Qualities for that Special Someone.

[Giant]

This question has been on my mind for a week and I thought that I should share this with everyone here.

 

What are the qualities you look for in that "special" someone?

 

I know that the first thing ye people will come up with is physical qualities, but lets put that aside. I'm focusing on the 'inside qualities' --> why you like the person. Is that person 'understanding?' Is that person 'easy to get along with?' There are tons of possibilities.

[PocoDiablo]

One word: Chemistry.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

This question has been on my mind for a week and I thought that I should share this with everyone here.

 

What are the qualities you look for in that "special" someone?

 

I know that the first thing ye people will come up with is physical qualities, but lets put that aside. I'm focusing on the 'inside qualities' --> why you like the person. Is that person 'understanding?' Is that person 'easy to get along with?' There are tons of possibilities.

I have seen it so many times and have experienced it just as much. If the physical qualities don't meet the standards, the inside qualities don't matter. It's like noticing there is a delicious combination of chocolate, caramel, coconuts and peanuts... inside a turd shaped M&M. Who wants to eat a turd shaped M&M?

[ShySoul]

It's like noticing there is a delicious combination of chocolate, caramel, coconuts and peanuts... inside a turd shaped M&M. Who wants to eat a turd shaped M&M?

 

They make jelly bellies in flavors such as vomit and rotten egg. People still buy them. And what happened to the saying, you can't judge a book by its cover? Give me that turd shaped M&M, I'll eat it.

 

What do people look for? Simple. They want someone who loves, appreciates, and understands them for them and someone with whom they share a special bond and connection. That's all there is to it.

[orangecounty]

Kyo, I don't think that's always the case. There's this guy I quite like whom I would never have thought much of in passing him on the street. And yet getting to know him, he's really nice and cool. Sometimes it just takes time getting to know someone before you reject them based on their looks alone.

The men I tend to be attracted to are those who are genuinely kind and nice, its when I get that vibe that they're just a very respectful, sweet kind of person. I find that so incredibly attractive.

[shes2smart]

IMO, if you don't share a similar sense of humor, you're screwed from the start (and not in a good way).

 

In the just-over-4-years I have known my husband life has thrown the following situations at us:

 

financial issues

ex-spouse issues (his ex)

unemployment (his, when he moved to be with me)

health issues (surgery, mine)

mental health issues (work-induced nervous break-down, mine)

re-locating to a city 150+ miles away for a new job (mine)

...which led to unemployment again (his, when we first moved)

family issues, including a death (his family, I don't have any contact with mine)

 

My point being this: if you're with someone long term, life will inevitably happen. If you can't laugh about it, you'll want to slash your wrists.

 

If you can *both* laugh at it together, the burden is lightened considerably.

 

If one of you is laughing and the other is going, "This is a SERIOUS SITUATION, what is WRONG with you?!?!?" That's just going to send your stress level through the roof.

[Jinx]

What are the qualities you look for in that "special" someone?

 

Aside of the physical aspects, I believe the most important is the personality and similar traits.

 

My thoughts are, looks may be a decent basis at a certain age and situation but when the good looks fade, time has taken its toll one way or another on our appearance (whether by accident or natural aging process), what is left? The personality and person we truly are on the inside.

 

I love an individual which I can hold an intelligent conversation with. There is nothing that will bore me to tears faster than someone who cannot talk about anything outside of what they did last Saturday evening. It sends me into a High School deja vu. I have an interest in conversing logically from politics and religion to gardening and hobbies, as long as it is sensible I have no boundaries and am quite open.

 

Truth and honesty is a huge factor as well. In the here and now, when I find someone I want to be sure that when they say, "I was here." they were.

 

I don't tie my partners down or monitor their every movement like some do to make sure nothing happens. I don't care if a partner goes out with friends, a bar, park, business meeting however, because I trust in them that they're being honest on what they're up to. I really need that trust element or else there isn't much of the relationship. In my prior relationships I kept my honesty and truth and thus can hopefully expect the same from a partner.

 

Another important point which is a combination of both social and honesty, is open communication skills and a person who can give and take in a relationship appropriately.

 

So many relationships go poof, up into smoke because one cannot express or is afraid to when something he or she dislikes arises and instead of taking the bull by the horns, they hope the bull doesn't smash them along the way so to speak. I don't want someone which engages in starting petty argumets about each detail or has aggressive behavior when there is a disagreement (my last relationship was like that) BUT I do want an individual who isn't afraid to stand up for what they believe in and want in a civilized manner. Period.

 

Secondly, give and take. Eh, this is another pet peeve I learned from my first relationship. The relationship instead of being an essential 50/50 was along the lines of 25/75. He gave no support or helping the relationship along and it dissolved after a month. Yet, he would take anything and everything he could except blame for severely slacking off. I prefer an individual who is able to keep it balanced between both and steering clear of the lop sided relationship where one gives or takes far too much from the other and visa versa.

 

In the end point of the relationship equation is that balance of love, lust, respect, listening abilities, general life skills to get along with minor problems.

[iwillsurvive]

This is a good topic.

I think some good qualities would be:

sincerity

ability to be faithful

Someone who wants a family

Respectfulness

Thoughtfulness, ability to listen,

Giving, and a host of others.

