Down

[Dregnought]

Why do i feel like this? Whats wrong with me? I been posting recently about my troubles . Im no longer thinking of cutting, but i am down, alll the time. Me relies are here now, no change. Not even my gf can do much, sometimes a smile, a little hope. But no matter her effort, she cant do it. I thank her for staying with me, loving me, and all the things she goes through to be with me. But its not enough. Sorry MG.

 

I dont know why i feel like this. Most of my problems are now gone - but the computer is still out. I'd thank whoeva helps me overcome this a million times over (well....) I dont know what to do. I didnt eat from 4pm yesterday till 11am today, which i forced myself, just for Moon Goddess, which not myself at all. I forced down every bite for you MG.

 

Why am i like this? i dont know what to say, ask something and ill answer.

 

Please help someone.

[nosoul]

i kinda know where your coming from but um no one can help you as much as you can help yourself. what i mean is you have to realize your life isnt so bad. there are people out there that would proably trade their life for yours. um my realiztion came when i read a book this summer and the book was about a boy who wasnt allowed to eat and at the end of each day was forced to throw up to see if he had eaten and if he did he got punished..it wasnt grounded to his room because he didnt have a room. i dont want to tell the whole book but it made me realize that the fighting with my parents, the my everything he wants didnt matter to me any more because i realized my life isnt the worst and you have to have realise there is nothing sad about your life. Because you have a loving girlfriend who atleast trys to make your life as happy as she can. And she loves you i know because i have read your guys posts and seen the love. so my message to you is to realize you have it great.And you have nothing to be sad about. Just remember there someone always going to be there for you.

[DN]

What are top three best things in your life at the moment?

[Dregnought]

In order

 

my feeling of whats good

==================

My GF

==================

thats it. really.

 

To be fair

==================

My GF

goood house

good mum

==================

 

when my pc gets fixed

==================

My GF

my computer

==================

 

really, thats it. I dont see any joy, nor feel it.I do realise there is worse off people, but ohenestly, right now i dont care.

[DN]

Ok - so you have a great girlfriend, a good mother and a good house to live in. That's a good place to start feeling better - think about those people and how much they love you. To be loved is one of the greatest things that can happen to someone.

 

Every time you feel down switch your thinking to your girlfriend or you mother. Add new good stuff as you go on - an excitement over simple things.

 

Start to look at the glass as half full instead of half empty,

[Dregnought]

I try.

 

Seems like the dogs suddenly against me today. For what i dont know. Hasnt 'said' hello or anything. I got a cold now. Almost Everythings against me now it feels like.

[registered]

Hey Dreg,

 

I like DN's advice, focusing on the great things you have.

 

You have had a lot of sh!t to deal with, it would probably get anyone down.

I'll start with that thread you made and post here.

 

I think that if you and your GF are happy then that's all that matters. People who are critical of it are just offering advice though, they don't mean to hurt, they are just saying things as they seem to them.

You make each other so happy and that is all that matters.

 

Matt. He sounds like a kick- * * * guy. I'll tell you what though, mates as good as that don't disappear - I think this guy is still your friend.

It's been great he's let you talk to him. I don't know if you are still talking to him but I'd lay off the emotional stuff for a bit, discuss that here with eNotAlone.

And remember he wasn't playing CS to avoid you, he just did because he likes to play it Lol. Don't stress mate, he is a good friend and he'll be there.

Sometimes things get too much for our friends and he just needs a bit more space and more POSITIVELY focused conversation I think.

 

What do you say to that second ex that gets you in trouble with her?

Maybe she's just a little temperamental? Maybe she has her own issues to contend with?

The good thing about friends is that they'll stick with you through thick and thin.

 

It's so great that your other friend made it and it's great that you can be helping them out.

 

Renovating. This SUCKS. I hated it too...of course I had to do most of it and not because I wanted too, but because I had no say in it!

It was a pain, everyday I'd go to bed aching and in agony from kneeling or repetitive things and general over-work.

I was so glad to see the end of it all Lol.

But that's the best part, it ends!

My guess is that it's over now yeah? How good does that feel?

 

There was a few things I liked about renovating though.

You learn some cool things and know that one day when you have to do it again it will be so much easier lol.

Also it's kind of relaxing and refreshing because instead of doing the usually things that we might lazily do we have to get off our arses and do some hard work.

