today is "the day" and I am miserable...

[Dogg]

well, today is the day, our "would be anniversary". I am thinking about laying on thew line once and for all. Putting all of my feelings out there in a nicely written email.

 

I will more or less state that since I hav the feeling that she just does not care anymore, and since she has not had any contact with me in however long, that this would be a good time to say that I have done all that I can to show her that I love her and how much she means to me, up to and including giving her her space when she asked for it. I will let her know that I have been thinking of her a lot, but at the same time I have been moving on. I am just giving this one more shot, on the day that started it all. I miss her and that I love her and always will but that I can not go on holding on to hope that is apparently getting me nowhere. today has always meant a lot to me, and I know now that it always will no matter what. I want you (her) to have a very good christmas and a happy new year and know that she will be in my heart throughout.

 

that is basically it. I have tears in my eyes after just writing this to you all. fi nayone has anything to add, suggest or correct I am all ears. also, any suggestions as to things to say otherwise or things to wriet or how to write them would be much appreciated as well. I ma not sure whether or not I will actually do this or write this, but I have come to the point in which I more or less need to know for myself whether or not to fully give up hope of ever getting her back in my life. I know that in many ways, her lack of contact with me speaks volumes and the things that she stated in the beginning of our breakup should be enough, but maybe I am just a glutten for punishment and need one last final kick in the nuts to set me straight. I will say that I have not been sleeping well since sunday, adn that this is one of the hardest days that I have had in a while for whatever reason. My chest is tight, my heart is broken, but at the same time, I feel nothing....but pure emptyness. Dave, my christmas wish fi I had to choose just one, would be to have noone ever have to go through the pain and agony of loving someone so deeply that apparently doe snot love you in return.

 

If anyone at all has something in mind that may better hlp to express my feeliungs in such a way that would still leave the door open, I wuld really appreciate it! one love!

__________________

[annie24]

I take it she broke up with you?

 

Don't send the e-mail. Write it, get all your feelings out, and then put it away. Don't send it to her, I doubt it would help get her back.

 

If you do want to leave the door a tiny bit open, just send her a christmas card, telling her you hope she has a great christmas and that her 2006 is a wonderful year. I think that will let her know you still have some warm feelings.

[karen95]

i don't think you should send the email. if you do not get a reply at all is it not possible that you would feel worse. i know that this is a hard day for you - i have been through that myself. can you not go out with friends or family or do anything to try and take your mind off this.

 

and at the weekend if you still feel the need to contact her just write a simple email wishing her merry christmas.

 

if she borke up with you, and you add feelings to this email you could end up pushing her away. if you honestly feel the need to contact her my advice would be to keep it really light with no mention of feeling.

 

i know this is a hard day.this is prob as bad a day as you are going to get as it is your anniversary BUT this day will be over tomorrow

 

good luck!!

[angelgirl]

I compeletly agree with annie24. Writing her an email and putting all your feeling out probably won't make her come back and might even push her away even more

 

From what you have said previously she doesn't make any effort to stay in touch, let her then. As long as you keep emailing etc. and hence making the first move she will never realise what she is missing as she will always have it there. You know a good saying which goes along the lines of "Take a step back and the other person will take 2 towards you". Unfortunately these are games that we all play even as adults.

 

My advice to you is to write that email and put all your feeling out in it and then deleate it. This will help you to sort things out in your head and make you feel a bit better.

 

Above all just keep trying to move on and one day you will wake up and feel better. Trust me I know have been there and done that and even though I am getting over a break up at the mo and desperately want him back, deep inside I know that the key is to be strong and carry on with life.

[SLMitchell918]

I agree with the other posts. Write something down just to get your feelings out but don't send it to her. If you dont hear anything back from her you will be totally hurt all over again and it would just be opening that wound up.

 

Once you get through this day, things will get better. Every year the "anniversary" won't be so hard.

 

If she broke up with you, show her that you've moved on by not contacting her.

 

I wish you the best of luck!

[PrincessLinzay]

I have to agree with the other posters. Emails and letters never seem to do much good, they just leave you feeling drained after it's been sent. If you must write one, write it for yourself and then destroy it.

 

In the long run, if there is any contact between you, it should come from her.

 

Hang in there!

[AC874]

Dogg,

 

Dont do it man!

[Dogg]

I get what you all are saying, but I still feel that htere is just so much unspoken stuff I have in side me. I have been in NC for a while now asside from the b-day card, and your right in that she has not made an effort to contact me, but I love her, miss her and feel like I need to tell her how I feel even if it is in not so many words. I think that I may send a simplpe email to her today saying that: Today I am thinking of you, and I know you know why. love always, XXXXX

 

what do you think

[annie24]

No. Not that either. At most, you can send her christmas greetings.

