Well I have an update.....

[OCD]

Hi all,

I actaully don't have a real update per say, but it's still an update. It's been several weeks since I asked my ex not to call, if you've been following my story you know the whole crazy details. So life has been pretty good....not thinking about her as much and dating a few different girls. Don't get me wrong I still miss my ex and would love to be with her again, but like everyone here says, give yourself some time to get over everything...It's ture, I feel pretty good, some days are bad, but overall it's fading and I'm learning to let go a little bit better, as hard as it may be. argh! Well most friends I talk to, here and elsewhere still seem to think that she'll be the one to contact me again and that I need to stick to my self induced NC. Which I find funny, because my ex seemed pretty upset that I asked her not to call me for a while, to heal up. And the thought of her calling me after that....well just seems weird. Time will tell, but I just wanted to check in....I've stopped coming here everyday like I used to...I found that I needed to unplug and focus on some other things. I love this site and all that it's given me...advise, strenth, guidence, and yes HOPE. Hope that I finally find someone that will love me like I love them...thanks all, I'll keep you posted on further updates, hopefully it will be that call from my ex crawling back...hahaha, wishful thinking right....still gotta be able to dream or I would have come to this site to try and get her back....wish me luck on my future dates and good luck to everyone here going through heart break...I feel your pain, but it does get a little better everyday. Take care.

 

OCD

[lonelyfish]

Hi OCD,

 

Glad to hear you are doing well! I too haven't spent as much time on this site lately but I do come back from time to time for support and to see how everyone else is doing. When I have more time I will probably post something in the Recovering from a Breakup forum. But yes, it does get better with time and I actually met a nice guy over the weekend that totally took my mind off my ex. Keep dating those girls, you never know what life has instore for you. I really believe that ex's come back after you have completely gotten them off your mind and by that time you might not want them back anyway. Things work out for reason, if it is truly meant to be with your ex she will eventually realize what she is missing. Keep making yourself your number one priority and everything else in life will fall into place. Best of luck!

[OCD]

Thanks Lonely, I always appreciate your views. Some days are harder than others, but I'm moving forward...Actually went to this girls house last night, she made me dinner, it was great! It did take my mind off things for a while...Today is what, Wed., it's weird but Wed. seem to be my days to feel bad, I'm not sure what it is...I focuse on doing so much on the weekends that they are filled up with fun things to do...then Monday and Tues. are my days to recover from the weekend and the things I did....Then Wed. comes...argh!! Thoughts slowly creep back into my mind about my ex...etc....Then Thurs. and Friday seem to be the days to plan for the weekend again....isn't that crazy...does this happen to anyone else? Just curious....Wed. suck Thanks again....take care.

 

OCD

[OCD]

Hi all,

No real update except that I have a casual date for V'day. It is quickly approaching...and I must say I'm starting to feel a little better about my break up, but also feeling a little down because of V'day...the commercials are killing me...is that happening to anyone else? Any way, I haven't heard from my ex since that last call 5 weeks ago...I'm learning to let go and move on...like another poster has said, We are the Jewels and are the Great Catches...I really need to think that...because it's true...I really let my ex make me feel this way when I don't have to...I know I can make myself happy...I have a lot to offer...I'm just wondering if anyone here has gotten back with an ex....or is it over for good...I've heard the stories about some folks getting back, etc...but I'm wondering if my situation is over for good, just because I asked for her to stop calling...was that a crazy move...I still feel I had to do it, but I'm wondering if I killed my second chance right there...oh well time will tell....all I do know is that there isn't anything else I can do....I can't call her, email, letters, etc...at this pointe time marches on...thanks all...

