If I've healed this much in 4. 5 weeks, does this mean he' already forgotten me???

[octopus]

Happy new year to all enotaloners!

 

It's been 4.5 weeks after he broke up with me, and after the MISERABLE first 3 weeks, I've started getting myself together.I read books about break-ups and relationships and this forum of course, I talked to family and friends, I did LC and planned the future months. (During that LC every time I spoke to him/saw him was a major setback.)

 

It's been 4.5 weeks now, and I think of him and my heart aches, and I get upset, but I'm excited to go back to my old life and I feel strong, I feel excited that I might meet someone special again - although I do NOT emotionally or sexually feel open right now.

 

My question is, he broke up with me, because he was unsure that i was the one. He said he "really really" liked me and maybe even loved me, but he was unsure. The day I moved out, he was sad and he said maybe he's crazy for ending our relationship (that was 4 days ago).

Now only 4.5 weeks after the break-up, I feel so much stronger and hopeful, does this mean he feels even better and he's already over me and looking to date? Could it be possible that he's regretting and depressed? Of course I still have feelings for him, and I would like to try again. SO I'm just curious to know if it's possible that while I accept life without him and move on, he might actually realize he misses me more than he thought he would?

[melrich]

I don't think you can draw any conclusions. People move on/don't move on at different speeds.

[iwillsurvive]

I am not sure if he is over you or not. I am sure he has not forgotten about you. I am sure he probably misses you just as you miss him.

 

What does matter is how strong and independent you feel once again.

Doesn't it feel great to start moving on after a breakup that you felt you could not move through. WOW ! Congrats. I love the feeling of moving on and getting exited again about the prospect of dating.

 

I would just keep moving forward with your progress. Good Luck,

Stay strong.

[fantasia2004]

think of this and pay attention to good advice from those who have experienced a lot more than you have . Even SuperDave! Do not worry about him let your fun of rediscovering yourself get you through tough times that are more heartbreaking this one. I believe what you are doing is great.Congratulations! To your ex, do not put so much inot what he thinks otherwise you will go crazy and never grow up to fullfill your dreams of moving forward.

 

I am the product of that result.

 

Reward yourself. Your ex will be amazed as others on well you have bounced from this breakup! they will see.

 

love your supporter,

 

fantasia

[ocrob]

Octopus, it is awesome that you are doing so well after 4.5 weeks. It seems so much easier to heal, when we take everyones advice about NC. If talking to him makes you sad, then you should not talk to him. As a guy, I will venture to say that if he wants you back, then he will go to great lenghts.

[LiquidCherry]

Hey, it's nice to know that you're feeling and doing better! Healing takes time and is a bit of a process. Still sounds like you're having some mixed feelings but that's normal too. When dealing with heart break I've had days where I felt fine and then the next I'd feel like it happened yesterday. Those sad feelings will become fewer and farther inbetween and eventually they'll dissappear.

 

There are 1001 ways your ex could be feeling right now and your progress in the past 4 1/2 weeks don't have much to do with it honestly. Remember, there isn't anything you can do to bring your ex back but you sure can push them further away. Keep up with your LC/NC and hang in there.

 

It is entirely possible that once you've accepted your life with out him he'll come back to you. Hey, it's happened. But it's also possible that he won't so keep working at moving on because no matter what the outcome you won't regret it.

[curlyl1]

Hi

My b/friend finished with me 2.5 weeks ago. I am usually a strong person, so everyone around me is shocked that i am so weak just now. Like you, I really want him back. How did you get to where you are just now?

[octopus]

Hi Curly,

 

I am usually a very strong person too. I've lost 6 people in my family to cancer, I had a murder in my family, my mom has cancer etc etc and who thought a man would give me such a trauma! I couldn't eat or sleep for 3 weeks, from 135 lbs I'm down to 120 now

 

I don't know if what I did to forget it is a good example but approximately here's what it is. First night, and two weeks later I cried and I begged. I gave him a long list of logical reasons why we should keep seeing each other, and his coldness and the fact that he looked into my eyes and mentioned his ex (whom I'd met) hurt me SOO much. (He said: "I've been in love before with C... and I want THAT in a relationship")

Then I slowly started thinking even if he came back to me now, would I want him? He doesn't love me - he loves HER. The thought of them getting back together drove me nuts.

