work to live, live to work, i have no work, i have no purpose

[steff]

when i was younger i always imaged myself, when i had finished highschool, to be going out with a great boyfriend, having a part time job, heaps of friends and had done well in my exams. well guess what, i finished my VCE/HSC this year, less then a month ago, and i dont have a boyfriend, i dont have a part time job and my friend circle is small and limited. this really cracked down on me today, where i started thinking that i have already failed my life. and if no one is going to employee me now, what makes them want to employ me later on in life. it was only today that because of no job, no boyfriend, that i felt unless, and unwanted. all my friends have part time jobs. admittely not all of my friends have boyfriends, and no matter how many resumes' i hand out, even to shops advertising that they want employees, no one wants me!

 

i dont see myself as a bad person, okay i may not be 5foot 6inches, instead an intimadating 6 foot, i may not be a skinny big boobed long blonde hair women, but i can still sell a product or press two bottons on a machine. my friends can hand one resume' to one place and within 24 hours be employed. i generally am a very happy person, who gets along well with pretty much anyone, but still no one is willing to give me a chance.

 

in life one must work to live, so we live to work! if i cant get work, i dont have a reason to be here. im not needed!

whenever i think about the future, it doenst feel 'for surtain' i never know if i will still be alive. i always think about killing myself, about how my friends would feel, how my friends would cope. i feel bad for thinking it now, because only a week ago today my father lost his mother, so my family lost their last grandparent, which has been a massive blow to the family. and here i am thinking about ending my life as i am of no use to anyone.

 

in my account i have about $250, and that isnt going to last long, not with petrol prices, and christmas and birthdays coming up. how am i suppost to do anything without a job. today i lay in bed all day crying... not only about not having a job, but about granny, and im still trying to cope about being raped. my family has lost 6 people this year, thats like a entire family itself, im sure one more wouldnt really hurt that much.

 

i know that i will never be good enough for james, i will never marry him. im not going to be anything. but look at my brother, his 22 years old, has found the women that he is going to marry (his best mate of 15 years) has 2 cats, a dog, a very fancy car, and has just brought a house and renovated it into a beautiful home... look at me... im nothing.

 

i dont feel as though i can put anything into this world. i cant help anyone with anything, whats my point here... why should i still be here???

 

i hate fighting with myself...

[registered]

Hey Steff

 

I am 18 and have no girlfriend or friends - when I was younger I never imagined my life this way either, lol. Who would?!

 

I felt like you did in my last year of high school - what do I have to show for 18 years on this planet? High School isn't easy and don't think that because you have finished that the stress is over...I know you are waiting for results too.

 

Your life is going to change a lot now. You have come to an important time in your life full of tough decisions and seemingly important choices.

 

Firstly, let me say that despite your feelings you must _try_ and see that you do have a lot to offer the world and that you do have a lot in your life.

You mention that your bro has all of those things, but those things don't make people happy - a fancy car, 2 cats and a dozen garden gnomes won't make you happy. Having a boyfriend won't necessarily make you happy either, as many girls will attest.

You really do need to find happiness for yourself _before_ any of the other things can make you happy. They can't make you happy unless you already are happy. But you can work on that - I am.

 

Up until recently I didn't have a job either. I was always knocked back from places too. I have also seen people who will always not get knocked back! But to an extent this is luck.

You know what you need to do? Take your focus off of finding a job. If you are so sure that you need a job to help complete your life then of course you are going to be disappointed when you get turned down. But many, many people get turned down! I always got turned down, but after years and years of trying I managed to get a job. You will get a job one day, and probably sooner than later. But there are more important things in life.

(Also, depending upon what you do, you aren't necessarily going to like having to work like a slave for a few measely dollars any more than not having that cash in the first place...but that's life lol).

 

So your friends are very good at getting jobs? Ask them for help!

Ask them to assist in rewriting your c.v. Ask them to take you to places to put your application in. Now is a good time with the summer holidays to apply for a job.

Also, apply for lots of varying jobs doing things many things.

