Financial instability

[justify_yourlove]

Okay, so you guys have learned about my boyfriend's Lesbian fetish, atheism, but there's one other big problem. He's been unemployed for several years no matter how hard he has tried (interviews, job fairs, you name it). No one has hired him! I'm 21 going to college and he's 31, graduated with a Bachelor's Degree in International Business but still living with his mom. He has had a hard upbringing with a poor, divorced, abusive family and just recently paid off college loan debt by selling stuff on eBay. We both agree that financial stability is very serious for future plans.

 

My concern is, what are we supposed to do with this problem? I honestly don't understand why he hasn't gotten at least one job (aside from temporary one years ago). He knows all about the interview tips, etc., so I don't know what is wrong. He is not a lazy guy because he helps all he can at home, takes care of his mother, etc.

 

I really don't want you guys to have a "bad impression" of him, as simply a 31-year old cross-dressing, unemployed, atheist . He's overall an extremely nice guy, funny, intelligent, and loving. We have known each other for so long (7.5 years) and he's been there for me thick and thin (my depression, waiting years till I was legal just to meet me and get to know me even more, the money that he does have- he spends it mostly for me, faithful).

 

That's why it's such a dilemma. Sure, it would be easiest in the future to be with a much more compatible person. I feel like this one is worth thinking really thoroughly about before really breaking it off. I know I'll be able to love another guy but it won't be as special as this. It'll be easier with someone else but here, we've gone through so much. Just the fact that we're incompatible in ways yet have fought through times says so much.

[justify_yourlove]

Oh no, I guess everyone agrees it's a hard situation?

[Mun]

I think you already know this, but here it goes anyway. If he wanted to work he would have a job, any job, maybe he really doesn't want to get out there? I know you have been though alot and you don't want to walk away where you have invested so much, but what if this is not the guy you are meant to be with? If you are incompatible, then what do you think the future will be like with him...will there be a future?

[justify_yourlove]

He does want to work. He's tried jobs even like Target and minimal wage jobs but they say he's overqualified. The jobs he does qualify for say he doesn't have enough experience. He's worked at Toys R U as a teen, Wendy's....clerical work...he's tried getting jobs even during college. Nothing...no one. He couldn't even get a job at his mom's work and they hired his brother who is a high school drop out.

[Mun]

This reminds me of something that happened with my sister. She wanted to work for a TV station, but she was overqualified for the job she wanted, so she left some things out of her resume and got the job. I don't know if he would consider that, but hey if he wants a job bad enough...

[lovecrazy]

There is always a staffing agency!

 

i have been going through the same thing with my boyfriend, but I suspect he isnt trying as hard as your boyfriend has been!

 

So just tell him whatever job he can get, take it!

 

Some times to get where you want to be you have to do things you dont want to do!

[annie24]

I agree with Mun. I think if he really wanted a job, he would have one. Like, REALLY wanted a job.

 

My concern is, what are we supposed to do with this problem?

 

You're not his wife or his mother, so it really isn't your problem. It's just his.

 

If he's "over-qualified" for Target, why not apply for a job he IS qualified for? Or go out and get a Master's degree to get more marketability?

 

I think it comes down to him. It's not your problem. And I think if he really wanted a job, he would have one by now.

[justify_yourlove]

The only reason why I brought it up was because when we were together, I was worried about our future in terms of financial stability.

[annie24]

The only reason why I brought it up was because when we were together, I was worried about our future in terms of financial stability.

 

Oh, it's DEFINATLEY something to watch out for! If he's going to be your husband, do you want to support him like his mother is now? I'm just saying, I'm not really sure what you can do to get him off his butt. I bet his mother is already trying and is doing what she can.

[Mun]

As long as he has a place to live and someone to pay his way he won't get his butt to work. He doesn't need to !

 

I understand that he takes care of mom, but it's hindering his independence.

 

Like Annie said, it's not your problem now...but just in case it does become your issue again--don't offer to pay for every date and things like that. You don't want to get him used to that with you. Not that he would, just a warning.

~~~~

I tell my kids " you can have a gf when you have a job, I'm not paying for you to take a girl to the movies"

[annie24]

I tell my kids " you can have a gf when you have a job, I'm not paying for you to take a girl to the movies"

 

LOL - That's good! I'll have to remember it for one day