Relationship off to a great start then she goes back to her ex-?(Long)

[RescueDiver]

I have a story to share with everyone... I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice so much as to vent. On the other hand maybe it'll help someone else avoid a similar mess.

 

Here's my story:

I met this gal Jen through link removed about two months ago. When we got to talking about dating Jen expressed some reservations about me because I'm a full-time firefighter. Anyway, I ask her if she thinks it best we just go our separate ways so that no one gets hurt she says that because she's really enjoyed our conversations that she'd like to remain friends and still talk. Two days later Jen is lamenting about a failed date she had just had (the guy had a problem with her religious beliefs). Then she brings up that her 32nd birthday is coming up in a few days (I'm younger by 5 months). She says that she's bummed because she has no-one to share her birthday with. I half-jokingly ask her if she'd like to go out for dinner the night of her birthday. She asks me if I'm serious and I tell her I am. She accepts and thanks me for being so sweet.

 

Well, Jen and I have a wonderful birthday dinner, go back to her home and watch a couple of movies. After that we talk until 4:30 PM the next day (crashing out for a couple of hours around 6AM). I can't think of another time that's happened to me. Jen too seemed pleased that we could talk "forever."

 

The next day while Jen and I are talking about how much we enjoyed each other's company she finds out about this car-related event at the end of the. She invites me along on it and I accept thinking "how cool is this! Someone that likes cars as much as me." That Friday she hosts a wine-tasting party. Unfortunately due to the short-notice I'm not able to get the day off of work. However, later on that weekend Jen invites me to go shopping with her at a local outlet mall. Well, we have a great time and end up having a very nice dinner as well. By the close of that date I'm beginning to think that Jen might be interested in being more than friends (reading body language and so forth). So, we have a discussion about my job and she reveals that she is getting more comfortable with it. So, I ask her if she would like to do something the next weekend. She says yes. That weekend she makes a wonderful dinner (I do the dishes), then we go off to the magic show and have a great time. Afterward we watch a movie and spend the night together cuddled up in each others arms (no sex, but we did share our first kiss).

 

That week we plan a mid-week dinner because both of us are busy the following weekend, so once again we go out and have a great time. Two weeks later we head out for the car-event and I end up spending most of the day holding her trying to keep her warm (she'd forgotten her jacket). Anyway, after that we go back to her house and watch another movie and chat. Around eleven she says that I need to go because she has to get up early to have breakfast with a friend and then deliver the wine from the wine-tasting party. I'm a little disappointed that I don't get to spend the night but I kiss her goodbye and depart.

 

The next day we plan a couple more dates. We plan a mid-week dinner date because we're both going to be busy the following weekend, and then we plan to for her to come out to my place in two weeks for a hockey game. By now I'm obviously developing feelings for Jen so I ask her if she's okay with us being more than friends. She says she likes where we're at, but stipulates that she's not looking for a commitment yet. Later on that week, in fact the morning of the dinner date Jen tells me she needs to cancel our dates. When I ask why, she says it's because she has some "crap" she needs to sort out. She asks me for time to get stuff figured out. I tell her that's fine.

 

Well, I discuss what happened with a couple of my lady friends and they both ask me if there's another guy involved. I tell them that I don't think so, but I decide to confront Jen about it anyway. As it turns out there is an issue. Basically what happened is after I started showing an interest in her an ex-boyfriend and her ex-husband suddenly decide they want to get back together. Well, about a week goes by and Jen and I are still talking and having some really good conversations. Some conversations don't go so well because I obviously get inquisitive as to how her "process" is going. Well, during one such conversation she tells me that she as basically dealt with everyone but me and her ex-boyfriend "Brad" who works at the same company as she does. She says she doesn't know what to do about us because she likes me a lot obviously, but still has feelings (and a lot of time and emotion invested in Brad). She also mentions that she knows where Brad stands as far as religion, children, and so forth. She also is concerned about the distance between us. We discuss these things and find out we are on the same page with them.