 

It's important - who broke up with whom? If she was crazy for you, and you broke her heart, but have since decided you want to be with her, then send her the shorter e-mail.

 

if she broke up with you, then just send a christmas card

[onmyownagain]

Dogg. If you do send it you may well give her a nice ego boost but it wont do you any good at all. Listen to what people are telling you. DON'T DO IT

[Dogg]

well, I knowingly went against everyones advice and wrote her an email, a well thought out and well constructed email that says all that I wanted to express. Writing it brought tears to my eyes more than you could imagine, but at the same time, I feel that a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Maybe you think I'm an idiot, maybe not, but I feel that this will make it easier for me to move on if that is the case which I think that it is. also, if she ever had any questions about what I was feeling or thinking she won't now. I said what I said, sent the email, I expect nothing in return so I'll post it here so everyone can read my heartache and throw thir opinions my way:

 

XXXXX,

I awoke today thinking of you. I remember what today is, and even though it may mean nothing in the grand scheme of things, it will always mean something to me. Today I am flooded with all of the memories of you and my heart swells. I will forever cherish the time that we spent together and look back on it as one of the best times in my life because I got to spend nearly three years with such a wonderful, caring person, whom I loved so very much and would have given the world and more to make happy. I sit here now, filled with thoughts about what might have been if I had done things differently, that maybe, just maybe, we could be as one, the way that it should, the way that it was. XXXXX, through thick and thin, through good and bad, throughout almost three years you never ceased to amaze me. I never lost that feeling that I had in the beginning of our relationship when I knew that I loved you and that I was in love with you, that feeling of butterflies in my stomach. I had that feeling everytime that I was near you. I will never forget you XXXXX, for nearly three years you were my everything, you stole my heart, you gave me all your love and devotion and for that I will be forever greatful! You showed me what real, undying love and devotion truly is and I hope that I expressed those feeling to you. I had to tell you this XXXXX, I don't know why other than the fact that I love you with all my heart and always have! I hope that you got the birthday card that I dropped off for you and the message from Streets who misses his mommy dearly. I hope that you have a wonderful Christmas and a fullfilling new year as I know that it is your favorite second only to the fourth of July! I send my best to your family and my love to your mother and father whom I miss more than you could ever know. I hope that everything is ok with your dad and the transit strike as I am sure that is stressful for you all. Just know XXXXX, I am thinking of you, and that December 20th will always be a special day for me.

Love always,

Dogg

 

there it is. I think that it is beautifully written and says everything that I could ever want to say. I have nothing left......

[healinginnyc81]

I'm glad to hear that you aren't expecting a response and that you feel better having gotten those thoughts out.

 

I hope it makes it easier for you to move on - what's done is done and you should try not to look back too much.

[PocoDiablo]

Dogg,

 

Personally I don't think you're an idiot, but I do think what you did was self-centered and thoughtless. I have done this before, so don't think I am just picking on you, I am speaking from what *I* used to do.

 

Why do I say that? You sent her an email to make YOURSELF feel better. It does not appear that you took her feelings into account one bit. What if she has a new boyfriend? What if she saw that and got mad at her? What if you ruined her day because you upset her? What purpose did it serve for HER?

 

It didn't do her any good. And, if anything, this only serves as a reminder and warning to her as to WHY she broke it off with you. Next time I would recommend you at least sleep on it overnight before you do something like this. It's not very adult to use her as your emotional dumping ground.

 

Just a thought.

[lonelyfish]

Are you sure you are going to be OK if she does not give you any kind of response? I'm curios to see how you will feel in a few days but I do hope it did give you some relief to send it and that you feel like you can finally move on!

[chai714]

Dogg,

 

When I was in a position like yours, I wrote in a journal, worked out, listened to music, and talked about it to my friends. When my friends got tired of hearing it, I wrote in a journal. I ended up writing probably equivilant to a novel. This helped me a lot, along with working out. Working out releases "happy chemicals" which will actually make you feel better about yourself. It won't take away heartbreak, but it will help you cope better. Good luck.

[Lady Bugg]

Good advice Chai.

 

Personally I drink, cry and eat chocolate...LOL...

 

I'm working on the working out part though....