You mention the fact that you are 6 foot tall...so what?! That makes _no_ difference - I am not just saying that to make you feel good lol. It is the truth. Ok?

but still no one is willing to give me a chance.

Your turn will come! I assure you...you have your tenses mixed up lol. It should be:

but no one has been willing to give me a chance.

 

In a way we do live to work, yes. But because you don't work does NOT mean you shouldn't live! You have just finished school, you are 18 - is a stupid part time job so important to living?! No way.

 

You have $250 more than most people in this world, not to mention a family and food and a roof.

Why the fixation with money? When most people have it they just waste it anyway. Money is so irrelevant to most things - I do realise that we live in a consumerist, capitalist society and need to buy food/petrol to eat but, money is not important to happiness.

Don't think that you need to spend sh_t-loads on people's gifts, it is the thought that counts and people will be grateful of a thoughtful gift. (and the best gift is love and friendship anyway....material things are so very, very unimportant.)

 

You have a lot of things that are making you cry - so cry.

You have to grieve and think and cry.

But you know, you can also talk to people if you need to. It will make you feel heaps better. If you want to PM me, I will be happy to talk.

 

You are 18...when you are 18 having no boyfriend and little money to waste seem like a big thing. You have a long life ahead in which you will have many, many, many opportunities to do whatever you want.

 

Everyone has many things to offer the world - you give so many things already without even realising it.

 

Oh and what do I have to show for 18 years on this planet?

For starters, I have those 18 years Many people never had their 18 years.

I am healthy. Many people aren't.

I am lucky - and most people aren't (we can all help these people, and this is something we all have to offer [owe] the world).

 

There are a few simple things you can do today that prove that you have a lot to offer the world.

You can help your family - they need you.

You can identify the challenges life gives you and embrace them. Some of them just suck, some are stupid, some are seemingly impossible to overcome. How do you think you will overcome them? You have to first be willing to give it a go - just between you and me, I think that you will certainly be able to overcome them, I believe that you are stronger than the things life throws at you.

Know that you have the opportunities to do anything you want in the world (job or no job, boyfriend or no boyfriend) - but YOU, and only you can make anything of these opportunities.

 

Oh, and going back to your initial comment about your life not matching up to how you had dreamed...

Let yourself dream. Dreams are not about having them come true, they are about them helping you on your journey throughout life, and maybe, one day they can come true.

Don't ever stop dreaming, and don't let other people stop you from dreaming.

 

Ok Steff, Good Luck with your results

Talk to you again, it would be great if you replied.

[ShySoul]

Hi Steff,

 

Hey. I'm nearing 23 with no girlfriend and barely anyone I can call a friend. I often feel like have nothing. Money is a concern for me as well. Life hasn't turned out like I wanted and I seem to get passed over for everyone else as well. Sometimes I feel like I am dead, so what would the difference be if I was dead? But I know I can't do that.

 

You say that since you aren't working, you feel like you don't have a place or purpose in the world. Work is a big part of life, but it is not why we live. There is so much more then work in life. You said those other things yourself.... your family. Because your family has lost so much this year, thats one reason they need you more. One more loss would not be brushed over, it would be even more devastating. They need you, your love, and the joy of having you in their life. And you need their support to get through this difficult time.

 

I am sorry that you got raped. That is a tramautic experience and has to be hurting you deeply. But you can work through it. You are stronger then this. You need to deal with your feelings and come back, determined to show that one bad man's actions can't ruin you.

 

You are far from nothing. You are a bright, caring, beautiful women. You are incredible strong. You have endured hardships and preserved. You will have everything you want, it just takes time. Sometimes the journey and struggle is what is important. You should use it to motivate yourself, challenge yourself to do great things with your life. Overcome the hardships you face and eventually you will have everything you have dreamed off. The important thing is to not lose hope. And it might be small, it might seem odd coming from a stranger... but I believe in you. I'm here if you want to talk.

[manhattanproject]

Don't worry about not having a job. I've been out of college for 7 months and I still don't have a job and don't have much chance of getting a girlfriend, and sometimes I get down about it. But you know what? I'm not gonna kill myself. I'm gonna stay alive just to spite everyone.