 

Before I can continue my story I need to shed a little light on the back story between Jen and Brad. They dated after Jen became separated from her husband (but prior to the finalization of their divorce). Jen's divorce wasn't finalized until just prior to our third date which is why I didn't push things at first. Anyway, Jen admitted that she loved Brad very much. Brad as it turns out is taking some sort of medication (I don't know for what) that has some pretty nasty side-effects. The story goes on that his doctor supposedly told him (off the record) that Marijuana would ease the side-effects. So, Brad picked up a pot habit. Well, Jen being 32 and all is obviously looking to start a family and doesn't want to do that with someone who is into drugs. So, she tells Brad that he has a choice between the drugs and her. Much to her surprise he picks the drugs. So, even though she is shattered by this, she breaks up with him. They decide to remain friends however to keep things from getting weird at work. Here's where things get sticky. Apparently at the wine-tasting party a lot of people were coming up to her and asking her (excitedly) how dinner went with the firefighter. Well, Brad (who was at this party) caught wind of some of these conversations. Anyway, the following Monday at work he goes ballistic… saying lots of really nasty things about her. I only know this because she called me that night and told me. I asked Jen if maybe Brad thought the two of them were getting back together at some point. She said "no" that they had rehashed this all before and she didn't know why after six months this was all coming up again. Well, what I didn't find out until just recently is that after Brad's blow-up, he came out and said that he was giving up the drugs and wanted another chance with her. Once I heard that (and heard that she had been very much in love with him) I didn't hold much hope for her picking me because I had been in this situation a few times before and every time the woman in question has gone back to her ex. Still I was already in this far and it was going to hurt either way so I decided to hold out for her decision.

 

Over the next week or so Jen and I continue to talk and I end up picking up a web cam so we can video-chat. Jen already had one so I had decided early on to get one. Anyway Jen was very excited about the webcam and we shared many long happy conversations. Actually it started to seem like I might actually have a chance of beating out her ex-boyfriend. Jen told me that she was really missing me and started talking about future plans once again. However, a few days later Jen e-mailed me and said that she had decided to try seeing Brad again. She said that it wasn't because of who I was, anything I did, or didn't do. That it was just that she already had so much invested emotionally that she needed to find out for herself what the deal was. Well, I e-mailed her back and told her that though I was upset, that I understood her decision. I told her that if things didn't work out between her and Brad that I thought we should give things another shot because there was obviously a connection between us. I asked her if she'd like to still be friends (because I wanted to keep the lines of communication open so I would hear if their relationship ended). She said she'd have to see. I imagine this Brad guy is pretty prone to jealousy and that's why she said that. After all look at how he reacted when she and I weren't anything more than friends and went out to dinner.

 

So, that's my story... obviously I'm hoping that things aren't going to work out between them but I'm trying not to hold my breath. Because I thought her relationship with Brad was ancient history I never really asked too much about it. So I don't know if they will last or not. Jen has said that there were other issues, but the drug thing was by far the biggest one. But I also know that love can blind you to an awful lot. In every case like this in the past that I've been involved with the relationship the girl has gone back to has not lasted. It's just been a case of how long. I tend to be a bit pessimistic about this stuff because I've never had much luck in relationships so I'm betting they'll probably make it work or that I'll end up being in a new relationship when they do break up.

 

I guess to make this a discussion instead of just a rant, does anyone see any way I could have avoided this, or headed her ex- off before he got a foothold. The only real thing that sent up a red flag was that she told me that Brad had come over recently (since our first date) to fix her furnace a couple of times. I had thought about saying something about that because I didn't like the sound of an ex-boyfriend over doing home repairs for her. However she and I really hadn't reached the point to where I would be justified in making that complaint.

[Shadows Light]

I don't think that you could have headed this off. How could you? She was on link removed...and looking, so how could you have known. You'd talked to her on-line for a while, before meeting. And it sounds like the dating followed the normal course of events.

 

Let me ask you .. why was she divorcing her husband? and when did Brad come into the picture? Timing. Sounds like she was still not "emotionally" ready to connect with anyone let alone you. She was flaking out on Brad as well.

 

You mentioned that your profession turns women off? Why??? I don't think I've heard that one before.