[Dogg]

poco,

if you think of it that way, I guess that it may have been selfish, but I wrote and sent that email to her for more than just to make myself feel better. I truly do love her with all my heart and I wanted to let her know that I am thinking about her on what would have been a special day. A part of me knows that maybe I did not tell her how much I appreciated her when we were together, I really don't think that anyone who would read what i wrote could take it as anything less than a major compliment to her. I hope that in some way, it makes her happy to know that she has had such a profound effect on my life, and that she is so very special to me. Hopefully, it makes her feel good! On the other hand, if, like you mentioned above she does have a new boyfriend and he sees this and gets mad...GOOD!!!! but I do not think that that is the case, nor do I actually care if it is. I hope that I did not make her upset in any way becvause that was in no way my intention, I actually just wanted to tell her that she means the world to me, and that i do truly care. I just want her to be happy.....

[Lady Bugg]

Dogg...

 

If I received that letter from a guy I wasn't with..it would make me feel very good. I think your letter was nicely done. I am not giving you false hope, but I DO think it was a touching letter. If she has a heart at ALL she will at least feel some sort of gratitude for it. You wre with her for 3 years...and if her heart could turn to stone that easily (which I doubt) then you're better off without her anyway.

 

Happy "would have been" anniversary.

[Dogg]

thanks lady bug,

that is and was my only intention, to try to touch her heart in some way even if it be from afar because she has touched my life in so many ways even if now she has also hurt me soooo much. What hurts me the most and has the entire duration of the breakup is that after three years nd so much love between us both, that she for whatever reason just cuts off all contact completely. that is something that i will never understand.

[Lady Bugg]

Well, just know you put it "out there"...you were sincere and it came from the heart. Being bitter will only leave a bad taste in peoples mouths,..and make them think they are GLAD to be rid of you. If you think you did what was right in your heart and if this will help you move on at least feeling better..then good for you. This was a very special day for you and has been for 3 years....anyone who has been in love should realize this day is not an easy one to forget.

 

Your ex may choose to not acknowledge this day with the same outlook you have..but that is her issue. I would like to think..for your sake she has fond memories and can at least smile when she remembers them. However try not to thik what SHE is thinking...that can only set you back. Whats done is done.....try to leave this with a good memory.

[Dogg]

thnx again lady bug,

I hope that she can see the good in it also and that it brings a smile to her face and at least makes her think a little bit. thats all I've got for now, I'll keep ya'll posted

[Piscesone]

I must say that whatever you are going through, this could prove to be a great healing ground for you. I am a new member to this site and I have gone through hell and back over the last two years with a divorce. The people on this site are genuine and sincere and there's never any mean spirited advice.

Though I went through a bunch of crap, I moved on mentally from the relationship without a problem but my ex- husband did not. It's been 2 1/2 years now and he still sends me emails out of the blue about things that he feels that he needs to get off his chest. The first few times were okay but at this point I have suggested that he seek counseling.

I believe from the letter that you sent, you loved and still love her very much. But now it's time to think about yourself and re-grouping. It's going to be hard to get back out there and I'd advise you not to push or rush yourself to do so but leave the letter as is and please don't write her anymore unless she responds to the email that you've sent.

In a day or two, you may even come up with ideas of other things that you left out of your letter that you want her to know. Write this forum instead and continue to gain support from those of us out here who care and won't delete your letter. (smile)

[Dogg]

like i said earlier, I hope that this just makes her think a little bit about the good times. I sent it for no other reason than to comliment her adn tell her once and for all just how I feelo about her and the relationship we had (sob)! I have told myself that this is it, if she has any heart at all she will feel something, I do not expect a response, but of course would like and appreciate one. If she does not respond, then i must tell myself once and for all that this is over because I have been doign so well lately and just had a major slip up over the last two days due to this "anniversary" thing. if she does not respond, so be it, its done. I just had to get things off my chest and tell her exactly what she truly means and meant to me and that I will always have a place for her in my heart.

[ocrob]

Let me say something a bit different. I do agree with everybody that you should not contact her at all. Writing her will not help the situation at all. Well, my next thought is will writing her help you? I wrote my ex some really deep stuff. It always made me feel good to express myself. It will not help your situation to write her, but if you do, then write her everything that you ever wanted to say and make it clear you will never talk to her again. If you choose to do this, do it with the intent for closure. If you feel you have something to say, then say it and realize you are only doing it for yourself. Let her know that you are moving on and will never contact her again. Say what you need to say, if you truly need to, and then never look back. Trust me, I am all about no contact. But, you just might need to write her a two page letter and get things off of your chest. If you do it for closure and yourself, then it can't hurt. Just plan on never talking to her again. Don't have any motives because it will only tear you apart. Good luck bro!

[ocrob]

Dogg,

 

I guess I did not read the end of the posts and see that you already wrote your e-mail. I had a feeling you needed to express yourself. I believe in giving your heart and soul to people and you did that. Now it is time to move on. It is awesome that you did not have an ego and you just were straight up. I respect that * * * *. Time to move on bro.