Went to a wedding, now depressed

[shelbymustang_fan]

I'm just having a rough night. I just got back from my best friends wedding. The evening was filled with love and joy. Almost everybody my age (around 20-25) attended with their b/f's and g/f's. And I went with mom and dad. How lame is that??? I have always "envied" the groom and his brother (also my age). They both met their girlfriends early in highschool, and have both been in great realtionships for over 5 years. My friend tonight married his first and only girlfriend. They are perfect together. Anyway, here I am. Almost 21, two years of college down, and only been a couple of dates. No first kiss yet.

 

This problem used to get me down everyday, but I have learned to be content and patient as a single man, but it is hard to keep this attitude in atmospheres like this, and friday nights get me down too. I am probably the only 20 year old who spends friday night with mom and dad.

 

Yes, I know I am still young, and there is still time, but sometimes I can't help but feel depressed, like I will never find someone. I always fear how time flies, and I will soon be done with college. When this time comes, it will be even harder to meet people and hook up on dates.

 

I am a pretty good looking guy who is very driven in life. I lack no motivation, and I can treat the ladies right, and I can be a fun person to be around. So why is the first step so hard?? For some reason I am clueless on how to meet women and get a date. Then, If I do get a date, it is only one.

 

Any advice on this, and how I, a shy person, can start meeting people?? (I attend a small community college, so there is no big social activities to go to) I need to start soon, because I am not getting younger.

[krissbrown]

Well im 29 and single because I took alot of boyfriends for granted and never took anyone seriously. I made a mistake because now its very hard to meet guys.

 

Your 21 so maybe join some clubs at college. I know how it feels to have everyone married and your single, its awful

[orangecounty]

I had to reply to your post because I can relate to it soooo much! I'm 22 and have never had a boyfriend. I've actually finally made peace with it, or atleast I've felt a lot better lately. But I completely understand what it's like being at events such as weddings and such, where everyone seems to have a date. I hate it. Just seeing couples all over the mall use to get me down. I'm not sure what kind of advice I have to offer, being in the same boat. But I empathize. Just try and keep a positive attitude even when it feels really lousy, and it's ok to feel down about it at times, the problem is when you let it consume you. Or what I found even worse is that I was getting desperate and wondering "what about him" whenever I would meet any male within the age range of 20-25. Let me know if you think up any good places to meet people. I have the same problem. My parents suggested that I joing a bowling league,hehehe I don't think I'll be taking that route. Good-luck!

[romantic sweetheart]

Hi...I have experienced the wedding blues. It's awful to go to a wedding alone, seeing all the happy people together. My extended family has had over 20 weddings during my lifetime...Not all of them found me gleeful and kicking up my heels....Most found me a little awkward and wishing I could be with someone special...sigh.....

 

I am very shy, too. It's so difficult for us shy folks to get out there and have the confidence to meet other people our age. One thing that has always charmed me is if a young man simply talks to me and smiles, asking me questions, showing kindness. Once, someone just introduced themselves and kissed me on the hand. It was a lovely gesture, and warmed my heart. It doesn't take much...perhaps just courage......

 

I don't know why it is so frightening to talk to strangers. But sweet people do not object a nice conversation from someone who seems as kind and gentle as yourself. The sincere ones are always welcome in a lady's world.

 

Don't worry that you will end up alone. Weddings always cause so many feelings..I know, because I stopped attending them as much for that reason....It's just too hard sometimes. But happiness is not one couple's exclusive domain. Happiness is ours to claim and to hope for.

 

This culture provides precious little opportunity to meet young singles...gone are the days of regular, organised outings that brought young people together for that special reason. Now it is left entirely up to the individual to find a mate...families and friends don't seem to be the "matchmakers" as they once were in the past. The internet has had to take over that role in a commercial fashion.

 

But love is afoot....cupid doesn't rest, although he works harder these days. People always tell me, "When you least expect it, it will come to you."

