keefy1972 Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 Dogg...I think it's a good idea that you send her the card. I know that's what you've been dying to hear and won't be satisfied until you do. So there. I said it. Give her the card and while you're at it, drop a hundred dollar bill inside of it as a present. You are fighting the whole NC concept, tooth and nail, so you may as well go ahead and do what's going to continue to be the demise of your relationship. Best of luck. Link to comment
AC874 Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 Is it consciously possible to send a card or anythign for that matter, with no expectations? Link to comment
keefy1972 Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 Absolutely not AC. It's human nature to have expectations in anything you do. The thing is, do you do it just to make yourself feel better, or do you have underlying motives, i.e., you want them to see that you care and love them... Link to comment
Dogg Posted December 7, 2005 Author Share Posted December 7, 2005 if I'm fighting NC so badly, then how come I have not said a thing to her in a long time? you come down prety hard sometimes man, and some of the things that you say are very disrespectful. I was simply seeking advice, no I do not have expectatins other than I think that I will feel terribly guilty and bad for not dong SOMETHING that says happy birthday. she was my best frined, confidant, lover and everything else for three years man, I do still love her. think what you want, I'm not trying to give myself a reason to break NC, if I was doing that then I would have alrady done it...this is for her, but for me as well, and I expect nothing in return at all, say what you want man, I'm still not sure if I will send it or not... Link to comment
keefy1972 Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 My apologies dogg...didn't mean to offend, I know how much you care about her. I see it in all of your posts. It's just that everyone here is in agreement that you shouldn't send her a card. Yet that doesn't seem to satisfy you. I understand how hard it is and the confusion you're dealing with. How long has it been since you last spoke to her in any way? If it's been longer than a few weeks, I would sincerely say send her a simple card that says, "Happy Birthday" and sign it. Nothing more than that. I am certain you have done your best to make her know how special she is. The more often you say and do things like this, the less effect it will have on her. Link to comment
Lil Punkin Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 According to his posts..he texted back and forth with her on Thanksgiving....Thats not more than a few weeks..hence my advice to NOT send a card... BUT if you just can't NOT send something. I would suggest a short but sweet Happy Birthday text. A card is showing to much effort for someone who dumped you. Link to comment
keefy1972 Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 I agree with Punkin here dogg. A simple text saying happy birthday would be perfect. Link to comment
Dogg Posted December 7, 2005 Author Share Posted December 7, 2005 I kind of agree with the statement that sending a card is putting a bit to much effort into someone that dumped you, WOW what a kisk in the nuts that statement was, but it was a good kick in the nuts, I think that is the one that I needed. I am now leaning towards a text saying happybirthday or something...anyone have anysuggestions as to EXACTLY what to write so that my mind and imaginatin do not begin to run wild on me like they have in the past... Link to comment
moondog627 Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 Dogg, just do whatever you feel is right. If you wanna send a card then send a card. My only suggestion would be to make it short and brief and not talk about the relationship or how much you love or miss her. I was in the exact same place as you and when I was there it seemed like the right thing to do. The fact is though that one day you will enter a new phase of getting over your ex and you may or may not regret sending that card now. That is why so many people here urge against it. But you can't see that now because you're in a different place. And, you know what, nobody could probably talk me out of all the dumb $h!t I said to my ex. It's not until you go through it yourself and then gain some perspective that you'll learn from things. So, in all seriousness Dogg, do what your heart tells you. You may get hurt, but you'll never get over your ex staying in the place where you are now mentally. Link to comment
keefy1972 Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 Here is my idea on what to say..."Just wanted to say Happy Birthday, Merry Xmas, and Happy New year! Hope all is well with you". And nothing more than that. You've covered all of the bases in one shot and wished her well...couldn't ask for more than that. Link to comment
kellbell Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 Now Keefy is on to something! Dogg, I would do that! All of your bases will be covered then. What do you think? Link to comment
lonelyfish Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 Yes - That is the perfect way to go! Link to comment
Lil Punkin Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 SWISH KEEFY!!!!!!! Dunk shot on that reply!! Link to comment
onmyownagain Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 Dogg Don't send it! It is my ex-wifes birthday today as well and I am not going to send her a card or anything, why should I? She dumped me a couple of months back so if you still wanted anything from me, she should have kept me at home with her rather than turn me out of my own house. Not going to send her a Christmas card either. Can't do no contact because of my daughter but at least I can keep all contact down to a minimum. Link to comment
