Sex with Ex...

[things_ive_done]

If any of you read my earlier post, this is an add on to that.

 

To sum up the earlier post, my ex pretty much told me that us being together again wasn't gonna happen. Although she said that, I've still wanted to have sex with her since we broke up, but I figured that wouldn't happen either.

 

I went to a friends house on friday to do a bit of drinking and watch the hockey game. There was quite a few of us there. All of a sudden, my ex arrived with a few of her girlfriends. I was just sitting on the couch on the phone when they came in and I didn't really pay any bother to her. I stood up to go to the bathroom and as I was walking out of the room I bumped into her walking the opposite way. She looked at me and asked why I didn't say Hi to her. I just started smiling and laughed a little bit (she was just as drunk as I was). We moved to the other side of the room and started making out (spontaneous) then we moved the party to the bathroom. We didn't end up having sex or anything like that, although we were pretty damn close to (a few people opened the door and saw us half naked...I laughed about it the next day, cause my friend kept saying how he saw me standing there with no shirt on). But the reason we didnt get down to business was that she had a curfew that night, and her friends kept telling her that they had to leave.

 

That night we exchanged txt msgs on how the both of us wished we wouldve actually had sex. I told her it was gonna be No Strings Attached, and she kept reminding me of that, becasue she knew that unless we realized it was no strings attached, then we would start getting attached to each other.

 

The next day she came over to my house for about an hour, and we did end up having sex It was quite passionate, more passionate then when we were dating each other, Id have to say it was the best sex I've had with her.

 

The following day, we did a repeat of the day before, although it lasted a bit longer as we had more time - again it was very passionate. After we finished both times, she'd send me txt msgs about how good I am at what I do, and how many times she'd.......yeah nm you get the point Either way I felt like a champ after.

 

She told me, before she came over yesterday, that a friend of hers was mad because she was coming to my house (for reasons that I can obviously guess), but she told me that she doesnt care, she can make her own decisions, and they arnt her parents. I told her I dont want her to have problems with her friends. She also mentioned that she was gonna get a lecture from her sister, who returned from university that week, but again, she didnt care.

 

Now, my question is, can I continue doing this without it blowing up in my face at all? Like, I enjoy the sex, and I know it's no strings attached, but after we're done, we are still romantic with each other, like with cuddling, and kissing, and caressing. The sex now is more romantic and passionate than how it was when we were dating each other, and I'm loving it. But I still do have some feelings for her, even tho she told me we can't be together anymore. BUT THE SEX IS SOO GOOD ! I can't help it...

 

And I don't think it can be that she is using me, because WE both want to do it...

[darkblue]

This is an invitation to heartache, in my eyes.

There is no committment, thereforeeee, she could sleep with as many men as she likes. How would you feel then?

 

She can move on anytime she likes, how would you feel then?

 

This sounds like Friends With Benefts. If you are into that, fine.

I personally don't like it.

 

Would you not benefit more from talking issues over and maybe getting back together?

That way you don't have to worry about the lack of committment.

And while the sex is great while it lasts - it might not last...

[Jut]

Things

Believe me. THis is going to make you go down in your eyes as well as hers. She will use you for sex whenever sh ewants and though you might think the same once the cycle breaks it will cause a lot of pain. I did the same thing. My ex called me once night and came home at 4 am. Had sex the whole day. But when sh eleft it made me feel miserable and set me back in time. If it gets tough to control yourself use self pleasing but please dont fall in this trap.

[nataliejulie]

The sex is great because it's someone you deeply desire but cannot have.

I had sex with my ex... best sex I've ever had in my life! Of course, we started dating again.. and that feeling tapered off. That's when I knew why it was so intense... it's because I didn't have him. It makes it that much more passionate.

 

She's made it clear she wants no feelings involved. Just because she's cuddling after sex doesn't mean there's feelings there.. it just means she wants the company. And you just happen to be there.

 

All women love intimacy. Sometimes, we don't really pay attention to who's giving it to us unless we are receiving it (and that's where rebounds come in!)

 

So start thinking with the RIGHT head. Sex may be great, yes. But this relationship is broken... she has the right to be having sex with as many people as she wants right now... she has the right to be dating 10 guys right now... she has the right to just call you up tonight and say, goodbye. Dumped not only once, but twice. And trust me, that second time hurts more than the first... the second time, you feel more like a fool than anything else.

 

NC, ignore her, break your friends with the benefits deal off. She'll never feel like she lost you if she has that intimacy she SHOULD be missing.

[heloladies21]

If you can handle this while keeping yourself detached emotionally (and you have to be honest with yourself about this) then go ahead. But the most important thing to ask yourself is are you still trying to date and have sex with other women too? If you are then you should be OK, but if she's your only one you're probably setting yourself up for a heartbreak because your feelings will continue to develop and this could (and probably will) end abruptly at any time.

