At what point do I throw in the towel?

[Jasmine]

Short version:

 

Met an amzing man online. We connected immediately. We met several times and had the most amazing times together. I was 'the one'. We had a 'once in a life time' relationship. All those wonderful good things. But I wasn't ready to settle down. He knew that. We had the most intense chemistry that it felt telepathic at times.

 

He told me several times that he was shy and introverted. I never saw that side of him. I saw the male version of me. We dated for about a month.

 

I started to get scared at how fast it was all moving and started to push him away. He then ran away.

 

Since then, almost a year has passed and he is all I think about. I've contacted him a few times during this time and it always ended up in some sort of anger or battle. I would back off for a few months, and try again. He started to become a little more receptive each time but never seemed to want to continue the contact.

 

Last week I asked if we could talk on the phone. He responded yes. I called him and left him a message. He still has not returned my phone call.

 

I have no idea why I keep setting myself up like this. I have a million guys that would love to go out with me. But, none of them are like him.

 

I keep feeling I hurt him some way. More than I know and he wants to talk but doesn't have the courage to get hurt again.

 

OR...

 

Maybe, I'm just a silly girl in love with someone who has moved on and wants nothing to do with me.

 

When do I give up on a shy guy? Or am I just using his shyness as a means of justification.

 

I know through one of his students that he is not seeing anyone right now.

[blueangel]

Leave him another message. If wait with so long of periods in between to contact him, he'll think that you are struggling with unsureness and that you seem to always have troubling deciding.

 

What do you argue about? What is his side? What is your side? And have you been defensive?

 

The best thing to do is to try to understand the other person first while still approaching them with true honest feelings. It does not matter if he intentionally made you feel a certain way. As long as you felt it, it needs clarified. Vice versa

 

He's unsure of what you want and isn't giving away any of his own emotions. The best thing to do is to talk to him about where you want to go from there. Admit what you did wrong or what he feels you did wrong. Speak in person. Emotions can't be misunderstood there. Call him and contact him until he agrees. Tell him you want what you had back or at least a clear knowledge of what's going on inside his head. Speak softly and tell him you understand. Then, wait for his reply. Like I said- dont give up until he does.

 

Now for you: what is it that made you run or fear? This factor in your character isn't going to disappear just after some time distance. You need to talk with him what's going on in YOUR head and figure it out together.

 

Dont back away now because you ARE afraid what dislike he may feel towards you. Try it all with no regrets and if he is still not willing in the end, it's time to move on- maybe find something in yourself you can rely on instead of an outside source. Find a way to be okay alone since you are not obviously ready to move on.

 

And stop waiting so long to contact him! That's unfair to him.

[lady00]

Unfortunately, from what you have said here, it doesn't sound like he is interested in reuniting. If he were, he would probably call back, maintain contact etc. My guess is he was hurt that you put the breaks on the relationship and he didn't want to end up feeling badly because he couldn't be with you so he started to work on moving on. Now, it seems like he has done that. You left him a message. That is enough. It is up to him to decide whether or not he wishes to respond to it. But, don't expect too much (if anything) to come of it.

[Jasmine]

wow! he just called! we talked for an hour.

 

he seemed bothered. i didn't buy it. kept talking in a soft caring way. i felt i had to speak like i was talking to a hurt little boy.

 

i love this guy.

[PocoDiablo]

He's a challenge, which is why you like him most of all.

 

You cannot figure him out, so you want him more... and more...

[Venturer]

why did you leave him in the first place? just because you got scared? I don't blame him for not wanting to be with you anymore.

[Jasmine]

yes, i got scared. it was too much, too quick. we pretty had no where to go but down. it doesn't matter now, i saw him with another girl at a ski shop a couple of days ago. i'm not sure if he saw me but i sent him an email telling him i was sorry and that i missed him ( i know, i know...bad move) and he emailed me back saying that he was seeing someone and wanted to see how it went with her and that he had moved on. i'm bummed, but surprisingly, i feel like a weight has been lifted off my heart.

 

love can be so overrated!