starting my own personal thread of activities...

[Dogg]

after posting here about my pathetic existence for the past month or so, I have decided that I would start my own thread that I will post in daily if not more than that so that you all may witness my trials and tribulations but mainly I am doing this because I have found that posting my feelings here is extremely theraputic and that the advice given by all is more than the slap in the face that I need sometimes to remind me of the absolute fool that I have been and am at times thinking of being. So, with that said feel free to respond with any advice, comments, attitudes, or rants you may have, I'm all ears (or eyes for that matter).

 

Here we go...wait, I really do not have anything to say today or at least yet...read my other posts for background into my situation especially my latest thread called "feeling weak today" or somehting like that...

thanks for listening,

its appreciated more than you could ever know...

[kellbell]

Hey Dogg!

 

You are probably sick of me by now but I really want you to be happy. I can tell you are really hurting. I think it's a great idea to post or write how you are doing. Then you can monitor your progress. I think you are making progress as we speak. Don't be so hard on yourself, you're hurt and your are human. We all make mistakes, the key is to learn from them. You are not a tool or pathetic. We have all done it. I hope you feel better real soon and we are all hear for you when you need us.

[LostInMyThoughts]

Good luck! I'm so glad your taken this huge and important step!

[AC874]

Hey Dogg,

 

Im with you bro.

[moondog627]

Don't be so hard on yourself man. I've made waaay more of an a** out of myself than you have. I'm 4 months out since the breakup and I can assure you things do get better. Just give it time. You do sound much better. Continue to help other people. It aids in the healing process. I won't lie to you. You'll probably hurt for a long time just like many of us. But the pain becomes easier to bear. A strong person isn't someone who gets over pain easily, but someone who learns to live with that pain and continue to march forward in the face of adversity.

[Dogg]

thanks for the support, I really thought that some people would see ths as a very selfish thing to do, but you guys are great, and I love ya for it. I think that part of my problem that I have been having lately is the thinking that this is all my fault and that it is me that did somehting wrong to cause her to become the way that she was towards the end of our relationship, and then to end it so abruptly. I mean I'm sure that I did some things, but thinking back, I gave her all that I had, it would be impossible for anyone to love her as much as I did and do for that matter. I know that I did all that I could do for her or at least I really tried to. I need to stop being so hard on myself, you are all right, but the fact is that for me, that is much easier said than done. I have been that way my whole life, I am more than a perfectionist when it comes to myself and there are times when that pushes me to do better, and there are times when it forces me to beat myself up. I need to realize that it is not what i did that made her leave, it was something in her. I need to realize that she is the one that is missing out on me, not the other way around (again, easier said than done) I need to step back and see that I do have a lot of good things that are going for me right now. I have a good job that I reasonably like, I have a nice car, I have friends, I am good looking, this is her loss not mine. Why do I want to be with some one that does not want to be with me?

 

That is the one questin that I can not answer, and that is where I begin to slide backwards down in to the depths of depression and saddness. Why does she not want to be with me? what is it about me that she no longer sees worthy of loving anymore? these are the questins that will continue to plague my being until I can somehow get them to go away...peace out for now....

[chai714]

Dogg,

I kept a journal (and still do) to get my thoughts out and on something. You really can measure your emotional progress when you're trying to overcome something. Good luck.

[moondog627]

I think that part of my problem that I have been having lately is the thinking that this is all my fault and that it is me that did somehting wrong to cause her to become the way that she was towards the end of our relationship, and then to end it so abruptly. I mean I'm sure that I did some things, but thinking back, I gave her all that I had, it would be impossible for anyone to love her as much as I did and do for that matter. I know that I did all that I could do for her or at least I really tried to.

 

I felt the exact same way right after my breakup. Forgiving yourself is one of the hardest things you'll have to do. And, like you, looking back I realized I treated her just as good, if not better, towards the end of the relationship. It's nothing we did. It's them, whatever the reason. You did nothing wrong. You should be proud of yourself for the fact that you were able to love someone so much and for such a long time.

 

Why do I want to be with some one that does not want to be with me?

 

That is the one questin that I can not answer, and that is where I begin to slide backwards down in to the depths of depression and saddness. Why does she not want to be with me? what is it about me that she no longer sees worthy of loving anymore? these are the questins that will continue to plague my being until I can somehow get them to go away...peace out for now....

 

You want to be with her because you shared so much together. It's normal. But the simple fact that our ex's no longer wish to be with us eventually sinks in at some point. And we accept it. It means no failure on our part. As for the other questions, they sometimes haunt me as well (including why did she fall out of love with me). But in time the answers to those questions become less important. What is important is that you heal and reclaim yourself (possibly even redefine who you are).

[Dako]

When we fall in love, we don't care why, but when love fades we want a detailed explanation.

