today is "the day" and I am miserable...

[Dogg]

thnx ocrob,

yeah, I'm sure that I could have written pages upon pages of sh*t, but it would have all been pretty much the same things. I think that what I wrote to her says it all in not so many words and I think that the way in which that I put things sounded really good and semi-romantic and extremely heartfelt, which it all was. I have not yet received a response from her, adn I'm not sure that I ever will, but at the same time, it was never my intention or expectation that I would get a response. again, I just had things and thoughts to get off of my chest. If she is that heartless adn feels nothing for me and for us and chooses to ignore my letter, then I know once and for all that this is truly over and that I must move on, if she does resoind, then I'll have to take it from there but as of right now, I'm just looking to rid myself of these reoccurring feelings of heartbrokenness for her. I said what I needed/wanted to say, there is nothing more that I can do or say to her to let her know how I feel, it is on her once again. I am moving on, yet still in a way hoping for the best but expecting and anticipating nothing. keep me in your thoughts, as I have all of you in mine....happy holidays to all!

[annie24]

I think you wrote a very sweet e-mail to her. I would be touched to receive it. I just hope she appreciates it.

[Dogg]

thnx annie

 

I too hope that she appreciates it because it took a lot for me to express those feelings to her once and for all, especially knowing that this could be the very last time that I ever have any contact with her at all forever. WOW, thats hard to think about....never again.....but that is the way that it will have t be if she does not respond with something of good faith becaue I can not do this anymore.

[PocoDiablo]

I guess what I should have mentioned was that I would have sent her a nice card - it's just that I used to write long letters like that and, contrary to what I am hearing here, I got very bad reactions.

 

Maybe you're just a better writer than I am.

[Dogg]

poco, I am a pretty good writer, its one of the things that I went to school for, that is the way that I am best at expressing myself, I feel that it gives me the time I need to fully process thoughts rather than just opening the flood gates of my mind and heart and letting the words flow freely from my mouth, when I do that I have atendency to trip over words. Anyway, my ex knows that I am much better at writing than I am at speaking so again, I hope what I wrote is and will forveer be appreciatred by her as it was so very heartfelt, but I do not know as I have not received any response.....yet?..........

[Lil Punkin]

Dogg,

 

You sound better than you did a few weeks ago. Less defensive...but thats a good sign. It means you are gradually accepting that things may not go back to the way they were...and you know what? That is a GOOD thing sometimes. Right now, you don't see that..but you WILL. Give it time!!

 

You were with this girl for THREE years! That's a LONG time...no one expects you to forget her right away. Don't beat yourself up for not getting over it faster. You NEED to grieve this loss. Your heart is an open wound right now and you need to take that time to heal it. Rest it. Don't jump back the dating "pool" again so fast....to prove you are worthy or you can get over her with someone else. All that does is create a whole other set of issues for you..on top of the ones you have. Just be alone for a while....learn what YOU like again. Forget your ex...for NOW. Focus on you. I think the key to putting someone behind you is to allow them in your mind in increments.

Allow yourself say...an hour a day to wonder, think, grieve, cry over this person...then force yourself to do somethig else. This gives you permission to remember them...but not obsess over it.

 

The personI am trying to forget about...is almost a lingering memory now. It has taken a good five months..but truthfully I am just emotionally tired of thinking about him. I'm ready to move on ...and you will be too. Just give it time....

[Dogg]

thnxs lil punkin,

I am alot better than I was a few weeks ago, I think that the last couple of days I just "fell off the wagon" a little bit due to the anniiversary thing. Again, I will say that I am glad that I wrote her the email that I did (see previous posts on this thread), if nothing else, it will give me closure that I thiink that I needed if she does not respond which again, I am not expecting her too. like someone mentioned in earlier posts, if after what i wrote to her, she does not feel something, anything at all then maybe I do not want to be with this person anyway as hard of a realizatin as that may be because if she is that cold hearted that after three years she feels nothing for me and for us and can not look at all of the good that we had together over all that time then screw her, I deserve better and I am on the path to possibly discovering that "better" with this new girl that I have been seeing. I have talked with her (new girl) about wanting to take things slow becauseI have just gotten out of a pretty tumultous three year relationship recently and although I could tell that she was a bit unneasy about that she had no choice but to agree to9 try to move slowly. I don't know how things will pan out, what I do know is that i am OK with knowing that I took one final shot with my ex by writing that email and laying my cards on the table one last time so to speak. Nothing she can do can hurt me anymore than what she has already done so in that aspect I am safe. again, I'm curious to see if she will respond to the email, and what if anything she will say, but I am not letting that anticipationo ruin me, in fact, I don't really anticipate anything. If I get no response from her, then I can finally tell myself that its time to move on and do whatever it takes to forget as impossible as that may be. thanks to all for your support, I would not have made it through any of this if not for you all, and for that I will be forever greatful! I'm still treading in deep water, but I have the confidence now that I can and will eventually make it back to shore!