 

OCD

[OCD]

Saw my ex yesterday....well sort of saw her, actually the back of her head and her son's head. They didn't see me, but I saw them walking out of the store and in the parking lot...boy did my heart start pounding...whew...I can't believe the was I was feeling! I'm actually glad she didn't see me becuase I'm not sure what to say or how to act towards her...I'm really angry with her, but yet miss her...crazy huh? Well, V'day is tomorrow and perhaps that got me thinking or over thinking actually...I have a casual date with this girl I've been seeing...she's fun, but I'm just not totally into her and I don't want to break her heart...perhaps I'm still hung up on my ex....I'm just trying to move on.....hope my ex thinks about me tomorrow....take care all and good luck....

 

OCD

[keefy1972]

How can you totally be into anyone else when you are giving so much of your time and energy to someone else? You have to get away from one before you can ever be "totally into someone" new.

Good luck on the date.

[OCD]

How can you totally be into anyone else when you are giving so much of your time and energy to someone else? You have to get away from one before you can ever be "totally into someone" new.

Good luck on the date.

 

Thanks Keefy....man I know you're right....some days I'm stronger than others....I'm trying to focus on the future and myself....but I'm human...I mean I just keep running into things that remind me of her....crazy....I am getting over it a little more each day I suppose...thanks for the reply, I'm trying man

 

OCD

[drum4god]

OCD,

 

Dude, if I can offer some advice. I really think you have to say to yourself its over. I know its hard, but you are really just hurting yourself. You are holdling on to a false hope. Yeah she may come back, but what if she doesn't? Are you willing to risk a good part of your emotional life for a hope she does? No woman is worth that. NOBODY! I think about all the happy couples I know, and the common denominator in all those relationships is they both love each other. Yes its that simple. No games, no "well I am not ready yet", no excuses. If a person really loves you they will do everything to be with you. Even if she comes back and confesses her dying love for you, do really think all is going to be smooth again. She will control you like a X-box joystick. You don't need that. Brother, I know you really love this girl, and would probably go through a brick wall to get her back, but you deserve better. A women that really loves you will also go through a brick wall for you. Don't settle for less.

 

You said you met a wonderful girl, but because you are still hung on your ex your new girl probably doesn't have a chance. Thats sad! You may have met the love of your life, and may not realize it.

 

Dude, I know its hard, I know you love her, but the cold hard reality is she cares more about herself that you. You deserve better.

 

Remember, YOU ARE THE PRIZE! Keep telling yourself that, and believe it. If you do you won't settle for crumbs.

 

God Bless!

 

Drum

[OCD]

Thanks Drum, well spoken...I appreciate it. You're right it is hard...I am letting go, although it's a little at a time, but I'm still moving forward. This girl I've been dating does have a chance...I was just saying that I didn't have that "love at first site" feeling when we met, like I did with my ex, that's all. And perhaps it is because I have some left over feelings there. It's very hard letting go...I'm trying and every day and NC is helping me all over again...today I feel a little better that I asked my ex to stop calling for a while....like you said I am the Prise....I do deserve someone that will go through walls for me and not crumbs....you're right I would go through a brick wall for her Some day my ex will see that I'm sure. I think she's done enough damage to my heart...Thanks again...I'm staying positive and moving forward...take care.

 

OCD

[OCD]

Hi all, crumy night, came to vent a little....this is a night I should call the "WHY" night....can't sleep a wink...all I keep thinking about is what went wrong, why isn't she with me, why this, why that, what if...blah blah....it straight up sucks. I've been pretty strong for the most part through the last month or so...but since I stopped hearing from her, well that's what I asked for, I'm just hurting some days and other days I feel like she wasn't worth my time....What the heck is wrong with me that I keep this person in my thoughts. She dumped me....hello OCD wake the heck up and smell the roses...Any one who throws you away for what ever reason shouldn't get the time of day, but yet here I am almost 3 in the morning venting on my computer...I know I can't be the only one who's done this or felt this way....argh! When is this going to be over where I don't care about her any more....why do I still have that feeling of love for this person? She treated me like junk over the last 6 months...only thinking of herself....not caring at all about me...yet I still care about her....oh well....ok I feel a little better getting some of this off my mind and to you all.......Now I'm the one that's confused just like my ex....not sure what I want....do I really want her back in my life after this any way? I came to this site thinking I actually had a second chance with her....stuck to my plan, and it didn't work...well yet any ways....how is one supposed to win back the one they love....that's the million dollar question...thanks.....I'll try to go to bed now....sorry....take care....

