thoughtless actions have resulted in your contracting an STD. He put himself, and you at risk.

 

>

 

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. It is something that you never should have been faced with again after escaping your abusive relationship. I think that at this point, and with your previous history, if you do decide to stay with him, it will only continue to haunt you.

 

I'm not sure if you have wholeheartedly decided to continue with the relationship, but if you have, I would rethink that. His apology can't take that night back, or rid you of the STD he has given you.

 

In some cases, infidelity can be worked through, but I just don't see that being the case here. I have reservations as to whether or not I think he would have confessed had you not displayed symptoms of an STD and gotten tested. I also don't believe he's being honest about what happened even now. One lie seems to have manifested a whole garden of them with him, and him not cooperating with your questions definitely isn't helping the situation.

 

I can only repeat that Im very sorry you are going through this, and no matter what decision you make, I hope you're able to find happiness.

[RayKay]

I would be lying if I said that I didn't love him. He wants to do whatever possible to make this up to me but I just can't see how he can. What makes me even angrier is that for a while there, he was saying.. "I already said I was sorry.. what more can I do if you don't tell me?" I would think that he would do everything in his power to...... The deed has been done, my heart is broken and now I have an STD - the results are due anytime now. Our relationship is broken as I see it now and I don't know what to do to fix it.

 

 

That to me is "not doing whatever he can to make it up to you". A few "sorry's" do not cut it. He should be working his damnedest...looking for a new job where he is not travelling, going to counselling, paying for your medciations for STD's...whatever.

 

You are right, he damaged the relationship massively, and I can't tell you if it's repairable or not. For me it would not be, I just could not go back after that, I could not forgive or forget. Knowing that, I could not continue with it. But I am not you, you need to decide what is acceptable for you....don't let fear of being alone keep you with him though.

 

What STD do you have and/or may have? Just as a side note, if they are caught early, your risk of infertility is low, so try to stay calm and just get treated for them if they are treatable. It sucks, but you will be okay.

 

 

BTW, the reason why his cheating was so unfathomable to me is that he'd picked out a ring in August and had planned on proposing to me on New Year's Eve. (This I know from close friends who helped him plan it out) We had our little tiffs and fights but I thought we were stronger than that. Right now, I have asked him not to discuss this with anyone since (so we can work through this without our friends knowing) but I'm not sure that it is such a great idea anymore. At this very moment, he is actually on a business trip returning to the same city (later on this week) where he did this. I am a mess but at the same time, I feel myself not caring

 

So if he was going to propose on New Year's...what happened? Just curious...did all this come out before that?

 

 

1) Am I getting the entire truth about that night?

 

From what you wrote...I really don't think so. For one, no one accidentally cheats, drinking is no excuse. If you get that out of hand when drinking, don't drink in the first place, but it is still no excuse, I really really doubt he had a change of heart in the least bit. I think he only apologized or even told you was because of the STD and he could not back out of it...

 

2) If it was so easy for him to cheat (after knowing this woman for only 1 hr at the bar) and if it was it was so easy for him not to stop after making out with her, how many times has he done this before?

 

I don't know....he may have never before, or he may have. This time he just got busted. For me though, once is enough anyway.

 

3) What was it about the other woman that made him think that he couldn't pass up the opportunity? I am beautiful, smart and the best girlfriend anyone could ask for but he wanted to screw someone who he didn't really think was that hot? 7 on his scale - What's the point there? I'd like to think that I was his "once in a lifetime" opportunity. I can't see how he can say that he loves me so much.

 

Bottom line is he was an idiot. He showed a lack of respect for you and your bond. He broke your trust, jeopardized your emotional and physical health, and destroyed the security of your relationship.

 

4) If he can't come up with a reason (without my leading questions) as to why he did it - what does that mean?

 

It means really is that his reason was he wanted to. What reason would really excuse it anyway though? There is no "reason" or "excuse". He did it as he wanted to do it.

 

5) Could he have truly been so hammered that this happened? We didn't even have unsafe sex until after a year of dating and he has unsafe sex with some stranger?????