[ShySoul]

Ever notice when this question comes up, how amazingly similar everyone's list tends to be? Maybe it shouldn't be such a mystery or question, because what someone else is looking for usually tends to be the same thing we are all looking for. Trust, sincerity, compassion, etc...

 

Then why is it so hard to find the right person? Because most lack the ability to truly understand us in that deeper, more spirtual way. Find that understanding and connection, and you found the right person.

[arrowbee]

It's like noticing there is a delicious combination of chocolate, caramel, coconuts and peanuts... inside a turd shaped M&M. Who wants to eat a turd shaped M&M?

 

They make jelly bellies in flavors such as vomit and rotten egg. People still buy them. And what happened to the saying, you can't judge a book by its cover? Give me that turd shaped M&M, I'll eat it.

 

OK, you two should seriously do a drive-time radio show together or something.

 

Seriously, the main thing I look for in a partner is, i suppose, being able to talk to them in a fun, easy way. This means we have to have A) some of the same interests, B) a similar communication style, and C) a similar value system so we don't end up offending each other.

[blah17]

This question has been on my mind for a week and I thought that I should share this with everyone here.

 

What are the qualities you look for in that "special" someone?

 

I know that the first thing ye people will come up with is physical qualities, but lets put that aside. I'm focusing on the 'inside qualities' --> why you like the person. Is that person 'understanding?' Is that person 'easy to get along with?' There are tons of possibilities.

 

What a person makes matters more then whats on the inside, let me tell ya, if a person does not have their financial * * * * together or are poor you can count on having a rough relationship life.

 

What everyone wants is:

 

** Someone who is fun to be with

** Someone who is financially responsible

** Someone who is not poor (women HATE poor guys, sorry, many men will accept poor women though, though not always)

** Someone who is not chronically problematic (health problems, depression, mental issues)

** Someone who is like them who they connect with on every level: Attraction, sex, general living, etc.

 

The big thing is women always leave when guys are poor, it sucks to be a poor guy, you can get sex but long term relationships are usually problematic.

[ShySoul]

OK, you two should seriously do a drive-time radio show together or something

 

Kyo, are you up to it? Sound like fun to me. Do you know anything about broadcasting online? And what should we name the show?

 

What a person makes matters more then whats on the inside, let me tell ya, if a person does not have their financial * * * * together or are poor you can count on having a rough relationship life.

 

There are plenty of couples who are poor and who have to struggle through from paycheck to paycheck, but they get by because they love each other and are happy together. There are also plenty of rich couples whose relationship is superficial and based off of money and material things without any real love or affection there. It's not the money that matters. Yes, a women wants to know that you are working or getting an education, thus contributing to the finances. But if you are poor or don't make the greatest amount of money, thats not as important as who you are and the connection you have with the person. Not everyone makes a doctors salary, and that doesn't matter. Love will see you through.

[KweenofDenyl]

I want someone intelligent, funny, compassionate, pragmatic and tall.

 

plus a fat wallet and a big schlong. cuz that's all women ever want, right blah17?

[ShySoul]

plus a fat wallet and a big schlong

 

So, if you had to choose one or the other, which is more important to you? Cause guys need to know which to be more concerned about.

 

Just kidding KweenofDenyl. I liked your answer.

[KweenofDenyl]

So, if you had to choose one or the other, which is more important to you? Cause guys need to know which to be more concerned about.

 

the one you have no control over, of course--penis size!

[friscodj]

Alright, I'll throw my list out there. Still a work in progress perhaps:

 

1) LOYALTY AND DEDICATION! It doesn't matter how great, wonderful, good-looking, smart, otherwise perfect a person is, or what kind of relationship you have together, if they aren't there...they bail-out, run away, etc....they aren't there...and there is no relationship! You need someone who knows what it means to make a commitment and work at it and stick with it. Someone who knows what teamwork means. You can't paint a picture if the canvas keeps falling off the easel.

 

2) SENSIBLE. This encompasses intelligence, wisdom, and common sense, basically an understanding about life, relationships, and people. With this, the person knows themself and their quirks/issues and has a general sense of how situations in life arise and how to handle them.

 

3) ATTRACTION/CHEMISTRY. Without it...you just have a good friendship... This is a basic animal instinct a couple needs to have. Sure it may ebb and flow, but the underlying answer is "it" is there.

 

4) SIMILAR VALUES/MUTUAL RESPECT. For long-term relationships, I don't think there is a better basis. You've got to be heading in the same direction and lead your kids to do the same.

 

5) SIMILAR SENSE OF HUMOR. You've got to be able to laugh at stuff together, life is way too hard without laughing about it and having fun.

 

6) ABILITY TO LOVE AND BE LOVED. This means someone else and themself. Sharing love is one of the greatest gifts we have. You want to be able to totally give yourself to one another and be comfortable in doing so. It means being able to trust.

[silky88]

-- be decently good-looking

-- chemistry

-- INTELLIGENCE!!! i can't date someone i can't talk to.

-- spontaneity... i hate being bored.

-- puzzle-piece physical fit together (i'm a mega-cuddler).

-- honesty

-- similar beliefs; if a person possesses all of the above and then takes the words out of my mouth during a deep philosophical conversation, i'm sold.

-- wants a family.

-- romantic (sometimes it's the little special things that make all the difference).

-- likes animals

 

damn, i'm picky... lol