[sugarandspice]

hey steff.

 

i am 19. am at uni but giving up. In the first year . suffer depression and from bulimia and i am going crazy and can't cope. i am too far behind. i think whats the point to life. im not doing anything with my life. i just whish my depression would go away. i feel like i have a massive hole in my belly right now. i feel so unstable. i dont want to die. i am scared of what i will do. sorry i am of no help whatsoever! but sound like have similar feelings.

 

S x

[ocrob]

Hi Steff,

 

I am 36 years old and can remembe when I got out of college and could not get a job. You are still young and have a bright future ahead of you. Instead of focusing on the negative, focus on what you need to do to get a job. Maybe you can get a little career counseling or help improving your resume. At your age I know your resume does not have much on it, but you may be able to improve it. Also, maybe you can read some books on interview techniques. As long as you are not working you have time to dedicate to finding a job. By doing this, you will be doing something positive to improve yourself. Once you get your job and are busy you will be happier and probably project a more positive image. Don't worry about the boyfriend. That will come in time. Just focus on getting a job right now and once you have one just work hard and continue to grow. I left a 7 year career and had about 7 jobs that lasted about a year each. I had to sort of start over and am in a industry which I have little experience. You just need to work hard and keep plugging away. If you are tenacious and continue to learn, you will succeed at whatever you want. You are just starting out. You can't even say you have failed yet. Trust me you will fail in your personal and professional life and just keep working hard and continue to grow. You can do it and you will do it. If you think you can, then you will. If you are mopy and depressed knowone will hire you. If you come in energetic with a great attitude, then your chance will increase so much. One last thing: I don't know the exact number, but Walt Disney applied for a lone at over 400 banks. He was turned down by all accept for the last. Just think if he gave up. : )

 

Good luck!

 

Robert

[sparticuss]

Ok Steff. Lets just roll through these bits one by one,

 

1/ when i was younger i always imaged myself, when i had finished high school, to be going out with a great boyfriend,

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When you were MUCH younger you imagined yourself marrying one of those handsome princes in the kids story books too.

 

 

2/ well guess what, i finished my VCE/HSC this year, less then a month ago, and i dont have a part time job

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VCE doesn't get you a job. Never did! It's reallly a glorified intelligence test to get you a place in university. People hire 18 year olds who have left school at 15 and have some industry experience.

===========

 

 

3/ and my friend circle is small and limited.

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To be expected after isolating yourslef for a year in order to pass VCE. It should improve slowly from now on.

 

4/ what makes them want to employ me later on in life.

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University qualifications mostly.

Have a look at your local Saturday paper in the employment section. Two pages of vacancies for tradesmen. 22 pages for graduates.

 

 

5/ admittely not all of my friends have boyfriends,

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PMSL Have a look through the relationships pages at how much trouble the girls have with boyfriends. It doesnt matter if that trouble is of their own making or not. They still have trouble.

 

 

 

6/ i may not be 5foot 6inches, instead an intimadating 6 foot,

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Libarary assistant. Able to reach the top shelf

 

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6a/ A tip.

Don't go looking for guys who like "normal" girls. Go actively looking for guys who are turned on by tall girls. And they do exist.

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7/ my friends can hand one resume' to one place and within 24 hours be employed.

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The only companies I know who hire people like that only pay them commission. Or even charge them for start up kits for commission sales. I have only TWICE known of a guy who was employed within 24 hours. Both fruit picking jobs. And one of those guys was me. And the job was just around the corner. ie right place right time

 

 

 

 

7/ in my account i have about $250, and that isnt going to last long, not with petrol prices,

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On ya bike squire. Stuff the petrol prices.

 

8/ and im still trying to cope about being raped.

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Have the mob on the Rape Crisis Line been any use? I'll tell you one thing now. Most guys are emotionally incapable of rape cause most guys are sex maniacs. Rapists are not sex maniacs. They are head busters.

 

 

9/ i know that i will never be good enough for james, i will never marry him.

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I'm terrible for number crunching but, about 50% of girls do not marry their first serius love, and, another 50% of wives do end up divorcing.