 

Could of...but still does not excuse it. When you drink, you make a decision to affect your judgement if you drink to excess. If he was that hammered, I am surprised he even got it up.

 

It's not an excuse honey.

 

Honestly sweetie, the more I think about it, the more horrible I feel for you. Sometimes infidelity is something partners can work through, but not without complete honesty and a lot of hard work with counselling and a rebuilding of trust. Could you ever trust him again?

 

You HAVE done it before - left a bad situation I mean - and you CAN do it again. Don't settle for less then you deserve sweetie.

 

 

I recommend also you check out the information and forums at - a good resource for you at this time I think.

[muse]

lol - avatar girls

[PrincessLinzay]

Heh! Well, my avatar girls are pretty hot so if you do decide to go look for someone else, no troubles there!

[muse]

And get myself into even more drama than now??? I think I want to be single to figure things out for myself. The guys will always be there.. what I've learned is that this is a lonely world and there is no shortage of people that you are compatible with. I guess the key thing is finding the right one. One who, like I've said before, can celebrate every aspect of you as an individual and every aspect of you as a couple. Dating someone is comes to fruition once both parties realize that they enjoy sharing their lives with each other. Of course, in my case.. reaching that point again will require sooooooooooo much therapy.

[Hope75]

Ray Kay brought up something I forgot to ask about..

 

You say he was going to propose on New Year's...

 

Did he? What happened? Did this all come out before hand?

 

What would you say if he asked you now?

[muse]

He had planned on it, yes. But, everything came out in late Nov, early Dec. We had some time apart before we coould discuss his actions. Needless to say, the subject of marriage was broached.. (as it was something we talked about previously) and I made it clear that it was no longer an option to me nor a right for him at that point.

 

If he were to ask me now? Knowing all that I do, and having gone through what I have... I would say no, of course. I already have one failed marriage under my belt (Although - when I really look at it, that marriage was doomed from the beginning...) so making another huge mistake is not something I'd like to do. I already know that he doesn't respect me (even worse because he knew all my hurts) enough to do something as simple as keeping his d*ck in his pants.

 

Why should I commit myself to a lifetime of doubt? I hear so much bravado in the words that I have just written but I wish it were so easy. I think I'll need complete closure before I can move on anywhere.

[muse]

The STDs...

 

One I've been treated for - however, the infection was pretty severe when I finally had it treated. It ravaged my system for about 2 weeks before it was clinically diagnosed and I was dosed for it.

 

The others, I'm not sure about.. will know for sure once the results are returned. I don't know if it's just paranoia on my part or if the symptoms are really characteristic of the latent stages of these STDs. I do not have HIV.. that I am almost 100% sure of because I would have been seroconverting in DEC or JAN. How scary that I've just uttered those word

Here's a lesson in safer sex...

 

1) There is no such thing as safe sex

 

2) Condoms, though proven effective to a certain degree, will not completely prevent transmission of any STD. You can and may contract a STD from anyone you have sex (oral/genital) with. The risk goes up if it is a stranger or if your partner does not maintain the monogamous status of your relationship.... sigh...

 

3) Get tested every 6 months. False positives do exist.

 

4) Be honest with yourself and your partner.

 

Prevention was key with me. I was so stringent with my sex practices in the past (Always had used condoms, also often didn't have mutually agreed upon sex with ex.. was repeatedly raped.. though he had a condom on.. twisted..no?) so you know.. I guess let your friends know how important it is. I always have even before this happened.. I thought that I would be the last person on earth to get an STD so I suppose what I am saying is protect yourself in any way you can, that if you have your doubts.. protect yourself or at least communicate to your partner why you feel a need to.

[Hope75]

The STDs...

 

One I've been treated for - however, the infection was pretty severe when I finally had it treated. It ravaged my system for about 2 weeks before it was clinically diagnosed and I was dosed for it.

 

The others, I'm not sure about.. will know for sure once the results are returned. I don't know if it's just paranoia on my part or if the symptoms are really characteristic of the latent stages of these STDs. I do not have HIV.. that I am almost 100% sure of because I would have been seroconverting in DEC or JAN. How scary that I've just uttered those word

 

When did he sleep with the other woman?

