I don't know if I can trust him

[Fairy_Flower]

I've had a past of being badly bullied and sexual harassment so I've naturally grown up not trusting many people and being very shy.

I met a guy online and his ex girlfriend was a friend and because he left her she refuse to talk to me then later he decided he liked me so I half wondered if he left her because he was after me.

After a while of talking to this guy I felt like I half way like and being too trust him, but then he made plans to travel to see me, he has phoned me before and we've seen each other on web cameras so I guess I felt more trusting no him. Then I find he's into looking at nude woman photographs and claims it's art this upsets me really because I feel very bad about my body I spent all my time wearing jeans and long tops to cover myself because I'm very thin and I'm not attractive, then he tells me about his past girlfriends trying to tell me everything to be honest and he mention he showered with a 14 year old girl and then he said he once had sex three times with a later girlfriend who he claimed he actually loved and enjoyed having sex with her, he didn't use a condom but she was on the pill but she had been sleeping around with other people before him guys and girls but he hasn't checked himself out to see if he had caught STI, she decided to leave him and he won't say why but he decided he keeps forgetting to tell me everything and the more I learn the more hurt I seem to get plus he has a couple of times really had a go at me in his tempers and he emails my friends and people he talks to online telling them what a bad person I am and he goes on like his the innocent victim.

He has more female friends then male friends and most of them are ones he dated, I don't mind much for him having female friends but I just worry because he looks at so many page 3 girls, nude woman photographs as well as lesbians photos.

 

I don't know what to do I think I've been hooked because nobody has been interested in me and plus I am shy so I never have any courage to even say hello to anyone but I've been getting myself upset and making myself ill over this, I feel I'm best to stay away from him and not talk but I think Ill find it hard not to talk to him because he can be a nice person to talk to.

[annie24]

Hi and welcome to eNotalone. Let's break your post down:

 

Then I find he's into looking at nude woman photographs and claims it's art this upsets me really because I feel very bad about my body I spent all my time wearing jeans and long tops to cover myself because I’m very thin and I'm not attractive

 

Personally, porn doesn't bother me, but it bothers some people. So, it's just a warning sign about him right now...

 

he mention he showered with a 14 year old girl

 

ummmm.... how old was he at the time? I'm hoping he was 15!!!!! So, even if he didn't have sex, this is still EXTREMELY inappropriate behavior. It's sexual assault of a minor, sounds to me...

 

then he said he once had sex three times with a later girlfriend who he claimed he actually loved and enjoyed having sex with her, he didn't use a condom but she was on the pill but she had been sleeping around with other people before him guys and girls but he hasn't checked himself out to see if he had caught STI

 

So, basically, he's irresponsible by having unprotected sex with a woman he knows has been around.... He's potentially exposing himself and his other future partners to STIs....

 

he keeps forgetting to tell me everything

 

hmmm.... right.... "forgets"

 

plus he has a couple of times really had a go at me in his tempers and he emails my friends and people he talks to online telling them what a bad person I am and he goes on like his the innocent victim

 

HUGE RED FLAG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Bad temper + Talking trash about you = LEAVE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!

 

Leave this man before he hurts you any more!!! Why are you even thinking about dating him!?!?!?

[Bethany]

I agree with Annie. Alarm bells should and seem to be ringing loud and clear inside you head. The very fact that he has showered with a 14 year old should be enough to make you run. He said porn is art to you?? What a bare-faced lie, he knows its not art just like we all do. This man is reeling you in, like a fish on a hook.

 

Don't trust this 'charmer'. Trust yourself, trust your intuition. If something feels wrong, it is.

 

I wonder how old you both are?

[RayKay]

He sounds like very bad news to me.

 

The fact he is rather casual about the risk of STI's (and there are many that show no symptoms), is showering with 14 year olds, having temper tantrums, "forgetting" to tell you things and saying negative things about you are all MORE then enough red flags to walk away from this before you get hurt. Porn is one thing, some people have an issue with it, some don't, but it's all the other red flags that are waving in your face you need to pay attention to.

 

Walk away from this NOW, don't even think about getting involved, he sounds like bad news. There is no way that someone whom says negative things of you, minus all the other red flags, is someone you should even be considering dating. You already have issues of self esteem you said, why would you make them even worse by being with this guy?

[Blured]

I don't know what to do I think I've been hooked because nobody has been interested in me and plus I am shy so I never have any courage to even say hello to anyone but I've been getting myself upset and making myself ill over this, I feel I'm best to stay away from him and not talk but I think Ill find it hard not to talk to him because he can be a nice person to talk to.

 

So basically, your only staying with this guy because you feel your unattractive and cant do better?

You really can do better than him. Your right to worry about him. He sends emails about you to your friends?

Say bye to him now.

[Fairy_Flower]

@annie24:

Thanks for your reply.

I think he was 17-18 at the time old enougth to know better really.

 

@ Bethany:

I'm nearly 21 and he's nealry 23 but I did expected him to be more grown p being older. ^^;

 

@ RayKay:

I know I'm silly I guess I feel like I wanted to be loved, I sohuld really stick to having a dog instead better behavied. ^^;

 

@ Blured:

I felt like he was nice but he shown signs of his more Mr nasty side, unfortuuantly he was pretty unpleasent to a friend because she was trying to protect me and since she was a 14 year old sister and she heard of the showering thing she was really disgusted which I don't really blame her.

[Fairy_Flower]

Ok I'm pretty scared I tryed to be really ice and told him I don't think I can be with him and we seemed to be fine now I find he's posted a letter to my home address being unplesent and he emailed telling me so and I'm scared he has my mobile number as well and I feel like he's gonig to harass me.

[annie24]

unpleasant? or threatening?

 

If he's threatining you, you should report it to the police, ASAP!!!

[Fairy_Flower]

Not come to threating but still unpleasent.

[NJRon]

Looks like he's showing his true colors. As long as you don't respond, he will probably get bored and go away. People like that only do it for the thrill of intimidating or aggravating others. As long as you don't react, you shouldn't have a problem.

 

However, if it does become threatening or overtly harassing, go to the police. In the meantime, make sure you keep track of *everything* he does. Everytime he calls you, save any emails or voicemails, etc. Just in case.

 

Hang in there... you did the right thing.

[Caterina]

Sweetie, you don't deserve that. I really feel for you.

[Fairy_Flower]

Thanks for the advice. Hopefully he'll get themessage and leave me alone.