 

I don't know what to tell you except... if you think of her as a "friend" or someone you could care for in that regard... then leave the door open. However, guard your heart. Don't give away your heart so soon. Self-preservation.

[RescueDiver]

Well the questions you're asking require the telling of more back story...

I don't think I meant that my profession turns women off in general... just her and heres the reason. Jen's first fiance' died on her. By died, I mean that she found him dead at home one evening when she came home from work. He died from complications of diabetes (I imagine his blood sugar went critically low and he died). So basically she's afraid of having a chief's car show up in front of her house with bad news. What woman isn't afraid of that to some extent, but because she tragically lost once fiance' already... well, you get the idea. Anyway, on her divorce what happened is basically her husband put a gun to her head and threatened to kill her (after a heated argument) so she was out the door. Anyway I don't know the precise timing as to how long she and her husband were separated before Brad came along. Like I mentioned I didn't really think Brad was a threat because of the time frame between their breakup and my arrival so I never really asked to many probing questions about it. I figured the full story of that relationship would come out in due time. I also don't think she flaked out on Brad at all... I think telling someone to get off the weed or get lost is perfectly reasonable.

[RescueDiver]

Thought I'd share a little update... the Brad guy I spoke of started messaging me Sunday night saying that I'm supposed to leave Jen alone. I don't really know why he felt he needed to do that since I hadn't called or e-mailed her since she made her announcement. Anyway, after a very enlightening 3 hour "discussion" I got a pretty good idea of what this guy is like and all I can say is wow... what a piece of work. He is the epitome of over-competitive, insecure, controlling, borderline psycho/schizo. I did feel a little bit better after the conversation because I realized that if she really wants to be with a guy like that... well, we probably wouldn't have gotten along anyway because I would actually treat her right. Surprisingly enough the next day Jen e-mailed me and apologized for him doing that.

[RayKay]

Hey Rescue,

 

I just caught your thread now.

 

Some comments, don't blame yourself, you did the right things. You followed normal dating procedures. The only think I would comment on is when she started "sorting things out" with her ex's, you should of really stepped out of picture and told her you were giving her time to sort things out and did not want to get involved heavily in someone thinking of going back to their ex at this point.

 

Now, it seems she has a bad history with men....and I would say that aside from the toughness of having a fiance die on her (I know that is hard as I had a long term boyfriend die on me, and it does make you more "aware") the real issue here is it sounds like she is involved in some abusive relationships. Her ex husband, her now-again boyfriend, are both showing they were abusive. I think she is so wrapped up in that, that for her, it is love, I think combined with low self esteem, and the need to be loved by the person who also hurts her, has her running back to him.

 

The thing is, there is NOTHING you can do about this. Only she can rescue herself from this situation as you saw yourself...many abused men and women will often return many times to the same situation, as they truly do believe it is love, and they need their abuser, it's warped, but it's a terrible cycle.

 

I would really, really limit any contact with her. In response to her email apologizing tell her you understand it is not her fault, but that you cannot be involved in this situation as you respect her decision, and that you wish her the best. Unless you can guarantee it is private email, be careful how you word it or speak of him, or his "controlling nature" or about how you care about her and want to be there if something happens and she needs help. I know it's hard not to want to "help" but she really needs to get out of there herself, and it may take a long time, if she has already gone back again to the same situation.

[RescueDiver]

Hi Ray Kay thanks for posting your insights, they were greatly appreciated. I know I probably should have stepped out when she mentioned the issues with her ex- but the thing was I was already emotionally invested and at that point, I knew it was going to hurt either way. Plus, it looked like I might have a shot in spite of everything. Towards the end of the week before she made her final decision things seemed to swing into my favor. Without going into too much detail she started talking about how much she missed me, started using the kiss emoticon again in our online conversations, and had resumed talking about doing stuff together in the future (instead of just saying "maybe"). However then all of the sudden she backed way off on talking and stuff a day or so later... and then the announcement came down a couple days after that. So I'm thinking they might've slept together or otherwise been intimate. That's the only thing I can think of to explain the sudden 180 she did.

