Whoa! My shyness is gone

[RIPDIME]

In the last month, I dont know how but my shyness is starting to evaporate, now I actualy talk to the girl that I want to ask out and not only this I even talk to strangers like homeless people who start talking to me. This is quite strange though because a while ago I was the most painfully shy kid that you would have ever seen and it was really hurtful. So im sure many of you are wondering how did I do this? Well im not 100% sure but all that I did was just boost my confidence and basically force myself to do things. I realized that before I must have been really lazy so I didnt force myself to talk to people because I didnt think it was important but now I just somehow did, even if I was going to * * * * myself or I felt like vomiting I forced myself to talk to the girl I liked and I know that most of you would rather die but even though it may have came out wrong I just did it. Also I think masturbation helped as well because it seemed to boost my confidence a little as well as doing something I loved with someone else (Jamming playing guitar). All I have to say is even how shy you are you just have to pretend that its a life or death situation and you have to do this or else youl die, just give it a chance!

[nikkers04]

congrats on over coming a fear!

[darkblue]

I've been following your posts, and I'm glad you are feeling better about yourself, Rip.

 

Good going.

[RIPDIME]

Thanks, it somehow just came to me, maybe you have to reach a certain age dunno.

[easyguy]

I don't think it's an age thing. I think it's more of an atmosphere thing.

 

For many years, I was always the quiet shy kid in the back of the class. I was a hermit socially, and certainly didn't talk to girls. I'm 19 now, and about a year ago I started to open up socially (and started to get in shape), especially to people I hadn't known for years. That's the problem with high school -- if you're shy for two years and around people and then later get unshy, they will still see you as this shy kid, and have preconcieved notions about you, which puts pressure on YOU.

 

Now that I am in college, I noticed that I am more open to talk to random girls in class, at the bus stop, etc. I am a stranger to them, so what is there to lose? They don't know that I used to be this super-shy, out of shape kid for many years. I'm a changed person, though can't say that I am outgoing, but certainly not as shy as I used to be around girls.

 

By the way, congrats on coming out of your shell! Great feeling, huh?

[eclipse99fwb]

yeah age has nothing to do with it. You just got to force yourself to realize that nobody really cares what other people do. I spent all my life always worrying about what other people thought, or how i would say something stupid. Then one day I woke up and told myself i didnt care. Its been a battle everyday, but one that gets easier as time goes on. Dont get me wrong I still have my days of being shy, but they are far in between. Another thing that help me is getting a hobbie that makes me interact with people. Sitting on the computer playing video games is a hobbie but you wont interact face to face with anyone( i still play them when i have time though ). I now have really gotten into working on cars and this by far has pushed me along greatly. I now can walk up and start talking to people ive never met in my life. I hope maybe this advice will help anyone thats still having trouble. I hope anyone that is will read this site, it helped me greatly and is filled with awesome advice on dealing with shyness. Whatever you do, dont give up!!!

[registered]

I did what eclipse99fwb did one day too, I had the same realisation and journey... Great advice, that's all there is to this shyness thing.

[2pac4live]

I so relate to eclipse99fwb...

 

Congrats man...

 

And yeh...masturbation helps everythin lol..

 

 

 

El_Sergio

[Caldus]

But the shell is such a wonderful, intricate place...

[RIPDIME]

Thanks everyone for giving so much great input. Theres a problem though, lately I have been feeling like * * * * again, like I did before when I was shy. I keep thinking of her and I have decided if I want to keep living my life, without feeling so empty I might as well go and ask her out. The problem is, I dont know where to start and im nervous about this. She is in gr.9 while I am in gr.11 so it may be awkward, since she probably hasnt experienced anything like this before. I mean what the hell should I say? All I want to tell her is, "Look I really like you and im sorry that I may have seemed so awkward but that was just my shyness" although im sure that is probably the wrong thing to say. I just want to be there and hold her etc and im sorry that I am asking more questions its just that I have no one else to turn to and you all have been very nice.

