Help, especially from the guys!!!

[thoyneeka]

Ok, my b/f and I have been long distance for 6 years. of course over 6 yrs ld, we've had problems, but we've worked through them all. we've known each other for about 11 yrs... so we've been friends not just b/f & g/f.

 

anyway, this year has been difficult for us both. i've been more successful with school and getting my career started than he has. so from what we've tlaked about in the past, i know he's stressed about finances and not being "where he wants to be in his life". we can't see each other as much as we'd like, and that bothers him because he knows thats what we both want. i have more money and time (cause my job is flexible and pays me okay) so i do most of the traveling. the current situation is that back in oct., i was going through an emotional wringer. i had just visited him the week b4 and it was great. he had one day off from work the 3 days i was there. he took me out which is rare because eventhough i visit, he doesn't necessarily have time off to go out and do things. we usually just stay in and spend time together when he comes from work. so, a week after this great visit, i called him and left a voice message asking him if we can plan a visit when he can come see me. i really wanted him to come so we could spen time in my space (without his room mates). i didn't say "you need to come see me within 2 weeks or anything. i simply said, "can we plan a visist, i really need you to come see me sometime". the next day, he calls me and says that he's too pressured and he can't deal with me anymore. he said that he can't make anyone happy. he said he was tired of trying to make everyone happy while he was stressed. so then he says i'll talk to you later when i'm ready, but until then i'm not talking to you.

 

so since then, there was thanksgiving and my b-day. he called both times. he's replied to a few texts i sent (mostly i was saying "i hope you're feeling okay" or "i miss you") and he said "i'm okay" or "i miss you too". and then i had a major thing happen and of course i called him to let him know. and he checked on me a few days during that. but since thanksgiving 11-24 & my birthday 11-25 and said i was just gonna stop contact completely because he said i hadn't really given him time to get over his anger. Nine days into my nc, he calls me and says "we need to talk when we go home for christmas". i said okay, and that was the whole conversation, we hung up.

 

i didn't like those words and i started thinking he wanted to break up. so a day or two later i texted him to ask if he still wanted to be together. his reply was "we'll talk when we get home". and i replied "if you want to break up, why wait, just let me know what i'm waiting for" and he said nothing. so then i sent another saying "i hope you get what you're looking for. i wish things could've been different". he replies to that message and says, "me too since you can't listen and be patient for 2 more weeks".

 

okay, i see how he MAY feel like i was being impatient. but what gives him the right to manipulate the relationship. why do i have to be understanding but he doesn't? guys, if you wanted to break up would you wait 2 weeks to do it in person? i guess he could just want to talk, but why go out of your way to call and say those dreaded words "we need to talk"???? its not fair, i'm sitting here twirling my thumbs wondering what the crap he's thinking and he gets to call the shots? GUYS: comments or suggestions on how he my be feeling!!

[Dako]

If someone calls and says "we need to talk" they should talk or else why bring it up?

 

Sounds like he's pretty self-centered if he expects you to simmer for 2 weeks. That's not patience, that's being a doormat.

 

If he wants to break up with you, he should do it like a woman and tell you without games.

[thoyneeka]

NOTE: ignore the clown smiley, don't know how that got there.

[PocoDiablo]

Um, worst case secnario immediately come to mind: he's met a new woman.

 

Or, maybe he's gotten you an engagement ring!

 

Irregardless, his behavior is immature at best. I cannot read his mind so I can only give you one piece of advice - hope for the best, expect the worst.

[DN]

I can see how he might need time but to expect someone to wait 2 weeks for a "we need to talk" talk is selfish and cruel.

 

Frankly, I would just tell him that you no longer need to talk with him - ever again.

[thoyneeka]

i just don't get the "we need to talk" but not now, we'll talk in two weeks. if i wanted to let go of someone that i don't see on a regular basis, i wouldn't wait 'til we see each other to give bad news.

 

one of my friends thinks that he has a ring too. that's funny. he did want to propose last year on my b-day, but that got sidetracked.

[Dako]

Do you really want a ring from this guy, if so far he makes you feel like you're about to get the boot?

I'll never understand women.

[thoyneeka]

haha, its so much going on with the both of us individually. honestly, i didn't feel like he was gonna break up until he said "we need to talk". but because we haven't had real conversations since he had his little melt down, maybe he just wants to talk about why he wigged out, and how we can fix it. if he was to propose, i wouldn't say yes. but i don't want to break up either.

[DN]

What would you say if he were to propose? Why don't you want to marry him?

 

Seems to me you should decide what you want from him - short term and long term.

[Hannibal]

If I were you I would start to prepare for the worst. However if I were him I wouldn't wait until we were together to tell you that we needed to break up. Since you're in a ldr doing this over the phone is fine.

 

That is very confusing so like I said prepare for the worst but hope for the best.

[thoyneeka]

If he were to propose, I don't know what I'd say. I feel like we have issues that need to be addressed before that can happen. The idealistic part of me says just say "let me think about it". But my heart says, girl get real, if he got done on one knee you'd say "yes" and hope to iron out the problems while picking out your flowers.

 

Part of me knows I should prepare for the worst, but I'm still hopeful I guess. When I told him I hope he gets what he wants someday, he did say "me too since you can't be patient for 2 more weeks". So I kinda feel like he wants to air things out in person, but not break up... he's just being inconsiderate about the way he's manipulating the relationship. Overall, I'm just afraid. I know I don't want to break up.