General Question.

[guss32]

Is it possible to be in a relationship with a person that has very low self-esteem?

 

I view it as: "how can a person that does not love them self let someone else fully love them."

 

 

[blues_belter]

Yes, but it is terribly difficult to maintain your own after a period of time if you try to become their counselor. Make very sure that though you love them, care for them and want them to feel good about him or her, do not give more emotionally than they are willing to.

 

Be very careful to be a good friend, but not a dumptruck. Make any sense? What's your situation?

[curlygirl47]

My ex actually seems to have low self-esteem and insecurity, which he hides with a lot of bravado and feel-good talk about himself. Ultimately, I think it was his fears about being left that made him leave me, but I can't say for sure. I have kind of low self-esteem, too, which is a problem I'm working on.

[RayKay]

I will say sure you can be in a relationship with them, but that it will be very difficult for it to be a healthy, safe, secure one in the long run. And I have been on both sides of such a relationship in my past.

 

Not only is it hard for someone with low self esteem to accept someone's love for them, it is very hard for them to fully be ready to love you in a healthy manner that does not create dependencies.

 

Someone with low self esteem is also more often likely to lose their personhood, the things that made them THEM, and attracted you in the first place, as they will cater to you at the sacrifice of themselves. They can often be afraid of expressing themselves out of fear, and lose their individuality.

 

It can also lead to many insecurities, lack of trust, jealousy, seeking drama to boost their esteem. It can also bring you down in the process. You turn into more of a counsellor, parent, then a equal partner.

 

I am a believer that the healthiest relationships are those formed from two "complete" people whom choose to be together, whom love themselves, and are individuals, whom choose to enhance their lives by embracing the love, respect and so forth someone else brings. Not because they "need" someone to feel whole, but because they truly embrace and love that person for whom they are, and the other feels the same in return.

 

Do you have such a situation?

[luciddreamer]

Hi,

I agree with the other posters.... I dated someone (we recently separated for good) who had low self esteem derived from childhood physical and emotional abuse and being sexually molested by a teenage girl.

I never found out how deep these problems ran; he always needed more nurturing and wanted to 'be adored' by me. I will never know how much of our problems were from my being a bit 'cold' and naturally different personality-wise and unable to give this kind of attention freely, and how much was of his consuming need and dependency. But in the end I guess I have to accept that love can't heal your partner of these wounds... they have to examine them and decide that they don't want these issues to negatively influence all areas of their life. Open communication is best if such a relationship has a chance, and both partners wanting to make it work. (Because we all have some sort of emotional trauma or baggage from the past to some degree--)

[shes2smart]

Is it possible to be in a relationship with a person that has very low self-esteem?

 

I view it as: "how can a person that does not love them self let someone else fully love them."

 

 

 

Yes, it's possible. The chances of it being a healthy relationship are slim, but people with low-self esteem (or addictions or depression or any number of other problems) get into relationships every day. They also get into a lot of drama and train wrecks they mistakenly call love, too...but that's another story.

 

I believe we attract who we are. The saner, healthier, more whole & balanced we are on our own, the more likely we are to attract & be interested in someone who's the same. That's why I think therapy is beneficial (if you put in the effort) for just about everyone.

[steve21]

No it is not possible so stear clear of people like that, because you are setting yourself up for a heartbreak. Heres a link to an intresting article that will help get you informed of the psychology behind people like that link removed My view on it is that if you are a secure person you will value and respect your personal time as well as that of your partner. Clingy insecure people require so much attention that it drains you, they get jealous, suspicious. They can't really communicate with their partner on a deep level and find other shoulders to cry on, they always are looking for sympathy. These types of people can't be alone, they ussualy run from one relationship into the other one. You want somebody who can hold their ground in life, somebody who you trust that if you have children with them they will be fine if something were to happen with your relationship. Please do your homework beforehand, and the rest will be up to work and luck