How To Proceed?

[sassygrl]

Last month, I fell in love with a total stranger. To experience "love at first sight" is unusual for me. Here is the story....I was at a basketball game last month when I saw her for the first time. Given the fact that she works with the team, I was able to email and ask about meeting with her sometime on the pretense of being interested in her job profession. It wasn't hard to pretend because I am truly interested. So, she emailed back and told me to call her office number to set up a meeting and I did. I met with her, but still don't know if she's STRAIGHT, LESBIAN, or BI???? I was told by a mutual acquiantance that she is probably straight because she has dated men off/on, but that conversation didn't really settle my mind about it. At the meeting, she was very open and friendly, surprisingly, because at the games she came accross as being somewhat reserved and quiet. Before the meeting ended, she even informed me that I should not be too shy to approach her at games to ask any more questions (regarding the job profession) or even email her. I know it seems crazy to like someone so much and not even really know her, but when I actually got to meet her, I really feel like our personalities "clicked". Ok, so I know the sensible thing to do is talk to her at the games, but considering the fact that I don't hardly know her, don't know if she's gay, then how do I proceed? Even to become friends first, how would I go about asking her out for coffee (supposedly as a friend) without scaring her off? I have only been in one other lesbian relationship which developed from friendship, so I'm relatively knew to all this. **** Thanks for reading and hoping to get some good advice!!!!

[mgirl]

She was being nice to you... does that mean she is interested in you? Not necessarily.

 

First of all, i would be pretty p*ssed off if somebody wasted my time, setting up a meeting with me about job prospects, when all they were interested in was getting to know me with a view to discoving my sexuality.

 

If i were you, i would show some integrity and just chat with her at the matches. Do not waste any more of her time decieving her and do not get your hopes up. She is most probably hetersexual (88% of the population is).

[sassygrl]

You know, I am really disappointed and hope that not every member posts replies like yours, mgirl. If you had read my post closely, you would have noticed that I am truly interested in this woman's job profession - I have been doing research regarding the profession and am looking at starting college for it next summer. In my email to her, before we set up the meeting, I told her that I was curious, but not for sure if I want to pursue that career. The meeting was a way for me to not only find out more about the profession and get questions answered, but to meet her as well. Considering that most of the population is straight, I thought it best to meet her and get to know her first before trying to "hit" on her.

 

I am actually hurt that the only post I've gotten on this is one attacking my character and integrity. I honestly like the person I referred to, to the extent that if she is straight, it does not matter, because I would even want to be friends with her. Hopefully, I did not come accross as shallow, deceiving, or otherwise, because if I have, I certainly am none of those things and would not want to seem that way. I hope that you read this, mgirl, so you will not view me as being like that and will perhaps be a little more thoughtful regarding my situation.

[pianoguy]

Hmm. Well, I'm sure I don't need to remind you that most people are straight. So, if you randomly select someone out of the population, the chances are overwhelming that they're straight.

 

You said you've been in a relationship before. How did that develop? Could you apply anything from that situation to this one?

 

You mentioned that she's dated men, but you're not entirely convinced that she's straight... could you say more why? Is there a vibe or something that you're catching? Are you very sure it's not wishful thinking?

 

Assuming that you are going to be in a professional relationship with this woman... of course you can ask mutual friends if you have any, look up her facebook profile (it works!). You could mention that you are a lesbian and see how she reacts, you could bring up the gay marriage issue and see where she stands, you could inquire more into her views on dating and such.

 

And therein lies the problem the plagues us all- these are usually discussion topics that you can only discuss with close friends- long after the feelings have developed... *sigh* In my personal experience I can't undo these feelings and end up being hooked on certain straight individuals, to the point that I think about them even if I manage to get a blind date with a certifiable gay person who could potentially be interested in me.

 

So... I'm sorry I can't be more help. I wish you best of luck, and keep us posted.

[unicornq]

Hi Sassygrl, my advice is: do try to chat with her when you see her, and "feel it out" regarding if she's interested in you or not.

 

At this initial stage, it's very important to avoid falling head over heels. Because it's likely that she's a nice person who is being kind to people. I don't mean to discourage, I'm saying this from my experience. Not long ago I was in similar situation as yours - she was very nice and inviting to me, eyed me a lot and the initial chemistry between us was great. But at the end we barely become just friends.

 

I think chatting with her is a good step at this stage (Well, just keep in mind not to overdo it otherwise she'll be scared off). Because by talking you can understand more about her, as well as to feel out if she's interested in you. I believe after a few times of talking face to face, you can tell if she is interested in you by judging from the way she talks to you, e.g. her tone, whether she's comfortable with talking about personal stuff, whether she shows eagerness in knowing more about you etc...

 

Good luck and best wishes,

unicornq

[kere]

Hey girl,

 

Listen, this girl maybe staright as well as she may not be!!!! That is easy to find out though. Do u have friends u hang with??? If so u can start up a friendlt conversation with ur crush and casually invite her to hang out with u and ur friends after a game or something.

 

If u have mutual friends with her then find out what she likes or places she like to hang out at. That could be a good start. U have to move ur relationship with her away from the proffessional mode that it is in that this could be a good way to do that.

 

gl

kere

[Tigris]

Why don't you ask her if you can attend the basketball practise sessions? That would prove to her that you are definitely interested in her profession, plus you get the added bonus of seeing her more often.

[ocrob]

I don't see a problem getting to know her and eventually telling her in a casual way that you are lesbian. I am not suggesting you hit on her, but if she is interested, then she will know your orientation. Just be prepared to truly be her friend, if she is not. It would be pretty bad, if you get to be friends and stop talking because she is not interested or vise versa.

[sassygrl]

Wow! A lot of great advice - I really appreciate it! A few days ago I emailed this woman again regarding the profession and received an answer back today from her. Although the email was friendly enough, I think I will just have to chat with her at the games to actually become friends. She is always very nice in saying to contact her for any further questions or information, so I won't feel too awkard striking up conversation at the games.

 

I may have misread her at the meeting we had. It is just that she seemed very friendly and joked quite a bit throughout. Even joking about her mom getting on her nerves and made a few other remarks that most people don't say unless (I would think anyway) they are REALLY comfortable being around someone. The other lady in the office, who was sort of involved in the conversation, was giving us both a questioning look when she was going on about her mom. I keep trying to tell myself that is probably just her personality.

 

Someone mentioned about going to the practices - I have already thought of that because I would like to see her "on the job", but I don't know if that would be asking too much??? It would definitely give me insight into what exactly the job entails, also. Hmmm.....I'll have to think about that one and see how things go.

 

I think she is definitely worth waiting for and seeing what happens - it will be another week or so before I can see her at the games again. Perhaps after I talk to her a few times (if all goes well), then I may see how she reacts if I can somehow slip it in that I'm a lesbian. I really hope it works out, but if not, I certainly hope we can be friends. After observing her, sending a few emails back and forth, and meeting her, I think she's a special person and would like to get to know her in whatever capacity.

 

Thanks again for all the advice - I'm sure it'll help me next week!!!

[Tigris]

Good luck next week, sassygrl.

 

Keep us informed.

[unicornq]

Sassygrl, it's good that you two are exchanging emails. It sounds a great idea to ask her for the chance to attend practice sessions. You may see how things go and bring that up if you have the opportunity to.

 

Good luck!

[kere]

Go get ur girl sassy!!!!!