And most importantly, it's pretty rewarding. You get to appreciate the work you do everyday and it's great to know that you achieved something.

 

Your computer died. I so know that feeling. It sucks.

But see it as something good. It will give you a chance to do some other things that you know you should

Maybe you could clean your room or something Lol.

Go outside, get some air, see the world.

Read a good book, watch a movie with mates, go meet some new people, whatever. There are so many things to do.

Did you get your new graphics card yet? Is that why your computer is out of action, are you still waiting for it?

It's probably gonna be awesome yeah? That's a positive thing too!

 

Rellies coming down for Xmas. Well don't worry, I do I kind of worry about it too. But it's always cool, it always goes well. It really isn't like meeting strangers, even if you haven't met them there is always some strange connection with them because they are your relatives.

It will be great to see them for the first time in ages... you'll love it and in years to come you'll remember it too.

And hey, maybe they'll bring you some cool stuff? Sssshhh, I didn't say that though lol.

 

When we feel like crap appetite is often one of the first things to go. No big deal - you just need to feel better!

Christmas is NOT the time of year to stop eating Lol. Think of what you'll be missing! You said you have a cool mum and so I bet she (or whoever cooks) makes really good food yeah? Especially at Xmas.

 

And your dog? It probably sees that you are sad and doesn't want to bother you. Dogs are pretty smart, I'm pretty sure they can sense your mood and you probably just haven't been giving off that come-hug-me vibe.

No probs though, dogs are even more loyal then good friends. They'll ALWAYS stick by you.

IMO a dog is a better companion then a person. Don't you think so?

 

Sorry to hear about the cold. Make sure you drink HEAPS of water and eat a lot of good food. When your sick your appetite goes too, maybe that's why you weren't feeling like eating. But you have to eat because your body needs it.

And if you feel positive you will overcome it all better too.

[Dregnought]

And remember he wasn't playing CS to avoid you,

I know

Maybe she's just a little temperamental?

something like that. some things just set her off, but we are close friends. I dont treat her like that, so it really pisses me off at times.

Renovating. This SUCKS. I hated it too...of course I had to do most of it and not because I wanted too, but because I had no say in it!

It was a pain, everyday I'd go to bed aching and in agony from kneeling or repetitive things and general over-work.

I was so glad to see the end of it all Lol.

But that's the best part, it ends!

My guess is that it's over now yeah? How good does that feel?

You get to appreciate the work you do everyday

I didnt care about it b4, and i still dont. Its only stopped, until all the relies go. then it starts again. there goes my * * * *ing holiday.

You learn some cool things and know that one day when you have to do it again it will be so much easier lol.

i learnt jack all and i really dont think i will do it later on.

Your computer died. I so know that feeling. It sucks.

Excluding my gf, all my pride, my joy, the stuff MG gave me, is all on that pc. everything. and now its gone.

It probably sees that you are sad and doesn't want to bother you.

funny u say that. I just suddenly realised that he hasnt wanted to bite my feet to play for last few days, only my brother's feet.

It will be great to see them for the first time in ages... you'll love it

i hate it. i wait till no one is looking, then slip into this room. i feel so much shame.

Maybe you could clean your room

only sleep in it, so not messy.

When your sick your appetite goes too, maybe that's why you weren't feeling like eating

i only got it about 10am this morning... so it not includeds last night

And if you feel positive you will overcome it all better too.

i dont know what positive feels like anymore. I was depressed half way through the year, looks lke i never fully recovered.

i had a chat with a good friend, showed him this topic

Friend says:

registered put in a real good reply

Me says:

i just want it to go away >

Friend says:

nothing disappears sadly. u either gotta beat it or overcome it. these ppl are offering some good advice. plus xmas is tomorrow, arent u excited as to what ur prezzies will be?

Me says:

yes

Me says:

that and my loyalty to Sel, and my depression is all i feel though

Me says:

it hurts even more that everyones having a good time but not me

Friend says:

well then join us, get into the festivities. ur life isnt that bad, have a little fun for once

Me says:

thing is

Me says:

thing is that i always been somewat sidtant

Me says:

distant

Me says:

never been willing to show that im having a good time

Friend says:

well do it, have a laugh. maybe ask ya relies what stories they got to share. i dunno, make something of the day tomorrow atleast. it only comes once a year

Me says:

everyone says reach out there

Me says:

its not what im like

Me says:

not my personality

Me says:

everyones in the living room enjoying themselves

Me says:

im in here on this pc

Friend says:

well give it ago. what have u really got to lose?