[Lady Bugg]

Hi Dogg!

 

Lil Punkin hit the nail on the head with that post.

Glad you're doing good....I am glad you are going slow with the new girl.

Just see what happnes. There's no need to rush to the finish line.

 

Keep "treading"....at least you can SEE the shore..that's a very important step. You'll get there sweetie..

[Danny H]

dogg I feel for you, no matter what you do, you will feel it is the wrong thing.

Unless she suddenly phones and declares undying love for you as a result of your actions, but the odds of that are very small I'm afraid.

 

If you send the email the chances are any reply will be less than you hoped for, and thus bad feelings flood you again.

[Dogg]

but I am not expecting any response at all, so in fact anything at all would be a surprise. I ma definitly not expecting anything "good" to come from this, just either a step into the right direction, or a step towards finally letting go for good due to her lack of response and complete coldheartedness when I again laid my cards and feelings for her on the table. I truly feel that my decision to write her that email was a good one for many reasons, but most of all, the fact that if she dopes not respond, I know it is truly and completely over. (sob, sob, sob)

[annie24]

You know, something good can come of this. True story, I swear!

 

My old college roommate was dating this guy for 2.5 years. Most of it was blissfull, but he kind of "fell out of love with her." It is quite painful to watch people fall out of love.

 

So, when he broke up with her, she didn't know what to do. She exercised, and lost a ton of weight. She looked HOT! And, then, still kind of heartbroken and not knowing what to do, she decided to do an internship on the other side of the country. She went, and met this amazing man who is really her soul mate. They have been together for 4 years, and they just got engaged a few weeks ago.

 

If her college boyfriend wouldn't have broken up with her, she never would have taken the internship, and she never would have met her true love.

 

Stuff really does happen for a reason!!!!

 

Take care!

 

(HUG)

[Dogg]

well, today I checked my email and it turns out that she had written me back yesterday, here it is:

 

XXXXX,

I just wanted to say that was a very nice and thoughful letter - it was good to hear from you! I hope all is well and you and your family have a wonderful holiday season! I did get your card and text - i wrote you a text back thanking you and if you didn't get it again Thank you! Yes my dad is on strike.

 

thats it. nothing else. what should I send in a response if anything at all. I was thinking of saying something along the lines of "well I gather from your response that you do not share the same feelings that I do. Its clear that yuou do not want to talk anymore nor do you have any plans of possibly reconcileing anything between us. what pains me the most is that I never anticipated that things would be liek this between us. I miss you everyday as a partner and a friend. Now I must continue to move on like I have been and not continue to dwell on the past and what might have been."

 

I don't know....what do you think?

[annie24]

I wouldn't write that. Clearly, she's not interested in reconciling, but she wants to remain civil. Don't tick her off. Just accept that she doesn't want to be more than friends, and move on.

 

No more e-mails necessary.

[AC874]

Dogg,

 

Although your intention is commendable, this is precisely why you shouldnt have sent her that letter.

 

Dogg, its only after months of NC.. that she'll get the point.

[angelgirl]

I agree with the previous posts Dogg, don't write that. If anything that might annoy her and push her away, loosing ur chances of ven beeing friendly one day. From what she wrote, all i can say that she is beeing nice that's all, nothing more. She made it clear that she is not interested. Just a quick email to her wishing merry xmas and happy new year if u really want to send smth but personally I wouldn't. Sorry to be so blunt.

 

Good luck and be strong

[Dogg]

to be completely honest, after rereading what she wrote all that I can say is that she is nothing more than a heartless b*tch. After three f*ucken years thats all I get, she didn't even sign off with a simple "from XXXXX" Its like I'm not worth her time. F*CK HER!!!!! Anyway, I have not decided whether or not I am goign to respond to her. I'm not sure she deserves it. Afetr all the time and the effort that I put in to constructing a truly heartfelt letter to her, praising her in every way that i know how, seh writes back in a very cold, distant fashion like she did. WHAT THE F*CK!!!!! I ma worth so much more than that!

[annie24]

Ok, good, anger is a good first step. You're right - you took the time to come up with a nice heartfelt letter. However, it's clear that she doesn't feel romantically for you anymore. She wrote a civil, pleasant letter.