 

Anyway, I read Greene's Art of Seduction, which quickly listed a lot of the mistakes I made in our relationship (such as moving in too quickly, taking him for granted etc). I also read Barbara de Angelos's "Are you the one for me" and Greg Behrendt's "It's called a break-up because it's broken", which I must say was GREAT.

 

I went out to dance, although it disgusted me, I danced with other men. I started swimming every day and I sat down and made travel plans for January and February. I also spent 3 weekens at friend's homes, because I did not want to go back to my new, lonely apartment.

 

As time passed, I understood that he didn't hink I was the one- and accepted that fact. If it was me, I'd probably do the same thing.... SOmetimes 2 great people can come together, but instead of growing together, they grow apart. It's so very painful. It's so painful that he chose to go out and date all over again instead of working on our relationship. But what is there that I can do? Like LiquidCherry said, if I call him every time I want to tell him YOU'RE A FOOL, he'd lose all his respect for me and never come back.

 

Oh Curly, be strong. You are going to get through this. At week 2.5, I was dead, I was dsyfunctional, I thought it was the end of my life. DOn't call him/see him, and as much as it hurts, eat someting and keep yourself busy, don't stay indoors if you can. Think of it as a disease, it will heal. And your remedy is time. Also, keep asking yourself why you're upset over someone who's taken you out of his life. Let him be alone and realize he may never meet someone like you again...

 

PS I should add that after 5 weeks I am able to take an objective look at my relationship and all the signs I ignored along the way. When his ex called, his phone rang with a different tune, he still had keys to her house (I think she broke up with him about 2-3 months before we met) and he still has a parking permit to park in her neighborhood. I realize now he was not over her. I feel used, be he gave me 100% when we were together, so I can't say much. But his heart wasn't open and maybe I didn't ask enough questions or read the signs correctly and led myself into something that wasn't meant to work anyway. That is all it comes down to: He didn't want to love me; he wanted to keep loving her

[Danny H]

Octopus, I have to ask How long were you together?

 

It's been 8 weeks since I split with wife and the pain is still intense

 

 

Dan

[octopus]

Hi Dan,

 

we'd met in may and moved in together in August. I'm sure 8 years isn't the same as 6 months, but I had fallen in love, so the pain wasn't any different. Good luck to you, I hope it'll heal soon.

 

da

[Danny H]

we were together 17.5 years and have 4 kids, it has been 8 weeks since the split.

 

and I agree the pain is just as intense after a 6 month relationship- if you had your heart in there.

 

My question was because after 8 weeks I am still in pain, somebody once said that it takes a month for each year you were together, well that scares the cr#p out of me-lol

 

 

Dan

[octopus]

Hi Dan,

 

I don't think those mathematical formulas work in these cases. I want to say that the more you understand the reasons for other person's decision, the lighter the pain gets -- BUT this time the angrier you get.

 

At least that's how it's been with me: I understand that if he couldn't see a future with me, and he thinks biologically he needs to get married and have kids soon, he didn't want to 'waste' time with me, go out and look for someone new and invest his time and energy in that new person. I finally understood this. That's why I don't feel as much pain, but I feel very angry - how can I not; after all he's taken me out of his life...

 

Are you doing NC or LC? And I can't imagine what it must have been like to have kids, and 17.5 years together... God help you; all I can say is that life goes on. Stay strong for your kids.

[annie24]

Hey octopus - I'm glad that you're feeling better. I know lots of people who had their hearts broken, only to find their real soulmate right around the corner. This guy may have just done you a huge favor.

 

(BIG HUG!)

[Danny H]

guys what is Lc?

[octopus]

limited contact

[Danny H]

Ha, I see, silly me

 

dan