healinginnyc81 Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 I'm saying goodbye to this forum b/c I think it is time I really started spending time alone and really digging deep to find out who I am and what I want with my life. I want to give my heartfelt thanks to everyone who supported me and gave me advice. Especially pocodiablo, moondog627, andy stone, pilot1ab, lion guy, capricorn85, ocrob, novaseeker, liquidcherry, jut, alwaysneedhelp, tillgii, njron, pikey1972, amore, and anyone else I can't think of at the moment. I got really depressed yesterday and I felt like there was no hope for me to ever be happy with my life. In almost 25 years of life, I've been happy for three years total I'd say = the year before my ex when I was finally starting to get some confidence and then 2 of the 2.5 years with her. Before her I handled everything on my own never had anyone to confide in or to advise me. She opened me up to a whole new level of friendship and happiness that I didn't know existed. Now she's gone and I'm back to being miserable and I feel like all the progress I made before I met her wasn't real it was just a front that I put up. I called her b/c I felt so alone and had no one else that knows even a quarter of the things she knows about me. (I've called her only twice since the breakup: 1 week after and 2 weeks after) Now a month later I felt I had to talk to her one last time. She was actually nice to me and I asked her to be brutally honest and she told me that she noticed that I had just progressively become less manly and more needy and more depressed. She said she felt like she had become needy in the relationship too. She talked to me like she was a therapist and knew what was good for me and I didn't like it but she was right. She told me that we both needed to be strong enough to be happy alone. I knew that but it really hurt to hear from her that she thought she was better off alone than with me. It's even more frustrating that we come up with the same ideas about what we need and want to do with our lives. We always had a bond, knew what the other was thinking, but we were too similar to the point that we bored and depressed each other, we just probably woud've been better as friends. I guess we just spent so much time together that we became like each other. Well, what I've realized is that I have major self esteem issues to work out and I have been in mild depression pretty much my whole life. I'm going to start seeing a therapist and I'm trying to believe that it is possible for me to be happy and find myself. It doesn't look good right now. Thank you all again for listening to my rants over the past month and I hope I was able to shed some light for some of you as well. I will check back with the site once a day just to see how everyone's doing but I need to take time to myself to really sort things out. Best of luck to all of you. Wish me luck too! Link to comment
Danny H Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Good luck mate, hope you get your answers. It sucks that she found you when you were picking yourself up and not when you had completed that process some more. Look after yourself Dan Link to comment
novaseeker Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Be well, be safe, take care of yourself, and remember in the medium term you will be a better person for all of this. Link to comment
LiquidCherry Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Even though you are hurting right now she did teach you something very important: You are capable of experiencing this level of happiness. You learned to experience this through her and now that you know it is possible you can learn to experience it on your own. Best of luck to you and take care of yourself. Link to comment
pilot1ab Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Take care of yourself. Do whatever you need to and heal. When your ready, there will be people waiting here to hear your words of wisdom. Good luck my friend. Link to comment
brando Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 i know we havent spoke, but i wish u all the best. These boards will always be here when u feel strong enough to wander back, and share your experiences with others, or to simply vent. Take care of yourself. be well, brando Link to comment
redandblack Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Hey man, I hope things go well for you! Remember that we're all here for you when you need it. I know you will find the answers you are looking for. They're IN you somewhere, it's just a matter of questioning them out. You've come a long way from where you started, so keep that up! Stay true to yourself and take care! Link to comment
Pikey1972 Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 Hi bkjsun, Many thanks for the update and sorry I didn't post on here sooner. I hope you're feeling OK today and I truly hope everything works out for you. Again, try not to project too far ahead into the future. Try to take each day at a time, try not to work out too much (don't overdo it! - try to have a mixture of activity and quiet contemplation if possible). We're all here for you if you want to post again. Take care, and hang on in there Pikey Link to comment
healinginnyc81 Posted January 7, 2006 Author Share Posted January 7, 2006 thank you all for replying. thank you for your farewells and advice. I hope all of you learn to be happy too. Link to comment
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