Me says:

because my * * * *ing mum

Me says:

if i change a little shes notices

Me says:

and says something

Me says:

i dont want her to know everyhting anymore

Friend says:

well... its really up to u

[registered]

OMG I am about to cry LOL.... I wrote a huge message and then clicked "Go Advanced" but I wasn't logged in and my message got lost

 

I can relate to your situation... when you feel like crap there isn't much other people can say or do that will cheer you up. It sucks.

 

If you think you are suffering depression again then you should see a doctor, it's what you have to do.

I think this is just a stressful time for you and so much crap has gone on and so it's a lot to deal with and would bring anyone down.

It's good to talk about this stuff and discuss it, it really helps. Seeing a therapist is a good idea if you want things to improve.

 

well give it ago. what have u really got to lose?

Me says:

because my * * * *ing mum

Me says:

if i change a little shes notices

Me says:

and says something

Me says:

i dont want her to know everyhting anymore

I'm like you, I like to keep my feelings and life separate from other people, but it sounds like you have a cool mum who looks out for you and that's great.

I'll tell you what, if you get out there and have fun tomorrow and your mum sees this she will be so happy. Honestly, it will make her feel so good to know you tried and had a fun time.

 

everyone says reach out there

It isn't easy to do this when you feel like crap and often it isn't even a good idea.

But tomorrow is xmas and your family will be there and there will be gifts and food and everyone will be in a good mood and so I think that if there is just one day you go and reach out for it has to be tomorrow. I think it will do you good.

 

Your friend has a good suggestion. Just try. Even if you feel like crap make a little effort to speak to your relatives and ask them about things and let them tell stories and show off to them whatever you have to show off =)

I guarantee they will make you laugh and you'll have a good time.

Do you have a games console or something? I'm sure your Grandpa wouldn't mind a go or maybe an uncle. That will be fun.

 

never been willing to show that im having a good time

This is just a matter of attitude, not personality.

You don't need to say stuff like "Oh wow, I had a super time" (lol) to show your having a good time. Basically participation is the best way to show it. The odd smile doesn't hurt either.

Your family will just want you there and that will be great for them.

[Dregnought]

OMG I am about to cry LOL.... I wrote a huge message and then clicked "Go Advanced" but I wasn't logged in and my message got lost

I have a back button on this mouse, very sensitive. I lose alot of posts that way, and usually dont bother. Thanks for careing. Theni click forward and firefox crashes

 

I always had troubles patcipating. Even now. Its hard to participate just typing this out. Im starting to make a game with game maker yet again http://www.gamemaker.nl its the happiest i been for a long time.

[registered]

I have a back button on this mouse, very sensitive. I lose alot of posts that way, and usually dont bother. Thanks for careing. Theni click forward and firefox crashes

 

I always had troubles patcipating. Even now. Its hard to participate just typing this out. Im starting to make a game with game maker yet again its the happiest i been for a long time.

Well that's cool... I used a program like that before don't remember what it was called.

 

Firefox?!... use mozilla 1.7... Firefox on windows has always been crap IMO, buggy and unstable.

(I was going to make a joke about it always going down on you... but I won't LOL, everyone would slap me)

[registered]

Yeah I've always been someone who didn't like participating either... I'd say nothing in class, sit on my own at lunch, make no conversation with people things like that.

It sucked though!

 

Honestly it will be easy to participate tomorrow... it's not like gym class or a mate's party or anything, it's basically just you and family kicking back eating tonnes and probably some people drinking too much - that could be funny.

 

Do you do any sports or are you in any clubs?

I always did these things, I wasn't always really enthusiastic about it, but I knew it was for the best.

Doing new things will take your mind off all this other crap like the renovations... if you can get out of the house that will be way better then listening to drills and hammering.

Maybe there's something new you've always wanted to try?

[Dregnought]

**presses back and forward mouse buttons** Great. Take 2.

I have the logitech mx1000 (10 button mouse) and i never press the wrong button. this one has 4 buttons, and i press it a good 50 times a day I found 'saving' the post by copying it to notepad every few sentaences helps alot. or just using notepad to type it out.

