Need Help

[atoth22]

Is it ok to look at girls' webcams online??

 

I have been in a relationship for close to two years. I love the girl and we plan on getting married in the future. She is 21 and still in school three hours away. I am 23 and working. We see each other almost every weekend, probably 2 out of 3 weekends, or 3 out of 4 weekends. Recently a buddy informed me that one can go to Yahoo Chat Rooms and meet normal girls and every now again one might have a webcam. A few weeks ago when I was bored, I thought that I would check it out. I actually got more thrill than I expected out of the chase of trying to find girls who are willing to expose themselves. It rarely happens though, once or twice in two weeks. It has become very addictive for me to try to get online and see if a girl will talk dirty and reveal herself. It actually seems to excite me more than talking to my girlfriend on the phone does (note: my girlfriend and I don't have phone sex or anything). Anyway, I have not masturbated since my girlfriend and I have been dating. The search of finding a girl to reveal herself online really turns me on and when I get turned on, it is very difficult for me to stop what I am doing until I get turned off. One night, I stayed up until 5am online because of the thrill. That was bad. First off, is this behavior bad? Is it worse than looking at porn? Second, I was wondering how I can bring excitement into my girlfriend and my relationship, so I don't have this urge. I might just need a hobby because the weather was nice and I was out doing stuff, I didn't get the urge. Further, do you think that it might be a good idea to masturbate when I get this urge because then after doing that, I won't have the urge to get online and chat with other girls? It should also be noted that my girlfriend and I do not have sex, but do partake in oral activities. Thank you so much for you help.

[melrich]

I'm not sure if the answer should be about is this behaviour bad or OK.

 

It has become very addictive for me to try to get online and see if a girl will talk dirty and reveal herself.

 

I think the first point is it's dangerous. By that I mean it is addictive and can end up consuming your life and the relationships in your life. Porn can be addictive as well but I think one of the differences with this sort of thing is that no matter how fleeting, you are getting an attachement fix with the person on the other end.

 

I think the second thing is that the behaviour is likely to escalate. It is likely at some point you will not be satisfied with just viewing, you will want more contact, possibly even to meet someone.

 

Viewing porn and masturbating to it should not be a problem (again as long as it does not become all consuming) but this level of activity I think might put you on the slippery slope to somehwere you do not want to go.

[chai714]

The physical part of you and your woman's relationship is what's missing. Should you seek that out and get thrills off of another woman's webcam? To me, it's dangerous and I see more danger than benefit coming from this. The difference between this and porn is that it can escalate into something more because it is a real person and it's live.

 

If I were you, I'd buy my woman a webcam. I wouldn't directly ask her to do "sexual things" but I might lead her into doing that on cam if she were comfortable.

 

Just be careful, because a webcam chick isn't worth killing a relationship.

[RayKay]

Hmm, well, I am pretty sure your girlfriend would not consider it innocent, in fact I would say many people would consider flirting with other women or men online and being sexually suggestive is cheating while you are in a relationship.

These are also REAL girls, and it is a slippery slope in my opinion.

 

 

There is also an issue with the addiction factor of it melrich discussed nicely.

 

I advise you cut it out, discuss getting webcams with your girlfriend and you and have fun yourself. Or.....make a decision to let her go so she can find someone a little more honest and faithful to her.

 

Think of how she would feel knowing this, if you love her, don't hurt her this way. If you don't, let her go.

[SALLY_ANNE]

atoth22

 

Not acceptable. It's not worse than porn it IS porn. If I found out my man was doing that he would be out the door so fast- you are disrespecting your girl something shocking. I agree with whoever posted that you should tell your girl to get a web cam. Keep it in the relationship buddy otherwise your just cheating on your girl. If you don't get turned on by your girl then like the fella on Dr Phil said "your just not that into her". You should try changing things up a bit in your relationship- maybe you don't turn her on either- have you spoken about this?? I don't know why your not having sex but you can gain so much pleasure without going the full way. First and foremost I would find out if she is also unsatisfied then I would talk to her about how she thinks you two can rectify the situation and if nothing works then your just not that into each other. But definitely a bad thing to be bringing third parties into the relationship. BIG NO NO!!!!