 

I see so much hurt and mistrust in you right now.... do you honestly think this is something that you can get past? How are you doing with him just now?

 

What was the STD that you were treated for?

[Scout]

I cannot understand what kind of man would do what your BF did to you especially knowing your history!

 

I can't, either. It makes his cheating even more awful.

 

I'm concerned that history seems to be repeating itself here for you. I'm concerned that two relationships in a row have ended with you being betrayed. May I say that this is going to give you the perception that all men cheat, and none can be trusted?

 

But, this couldn't be further from the truth. There are many, many good men out there who can be trusted.

 

It seems to me, that you might want to do some hard inward thinking and identify similar traits your ex husband and current boyfriend have. Then ask yourself if those are traits you are initially attracted to - and if so, why. Also, ask yourself if those traits can be an indicator of someone trustworthy or not.

 

The end result is you might find you are attracted to men based on qualities in them you want them to have - but these aren't the same as qualities you need them to have. Make sense? For example, perhaps you think you want a highly driven, ambitious professional who makes very good money. But what you really need is someone who works more stable hours and is home with you on a regular basis and not cavorting in hotel rooms with strange women. I'm not saying every high roller, traveling the world professional is a cheater, but it certainly ups the ante.

 

Just some thoughts to ponder...I too am so sorry this has happened to you and hope my feedback might help you start to think about some things that prevent you from staying in or starting relationships that end up the same old heartbreaking way.

[AwdreeHpburn]

It has got to be so hard to be in a serious relationship that you know you shouldn't be in but ever so much more difficult to get out of. Especially when you know what that is like.

 

The good news is, you have done it before and you know you can. Get out. I know, trust me I know how uncomfortable and seemingly impossible it is to start over yet again. But you can and should.

 

Put on the Whitesnake - here I go again on my own - get all motivated and get away from this guy.

 

Sorry he's such a toad. Ya know what they say about frogs turning into princes.. Well, he's not turnin' girl, throw his froggy behind back in the pond!

[muse]

I am feeling suicidal. It doesn’t feel like he understands what I am going through nor does he really care more than guilty because he got caught. How can he say that he thought he would get away with it and then turn around and tell you that he was going to tell you? I cant understand how I could have ever believed what he said.. I really really really let myself down with this one.. I thought I found love.. I thought I was finally going for what I wanted and I am so wretchedly wrong. I just don’t know anymore. Am I just prone to immature sleazy guys??????? YUCK.. I feel so worthless right now.. I can’t even take care of myself.  Right now, I feel like I could take the knife out of the butcher block and slit myself open.. end the pain.. it will not hurt more than I already do.. I will not feel it.. I am so numb.. such a fantastic analgesic – being on the receiving end of infidelity. Scenarios are going through my head right now.. crusted blood on the sheets.. me, pale.. lifeless.. finally mirroring my internal self. I was so full of life.. so full of hope after getting out of hell…. Yes, he said that I was always on a pink cloud but he never understood that I really was on a pink cloud.. life was euphoric.. I wasn’t being beaten every day.. I felt some sort of self worth… I felt so proud of myself for clawing myself out of that pit and here I am again  This feels so much worse, I never anticipated anything like this.. He promised so earnestly never to hurt me, never….. I thought that this what going to be the happiness that I found after going through what I did. God… help me. I believed him.

[PrincessLinzay]

Muse~ (( Hugs ))

 

************* NO MAN IS WORTH DYING FOR !!! ****************

I know you're suffering right now. God knows you have every right to feel betrayed and hurt by the callous actions of one you loved so much, but you have every reason to live.

 

Think of how devestated your friends and family would be if you weren't here. Focus on them, those who love you so much. They know how wonderful and worthy you are.

 

I think you should definitely get in to see a therapist as soon as possible. They will help you work through these feelings of helplessness and worthlessness. You have to know that his behavior was not your fault, you did not do anything to deserve it. It was his fault and his fault alone. He is responsible for his actions, not you.

 

I know you're in despair right now, but please take the time to speak with someone. You're worth it!

 

((Hugs again))