 

OCD

[solo34]

OCD, homie....I'm in the EXACT dilemma. I deeply love my ex, yet she left me and is in the arms of another man. The only "hope" that U and I (and many others of us on here) have, is if THEY choose 2 come back 2 us and tell us that they've made a horrible mistake when they left us, and with their time away, they realized this. THAT'S IT...We can't win them back, because it was their choices 2 leave us. I wish that we could get our ex's back, man. I really do, but the harsh reality is that it's their choices and NOTHING that we do or don't do (NC) can or will bring them back.

 

I guess it's just that we have 2 bank on the love, support, compassion, etc. that we gave them 2 lead them back 2 us. It has 2 be on their own time and by their own decision. My ex left me going on 5 months ago, and like I said earlier, she's in the arms of a new man. My ex is only coming back if SHE realizes that SHE made a mistake, and that I AM the one 4 her. Same in your case.

 

In the mean time, let's BOTH of us just try and focus on bettering ourselves. I have NO interest in women right now (only my ex), instead, I am focusing on bettering myself. Becoming the man that I used 2 be. I'm doing this 4 myself, and IF she so chooses 2 come back, she'll be coming back 2 the healthy, stable, and secure man that she fell in love with from the start.

 

Maybe U can try my approach and see how that goes 4 U as well. Best of luck, and I hope that I have helped U somewhat.

 

Your friend,

 

-Solo34

[OCD]

Thanks solo34,

I hear you loud and clear man....you're right it's their choice...I've come to terms with that part of the hole disaster. I guess last night was just one of those nights were your mind gets the best of you...I did finally go to sleep and it did feel a bit better to get that off my chest. Thanks for the words of wisdom my man. I have been taking that approach as far as bettering myself. It's been 6 months almost to the day and I've lost 25 lbs...and work out like crazy...I'm actually in the best shape of my life. Professionally everything is great with a lot on the horizon...so life is pretty darn good...I am talking and dating different women...of course none of them is what I'm looking for, but at least it's building confidence and taking my mind off my ex.....I hope you're right about them coming back after they realize what they had....I'm banking on that. She probably is dating someone else, at least that's what I need to think...I need to think of worse case senerios so I don't set myself up...then it won't be a shock if I see her with someone, etc. That's all for now...good luck to you and I hope our exes come back, because we are Jewels and the Prize....they're the ones missing out...right

 

OCD

[solo34]

OCD, yeah, I myself definitely still have them moments myself. 4 instance, last night and 2day I was busted up about it. Just wondering if she's even thinking about me, U know how that goes. I 2 try and find other females, however none measure up. It's going 2 be hard without our ex's. VERY hard. It's almost 5 months 2 the day here as well. I mean, damn, U got a month on me. Regardless 2 say, I think...no, I KNOW we learned our lessons. But like I say, it's on THEM 2 give us that REAL 2nd chance.

 

Until that day comes, and it probably won't....we have 2 continue improving upon ourselves. Just keep marching 4ward, head held high through this storm. Look homie....the past is the graveyard, the present is the battlefield, and U know what the future is? The future is....IN OUR HANDS. Let's TRY and make it the best future we can.

 

Your friend,

 

-Solo34

[OCD]

Look homie....the past is the graveyard, the present is the battlefield, and U know what the future is? The future is....IN OUR HANDS. Let's TRY and make it the best future we can.

 

Couldn't have said it better Solo....I'm marching forward and yes some days are harder than others...I'm trying to block it all out. I was talking to a friend of mine they said I'm a great person...things like these break ups only will make us stronger and then someone will enter our lives and make our heads spin....if my ex doesn't come back I'm hoping this is true....thanks for the input...have a great weekend...stay strong and be happy...

