am i nutzzz

[shej]

everything i do is not good enough or right can anyone give me advise or am i just nutz. me and my boyfriend have been together for a year now and we live together at night he has a hard time sleeping as i do too i like to watch tv at night to make me tired and he like to listen to the raido and most of the time i will turn off the tv so he can get to sleep.

 

he works i dont but there is once in awhile i leave it on alittle longer at times when i do he ask me to turn it off or go out in the living room so i turn it off and most of the time just lay there beside him and still somehow keep him awake or if i go out in the other room when i come back in i wake him so no matter what i do he gets pissed if i stay in the bedroom or leave the bedroom i never relly know what to do what ever i do i am sure it will be wrong to him..

 

well as my story go just the other night he hurt his back relly bad and was very tired and in a lot of pain i told him i wasent tired and i had taped a show and so i grap the vcr tape and went out and watch it and then come back in before i left i ask him if i could rub his back or get him anything or do anything for him and he said no and once again i thought i was doing the right thing by leaving the room and going out to the other room so he could get some rest but when i came back in he was not sleeping and i ask him once again if i could do anything for him and he said no it does not matter i am not important to you you rather watch surivor then be in here with me i told him he gets made a me for staying and for leaving i never know what to do

 

then we argure and i started to cry so hard and he said he ask me to lay down with him and i am sorry but i did not hear him come right out and say i would relly like for you to lay here with me all i heard was my back relly hurts and i am tired and oh yea he did say something about cant i watch that tomor but that is not saying he would relly like me to lay there with him is it?

 

so like i said i thought i was doing the right thing by leaving and watching tv in the other room and when i come back in the bedroom i get hell and he tells me i dont love him i do love this guy more then anything and he make me very happy but he tells me all the time i dont love him or he does not make me happy and it is the furthest from the truth because he does make me feel good about myself and makes me happy

 

i make him coffee i put his cloths out in the moring and at night after he get home from work i start his van up in the moring and clean it off take his stuff out to the van he needs try to have dinner ready when he gets home but somtimes i never know what to cook and sometimes we go out to eat and of course do the everday things that a women does at home i hold his hand all that i can and touch him all that i can i do alot for him does that sound like i dont love him i would do anything for this man but know matter what i do and think it is right and showing him that i love him it kicks me in the **** but dont get me wrong he does a lot more for me i mean i dont pay nothing for anything he help me out on my bills he is great. so anybody can you help me out and tell me what is going on

[waylon]

I'm sorry but as far as I'm concerned it sounds like he has it made...

 

Sure he pays the bills but it still sounds like he's treating you like a slave. It doesn't seem like this guy appreciates you. Has he even asked you how you feel or is he just worried about himself the whole time..?

[DN]

Why don't you have a job? Generally speaking, it is not a good thing to be dependent on someone, it lessens your self-respect and doesn't do much for his respect for you either.

[Relationship Coach]

TV's do not belong in the bedroom! Very common problem in relationships. The bedroom is of course for sleeping and intimacy but it is also a great place for communication. Sounds like there may be underlying issues just below the surface. Yes, you need to get a job and not be co-dependent on him.

 

If you want to keep the relationship in the concubine state it is in, do nothing. He needs to understand your feelings and respect you as well. I'm sure he is a hard worker and likes to be the provider but this can also implicate control issues he may have. If the two of you cannot communicate and resolve these concerns, you are telling him that you accept how he treats you and it's OK. You deserve more fix it or find what will make you happy.

[ocrob]

I will not give any advice, but it was so interesting for me to listen to what you had to say. At first, I was on the guy's side. I have so much trouble sleeping and if the tv is on I can't sleep. But, after hearing everything, you sound like a very terrific woman. As I said, I am not giving advice in this situation. I do know that two people can be so amazing and sweet, but just have different concerns. I know that my ex wife would want me to come home and be really affectionate. I would come home very wound up and very politely tell her I needed a few minutes to unwind. What I needed did not work for her and what she needed did not work for me. I hope that both of you will find a way to make both of your needs work. Although relationships are compromise, nobody really wants to compromise. I guess the ones that make it learn to find that perfect balance. I must say that my parents have been married since I was born and they seem to get along better now than when I was younger. I believe if you are married and there is no abuse, then stick with it and try to make it work. If you are not married, then decide if this is what you want for the rest of your life. Work and life are hard enough, your significant other should be a positive and not negative. As I said, no advice because I have no idea what to say, but sometimes it is nice to just express yourself. I wish the two of you the best!

 

Robert

[RooferGirl23]

I used to have the same problem... the darn tv in the bedroom. when my guy and I first got together, he could not fall asleep without it, and i needed complete darkness and silence! So he would go into the otehr room to watch. We used to fight and argue about it, and have compromized some.

I stay at home as well and had to learn that he works, pays all the bills, and is entitled to have certain things a certain way. Give and take. also, i think us "stay at home-ers" dont get the everyday recoginition for all that we do, it makes us fel like what we do goes by un-noticed. but thats not the case, either.

I dont think this is all that helpful but just my thoughts.