I am in desperate need of help....

[ImInLove232]

My boyfriend and I have broken up for numerous reasons....he is mad at me and says that he's not sure if he can forgive me or not, but I most likely see him forgiving me in the future at some point. (however, I'm scared that things will not be as good as they were before because I emotionally talked with another guy and told him about it, since my boyfriend had been telling me he was annoyed by me, and barely wanting to hang out). When I was in the relationship with him I felt unwanted, and since him and I have recently talked, he admits that he wanted a break from us and missed his freedom. Well, now he is single, and he goes out with his friends to the clubs, and bars, etc.

 

In the longrun though, within the past few days that we have been single, he has already gotten his earrings back and dresses to impress everywhere he goes. He tells me that he wants me and then he tells me that he isnt sure if he can ever come back to me. He keeps switching it off because he (without a doubt) is confused and doesnt want to get hurt by me again. The whole reason I went for moral support to another guy and started liking the other guy was because I could never go to my boyfriend about anything, he would get mad at me if i needed moral support or if i cried he wouldnt come to comfort me. I told him that I am willing to wait for him patiently if he decides to take me back, but thats only if he changes for the better and treats me right and actually gives me attention. (When I was talking with the other guy, who had gave me good advice that was FOR my relationship with my boyfriend, he told me that I should put my foot down.) So I had asked my boyfriend to change before we had broken up and before I had told him about the other guy, but he said "I wont change." What can I say....I started to lose hope because I want someone that can treat me the way that I treat them, and I think that communication and attention are an important part of that for me.

 

We recently had our one year anniversary, and I had gotten him a few things and he had gotten me a nice digital camera, however, I made him a chocolate cake and got him roses too. He didnt even eat a bite of it until 3 DAYS LATER....because he said that he 'wasnt in the chocolate mood', yet i know that if i was allergic to chocolate, i would have eaten a sliver of it just to make him smile. The roses were on the floor of his room the next day too. It just really made me feel like it didnt matter what i had planned out was all that great (i even ended up eating half the cake because i was so depressed) so i started crying about it, and he didnt come and comfort me, instead he picked a fight and played his video game. Is this pure ignorance or does he not care? I'm confused.

 

So taking into consideration all of that, my boyfriend (who I have seen a few times since the break up) still wants to be physically intimate. He says that "its the only pure thing that we have left" (since he had taken my virginity). I'm very confused. I want to be with him like that, but it would also make me feel used, because there is no guarantee that he will come back for me and he would get the benefit of having someone to come to for pleasure yet still have a wondering eye and dance with girls at clubs, etc. But I do know for a fact that he would never physically get intimate with anyone behind my back. He even told me that he has always wanted to have sex without the condom and for me to get birth control, because he nor I have never done that. I admit that when we were in a relationship I did want to try that, but I didnt want to mess up my period cycle (seeming the fact that my parents dont know I am physically intimate) with the pills. So when he tells me that he still wants to do that (even while we're not together) it makes me feel weird.

 

Overall, I'm very confused, and I'm not sure if I'll totally be back together with him, however I have bought him flowers three times, and bought a few nice things to try and show him my sorry. He does seem like he wants to forgive me, but I think it will take some time. Because he has mentioned that he wants to buy me a christmas present and we have been talkin lately. I'm scared that if we do get back together that he wont change and start going back to his annoyance of me. Quite honestly, I do like attention. He has been working and going to school full time, so I do understand that he wants space, but it makes me feel unwanted when he doesnt really feel like talkin over the phone after i have tried to give him that space.

 

This is the guy that I had dreams of marriage with, and gave my virginity too. Its hard to just drop things because we both had a strong connection and we're both holding on to it. I just dont know what to do or how to handle it, i appreciate any advice.

[kellbell]

You're ex is a jerk! Plain and simple and actually reading this post infuriates me.

 

"So taking into consideration all of that, my boyfriend (who I have seen a few times since the break up) still wants to be physically intimate. He says that "its the only pure thing that we have left" (since he had taken my virginity)"

 

Don't do it, do not fall into that trap. He wants the friends with benefits thing. And the fact he has no reservations messing with your mind knowing how you feel about him is all the more reason to tell this guy where to go. He wants to reap the benefits of being single, meanwhile he wants to sex from you because you are a sure thing with him. Do not let him treat you like this. People will treat you as you let them. NC with this guy pronto, no ifs, ands, or buts.

 

Time for you do things for you and start to heal. Let him sport his new earrings and new duds, maybe he will find another girl to use and dump. For you, time to move on. Good luck and I wish you all the best.

[Beec]

Whate exaclty did you do wrong? You had an emotional conversation with another guy, when he would never do that? You did not have phone sex or talk about it, or talk about if you were a couple or make out or something did you?

 

And that hurt him? he rejected that part of you until soem other guy got it, and you did wrong?

 

I am with kellbell on this one. Get away from a guy who acts like this, he is a jerk (and that's the cleanest word I can use).

[Vanilla]

that guy is such a jerk! i cant believe he fed you that BS about being intimate and that you actually bought it! what a scummy guy!

[ImInLove232]

well what exactly happened was that i started going to a guy about advice...who had originally been a friend i had just met....in general me and the other guy had alot in common, and he's good at advice (the kind of advice that is in my own mind yet i cannot go by it because im blinded by love). so i put my foot down. I ended up liking him....he liked me...at this point i dont want to have two guys....so i was like tellin my boyfriend 'please change this this and this'....he didnt really agree to it, however, he did eventually give in and starting to nod when i would say it to him....but that same day he did agree to it, i told him about the other guy hoping that he would change his ways for good and feel like he has competition to really absolutely change. well he ended up takin me to the beach the next day that i had ALWAYS wanted to go too....which was sweet of him....but when we got back to his place, he went on my email msgs and read the 'i love you' the other guy had sent. this is why he feels betrayed, and i feel so bad.