 

OCD

[solo34]

Alright man, I hope that U also have a great weekend...and I've been told the same things about meeting another woman. It's just in my case, I messed up and I KNOW that if I get this 2nd chance, that I can give her the old me that she fell in love with. I'm not thinking that she's coming back, but I hope that I DO get that 2nd chance with her. She was/is the one that makes my head spin, etc. (In great ways...lol) Hopefully we both get our 2nd chances at our true loves. Until then, let's just focus on now and handle our biz 4 the future. Take care my friend!

 

-Solo34

[OCD]

Good morning all,

I suppose this is an update....I did receive a call from my ex this morning. It's been almost 2 months...of course I didn't hear how much she misses me and wants me back...etc. She called to tell me her 'dog' got hit by a car over the weekend and he was in bad shape. I felt bad and I'm trying not to read too much into it of course, but I'm still wondering why she called me for that??? Obviously I loved her dog and miss him because we'd play all the time...he's a black lab...he's a really good dog, but why would she call to tell me that? Again i don't want to read too much into it and I figured she just thought she should tell me since we were close? But - I did tell her that I didn't want any phone calls unless it was to work things out, because I need time to heal and talking to her is prolonging the pain of the break up. What do you all think? Was it just a nice gester to keep me in the loop, or was it just to make herself feel better? I mean, she doesn't have a whole lot of friends and perhaps she needed to tell someone, why not it be me? I don't know, but I kept upbeat, smile on my face, she asked what I was doing...I said going to work and laughed...We both cut the call short because she called me from her car and arrived at work, so she had to go. I was going to end the call any way because I didn't hear anything like "hey lets talk" or "I'd like to chat with you about something"....the only thing she did say was "hey, I'm at work now, so we'll have to catch up later...." I said "ok, have a good one, bye"....that's it...

 

Sorry for breaking NC, I'm not sure why I picked up the call...I was running around getting ready for work and the phone just rang and I picked up without even thinking....I really hope this didn't set me back......I hate taking crumbs....I want the whole thing....thanks all.

 

OCD

[solo34]

OCD, don't appologize 4 breaking NC...U told her not 2 call unless she wanted 2 get back 2gether, so if she calls U, U might have been thinking "hey, she wants me 2 be in her life as her man, cool!" So don't feel bad, I guess next time, just let it go 2 voicemail.

 

Alright, about the dog situation, I think she just felt bad and needed 2 talk 2 someone that she has a real comfort level with. It's not a crime that she did that, because we all turn 2 who we feel most comfortable with. Like I said, I guess next time just let it go 2 voicemail. Good luck, and I don't think U did anything 2 set U back.

 

-Solo34

[OCD]

Thanks Solo...I couldn't help but feel a little excited when I did answer. I'll be honest...it was nice to hear her voice...unfortunately is wasn't what I was looking for. But at least I was the one she wanted to talk to...that says something I think? Well, I think you're right about letting the next call go to voice mail.....thanks for the response.

 

OCD

[solo34]

No doubt, OCD...just hang in there man.

 

-Solo34

[BillinNJ34]

Hi OCD...I just finished reading your ongoing saga with your ex-girlfriend. Congrats on staying strong with NC.

 

I think the advice you've been getting from your fellow members has been right on target. The only difference is, I disagree with those who told you that by issuing what they felt was an "ultimatium" you would never win.

 

You didn't want to talk to your ex just as friends, or so it seemed. I think you would have saved a lot of heartache upfront by just telling her, "There is no need for us to be chatting now unless you want to talk about our relationship and where it is going, or where we can get it to." Instead, you were subjected to a bunch of phone calls which made you get thinking if the relationship was salvagable.

 

I'm sorry about her dog being hit by a car, and it is nice she thought of you in her time of need. But call me skeptical, I think she is reaching out to know if she still has you on a string. How nice of her. I hate to be frank, but how nice of her to want to lean on your phone shoulder but not date you.