 

You know what I found out? Riding the train makes me noticeable. Funny, isn't it? For some reason, people want to talk to me when I am on the train. I have met several interesting souls on my train rides. I feel like I can make new friends on the train so easily, far easier than I can in "stationary" life.

 

So I wonder if there is a place that can duplicate that urgency of the train...A place where people feel more free to talk to one another....a place that makes people feel connected, warmly connected, all sharing a similar experience......Discussion groups? Sigh...bars?

 

Don't fret...you young, 20-year-old creature...She is closer than you think...........

[krissbrown]

I agree going ALONE to wedding is absolutley AWFUL!!!!!!!!!!! Its the worst, i choose not to go at all now and just send a gift.

[shelbymustang_fan]

Krissbrown- I'd sure like to do that, but it would be the wrong thing to do. you will have a better chance of meeting people at a wedding than at home on the couch. Not a great chance, but a chance non-the-less.

[atraceofblood]

hey, your experience almost sounds similar to how my life is right now. I'm 22, never had any romantic relationship before, never an exclusive date before, never been kissed, and you probably know the rest.

 

I always feel a bit down when I see couples holding hands, eating together at restaurants, at the movies, etc, and I always wish I had a special girl next to me too.

 

I usually try to cope with the feeling by listening to music and just imagining what it'd be like to actually have a relationship. It at least temporarily makes me feel good. And when we finally get our special girls, we can enjoy it 10000000000000000x more. We can laugh about how we were all bummed out, and never look back again. We can finally attend weddings with a special someone, and can finally hold hands in the public!

[NR498E]

I went to a wedding over the summer right after I broke up with my girlfriend.It was hard it seemed like all my friends were either married or engaged.And here I am starting all over.I took a long hard look at everybody then it occurred to me.Statisticly half of these people are going to be divorced within 8yrs.So whats the rush.

[ShySoul]

Don't feel down. When I was 20 I spent Friday night, and pretty much every night alone at home. Still do. I know how it feels to go to a wedding and feel alone, or to just walk down the street and feel alone. Thing is to not envey what others have, but to appreciate the good things in yours. So what if you don't have a relationship? Plenty of people do and are still alone. What you need to remember is that it isn't about when you get a date or girlfriend, its about making sure that date and relationship is with the right person. I'd much rather wait until I'm 30 to get a girlfriend (purposely choosing an age far off too emphasize the point) and make sure that she is the right girlfriend with whom I want to spend my life with, then to just get a girlfriend because I am lonely and want a girlfriend. It's about who the person is, not about when you meet her. It's not a race to see who gets it fastest. And when you do get it, it will be worth all the wait and frustration.

[CrazyKing]

Well, you complain that you never hang out, go to parties and all that stuff??? The only thing that I learned going to clubs & parties is that you'll definitely never find someone, but at least i've learned talking to people, cuz I was awfully shy until I started going to such places...

 

Now I'm in the first semester at the university, I had to cope with depression last year, I even attempted suicide, well, one of the main reasons were these stupid parties and all the guys with their girlfriends, and I was always alone...

 

And help came, my mother told me: "If you don't clearly know what you're looking for, then you'll never have any success..."

 

Hey, I've been sitting for hours and I truly can't imagine what I'm looking for in a girl, sometimes I don't know if I just want a sexual relationship or someone who's listening to the same music, I just can't imagine why I should need a girlfriend at this point, It's the chaos in our heads that makes us lonely...

[Mrocza]

There's nothing wrong with not going on on Friday nights. I will never understand the dread people go through with *gasp* having no.plans.for.Friday.night.

 

If you're serious going about going out and meeting people, but are too shy perhaps to strike up the conversation, why don't you join some school clubs like krissbrown suggested. You won't meet anyone unless you put yourself out there!

 

If your college doesn't have anything you're interested in, why don't you try community clubs and groups...start going to the gym, or go to the local pool regularly, take classes in something you're interested in on the side (art, writing, whatever)...

 

Maybe your CC doesn't have a lot of opportunities, but neither will you unless you put yourself out there

 

CrazyKing is right. It's the chaos in our heads that makes us lonely. Do you want a gf, really? Or do you just feel lonely? Figure out what you want first- sometimes gf's can be a pain-in-the...