 

Thankyou

[eclipse99fwb]

the number one thing is you have stop making yourself feel like crap. Trust me girls pick up big time on that. If you dont show confidence in yourself they will walk all over you(ive had that happen alot). Start waking up everyday and look at yourself in the mirror and say postive things about yourself. I know it sounds stupid but it really works, i do it every morning getting ready for work and I natural feel more sure about myself for doing it. How long have you known this girl? if its not for awhile, i wouldnt go up and just ask her out, it might scare her off. Just start slow, use your friends to your advantage. Ask her to go hang out with you and your friends. Use them to make her feel its not a date or anything. Once shes relaxed you can then slowly start to talk to her and try to move things in the other way. The age difference might make things harder, but then again when i was in highschool alot of my friends dated younger girls. So it can work. As far as what to say, avoid asking her to the movies or anything that might hint its sort of a date. I would ask her to do something fun, like bring her to a party, or try to find out whats shes interested in(sorry i dont know where you live, so i really cant say as far as where to ask her to hang out at.). Just when you talk to her, make sure you sound confident and that its not a big deal. Dont try to plan out every thing you want to say cause you will forget as soon as you open your mouth. What i would do is, just remember the points you want to make, and just wing what to say in between. The key is not to sound like you are reading what your saying, its a dead give away that your nervous. Some girls like it for the most part, everyone ive pretty much met doesnt. Something about it shows we are "weak" as they see it. Whatever you do, dont mention how you want to hold her, etc. That will probably scare her off. Your going to have to force yourself to talk to her as you would any girl that your friends with. Not saying its going to be easy but it will be your best approach. Once she feels your not trying to jump into a relationship(shes probably as neverous as you) she will probably loosen up a bit. No matter what happens, its not the end of the world. Just learn from what went wrong, get back up and try again. Good luck man, if you need more advice just ask.

[RIPDIME]

Ive known her for a few months but just lately have I been trying to talk to her. Today we were on the bus with tons of people there was an empty seat I asked her "do you want to sit". Is that something good to do, or does it show my weakness? Anyways I have also been trying to talk in a secure voice, ive said hey to her in the hallways and she has said hi in a quiet voice, almost sounded if she was shy. Although her and a few friends who I guess also like me know how good I am at guitar so in the morning when the three of them came to the busstop said we are going to start a band with you, joking I guess and said some other stuff like "il be your manager" and all I said was ok, I just couldnt think of anything good to say so maybe someone could help me with talking in groups of girls because I am still shy that way. Thanks for your advice.

[eclipse99fwb]

that was a good thing to ask her to sit down. also remember you dont have a weakness only what you let bring you down. Thats good your saying hi to her. Try to step it up alittle and see if you can get her to stop and talk for a second. Ask her how her day at school is going, or whatever you think would help you hold a converstation. Thats good your trying to sound more secure, just make sure it seems natural. She probably is alittle shy around you, thats a good thing. Most girls that ive met that liked me were all the same way, well most anyways. One thing that might help is try to get her to laugh, im natural i pretty funny person to be around, i can usually get people to laugh. not sure if your like that, but it helps if you can joke around with her. Just dont go overboard you want her to think your fun to be around, but you will be serious when the time comes. Thats awesome your good at the guitar, my best friend is like that, actually hes teaching me. but anyways use that to your advantage, if she really shows interest, start inviting her over to watch you play. If you can sing too, thats even better. As far as talking to a group of girls, the number one thing is DONT SHOW your neverous. I lost count how many times i screwed up cause of it. Its okay if your alittle but try to talk to them like you would your guy friends. Joke around alittle, ask them lots of questions, etc. See if they would like to hang out with you and your guy friends. That might be able to bring both groups together which means more time you can hangout with that girl. Another thing is make sure you compliment the girl you like, just dont do it too much. But a nice, you look good today, or is that a new outfit, etc. works wonders. It lets them know you notice them. Just make sure you dont go overboard!!! hope this helps you out.