Dogg Posted December 8, 2005 Author Share Posted December 8, 2005 here we go, today is the day (her birthday) and suprisingly I do not feel nearly as "strung out" as I had felt previously. I don't know why...I still do not know what I am going to do, if anything at all for that matter. I was thinking that I may just wait a day or so then mail the card, just so she gets that feeling of anxiety that i did nothing for her, maybe freaks out a little, but yet I'm still not the bad guy or the jerk who forgot her birthday because the card will arrive a couple days later...that is the idea that just poppe din ot my head just now, it might be stupid and childish, but I kinda like the sound of it in a way. On the other hand I may take some of your suggestions and just send her a simple text message saying "happy birthday, have a great day" nothing more...I'm still not sure...... On another note, the girl that I have been talking to online, and for one reason or another have just not been able to get together with due to conflicting schedules let me in on some things about her that made me a bit uneasy last night. she is 24 by the way. she told me that she has been engaged befroe to a guy that (get this) is now in jail for assault in the third degree!!!! she says that thay are never getting back together. Oh but wait it gets worse, she said that he was abusive and hit her and stuff and did ridiculous things like for example, pulling her chair out from under her at her BROTHER'S FUNERAL!!!!!! anyway, she said that he was abusive and thats why they LOST THEIR BABY!!!!!!!!!!! After I heard those BOMBSHELLS, I got a little weary of the whole situation as could be expected. I just got out (or was forced out to be more real about the situation) of a three year relationship a little more than one month ago...do I really need this drama right now? that is what I keep asking myself. Do I want to try to "get to know" someone that is carrying around that much baggage with them and has that kind of history? I do not know what to think or what to do. the thought of all that she was telling me about her situation, just made me think of my ex and the fact that she came with nothing in terms of a tumultuos past like that. In fact, her past was very inviting! Damn, what do I do now, It just makes me realize how truly special my ex really is and how much of a great girl she was and is.... Link to comment
Dogg Posted December 8, 2005 Author Share Posted December 8, 2005 oh another thing that she (this new chick) was that she has stories like that about guys being ridiculous to her going back to when she was 16!!! I don't know if I can handle all that baggage, or if I even want to try...... Link to comment
Dogg Posted December 8, 2005 Author Share Posted December 8, 2005 I gotta start taking advice from the one man who seems to have it all together, the one and only, SNOOP DOGG!!!!! "we don't love these hoes, i'm out the door!" ha ha ha at least I am starting to find thigs humerous again...sorry about that one everyone!!! Link to comment
lonelyfish Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 Dogg, I woudn't bother with this girl, but there are plenty of other girls out there with a lot less baggage. don't let this last one get you down. Link to comment
redandblack Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 pulling her chair out from under her at her BROTHER'S FUNERAL!!!!!! WHAT?! That's so terrible... and kind of funny Anyways, if this girl has gone through so much and she's talking to you only a month after it happened, I say bad idea. She has a bad past and could easily end up leaving you heartbroken for very little reason. I know this is a generalization, but regardless, she has a lot of baggage you probably don't want to deal with. I would tell her you aren't looking for anything serious right now. This would be fair to her and you. I would still date casually just for fun, but I wouldn't get into a relationship with her. Just be glad you found all this out now! Take care Link to comment
ONE SXXY LADY Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 DOGG... RUN LIKE THE WIND!!!!!!!!!!!! hahaha!! This girl spells T R O U B L E !! Holy cow!!!! You gotta admit though..HER life makes YOURS seem rather cozy doesn't it??? lol Link to comment
Dogg Posted December 8, 2005 Author Share Posted December 8, 2005 all the things that I said in my above posts happened much longer than a month ago bro, if it was that recent, I would NEVER ever talk to this girl one more time.... Link to comment
Dogg Posted December 8, 2005 Author Share Posted December 8, 2005 you are right, pulling her chair out from under her at her brother's funeral IS a downright dastardley and terrible thing to do to someone, what type of person do you have to be to do something like that to someone you "love".......at the same time, its downright F*CKEN HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but only to hear about from someone that you just met online and haven't even seen in person yet....who says that to someone they are trying to date? might as well wear a big blingking sign on your head that says "STAY AWAY I HAVE MAJOR ISSUES" Link to comment
Dogg Posted December 8, 2005 Author Share Posted December 8, 2005 here we go, today is the day (her birthday) and suprisingly I do not feel nearly as "strung out" as I had felt previously. I don't know why...I still do not know what I am going to do, if anything at all for that matter. I was thinking that I may just wait a day or so then mail the card, just so she gets that feeling of anxiety that i did nothing for her, maybe freaks out a little, but yet I'm still not the bad guy or the jerk who forgot her birthday because the card will arrive a couple days later...that is the idea that just popped into my head just now, it might be stupid and childish, but I kinda like the sound of it in a way. On the other hand I may take some of your suggestions and just send her a simple text message saying "happy birthday, have a great day" nothing more...I'm still not sure...... Link to comment
ONE SXXY LADY Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 Dogg, Mail her a card with a dozen roses, that ought to bring her back. NC is for weaklings. Link to comment
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