Hurt :/

[doomed_one]

If all of you don't mind, I just want to write this so I feel better... my friends are at school finishng off finals(by school I mean 2nd year University) or sleeping... and this is really bothering me

 

So anyways a month or so back I met this one girl, and she was pretty cool, and with her I met this guy... lets just call them Sally and John(and no John doesnt hook up with Sally We talked a lot, I finally got her to actually get msn so I could chat with her online(her cellphone was pretty deadish.. and wasnt getting a new one till xmas).... John, Sally and I became rather comfortable with each other... maybe friends... or maybe just really good school chums?

 

Well lo and behold, I fell for Sally.... and actually she made going to University worth it!(if you recal I was the one who posted TRICE about how much I hated my life after I had moved back to Canada... let that be a lesson to anyone suicidal/depressed/sad/crushed/down... life does get better!!) I mean just seeing her, talking with her, flirting with her... fantastic!! Then well... I don't know how it happened... but one day we ended off making out... things were a lil akward for a few days... but then things got back on track.... and actually last day of classes we made out again(she lives in the dorms during the weekedays... and with her parents during the weekends... which is close by me)... I told her how much I wanted to "hang out" during break with her... I wanted to more say... go out... but dang it I just really couldnt get myself. So final exams came 2 days later, and I decided, the day after she ends her exams, I ask her out. I had originally intended to ask her out the day b4 exams... but when she came b4 class... she brought a friend... and I got all nervous. All along I had been telling John this...

 

So day after exams came, and I see her on msn, so this is it I think, we start chatting.. and well oddly enuf... she starts telling me about her... friend.... how I'd like her.... how I should... GO OUT WITH HER... this bothered me a lot.... but I was going to go about as planned... but it seemed everytime I started gearing toward it... she quickly changed conversations... I found this strange... but I told her I'd come over the day after my final exam ended(that would of been today)... I had a xmas present to deliver as it was... and I figured face to face she cant avoid me... and if somethings up, I want to know.

 

So Friday comes... and amazingly her friend is on her account(the two were using 1 pc to talk with me)... so I chat with her a bit... and then I get "You're too slow, shes a taken woman now"... I pretty much couldnt believe it...... the day after though I get a email from Sally telling me "I'm sorry how my friend behaved... she sometiems tends to make up lies out of jelousy to bring people down"... this relieved me a little... but I really didnt feel easy... so I emailed her with direct quotes from the conversation log... askign if it was true.

 

Yesterday evening after I got home, the reply came in... yes it was true... I couldnt believe it.... that just a weekn and a half or so ago I made out with ehr... a few days ago Iw as flirting with her in person alot like I usually do.. it hurt a lot... but I figured some guy who had his eye on her had made a move not too long ago, and I had lost I was "down", but I felt no regrets... and thats good right? I liked my plan of action, and well some guy just had made a faster move, no shame in such a loss

 

THis turns out NOT to be true... I was chatting with John at the time.. and tell him... man Im just feel like ****, I'm going to sleep... and he tells me... "man I'm really sorry".... thsi stuck me as odd... how did he know... I talk to him more... this was not a recent occurrence... she was deciding between me and this guy for.... weeks....... and he had known all along....

 

I don't know, I couldnt stand talking to John at that moment, the fact that he knew, and told me nothing... even if he had been sworn to secrecy or something.... how could he even consider himself my bud.... and watch as this happen? I mean please tell me, am I being unreasonable... but if someone you knew pretty well, and you learned the girl he liked was decidign between 2 guys... isn't it just the "nice" thing to do... to somehow convey this to the person? I know if it was me, I would of simply said "man, I've seen guys eying this girl, I know things are all good between you two, but if you want my advice, do it now"..... no trust is broken, no secrets revealed... just "advice" but very direct... all along he said nothing..... and for teh record, I had no idea this guy even existed... she acted no different to me then previously(until that thursday when I began my ask her out stuff)....

 

I don't know, part of me feels stupid for waiting until finals were over... but I mean I though, 1 week, how can it hurt? I went from no regrets to, WHY DID HE DO THIS TO ME!!!!!!!! We talk daily... and he could of spared me a lot of hurt.... I mean I'm a shy guy, the fact that I got thsi far is mind boggling O_O

 

Thank you for listening Feels good to type it... even if it doesn't change anything.... I wish I had known sooner... my Holidays are pretty much ruined

 

~d1

[Venturer]

If all of you don't mind, I just want to write this so I feel better... my friends are at school finishng off finals(by school I mean 2nd year University) or sleeping... and this is really bothering me

Feel free to write here anytime.. that's what we all are here for. it helps to vent and talk about things and learn from it.

 

 

So anyways a month or so back I met this one girl, and she was pretty cool, and with her I met this guy... lets just call them Sally and John(and no John doesnt hook up with Sally We talked a lot, I finally got her to actually get msn so I could chat with her online(her cellphone was pretty deadish.. and wasnt getting a new one till xmas).... John, Sally and I became rather comfortable with each other... maybe friends... or maybe just really good school chums?

It's better to ask her out on a date rather than just "hang out" and let time pass hoping for something to happen.

 

 

Well lo and behold, I fell for Sally.... and actually she made going to University worth it!(if you recal I was the one who posted TRICE about how much I hated my life after I had moved back to Canada... let that be a lesson to anyone suicidal/depressed/sad/crushed/down... life does get better!!) I mean just seeing her, talking with her, flirting with her... fantastic!! Then well... I don't know how it happened... but one day we ended off making out... things were a lil akward for a few days... but then things got back on track.... and actually last day of classes we made out again(she lives in the dorms during the weekedays... and with her parents during the weekends... which is close by me)... I told her how much I wanted to "hang out" during break with her... I wanted to more say... go out... but dang it I just really couldnt get myself. So final exams came 2 days later, and I decided, the day after she ends her exams, I ask her out. I had originally intended to ask her out the day b4 exams... but when she came b4 class... she brought a friend... and I got all nervous. All along I had been telling John this...