 

I did talk briefly with her last night about the whole conversation with this guy and she said that she has "locked down" both her work computer and her home computer so unless he does some heavy duty hacking (which I doubt) her e-mail and messenger history should be private once again. Her take on this guy's behavior boiled down to insecurity. I suppose that's understandable considering she's 6 years older and an inch taller. I could have e-mailed the entire conversation to her, but didn't because I don't want to start a "he said / I said" war.

 

When I responded to the e-mail she sent me last Wednesday about her decision I told her that I understood her decision and told her that if things didn't work out with this guy to give me a call and maybe we could give it another shot (I told her I wasn't going to wait however). I'm sure she knows I care about her and I've already made it clear that she's welcome to call me anytime if she really needs someone to talk to (or needs help... I am a firefighter after all). I don't think speaking ill of this guy is going to help my cause any even if what I say is true (whether he reads it or not). Every time I've done that it's blown up in my face.

 

Anyway, everyone I've told about this has basically said that it's not going to last. I feel that way too, but I don't know how long it's going to take. Every other time I've been in this situation the relationship that I've been dumped for has gone down in flames eventually. When I was talking to her a couple of weeks ago she said that while the drug thing wasn't the only issue leading to the break-up, it was by far the most severe. So, who knows... he could relapse, or maybe these other issues will get on her nerves more now since the drug issue isn't overshadowing them anymore. My Lieutenant thinks it'll only be a month but my feeling is that it's probably going to take quite a while. I know it was a difficult decision for her so I imagine she's going to do everything she can to see it through because she made a pretty big sacrifice (a future with a wonderful guy like me ) to give this other guy a second chance. She's also never really mentioned any "abuse" by this guy (other than when he blew up at her at work). So maybe he's not really a bad guy... just underhanded.

[virtualjedi]

Deleted due to privacy

[keefy1972]

Dude he invaded her privacy when he had his "little chat" with you. It's not going to be too long before she feels totally controlled and manipulated by this loser and boots him out. All of the "bad memories" of what it was really like with him from before will come flooding back soon enough. I'd say you'll get your chance soon.

[RescueDiver]

Hopefuly you're right Keefy. Though I don't really remember her saying anything about "bad memories" apart from his drug problem and his blowing up at her after our first date. Those were the only real digs I heard about him other than she couldn't stand being with someone shorter than her and supposedly she was never doing that again (I guess going back to ex's doesn't count).

[Liquidius]

It doesnt sound like you could have done anything about this. You treated her wonderfully from what you've said, but everyone has a past, and the past has a nasty tendency to catch up with the present. This Brad guy sounds like a bit of an unstable character - I'm not entirely sure what she's doing with him.

 

Be her friend and watch out for her, without getting in the way. Be there to talk if she needs it, and try not to bring up what happened between the two of you too much. It sounds like she's confused, having just come out of a divorce, and then having two "dates" or "mini relationships" with two different men in close sucession. She's probably just trying to figure things out.

[patience]

Rescue,

 

Have you met any other women? Women who make healthier, self-loving choices who would appreciate and want you for who you are?

 

I think you should cut your losses with this online 'friend'. There is someone out there who would be very into a man like you, who is single, available, and baggage free.

 

You weren't involved for long with this woman, why even consider being her friend? What do you have to gain here? If you did meet a single woman, how would she feel about this 'friendship'?

 

There are RED FLAGS all over the place with this one. Don't be her therapist, that's not your job!

 

Seriously, there are women who would drool over you, guaranteed!

[RescueDiver]

It doesnt sound like you could have done anything about this. You treated her wonderfully from what you've said, but everyone has a past, and the past has a nasty tendency to catch up with the present. This Brad guy sounds like a bit of an unstable character - I'm not entirely sure what she's doing with him.

 

Well he's "familiar" for one... and I may have treated her wonderfully but maybe that scares her because she's not used to it. She might be wondering "what's the catch?"

 

Be her friend and watch out for her, without getting in the way. Be there to talk if she needs it, and try not to bring up what happened between the two of you too much. It sounds like she's confused, having just come out of a divorce, and then having two "dates" or "mini relationships" with two different men in close sucession. She's probably just trying to figure things out.