 

If it were me, I would eventually call her back but in a few moments let her know you are not interested in just having another friend. That you are willing to work on what you had if she is. And if she is not willing to do that, quickly excuse yourself and go back to living your life and doing N/C with her.

 

If someone wants to beat a dog, they will find a stick. If this girl wants a relationship with you, she will know what to say. Just my two cents.

[OCD]

Thanks BillinNJ34,

 

I appreciate your view on this whole mess It has been crazy and I've started to get my back bone together. This last 6 months I've been trying to be careful what I say, careful what I do, in order for her to give me another chance, no begging, etc. You're right, I should have just told her long ago that friendship isn't what I want, but you know I must have told this to her 10 times...yet she still finds a way to call up, like this instance with her dog...it is nice she thought of me, but all of the holidays came and went, her birthday, and a few other events and she never called then?? But she'll call when her dog gets hit by a car? Doesn't make sense to me...it's funny how I tell her I can't be friends, yet when my phone rings I think she's trying to "work it out with me" which hasn't been the case. As many folks here have said, the only words I need to hear are "I would like to work it out with you..." or something along those lines, yet she doesn't seem to respect what I'm asking? I don't think I can call her like you mentioned because I think that would hurt. I believe silence in my only way now to get my pointe accross to her; next time she calls I just won't answer, I do have voice mail...This whole time I wanted another chance and figured I'd keep a little contact and be Mr. Cool, but that is only hurting me, but I do think it's peaking her curiosity about me because she wonders what I'm up to...etc...I'll sit tight for now and try not to think about her...that part is getting easier by the day because I'm finally just getting sick and tired of stressing about it. I really don't know what else to do to be with this person I fell in love with...time will tell and time will heal all wounds. I'm just wondering if she'll call again soon?? humm...I shouldn't care and not read too much int it. Thanks for your message though...take care.

 

OCD

[OCD]

Just wanted to say hello...last few days have been great. Feeling a little down after that call I got regarding her dog getting hit by a car. Why can't I keep her out of my mind? I really need to not answer her calls anymore...I'm fine for a few days, then I start feeling like crap wanting more calls. Sorry you all just venting today...I need to be stronger. Days like this I wish there was a magic wand I could use to get her back...I don't know what else to do...I am moving on, slowly though...thanks.

 

OCD

[OCD]

Hi all,

 

Just a quick update, I saw my exes mother in church this morning, actually held the door for her. It was funny, she didn't know it was me at first, then I said hello as I held open the door, a big smile came from her face and said hello how are you?! I didn't see my ex, she usually goes to that time with her mother, I didn't bring up my ex and we talked for a sec about me. Just small talk, but I think she was glad to see me and thought I looked good, which is nice. So it felt good to see her and it felt even better that she was sooo warm to me...I stopped going to that time because I didn't want to see my ex, but I went to that time today for me, and if I saw my ex I wasn't going to make a big deal about it, but I did dress really nice just in case we did cross paths. So that's it, kind of bitter sweet meeting her mother. I still miss her though and I wish there was something to either A. get her back or B. get over her....both are very difficult and it's still hurts...and I think about her all the time. I wish she felt the same...thanks.

 

OCD

[solo34]

When U have your "B," you'll get your "A;" as will I and everyone else on this forum...it's the shi*ty truth.

 

-Solo34

[OCD]

When U have your "B," you'll get your "A;" as will I and everyone else on this forum...it's the shi*ty truth.

 

-Solo34

 

That sure is the reality of all of this isn't it. Once we forget about them, they come back. That actually happened witht the first love of my life. It did take a couple of years, even after she got married and then divorced, then she wanted me back...

 

I just hope this time around that doesn't happen where I forget about her then she comes back. I'd like to start over fresh with her, I actually almost broke NC over the weekend, I really wanted to talk to her, but figured that I'd get hurt all over again...

 

Got to admit seeing her mother and talking for a bit made me miss her, sort of had flash backs once we started talking....kinda sucked, but I still had good feelings about it.

 

Thanks Solo,

 

OCD