Ehh, I would rather keep my personal affairs to myself instead of divulging it all to a friend who MAY be involved (as you'll find out later). Sure, tell a friend who doesn't know the girl, but THIS friend you call John knows her and he's INVOLVED. How do you know to trust him with everything you tell him? I would not tell him anything that he could use against me.

 

 

So day after exams came, and I see her on msn, so this is it I think, we start chatting.. and well oddly enuf... she starts telling me about her... friend.... how I'd like her.... how I should... GO OUT WITH HER... this bothered me a lot.... but I was going to go about as planned... but it seemed everytime I started gearing toward it... she quickly changed conversations... I found this strange... but I told her I'd come over the day after my final exam ended(that would of been today)... I had a xmas present to deliver as it was... and I figured face to face she cant avoid me... and if somethings up, I want to know.

Bad sign... if she's trying to set you up with another person, and when you press the topic of getting together, she changes the subject, she's essentially dumping you. She doesn't want to tell you "what's up" because she wants to spare your feelings. If you had clued into this one, you would've walked and spared yourself the hurt later.

 

 

So Friday comes... and amazingly her friend is on her account(the two were using 1 pc to talk with me)... so I chat with her a bit... and then I get "You're too slow, shes a taken woman now"... I pretty much couldnt believe it...... the day after though I get a email from Sally telling me "I'm sorry how my friend behaved... she sometiems tends to make up lies out of jelousy to bring people down"... this relieved me a little... but I really didnt feel easy... so I emailed her with direct quotes from the conversation log... askign if it was true.

Wait, wait a minute... you talked on IM with her friend using her account on the same pc? It's a BAD idea because anything you say could be used against you. Once you found out you were talking to her friend and not her, you should have said "hey, sorry to cut this short, but I gotta run" and sign off.

 

 

Yesterday evening after I got home, the reply came in... yes it was true... I couldnt believe it.... that just a weekn and a half or so ago I made out with ehr... a few days ago Iw as flirting with her in person alot like I usually do.. it hurt a lot... but I figured some guy who had his eye on her had made a move not too long ago, and I had lost I was "down", but I felt no regrets... and thats good right? I liked my plan of action, and well some guy just had made a faster move, no shame in such a loss

Ok, she finally came clean. You should've told her that she should've not strung you along and just told you the truth, and ended the whole thing right there and then. If it was YOU who had made the faster move (ask her on a date from the beginning), you might still be with her. Learn a lesson and move on... next time don't delay in asking her out if you like her.

 

 

THis turns out NOT to be true... I was chatting with John at the time.. and tell him... man Im just feel like ****, I'm going to sleep... and he tells me... "man I'm really sorry".... thsi stuck me as odd... how did he know... I talk to him more... this was not a recent occurrence... she was deciding between me and this guy for.... weeks....... and he had known all along....

What is not true? Could it be that the girl was ALREADY with John and you didn't see it? Given what you've just said, this guy is NOT your friend. Ditch them both, never speak to them again. You told him everything, and he told you nothing... and he used what you told him against you to get the girl. I think it was doomed from day 1, and you might have found out all this much sooner had you asked her out on a date... if she said no, I'm taken, you would've known all this and been fine with it. Intead they both strung you along and dropped you like a rock. That was mean on their part, but I think you might have seen it coming and steer clear if you simply asked her on a date a loooong time ago. Best case scenario, she'd accept and go with you, and maybe be with you instead of John. Worst case scenario, she'd turn you down and go with John... her loss not yours.

[PocoDiablo]

This is a perfect example of why I tell guys to ask a woman on a date within 2-3 times of meeting her. If you wait, she'll assume you don't like her and someone else will ask her out.

 

I don't know, part of me feels stupid for waiting until finals were over... but I mean I though, 1 week, how can it hurt? I went from no regrets to, WHY DID HE DO THIS TO ME!!!!!!!! We talk daily... and he could of spared me a lot of hurt.... I mean I'm a shy guy, the fact that I got thsi far is mind boggling O_O

You admit over and over that you made mistakes but - like I used to do - you refuse to take responsibility for them. There is only one person who made a mistake and that was you. He did nothing to you in my opinion. Any other guy could have come along, you just choose to blame him because it's easier than accepting the truth that you blew it. And unless you pay attention to what he did, and what you didn't do, you'll probably do the same thing over and over again.

 

If I were you, I would shove your anger and go talk to him and ask him for advice on picking up women. It sounds like he at least has a better concept of what he is doing than you.

 

You also need to realize that if something does not work out, most likely it's because of something YOU did and not anyone else.

 

For years I thought women were evil. I thought I was a great guy and it was stupid women who were not smart enough for me. Well, it turns out I was wrong. I did exactly what you did time and time again, and blamed everyone but myself. It was a sure lot easier than saying "Oh, she dumped me, it must have been something I did." Nah, I said "Oh, she's a slu* or a bit** or who** and I am a great guy."

 

Nope. Not the truth. I was immature, boring, and supplicating. And worst of all I could not accept blame for my mistakes.

 

So I know how mad you are, but don't throw away (1) a lesson in moving too slow and (2) a guy who can help you. You'd be the only person to lose out then.

[doomed_one]

I appreciate your criticism and support.. actually I'm just happy someone responded I wish the situation was as easy as I made it seem.... it never is... I have two weeks to cool off... take time away from them... but come new years... I will see them in class.... will be hard