Difference between Love and Infatuation

[Irishgurl]

A group of us got togethe ron the weekend and we got into a conversation about Love... someone had asked "what is the difference between Love and Infatuation?"

 

Does anyone know? I didn't know how to answer...

[Mrocza]

Love lasts...infatuation wanes.

[DN]

Love is reciprocal - infatuation is usually one-sided. Love means that, while you want what is best for your partner, you also recognise that you are an equal partner in the relationship as well and that your needs and desires are as important as your partners.

 

Love is balanced, infatuation usually is not.

[HellFrost666]

It's a hard one to explain, sometimes it's hard to tell the difference even when you are feeling one of them.

 

Basically, whe you love somone you are sure of it, when you are infatuated you are unsure about everything. When you love someone there is a mutual understanding there, when you are infatuated it's usually someone you barely know.

 

Probably not the best answer... but the best one I can give.

[RayKay]

Infatuation is what happens before you recognize your partner's "flaws", before you realize that this relationship is not a fairy tale made in heaven, but a match made right on earth. It may or may not be one sided, but it is often blind to some truths, or unaware of realities.

 

Love is what happens when you truly accept that person for whom they truly are - not what you think. When you are building a future together. When during good and bad, you always treat each other with respect, honour, commitment, compassion. When you work problems out together, rather then run away. Love is equality, it's reciprocal. It's companionship, desire, passion, fun, friendship, respect, all wrapped up in one. It's realizing no one is perfect, but together you can make something beautiful together. Love takes TIME together, shared experiences...it is not found instantly!!!

 

Love just Is. It's hard to describe, but you know it when you truly experience it.

 

On a sorta side note, kinda related to my comments on "flaws"....I read about a recent study that looked at long term partners. Those MOST likely to stay together and be happy are those whom recognized their partners flaws, and did not brush them off as "unimportant". Rather it was those whom worked with them, accepted them as the package.

[tommyJ]

Love is a mutual respect for one another which takes time to grow as you get to know one each other. You love the person regardless of their shortcomings and would do anything for them. Love is something that develops over time.

 

Infatuation is when you get those initial "butterflies" when you first start dating. People mistake those feelings as love but really it is your adrenaline pumping and the excitement and thrill of a new relationship. It can also be known as lust.

[Irishgurl]

hmmm some really good answers here! So if it initially starts out as infatuation/lust... when do you know that it develops into love?

[Relationship Coach]

Nice thread. Infatuation is more of a stage that many pass through on the way to finding love. Infatuation is composed of the overwhelming feelings that become uncontrollable and obsessive in the beginning of a relationship. You know, the "I can't get enough of this person feelings." The excitement, tightness in the chest, can't breath, can't concentrate, that in a nut shell is where infatuation starts and stops. Love however is more complex. Love takes everything to the next level and like RayKay said,

Love is what happens when you truly accept that person for whom they truly are - not what you think. When you are building a future together. When during good and bad, you always treat each other with respect, honour, commitment, compassion. When you work problems out together, rather then run away. Love is equality, it's reciprocal. It's companionship, desire, passion, fun, friendship, respect, all wrapped up in one. It's realizing no one is perfect, but together you can make something beautiful together. Love takes TIME together, shared experiences...it is not found instantly!!!

 

 

You would take a bullet for someone you love, you would send flowers to someone you're infatuated with.

[ShySoul]

Infatuation equals a "crush." It is the first stirrings of something. It is when you begin to like someone, for whatever reason. But you have not been through enough together, do not know enough about each other to know if it would last. Love comes in time from that. It comes from a respect, admiration, and understanding of each other.

 

When does the change occur? No one can say for sure. You just know. It hits like a tidal wave and catches you off guard. It is not something you can think of, something you talk yourself through or something you make happen. It is something that just happens.

[rionmccloud]

But it's love if you hang outside their house at three AM, you know, just in case a fire breaks out. Oh, and follow them at a distance inside store, in case someone tries to steal their purse. That's love, right?

[Relationship Coach]

No rionmccloud, that's stalking!

[novaseeker]

I agree that infatuation is the beginning. It's the rush at the beginning of a new relationship that says "Hey, this is really cool, I can't get enough of this person, they are so perfect".

 

And then that wears off after a while, and you are either in a situation where you don't want to be with the person any longer, or where the infatiuation has grown into a true, balanced love, where you accept that the other person is not perfect, but you love them in spite of their foibles.

 

I don't think you can tell if it's love until that initial butterfly/romance/OMG stage passes, to be honest.

[ShySoul]

You know it is true love when all that matters to you is the other persons happiness, even if it means your own pain.

 

You know it is true love when the mere thought of not being together feels like the very reason you are there has disappeared.

 

You know it is true love when even after it hasn't worked out, you still can't imagine yourself with anyone else and know from the very depths of your soul that she is the only one you will ever want to be with.

[Juha]

So true Shysoul...

 

Exactly how I feel now...

[Cherokeelion]

Love means accepting your partner for who they are, and realising that they accept you as well. True, connected love brings a peacefulness and sense of well-being to those involved. Infatuation might have more initially intense feelings but also much more stress too.