[Hannibal]

Oh my God stop what you're doing right now!

 

Honestly I just did that (today again oddly enough) and it totally blew up in my face. It felt like it was making it easier to let her go, but the opposite happened. When she told me she was dating another guy it hurt a lot more than if I hadn't continued to sleep with her. One of you will end up getting hurt here, either you will find someone else first or she will and then the poop will hit the fan.

 

Trust me get out now.

[capricorn85]

SEX with an ex is NO good! I fell in that trap twice with my ex. It hurts afterwards because you build up hope that you will bewith them in the future. Please do not do it to yourself. I know the sex is great but it will cause heartache in the long run!!

[things_ive_done]

THANKS FOR THE COMMENTS EVERYONE !

 

I hate this so much...well no I dont...but its all the stuff surrounding it.

 

Oddly enough, we did a repeat AGAIN last night, and it was 100000 times better than the night before. I can't help but love every second, and Im not talking about recieving, I enjoy the pleasure that Im giving her (Im just a nice guy lol).

 

This time was a little different tho....

Instead of just getting right to business, she asked if we could take out the Z71 and go get food (that she'd buy) and drive around for a bit, take the LONG way home. I was surprised she wanted to buy, seeing how she was a) no job and b) almost no money.

 

ANDDDDDD the weirdest thing, lately, there has been no arguing, AT ALL, like its as if someone made us drink some "unargumentative juice", just laughing, joking, good times.

 

wait, theres another ANNNNNNNDDDDDDDD I was looking at her hand when she was lying on my bed, and I noticed something odd, which quickly caught my eye....she put the gold and diamond ring back on her finger that I gave her for our 6 months.

 

Like she was telling me a friend of hers was mad at her for coming out with me and that she didnt want me and my ex getting back together etc etc and she told me she didnt care about what she was saying, that she was being stupid and shouldnt tell her what to do. SHE also txt me last night after I dropped her off commenting on my performance and thanking me for the 2 hours that we got together because it made her feel like all the "bad things" just drifted away...

 

my question is....

I already dealt with the fact that she made it clear that we couldn't get back together, but do you think this has made her slightly change her mind? Am I getting mixed signals?

 

...I don't feel used at all....I acctually feel like she might feel used..but I realize that sounds absurd..

 

I also have another comment, if you all can bear with me up to here.

 

When she was thinking a few weeks ago, that she should get back together with me, Im almost more than positive, it was because, when we were together, We WERENT arguing, fighting, disagreeing, or any negative stuff. Maybe NC wont be able to apply here? The main reason our relationship went down the drain was because of the fighting, etc.

[heloladies21]

You aren't getting mixed signals at all. She hasn't shown you anything which points to wanting to get back together. You are already in deep emotionally and have set yourself up to get slapped when she finds another man and drops you for good because nobody makes their f*** buddy into a serious relationship.

 

Proceed, but it won't turn out good, but I know there's nothing you can do to stop yourself. In your case get everything out in the open about how you want to get back together with her and all that. It won't get her back (nothing you do will) but the added rejection will push you to the point of NC and getting over her for real. Otherwise you're just stringing yourself along.

[things_ive_done]

Im not expecting to get back together with her, I told her that it was no strings attached when we were both kinda drunk and talking about it....

 

Im just hoping that shes not changing her mind at all and wants to get back together with me, because I'm loving the sex, she can fool around with others if she wants, as long as I can still get it, thats the joy of being single, but on the other hand, I DO still care for her, and would hate for anything bad to happen to her - thats the one downside, is that I still care.

And Im not focusing my life on her, like we still are close, we tell each other things still, its like GOOD FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS.

 

I hope this doesnt change tho, like the thoughts in my head, becasue so far Im not feeling used or anything.

 

And your right heloladies21, there isn't anything I can do to stop myself... unfortunately, but is it ok just to enjoy everything how it is, and find the best of a situation?

[things_ive_done]

any opinions? please....I appreciate the comments, but like any typical guy, we have HIGH sex drives....which sometimes get the better of us.

[coooolsome]

Ok, so you dont want to get back together because of the sex. Hmmm, what happens if she finds someone else and drops you completely? Yes, its great now, but what about when she stops b/c she has found a new boyfriend? I have a friend who has multiple people he just is "Friends with benefits" with. But....he doesnt care if they stop it or not. He doesnt even see them for months at a time sometimes. It doesnt affect him one way or the other.

 

The way you are posting, I think that it will affect you. You never know how you will really feel until you are put into that situation.