[Dogg]

i'm sitting home right now and I just started thinking about things...i decided that i would call a friend and see if he wanted to accompany me for a few drinks. So, I am heading out to the bar for a few cold ones and maybe a chance to LOOK at some young women although on a tuesday its not that likely. Anyway, it kinda feels good not to be sitting around doing nothing...peace

[Hawk]

Dogg - good to see - I find that I now longer "need" the forum to get me through,although it helps sometimes when I find myslef backsliding, but more and more I find coming here and seeing others make progress to be really satisfying.

[Dogg]

well, my night out with friends turned into a night in with friends, we got together and played some poker and just talked and had some beers. things were goign well, until one of my buddies girlfrineds came by. long story short, turns out that she was one of my ex's best friends when they were in high school. she wanted to know a lot of things about my ex and our relationship but I just said respectfully that I did not want to talk about it. she then said that isn't it weird that they were such good friends back in the day and that they had not even seen each other since the other day when she saw my ex in the mall with her mother.

 

now this is not a big deal or anything, it just got me thinking about my ex again and how much I miss her. I just do not understand how we could be so close for three years and then break up over nothing per say (no big fight or anger towards each other) then all of a sudden absolutley no contact at all, like she has no desire to even talk to me. we have only actually spoken verbally 2 times since the breakup which today was exactly one month ago. we have texted a few times but that was mostly me being an idiot. the only time that she tried to contact me was on thanksgiving when she texted me. I don't get it, how could you love someone like that for so long and then just simply never tal;k to them again, I feel like I deserve so much bettre than that and so does she. Mostly it makes me think about our relationship and how it meant so much to me and how it apparently means so little to her. its heartbreaking. why does she not even want to talk to me? peace out for now...

[moondog627]

things were goign well, until one of my buddies girlfrineds came by. long story short, turns out that she was one of my ex's best friends when they were in high school. she wanted to know a lot of things about my ex and our relationship but I just said respectfully that I did not want to talk about it. she then said that isn't it weird that they were such good friends back in the day and that they had not even seen each other since the other day when she saw my ex in the mall with her mother.

 

That's why females should be BANNED when it's just the fellas drinking and playing poker.

 

why does she not even want to talk to me? peace out for now...

 

At least you've gotten some kind of contact. I'm goin on 4 months since the breakup and the ex has made ZERO contact. I don't think I could go back at this point but it'd be nice to know she cares in some respect.

[Dogg]

I would consider my situation as zero contact, a text on thanksgiving is not really contact in my book. I wish that I knew what she was thinking about and what she was doing but I try not to think about that. I do want her back badly, but I'm trying my best to let go and just chill and do NC and hope that she comes around, but I don't know if she will. this is by far the longest period of time that we have ever not talked in over three years and its really hard. I really miss her. I really have nothing new to say so I'll quit while I'm ahead

[AC874]

Hey Dogg,

 

I know how you feel. I spent the last 4 years of my life being inseperable with her. Going on trips, having dinners, watching movies. I love every single thing about her.

 

Never in the last 4 years have I gone more than 2 days without talking to her.... its been 2 weeks since I made a complete fool by showing up to her place once I found out about her new guy... yes less than 3 weeks after the b/c.

 

Despite all the pain and hurt she has caused me.. I still love her to bits. I cant stop thinking about her smiling near the San Diego Zoo. I cant stop thinking about her in my arms while she's asleep.

 

Through the thick and the thin, god has a purpose and plan. We just need to have faith in the universe to lead the way. We have to rejoice in our sufferings, because they make us stronger.

[Echo]

Hey Dogg.....

 

I wrote a thread...Why and How No Contact Works...and it REALLY is true. I know you're in pain right now. Feel that pain....let it empower you. It will get you through the next couple months...use it to make yourself better. When I came on here I was a wreck. My ex said never to contact him again..and I was destroyed. The thought of NEVER talking to him again hurt beyond belief. You know what though.. I turned that negative into a positive and thought..you know what..maybe NOT talking to him IS what I need. Maybe this needs to happen for me to make so many changes within myself. NOT for him or anyone BUT me. You know what? Not only are we talking again..albeit not back together...but I am not even thinking of getting back together right now.If it happens it happens..if it doesn't then I will STILL survive.

 

Dogg..I was much like you. Looking through post after post, looking for that ONE magic solution that would make him beg me back and see the errors of their ways. That is unrealistic. These are very flawed people ...they are not perfect..and they know it. The fact he decided I was worth talking to again and giving me that chance made a bigger difference than all the professions in the world. What it comes down to is actions. They speak volumes. I don't care WHAT someone is saying...if they aren't SHOWING it, then thats all you need to know.

 

I think you've already made tremendous progress....just keep looking ahead. I promise you...in a few months you will be smiling, laughing and having fun again. You will still hurt..but it will not be a constant reminder of what you don't have right now....but merely a distant reminder of how things were. I was on here EVERYDAY...reading and posting..but if that's what it takes then do it. This forum is a tremendous source of good peole who KNOW what they are talking about. They have lived it...

 

Hang in there....we are proud of you!!!