 

Sorry im being a bit skimpy on my posts. Im trying out making a game, see if that helps.

[Moon Goddess]

Of the list of important things I can help

 

1.Your life

2.Your mum who might I add is a very good cook

3.Me

4.Your sister whom loves you very very much

5. All the good things that you have

I love you very much and I don't like to see you like this but there is only so much i can do. I guess the best thing I can do right now is give my support advice and love to you.

[Dregnought]

Thanks everyone and espally Registered.

 

Things just took another dive. *sigh*

 

I got

[*]Ipod Nano

[*]Doom 3: Resurection of Evil

[*]Model Battleship

[*]Watch

[*]Quite a few pool toys

[*]Webcam

[*]Choclate

Ipod Nano - Because my computer is our of action, i cant put music on it. Then i remember that this pc has an old stash, enleast something. I set it all up and go through it 3 times, then find out that it requires a USB 2.0 port which of course only my pc has. There goes that.

 

Doom 3: Ressurection of Evil - This is the expansion pack to Doom 3... and i dont have the orignal game. Dads got a history of getting expansion packs, and not the oringal games.

 

Watch - It needs a few links taken out of it

 

Pool Toys - I have a feeling that the pool is giving me all of these sick feelings... so yeah.

 

Choclate - Melted

 

Theres is more stuff, but im just not in the mood to go on.

[Dregnought]

I just stepped into some doggy dodo, everyone laugh at the loser. *sigh* i think i might hurt myself, except MG... shes the only reason why i havnt gone further. Because i dont want to hurt her. I love you MG.

[registered]

You got some cool gifts.

 

Well you can pick doom 3 up used pretty cheap these days (probably

Parents don't always get the most appropriate things (like that expansion pack) but the thing to remember is that it is the thought that counts. Your Dad brought you a cool game!

 

I have skinny wrists too So I get links taken out too. I think a watch is a great gift to receive, I think watches are one of the best "gadgets" of all time (I prefer analog).

 

I got chocolates too (of course Lol).

Melted chocolates and pool toys...sounds like you're in a warm climate. That must be great to have a warm and non-white Christmas.

 

It's good to enjoy receiving these cool gifts while it lasts... as you get older your parents won't be buying ipods and things like that for you, so yeah enjoy it while it lasts!

 

My day was funny... I gave my sister a gift and do you know what she said?

"Why did you get that? I don't like it."

LOL! At least she told me.

But it's cool because it was the thought that counted!

 

Try and see the positive side of things.

To me stepping in dog doo makes me laugh, I mean, you have to look at the funny side of things.

I'm sure there was a lot of positive things that came out of today and I'm sure there were some things that were fun and worth doing.

 

It's 2006 soon...another year passed. I'm sure it will bring you some great and positive things. If you see something negative try and work out what is positive about it. Remember you have a lot of great things in life! (and an ipod nano.... i envy you

[registered]

And don't hurt yourself... nothing is worth that.

It only makes things worse.

 

You have to be stong bro. This is going to pass.

Just remember that you have a lot to be happy about. Don't forget these things, and keep them right in the front of your mind - they are so much better to remember then the negative aspects of things.

 

Hope you had a great day, and you were with your family and that is most important. So I know it was a good day.

[Moon Goddess]

I love you 2 Dregnought and as I said I hate to see you like this I really feel helpless you say I'm helping but I really don't see how that is possible. Any way Merry Christmas, your sis should be coming over soon to get her gift and so she can give me mine if possible I will try for all three of us to talk btw does she have any idea how you are feeling? Nice gifts you got something you very much wanted I got some cool stuff as well and what still suppose to be shipped in. It's the holidays try and be happy I know I'm trying my hardest despite some saddening events. Love you Take Care

 

P.S. Please don't hurt yourself it would hurt me very much and even if you do it and don't tell me I will know and it will hurt just the same if not worse please nothing is worth hurting yourself and 2 other people as well

[Liquid Dream]

I don't want to scare you off but If you ever need someone to talk to please feel free to email or AIM me, I'll be here if you need me

 

Email: link removed[/i]"]WhiteOleander887@link removed

SN: WhiteOleander887

[Dregnought]

Anyday. Im assuming thats AIM??? if not add me instead.

 

On the other side, im feeling much better. No nano or pc YET though...