Her friends are influincing her, HELP!

[afterd]

Hi, New Years Eve 2001, I met a wonderful girl, we dated all of last year. We fell in love and had our fair share of tough times, she got pregnant last Sept. Feelings of emotions, etc. I didn't really appreciate her in this time and took her for granted as well. We broke it off in Jan. We didn't talk for a couple of months and then, in March I saw her at a club and we went home together. After that, we started talking again, being intimate, etc. In May, I told her I was still in love with her and we started to work things out, talking every day>about 3 hours a night. She has been hanging out with a gay guy and he has been telling her, "your too young to settle down", "why are you with him", etc. She is 22 and I am 30 yo. He has been influincing her to the point that she is telling me she wants to be with other girls and needs time to work things out in her head, she says "there is something missing in my life" and she needs to find out what it is. She is doing things now that she never used to do, rool her eyes, sometimes when I kiss her, she wipes them off, we had a very emotional "break" a couple of weeks ago and she called me back 3 days later saying she misses me, sometimes she wants to date, sometimes she doesn't want to have anything to do with me, it seems like I have given her all of the power in this relationship and she is ego tripping very much. We took another break on the 4th of july and i called her mon and she says it would be better if we just werent together, i pleaded for us to find some sort of middle groung and she agreed that she would hate not seeing me, talking to me, being intimate with me, etc. I suggested we work on our friendship now and she has agreed, am i just spineless? I do think she needs to realize what she may lose here, but find it very hard severing ties right now. She is super insecure about her weight and appearance, when we started going out, it took her 3 months to take her skirt off, she would use it to hide her belly, i have seen her off and on for a year now and have never seen her nude. I told her i wanted to marry her and she said everyone who had ever been with her had said that. how mean!

She has said that things are so good with us that she would prolly eventually come back and try to work things out. She wrote a poem too, when she said mon we would be better off without each other:

Wanting what you can't have

Having nothing you want

Mourning for you

for what could have been

Murdering feelings

Fictitious excuses

For what

Selfish reasons

Selfish feelings

You are everything that I wanted

But the time wasn't right

Time didn't want it

Set free

From all this negativity

You will be so happy without me...

 

 

...please help!!! even if she did want to come back, it would be hard to think that she wouldnt change her mind next week.

[Baffler Meal]

She is doing things now that she never used to do, rool her eyes, sometimes when I kiss her, she wipes them off...

 

Hmmm...

 

I told her i wanted to marry her and she said everyone who had ever been with her had said that. how mean!

 

...please help!!! even if she did want to come back, it would be hard to think that she wouldnt change her mind next week.

 

I would have told her to go F off and die- and meant it, but I'm not in love with her. I wish you luck. At least she seems to be honest about her feelings which seems a little mean but is far better than the alternative.

[segagirl]

You sound very dedicated to her and your love for her. I think its great you are willing to allow her the time and space she is requesting. However....Time for you to take a stand. Put you're foot down and set some boundaries...she is walking all over you.

It is fine for her to want to explore and try new things,,,but she either does that with you, or without you. Don't settle for the backseat.

[adeius]

she is hurt. She is so hurt that she just places her defenses up so that she doesn't get hurt again. You said that she was pregnant.. by you? and what did you tell her? what did she do? why did you break up?

[afterd]

hey, yes I was the one that got her pregnant, i actually called it quits in jan, but realized how much she meant to me, so I came back. I miss her so much. I had told her I needed my space at the time, she has commented that the roles are reversed now. When she was pregnant, it really freaked me out. i said a stupid, stupid thing, i told her i was not going to marry her. i have since acknowledged and apologized for that since.

[afterd]

[chocos]

Hi...

 

Honestly speaking, it is a traumatic experience to share some most intimate moments with someone so trusted. and when she got pregnant, you ran away when she needed you most. What can i say?

 

It is already a traumatic experience to share intimate moments with someone you loved with your heart and soul and only to realise with that person telling you that he was never happy and did not love you in the first place. Let alone, you running away.

 

I am sorry, but i really cannot see the point. If you really think she is the one, these are the things that you really have to put up with. Not because she has become like that, but because the heartache you caused her made her to be like that. She wanted a beautiful future with you, but you just ran away. The trauma of that and the trauma of the heartache and pain can never be described. It can heal, but it would never be the same. It can forgive, but it would never forget.

[afterd]

Yes, I have really had the time to do soulsearching in this case, it tears me apart every day. If I could just get one more chance with her, one more time to appreciate her like I do now. Those are the stakes involved her, huge stakes, this IS the one. I have never had a regret like this. We did stay in contact though. Throughout the whole thing. I didn't talk to her for about 4 days. I was just...I knew that the level of our relationship when she told me had went up 1000 times in the matter of a 15 minute conversation. I do hope and will wait for that chance now. She will never regret it!

[chocos]

Hi afterd

 

I support in your decision to not let go. But you must understand that the final and ultimate decision of going through all these is hers. Whether you have another chance or not, really depends on her now.

 

I admire your courage to admit that you were wrong to leave her. I really do. The most important thing in life is to be able to see your mistakes and learn from them.

 

I wish you the best and do keep us posted!!!