Why do people cheat?

[avoj]

Just wanna know from anyone who was the leaver/cheater for the other woman? Do you hate your ex for some reason? Do you like to rub in your ex's face in blogs about you & your new love?

Mine is doing this to me & it hurts like hell. After 7-years together she left me for a girl who basically just came out of her teenage years (my ex is almost 32, the new girl is Bi & 21) & blames me for everything.

[Day_Walker]

People are immature and they always want to blame others for their problems. Dont get wrapped up in the drama thats the only way to extracate yourself from the situation.

[yeawutever]

Those who cheat are not thinking, that's why.

[KIDD]

It's time for you to move on completely. People like that aren't worth the effort to even think about. You'll eventually will find someone that will love you 100% completely & will never abandon you. I'm still waiting patiently lol!

[FoxLocke]

Just remove yourself from this person, completely. She isn't even worth your time anymore if she has that little regard for you and the relationship. You'll find someone worthy of your love and affection!

[pizzachick13]

Once a cheater, always a cheater. Don't waste your time on someone who is only willing to hurt you. Trust me, there's someone out there who will love you eternally and never have any thoughts about some other girl. If this woman couldn't commit to you then I doubt she can to anyone, so don't be hurt by her... pity her, because in the end she'll be the one left alone, not you.

[novaseeker]

Just wanna know from anyone who was the leaver/cheater for the other woman? Do you hate your ex for some reason? Do you like to rub in your ex's face in blogs about you & your new love?

Mine is doing this to me & it hurts like hell. After 7-years together she left me for a girl who basically just came out of her teenage years (my ex is almost 32, the new girl is Bi & 21) & blames me for everything.

 

You can't control what other people do. If your ex wants to behave this way, there isn't anything you can do about it.

 

What you CAN control, however is what you do. And by that I mean, doing things that are helpful for you, and avoiding things that are not. You shouldn't be going to her blogs for example, that is just going to hurt you. I know it's hard to resist, because you're burning with curiosity about what's happening, but at the end of the day "knowing" what she is writing there isn't going to help you at all.

 

If your ex is acting this way, it's time to take care of yourself, and that means putting up the walls of no contact. Delete her from your buddy lists. Block her email. Block her phone number if you can. And have the discipline to stay away from blogs, forums, personal webpages and that kind of thing where your ex may be found. It's hard, but it's the best way, and it's the way you can take control of what you are capable of controlling ... and begin to move forward.

[Prufrock06]

In regards to your personal experience with cheating: I agree with everyone else in that you need to vacate the premises as soon as possible. I can't imagine what it's like to be cheated on and I'm certain that it's a horrible feeling, so I can't imagine what you're going through right now. I hate to be a pessimist, but people who cheat rarely do so "on accident" -- it's bound to happen again with this girl down the road, I'm sure. So in that respect, despite your current pain and frustration, at least you can take comfort in the fact that you won't have to waste anymore time on someone who is willing to be so fickle with your feelings and emotions.

 

In regards to your question, why people cheat: I feel like a lot of it has to do with the cheater's own self-esteem. Rarely, if ever, will you find someone willing to cheat on a boyfriend/girlfriend who doesn't have some deep-seeded issues with himself/herself. Maybe it's the lure of youth, the idea of wanting to hold onto something fleeting when you start to see it in yourself? Maybe it's the desire to avoid settling down, this urge to constantly bail ship when things get too complex or too "dull." I personally want to have a relationship where I can grow roots, and not be constantly digging myself out of old soil only to plant myself somewhere else for a few months. So maybe that explains my animosity towards cheaters and the idea of cheating, which I find (as most reasonable people would) completely irresponsible and self-destructive.

 

So I don't think you should for one second blame yourself in this situation -- the fact that she cheated on you shouldn't speak for you, but it should speak volumes about her.

[EnglishSilver]

Completely agree with this advice. I don't know anything about your relationship with your ex so can't say anything about that, but being cheated on is very painful and my heart goes out to you. My very recent ex is nothing like yours yet it still made me cry for an hour when I saw she'd changed her MSN profile back to single, so I can only try to imagine how hurt you are when you read what your ex is up to. Two years ago I finished a 7 year relationship, wasn't happy with my partner for many reasons, the main one being how nasty she got when drunk, but still would never have considered cheating. I figure most people deserve more respect than to do that. It is hard to for you to stay away from finding out what she's doing, but it hurts enough just knowing that someone you've lost is carrying on with day to day life without you, let alone all the stuff with her new g/f. I think the no contact option sounds the best for you because it doesn't sound as though you have a basis for friendship with your ex, so theres absolutely no gain to be had from keeping in touch or up to date on what she's doing. Easier said than done mate, I know, but you've got to to give your heart a chance to mend.xxxxxxxx

[avoj]

I really cant stand her. We haven't talked or seen each other since the end of July when I finally kicked her out for the hell she was putting me thru. When she found out about my blog thats when she & her new g/f signed up for the same website.

She started posting crap about me. How awful I was, ect & that I need to let go, she is happy now.

So I posted something on my blog the other day basically calling her bluff & how much I hate her. & made fun of her ugly bi=sexual 21-year=old bimbo.

Today she posted how she & her g/f are making vacation plans for the summer & they are going to vegas. I hate her. Why does she post this * * * *. I hurt so freaking bad. How after 7 years can you be this freaking cold? Dammit I am trying to move on, but it seems like every so often she pops an email to me about some piece of mail that I suuposedly got at my house for her. Then I plummet back down that damned drain.

I love her. I miss her so much. Why does she continue to hurt me? I deleted my blog totally & am not going back to that website for a very long time. I am trying to make myself not look at hers anymore.

She posts crap about how she was laying in bed playing with her g/fs bellybutton ring, ect.

[mgirl]

So I posted something on my blog the other day basically calling her bluff & how much I hate her. & made fun of her ugly bi=sexual 21-year=old bimbo.

 

Well, that's not exactly rising above the sludge is it? If you truly want to rise above it, you will move on with your life and not indulge your anger.