 

I don't think it's that she doesn't think you're worth her time. If she didn't think you were worth it, she wouldn't have even replied. But yes, she replied the way she would to a co-worker or an acquaintance.

 

Let this help you in your recovery.

[Dogg]

I am STRONGLY considering sending this to her, I just wrote it, and this pretty much lays it all on the line, all that I feel, how I will not be contacting her anymore and how I am moving on....here it is

 

XXXXXX,

It took a lot for me to write that to you, that day was very difficult for me as have been so many others and as will be so many more to come, but I meant every word that wrote to you. Its clear to me from your cold, distant response and unwillingness to maintain ANY kind of relationship that you do not feel the same. I did not think that things would ever be like this between us, especially after all that we have been through together for three years, good and bad. I remember us being great friends before we became anything else XXXXXX, and in a way, that hurts the most, knowing that not only did I lose a great "lover", but also a very special friend whom I cherished and appreciated greatly although at times I neglected to show it. It is always nice to hear from you XXXXXX, although it pains me that you are so cold and distant as if we meant nothing to each other. I guess this is the way that you want it to be, and I can no longer continue to lay my feelings on the table only to be rejected and made to feel worthless time and time again. I hope that you have a great christmas and a wonderful new year XXXXXXX, my thoughts are with you always as well as your family. I'm sorry that your father is on strike, that really sucks and tell him that I am thinking of him. Goodbye XXXXXXX, I hope that you find happiness in whatever it is you choose to do in life or with whomever you choose to give yourself to, and I hope whoever that is realizes how lucky he is. If you ever want to talk, I am always here for you.

Love always,

XXXXX

[onmyownagain]

Why don't you just email her to F**K OFF! Then she will probably reply with feeling and then it might just sink in that she is NOT INTERESTED IN YOU!

 

Accept it and move on!

[PocoDiablo]

Me? I'd just let it go ... let it go ... it's the holidays, go out and have a drink with some friends. I would not waste my time or effort.

[angelgirl]

Dogg,

Don't email her. It will just make you sound bitter and stops you from moving on. You won't achieve anything with the email. She won't miraclusly realise that she still has feeling for u. All this is doing is stopping you from moving on.

 

I am kind of talking from experience now, coz i was in the same exact situation except I was that girl. My ex sent me a few long emails about how he feels, well it was nice but at that point I wasn't ready to be friends just yet (he wasn't very nice during our together time) so my reply was short and sweet however he returned with this accusatory and bitter sounding email which just made me not want to talk to him ever again.

 

it's not as if the girl in question said that she never wants to speak to u again, she might just need some space and it is up to her now to decide when to contact you.If you don't want tol oose her as a "great friend" then just leave it. Go out and have fun forget about her and enjoy yourself, thats my advice to u.

[Dogg]

well,

I sent it. maybe a good idea, maybe a bad idea, I don't care anymore. I said what i needed and wanted to say and left it open and made it clear that if she wants any sort of relationship in the future it will have to be with effort made by her. I am not bitter at all, just tired, tired of feeling this way and now I think that I can let go. she is missing out on somehting that could have been greaty, one day she will see that. Its inevitable. Atleast thats what I'm telling myself now! Thanks to all, sorry for going against people's advice.

[Lady Bugg]

Dogg I agree with Angel. Why would you follopw up such a wonderful heartfelt letter with a bitter and hostile one?? For one is makes you seem completely insincere..and a little psycho.

 

I KNOW this hurts..and you wanted to hear those magic words...but she DOES have a right to feel the way she does. Her reply ..while NOT what you wanted to hear...it was very nice and civil.

If you send her another email you are going to make her remember WHY she broke up with you...not wondering why she let you go.

 

Sit on your decision for a few days. Write EVERYTHING you want to say to her...EVERYTHING...then save it. See how you feel in a couple days...

[Lady Bugg]

OK well..nevermind...LOL

 

I hope you feel better Dogg....either way.

 

Something tells me this isn't the end though....

[healinginnyc81]

Dogg, It really sounds as if you are trying to get her to feel something for you again and I completely understand. I emailed my ex twice after she broke up with me and she was the same way polite but detached. It made me angrier that she was acting like she just switched off the love that she felt for me. But I think it's just that - acting.

She is trying to move on and the way for her to do it is to present to you that she has moved on.

But I hope that by sending her that email, you feel like you've at least made her understand your pain, although I'm sure she already did and just didn't want to show it.