I should know...

[shelbymustang_fan]

I have no problem with not having plans on every Friday night, I enjoy relaxing at home too, but it still feels a little lonely. Anyway, I live in a very small town, so there are no community clubs/groups, and the college has almost zero activities that interest me, (they are mostly drama related plays).

 

So where should I meet people? I have hung out in the cafeteria before. there are lots of people there. But how do you approach them, or get their attention...etc. Also, I go bowling at a near-by bowling alley, but it is such a small town, I already know everybody there. I'd like any suggestions, but I am still trying to overcome the whole shyness thing, so start advice at a basic level because I truley am "beginner"

[SimonBlume]

I know I may sound mean, but to make yourself feel better, you might tell yourself, "Who knows how they truly feel after all those people leave...perhaps they are not as happy as we saw it in the wedding...of course in events like weddings everyone looks happy, even those who're beaten up regularly by their partners..." : ) I mean, I do see lots of unhappy marriages in my life, even including my parents' though they always claim they have a wonderful time together. The problem is you cannot always just feel happy and never quarrel or fight if you live with somebody who's not created totally the same as you (unless you clone one and train her/him on your own... : )). Believe me, nothing "perfect" truly exists.

[wlfpack81]

I know the feeling of getting jealous at other couples. That's why I haven't attended any weddings of my friends from college and don't plan on it (same w/attending weddings of co-workers). I'd attend the weddings of my 3 best friends growing up but right now it doesn't appear they're getting hitched anytime soon either.

[ShySoul]

Weddings can be sad for those of us without someone special. So can just walking down the street seeing couples holding hands. But the question is, do you want to let that sorrow overwhelm you? Or do you want to fight and prove you are stronger. We can't let our sadness or fear of being alone prevent us from enjoying all the countless other aspects of life. We have to push on, living life to the fullest. For we are only really alone when we choose to be.

[Zerohero]

Why did you go out and attend wedding? What were you thinking? (no offense). The only weddings I would attend are someone close in my family, or my two best friends I've ever had, because I know they wouldn't just leave me hanging.

 

About going on on fridays etc, who cares. Sometimes there really isn't much to do. What I have learned, it's not what day it's on, or what exactly you do, it's who your doing it with. So don't rush out to go to clubs etc. Besides, if you pick up someone from a club, and they cheat on you, don't get shocked. What did you expect from picking some chick up from the local pub anyway?

 

Just relax, many people share your same feelings daily, and sometimes we just have to deal with them in order to make ourselves stronger. Don't feel bad for yourself, what your feeling is normal, and you will make it.

[blah17]

You guys should not worry about people getting married, being single is the best thing that could have ever happened to you, it gives you time to grow and mature while you watch these "happy weddings" that seem happy fail a few years down the line and watch these people become unhappy as they have kids or figure out the were not mature enough to make that kind of decision.

 

You really have to be *experienced* grown up and mature to really understand what you're in for, or 2) really dedicated to the idea and values of traditional marriage.

[Ceema-k]

I'm 28 and my friends are steadily marrying off one by one by one... or they are in long-term relationships that will almost surely lead to wedding bells.

 

What can I do? I keep on living my life the best I can and try to make better choices. I'm blessed with more youthful looks and a "big kid" personality, so it usually isn't a huge problem for me to meet and date younger women and alternately, women who are a little older. I'm still waiting to have a meaningful, committed relationship with someone who I really care about. Until then, it's the dating grind, which is a big rollercoaster ride sometimes.

 

I see couples all around me. Age 30 is loomng on the horizon. 99% of all my friends will probably be married in the next 3 years. I can't do anything to change those things. The only thing I can change is what I do today, right now.

 

All I can really say is that you're not alone. For every "happy couple" you see at a wedding or on the street, there are 20 singles. Keep doing your thing, keeping learning about yourself, keep improving yourself and above all else, get out there and do something scary once in a while.