being 26 is confusing. and I feel like life is pointless. anyone know what i mean?

[donut]

For most of my life I've always felt like I was waiting for things to get started...like my life wasn't my life, but preparation for my life. I always figured things would Really get started once I left college and started my "real life." So I've been out of college for more than 5 years...and I'm starting to freak out a little. It has suddenly occurred to me that this IS my life. I'm just going ot keep getting older and older and older and then I'm going to die. It's terrifying!

 

I just broke up with someone a couple months ago and I really really love and miss him and still think about him constantly. My friends are mostly in serious relationships, getting engaged and all that. I live in nyc where people tend to, I think, get married later than they do in some other parts of the country.....so I'm not SO behind. But I'm really freaking out. I have a job I like...but I've lost motivation to work very hard. I have friends, but my closest friends live far away. I think I'm reaching an age where peopel are less about hanging out with their friends and in groups and more about boyfriend/girlfriend time and Adult Life.

 

I don't feel like I'm 22 anymore. I don't want to go out and get drunk all the time. In fact, I don't even drink anymore. I no longer feel like it's "lame" to stay at home on a weekend...so I've ended up doing that a lot lately. And when I do go out it's usually just out to dinner or to the movies. I live in what's supposed to be the most exciting city in theworld...but I dont' feel like I'm a part of it. I used to be so social and have a billion different friends....

 

I feel like I have no point and no purpose. When I was with my boyfriend I put all my focus on him and our relationship and now that we're not together I don't know what to think about anymore. I used to love reading but everything depresses me now. I keep trying to believe my friends and my parents when they say that I'm just in a slump and I won't feel like this forever. I see a therapist and I was on anti-depressants (but I'm off them now and don't want to go back on them). I wish I coudl get really into a religion, but I'm not even sure what I believe in. I feel like I'm looking for someone or something to save me and I know that I'm supposed to just go and save myself...but I have no idea how.

 

Writing this message has made me feel like a big whiney self pity9ing cheeseball. Like...I read what I just wrote and want to vomit ....but anyway. I just thougt I'd put this up and see if anyone else knows what I mean. I will close this email with a guy in a funny hat. there.

[SophMd]

I totally get where you are coming from. From my personal experience I felt like that when I felt like I had no control over my situation. You gotta just realize that you arent in control...I know thats scary but you really should start building your faith in the lord. When I didnt have God in my life I was always so confused...questioning myself...what I was meant to do...what would happen to me in the future...

I started really putting my faith into God about 2 years ago. Once I put it in his hands...I stopped having anxiety attacks and worrying about things totally out of my control. I truly believe that having faith is necessary...what else is there? Now im not saying all you have to do is pray all day and live in a hole...you gotta go out there and socialize and meet other people who share your interests. 26 is so young...yea you arent married...but you will meet someone if you start putting yourself out there. You gotta just be happy and have some faith. Everything else will fall into place. Another piece of advice is try doing things for other people...Ever since I started helping out others...you stop thinking about yourself and you will live a less selfish life. You will get out of your funk

If you wanna talk you can always PM me. Take care

[Nap-Man]

Hey donut,

 

I have felt and still occasionally feel all that you are going through right now. We are close to the same age and seem to have some of the same thought processes. I too started to realize that the exciting life I thought I was going to lead is not reality and that at our age we are already pretty far into who we are going to be. I lost the girl that I was planning on marrying and all of a sudden I am not 24 anymore (which is when we started dating). My college friends are spread out all over the country and it seems like everything I used to know about nightlife, socializing, etc. has changed. I was so focused on starting a life with this woman and now I am trying to figure out what I am supposed to do at this age and with a different mindset than when I was younger. Drinking and the over-hyped nightlife get old and it's hard to meet new people at our age because of the reasons you stated.

 

I did get myself out of the funk and for now have found peace and am much more comfortable with my life. I am not religious at all so I did not take the path that SophMd suggests. I do agree 110% with the idea of being able to give to others. I went on a medical mission trip to the Dominican Republic and have spent many weekends volunteering. All of this has given me perspective on my life. It is hard to feel sorry for yourself when you see just how bad others have it. In fact you will probably come away feeling lucky and also feeling good about who you are as a person. I have started to make new friends. It takes a LONG time though. They will not replace the friends who have left or are married but they may become an important part of your new life. The best part is that once you meet one person you meet who they know and all of a sudden you will have a group of friends again.

 

Don't feel like you are a whining cheese ball. We all go through this. It is far from easy when all the plans you had for yourself change or fall apart. I have done the therapy, antidepressants and religion. I too am still looking for whatever it is that I am missing. All I know is that I keep exploring and I find little bits of what I need along the way. I keep trying new things and so far it has helped tremendously. I too lost interest in what I used to love but once the depression SLOWLY lifted I regained my interests and appreciation for life again. It just took time and a lot of focus on my part. I think I babbled incoherently for too long. You touched a nerve with me and I wish I had more advice to give…….

 

Nap

[kellbell]

Hi there!!

 

I know exactly how you feel. I will be 30 next year and I don't own a home, no kids, no husband, I am not even remotely close of getting engaged! But I have a great job (a job I went to school for) and I have a few bucks in the bank, very nice car, good friends and a loving family, so in a lot of ways, I am very ahead of the game. But there is always room for more. There is nothing wrong with wanting more, you just have to put yourself out there and make things happen, instead of being a bump on a log and waiting for things to come to you.

You are still pretty young but old enough to realize these things. Your fears are normal and we all experience them at some point. Just know you are not alone and in the mean time....BUST A MOVE!

[NU_BLUE]

I just glanced over your post so I may be missing some stuff...

 

However, do not get married because you think you have to. Thats a bad mistake. Just because everyone else is doing doesn't mean you have to or are meant to. At least not yet.... In time, you'll be ready. I'm in the same boat, I'm 25, in college and about to grad and I have no gf, kids, had a hard breakup (for me) a few months ago, etc... Of course, I don't really feel like I need kids... I'm by no means rushing it, though there are times when I feel strange but not down. My views toward relationships have changed, now I'm looking more longterm. I have found that some of the strangest things happen at the weirdest times, so don't expect things to happen..Sometimes you just have to let things flow..

[lgirl]

Donut, i know EXACTLY how you feel, but i'm 10 years older than you!!! [btw i only just started feeling this way this year] when i figure out a good reply, i'll let ya know (feeble attempt at joke there, sorry!). ONE good thing: you're feeling this now while you still have plenty of time to do something about it. my only consolation is that at least i'm not in my 40s and feeling this way. sigh. i think it hits everyone at different times in their life, so maybe having to deal with it sooner is better than later? (here's hoping!)

 

i do know what you mean: everything people suggest you should do just doesn't appeal. it's like knowing that you're stuck, but feeling too down/ apathetic to change anything + it all sucks anyway, right? you know what you don't want, but what about the rest?

 

there is no easy way. it's one of life's lessons i guess… good luck

[Indirect]

I like cheesballs.

 

This thought probably has occurred to everyone at some point. Knowing you are passing a certain age barriar and haven't done much with your life and all... Ya, it can be shocking. My advice is now that you are single, try to find a new hobby. Try new things and be open minded about it.