Need opinions...

[Pinklady85]

My boyfriend of almost one year has up until just recently constantly teased me about sex. We have a great sex life as far as I know, but he would still call me a prude, a republican, milk-toast, boring, old maid, etc, at least three times a week for the first 10 months of our relationship. He would call me one of these or something similar any time I would refuse to do something, such as allow him to lift my skirt in public, have sex in the car, etc.

He also throughout the relationship has told me whatever he wanted to about his past sexual encounters, done to an orgy he has been to, girlfriends he's had, how he lost his virginity, how many partners he's had. Yet he gets angry at me if I so muich as mention an ex.

He has finally stopped after I had a breakdown about it, but this has eaten at me ever since. I feel like my self esteem has gone south, and I think constantly about the things that he "shared" with me about his sexual past. He tells me that I shouldn't be angry or hurt anymore, that I should be over it, as it has been a few months since he's said anything. I feel like he emotionally scarred me, and I need time to get over this.

Anyone have any advice for me?

[Tigris]

I don't think he's a very nice person! If he's like this now he's going to get even worse if you marry him in the future. He seems to think what he is doing is a joke but it's downright cruel!

 

My first husband used to say that women were second class citizens. He thought it was a joke but it used to hurt me deeply because as a little girl my father always wanted a son and I never felt good enough. My husband made me feel the same way.

 

My advice is to look for someone who is more considerate towards you physically and verbally.

 

Good luck and take care.

[DN]

Bottom line is - can you forgive him and move on? If he has stopped for a few months it is possible he regrets it and won't do it again. But if you can't get past it then you should consider letting him go. It is your decision to make but you have to consider what is best for you in the long term.

[Blue Skittles]

I agree with DN on this one - if these feelings are going to continue to eat you up than u need to let him go and move on with your life, work on being yourself and build up your self-esteeem again. I dunno, hopefully u can let these feelings go but it might be very hard to do that, it is doable though.

[Shadows Light]

When I was 18... I had a BF who was 25. And he was way way way more experienced than I was. I was a virgin till that point. He didn't go into grand detail of his sexual past. What he did do is make fun of my naviette. I'd never been sexually intimate w/ anyone till that point. I'd never so much as seen a mans privates...let alone touched one or knew what to do with it. And I WAS NOT mentally ready for a phsycial relationship...

 

We'd progressed to making love. But I had decided after my first round.. that I just wasn't ready yet. And then.. the biting,, JOKES.. that were made in public started. Soooooo... I walked. I figured I was NOT enough for him at the time.

 

Point is... Know how you feel. I didn't give my BF a chance to take it back or to rectify the situation. But then again.. I suppose I didn't love him enough to stick around.

 

If your BF has stopped. Because you finally made him see that his comments, jokes were biting...I'd say you've made consderable progress. And if it has been a few months... then.. either you let it go... or you move on. Holding a grudge is not conducive to a good relationship.

 

Past relationships. You sound young.. I didn't check your stats. But, the older you get.. the more baggage you will have. Sometimes, guys will... embelish, their sexual exploits so they can be the c8ck of the walk.... strut like a rooster in a hen house. ALL THAT.

 

I'm uppppp there in years. And... starting to date again. It would be ridiculous for me to think that I am going to run into a man w/o a sexual past. And..no, it really doesn't bother me if he shares anecdotes here and there. But thats me. And yes.. compatibilty means that we both get into the same things... ie.. if orgies are your BF's thing and not yours..then you shouldn't feel that you should conform. And you should NOT be made to feel less than for it.

 

I'm digressing again.

 

Try to get over it. And communication is key w/ BF. He needs to allow you a chance to grow into your sexuality. And you.. need to quit blaming him if he's made ammends.

[Pinklady85]

Thank you all for your responses.

To answer some questions, yes I am young, but not as in teenaged. I did become sexually active at a young age, and grew very quickly into being extremely comfortable with most sex issues. I love sex, I love trying a lot of new things, but I am not one o go beyond my comfort zone when it comes to sex. I have ben told that by almost every bf I havehad that I am the most open and sexual woman they have been with. And although there is an age gap between my boyfriend and I, I have had had twice the number of partners he has. That is what makes this issue so hurtful to me. We have amazing sex. I have thought about that, and I think ours is a sex life to be envied by most.

After consideration, I think it's plausible that perhaps he is the one insecure with his own performance. Maybe he is reflecting that onto me. I think that for most men it would be hard to be with a younger woman that has more experience. I am a jealous person, as is he, and that is also what made his commenting so hurtful. He was allowed to share previous experiences with me although I had been clear that I didn't want to hear them, yet if I was to do the same to him he would have my head.

Thank you all again for your responses and encouragement. All of you have shoved me into thinking mode, and have caused me to think more about my future with this man, and given me comfort that I am nt weird to be hurt over this. Now I guess I need to just make the decision to move on or let go. Neither is an easy task.....

[Shadows Light]

PINKLADY.. you just may be onto something there. Good for you.

 

YEP... many men are insecure over a females prowess and sexual experience. There is still a deep rooted thinking its ok for a guy to sow his wild oats. Because its a manly thing to do. But a female should be pure. They can't imagine anyone elses tagging you. LOL.

 

Ya think about it.. its almost like male cats.. marking their territory.

 

Talk to him about it. And tell him what bothers you.

 

I have a friend of mine. Who agreed with her mate that they would NEVER discuss past lovers. They both had a past.. and it should remain in the past. Guess what?? 15 years later and a handful of kids... No, one has had a NEED to discuss past lovers.

[OceanEyes]

I think that sharing overly-detailed information about one's sexual past is tacky and in just plain poor taste. It really doesn't matter who I've been with or what I've done. What should matter is the NOW, who I am with NOW.

 

Your boyfriend sounds immature. Isn't it primarily an adolescent concern to 'pump' yourself up to impress others? When I first met my current boyfriend, I found him beyond disgusting in how descriptive he would be when talking about other women. And these women weren't in the past, they were in his life in some way. We weren't actually exclusive at that point, but he stopped his crude commentaries very quickly when I stopped paying attention to them, and started paying attention to his male friends.

[SecretIloveher]

Im in agreement with Ocean. Thats just stupid. I think hes trying to make you jealous so you will be "better" in bed or do the stuff he wants to do. Dont go with it. Live your own life do your own things.

 

He needs to just learn that life has its ways and you cant always be in control. Tell him that girl. Dont let him do this. After a few months he hasnt said anything? Well maybe hes changing. But i tell you, one more of that i would Smack him and leave.

 

signed D4H