[coooolsome]

Dogg, it gets a lot better. I was in your position. My ex doesnt contact me unless I contact her. At least she replies to my voice messages but I called on Saturday almost 2 weeks ago, she didnt answer, and never called me back. I felt hurt for about a day. If this happened 2.5 months ago, it would have hurt for a week.

 

I never thought I would find another girl, that it would be really hard since Im in the real world in the computer field. Well this week, I have caught 2 girls eyeing me. Never did I ever think that would happen. I have lost 21 lbs last time I checked, look 10x better, feel 10x better, am more confident, smile more, dont think of my ex that much anymore.

 

Force yourself to move on. Do what it takes to help you through. My ex is pursuing someone and I just figure, they will get together and get married one day. She will be happy and thats enough for me. Yes its hurts a little, but I have read so many threads that I really dont want to be the person posting here 1.5 years after the breakup still pining over my ex. Think about where you want to be in 6 months. Do you still want to be hurting? What about a year from now?

 

I didnt think I would ever get back on my feet, I thought I would never ever find someone, I thought I was worthless, I thought I was a bad boyfriend. I was so negative. This was 1 month ago. Now, I feel great. I was an awesome boyfriend that many women would want to be with. I am stronger and more confident as ever. I dont need my ex. I am a better person because her breaking up with me caused me to grow up, see my faults, and become stronger.

 

I would never have thought in my wildest dreams I would think this way in 3 months. Who knows what the next 3 months will bring but I am excited.

[Hawk]

Dogg - can only vouch for what coolsome has said. It DOES get better but the cr.p part is that it takes time, but I think the amount of time it does take is reduced when you do no contact and use that time that you have to heal yourself.

 

It hurts and it sucks and why we have to go through it, no one knows. But it does get better.

[Dogg]

well, I don't have much to say in the way of progress today, I have not really been sleeping that well. I find myself constantly thinking about my ex and what she is doing, how she is doing, whether or not she is thinking about me? I know that all of these are questionsthat I am not going to get answers to because I am not going to contact her, but I still think about them. I wonder a lot if she misses me. I have although all of this being said have been doing better, I mean that I think of her less than I have previously if that makes any sense. I have been spending a lot of time with friends and going out on the weekends and occasionally during the week and stuff. i just wish that there was a way to get inside her head and see whats going on in there. Its very hard to think that NC although it is helping me, will make her miss me when I have seen no evidence of that asside from a simple text on thanksgiving which I do not even know means anything at all in those regards. How can you make someone realize what they have lost and the new person that you have become if you do not have any contact with them? how will they know? oh another thing that I was thinking is this, I have a picture of her on my myspace page with a caption saying: "My xxxxxx, or at least was and I hope that one day will be again" I am not necessarily worried about her eeing that because she is FAR from computer savy in any regards and does not have a myspace page anyway, but what if some of her friends happen to stumble accross it, does it give off the wrong impression? should I take it down from my page? thats all I have for now...peace

[AC874]

Dogg,

 

I would change the myspace title.

[Anthony M]

How can you make someone realize what they have lost and the new person that you have become if you do not have any contact with them?

 

By letting them go.

 

Take down any pictures of her on your myspace profile and change your status to single. You do not want her to think that your world revolves around her. Also, flirt with other girls on myspace and leave innocent little comments and let them do the same. If you are close with any female friends on myspace start hanging around with them. In fact next time you go out bring a camera and put on a happy face and take pictures with friends and put them on your profile.

 

Once she sees your new pictures and sees you're having a great time without her, she'll start to think and that's exactly what you want her to do. She could even get jelous too and that wouldn't hurt one bit.

[Dogg]

hey, not a bad idea at all, only one problem, I AM MYSPACE RETARDED!!!! I can't seem to be able to do anything on that stupid site. how do you see other people and meet them through myspace, as of right now, I only have three friends on there and they are guys, noone has sent me any messages or anything. I could really use some help woth that because I hear that myspace is all the craze now and I would like to get involved...anyway I do not think that she even knows that I have a myspace page, I never did when we were together...but I will take down the picture of her, I totally forgot that i t was even there until I signed on today and looked at it

[Anthony M]

myspace is a meat market, you can use it to your advantage. Click on browse and do a zip code filter search for any females around your area and start inviting them as friends. Keep doing it until you get enough friends and pretty soon you'll get the hang of it. Hell, I even found friends I haven't seen in years on myspace so you never know who you'll meet!

 

When you get enough friends and have enough comments, invite her as a friend. She'll be shocked once she sees your profile.

[Dogg]

again, all well and good but she does not have a myspace account

[Anthony M]

again, all well and good but she does not have a myspace account

 

Bummer. I had the impression that she did.... You never know she might. I found out my ex had one months before our breakup and she never told me, in fact I never knew about myspace. Find out from her friends if she has one. Do not ask her herself or it will be too obvious!

 

Either way you still want her to see your profile but don't tell her about it. Let her find out by friends or even on her own.