[ShySoul]

Juha I hope things are going well for you. I know what you are feeling and it isn't nice. If you want to talk, feel free to write me. It's good to have a kindred spirit going through this.

[RayKay]

I agree that infatuation is the beginning. It's the rush at the beginning of a new relationship that says "Hey, this is really cool, I can't get enough of this person, they are so perfect".

 

And then that wears off after a while, and you are either in a situation where you don't want to be with the person any longer, or where the infatiuation has grown into a true, balanced love, where you accept that the other person is not perfect, but you love them in spite of their foibles.

 

I don't think you can tell if it's love until that initial butterfly/romance/OMG stage passes, to be honest.

 

I agree, it takes time. I think depending on your life experiences you can have a very good idea that "THIS" is different then it has been before and that the positive signs are there, but until that lust stage has gone, and you settle into the normalcy of life (face it if it was ALWAYS a honeymoon stage, we would NEVER get anything done!) and you see your partner not just at their best....you don't know if it's true love.

 

While it's a big generalization, I will often think you don't know it is love until you have gone through some big steps - seen each other with the flu for example, resolved (or not I guess!) a conflict or two, and seen how you both are in the day to day. I guess for me, basically it's love when it's REAL again, and no longer fantasy.

[ShySoul]

Reality and fantasy are intertwined when it comes to love. It is never fully one way or the other. The moments of fantasy have a touch of harsh reality. And the moments of reality are blessed with an etheral glow. Even holding a loved one who is sick feels magical. In the same day I went from the sweet high of a first kiss to the unrelentingness sorrow of seeing my love in pain, holding her as tears fell. And through it all, there was a magic. The magic is love.

[volution]

Love heals, love teaches, love inspires, love learns, love creates, love muses, love can last forever; love goes beyond time, distance, death; love is sweet, gentle and kind; love is the most important thing in the world

 

Infatuation usually lasts for a while (6-18 months) - love must follow to keep the passionate feelings alive... Infatuation is mostly on the physical level - there are chemicals that are responsible for our butterfly feelings, but I still like to believe the soul plays a part (the soul feels all that we feel so it does)...

[volution]

You know it is true love when all that matters to you is the other persons happiness, even if it means your own pain.

 

You know it is true love when the mere thought of not being together feels like the very reason you are there has disappeared.

 

You know it is true love when even after it hasn't worked out, you still can't imagine yourself with anyone else and know from the very depths of your soul that she is the only one you will ever want to be with.

 

The 3rd one is so true - often I have believed that the people I had fallen in love were truly was the 'One' - I just couldn't love but with my whole being. But now beyond every doubt, every fear I have found her - the one that everyone in their heart looks for, but few find... The one that so many pass by... The One that is the true other half of your soul - this is not codependence, but the two halves create more together than they can do by themselves... The One who writes like you do, whose features almost spookily match yours, the one whose dreams hopes beliefs and deepest feelings are your mirror, the one who can set you always at ease, the one that you came to earth from heaven to find again...

[Irishgurl]

Wow... I am speechless and have goosebumps. What an incredible thread & some amazing answers.

 

volution... I have to say that was one of the most powerful descriptions I have ever read and it brought tears to my eyes. Amazing...

 

Thank you so much to everyone who contributed to this thread... I have definitely learned a lot!!

 

One more question: If two people feel the exact same passion and chemistry, can't get eachother out of their minds and they both know how perfectly in sync they are and how well they fit together... would that still be Infatuation?

[RayKay]

One more question: If two people feel the exact same passion and chemistry, can't get eachother out of their minds and they both know how perfectly in sync they are and how well they fit together... would that still be Infatuation?

 

Infatuation is not exclusive to being felt by one person only, it's pretty common that both people will go through an infatuation stage before proceeding (or not) to that deeper passionate, but also more companionship, love.

 

However I could not look at two people and make determination if they are in love of infatuated, that's something they have to learn with time and search their own hearts to know.

[ShySoul]

One more question: If two people feel the exact same passion and chemistry, can't get eachother out of their minds and they both know how perfectly in sync they are and how well they fit together... would that still be Infatuation?

 

At the early stages, yes. If that feelings doesn't fade and still beats just as strongly if not stronger as time progresses, its love.

[Irishgurl]

haha I am so ignorant when it comes to love. Some day I'll find it then I'll know what each of you are talking about..

[Expression]

Yeah, infatuation is an intense crush; an attraction that drives you crazy but can die off quickly.

 

My definition for love is when two people see each other as perfect, knowing that nobody's perfect. Because objectively, nobody's perfect - everyone's got flaws. Otherwise there'd be a man and a woman somewhere that absolutely everyone on this earth would wanna be with.

 

But everyone is perfect in one other's eyes. When your imperfections and faults become endearing to another (and vice versa), you know you've found the one. That is love. When you can argue and disagree intensely about something, but still wanna be with each other. That is love.

 

When you like them for their qualities but love them for their flaws. That is love.

 

An infatuation boils on the surface. Love resonates all through the body...