My boyfriend has lied but is everything lost?

[babybear]

My boyfriend and me had been together for five months when he dumped me for reasons such as we live quite far away so only see each other once a week. That same night he told this girl who was his friend that he loved her. The way it was said, it was meant in a friendly way – however they had never said it to each other before and were most likely both wondering if the subtext was different. This girl liked him more than a friend and so flirted with him, which evidently he responded to. Unfortunately I didn’t know this girl even existed. The next day however, he asked me back out so I said yes cause it seemed he wanted to try and make it work cause breaking up with me upset him. His friends though, seemed to think he dumped me for this girl (though he never told HER this or me for that matter) but according to him his friends were just making it up because they thought he liked her cause of the flirting and he never told them that.

A month later he got drunk at a party, which I wasn’t at because he never invited me to parties as I’m not friends with his. Anyway he got really drunk and told this girl that she was his guardian angel for looking after him (something he called me), told her he loved her about twenty times and asked her to sleep next to him at night time, so when all the people slept in the living room he did too just with her on the floor and they lay together hugging all night sharing his quilt, during this he definitely kissed her on the hand (apparently in a jokey way) and possibly on the cheek – he denies this however.

The next day that moring they sat together and he gave her about five hugs and their friends later commented that he was “all over her and blatantly liked her”. However he did not break up nor tell me anything about this. I still didn’t even know she existed.

She never told him she liked him just made it obvious. A week after this night she said they should meet up more cause they were good friends, so they went round to each others houses about once a week for the following three months. He always told me he had seen her once he got back so then I knew she existed. Then after a month of them meeting up he received a text message from her in my presense which was very flirty. He got all nervous and quiet around me because I read it with him. I was very suspicious of them but never said anything cause of my lack of proof but eventually I found out that they had slept next to each other (not through him) and told him I knew and was upset. He then broke off all contact with her and said that the reason why he did everything and sent messages to each other that were more than friends was because it made him feel good like an ego boost but she didn’t mean anything and they were just friends.

I accepted what he said though unsure what to believe because he got really defensive and made me feel stupid and so I said no more and thought I would be happy now they had broken contact. I thought it would end there but it didn’t. The whole thing ate away at me like a cancer and eventually I broke up with him and told him how I felt. We kept getting back together though on and off. For the past six months we have behaved like an item but in fact have not been.

Sometimes the pain gets too much for me and I have arguments with him where I throw petty digs at him.

A couple of months back when we stopped talking I kissed a couple of guys and told him but he says he forgives me and wants me back still. He never kissed that girl; I hacked into her journal to find out everything that had been going on, he had told me many lies and I had only just found out the whole truth a couple of months ago from the journal. They never actually did anything more than friends, they just slept next to each other. I don’t know why I can’t handle it because now it was all a year ago now but it still tears me up and I can’t believe he loves me or cares about me.

For the past couple of months we have only had three arguments but then two nights ago I got drunk and started another one with him. Now he’s barely talking to me and keeps making me cry and is really rude to me. He says he can only take so much abuse from me – cause of how rude I am when we have these arguments and that I’m as bad as him practically because I’ve kissed a bunch of people and more and he’s never kissed anyone while he’s been with me. He and the girl’s friendship lasted 3monts before I stopped it but now I’ve been punishing him for it for over half a year. I just don’t know how to cope and I would like to be back with him but its impossible cause I just don’t forgive him for treating me so badly. Should I try and stop talking to him and finish it for good or... I don’t know try therapy to help me cope and forget it and then hopefully be able to be with him or what?

Please offer any advice, I really need it and I’m sorry this was so long. Thank you.

[annie24]

YIKES!!!!! Reread what you wrote. This is an EXTREMELY unhealthy relationship. Clearly, he has a thing for this girl, and everyone else knows it too. It seems that he lies to you about so many different things and that this relationship is filled with strife.

 

That's not how a relationship is supposed to be. It is supposed to be happy and make you feel better about yourself, not worse. Why do you put yourself through this? You are young, there are so many other men out there who won't treat you like crap.

 

I think you should break it off with this guy, and start fresh with another.

 

good luck

[yeawutever]

Yup, definitely break up with him, that's really not the way a lady deserves to be treated. He's showing u that he gots no respect for u nor any concern of wut makes u mad. If he lied to u already, he prollie still doing it. And ur just 17, u should break up with him and try going single for a while.