 

Well, she was actually separated from her husband when she was dating Brad... personally I don't think that's right... my opinion is that you ought to be fully divorced before you are seeing anyone else but that's just my opinion. There was about 6 months in between when she broke up with Brad and when she started dating me, so I don't know if that's close succession. I'm assuming she "figured things out" when she decided to start dating Brad again. Why else would you go back to someone unless you thought it was going to work right?

 

Rescue,

 

Have you met any other women? Women who make healthier, self-loving choices who would appreciate and want you for who you are?

 

I think you should cut your losses with this online 'friend'. There is someone out there who would be very into a man like you, who is single, available, and baggage free.

 

Thank you for the kind words patience, but the trick is finding someone that you connect with (someone that's as into you as you are into them). That can be a pretty tough thing to find.

 

You weren't involved for long with this woman, why even consider being her friend? What do you have to gain here? If you did meet a single woman, how would she feel about this 'friendship'?

 

Well, obviously I am doing it because I'm interested in her and I felt a connection. Now, if I meet someone else and think that I'll get along with them better than with Jen, so be it (and I'll cross the 'friendship' bridge when I come to it). I'm not going to try to be her therapist... one, because helping her with her relationship with this guy doesn't help my cause any. Second, I've done the "therapist" thing before and it's never really gotten me anywhere. So basically I'm not "waiting" for her per-se unless she decides she made a mistake choosing Brad over me and is willing to give it another shot. The only issue then is that she's going to have to fend Brad off because they work together and I'm not going to tolerate any meddling from him. So yeah, even if this does somehow turn around to my favor... unless she is fully done with Brad I can't let her back in because I would just be setting myself up for trouble all over again.

[ShySoul]

Rescue,

 

Wow, that was a lot to catch up on. From the other thread, I also feel that relationships get more complicated then they need to because people play games and aren't always honest about things. I don't think this girl is like that, but the guy is. You've handled things well and have a great view of relationships. Unfortunately, you walked into a messy situation.

 

I had a similar thing with the girl I mentioned on the other thread. We had been chatting online and on the phone for a few weeks, met in person a couple times. Things looked like they were heading to something more, but we were both scared of saying something. One night we were talking and she got a call from her old boyfriend, whom she had never fully gotten over. He wanted to get back with her. Of course, this is the same guy who cheated on her and got another girl pregnant. Same night he called we admitted we liked each other. So for a month things were up in the air. I tried to be nice and supportive, trying to get her to see that he wronged her once and was likely to hurt her again, but doing so gently. I kept telling her that I wanted to be with her and that I would hurt her like that. And eventually, she moved on from him and to me.

 

I think the same thing could happen in your case, that she could eventually move onto you. But it takes time. She's confused and going to Brad is the safe, comforting choice. Part of her wants to believe he has changed, that he can be the guy she wants him to be and who she sees deep down. She is stuck on him, or what he could be. And she doesn't want to give up. At the same time, she knows better. She knows he won't work out. And his contacting you like that is a good indicator that he hasn't changed. She'll see this eventually, and when she does, its someone like you that she is going to want and need.

 

But the thing is, there is no telling how long it will take. So you have to decide what is best for you in the meantime. Do you want to keep the door open? Do you want to let it just be friends, even if she did come back? I have the feeling that you're like me, always want to be her friend and will be there if she needs you. You have to be ok with how things are. But I also think that a good guy like you can help her see what a bad guy he is.

[RescueDiver]

Actually on Monday Jennifer all of the sudden stepped up contact. She unblocked me from MSN Messenger and we chatted for about an hour. We had been batting e-mails back and forth most of the morning too. That's the first time I've talked to her at work since she made her "decision". The reason she blocked me in the first place was because Brad (and others) were coming up behind her and reading our conversations. She sometimes has a lot of downtime there (when she's running database queries and stuff like that) so that's why we used to chat so much when she was at work. I don't know what prompted her to do that all of the sudden. Then at the end of the conversation for some reason she felt the need to point out that she missed seeing me. Then the next day she sends me an e-mail thanking me for the chat and e-mails and saying how nice it was to hear from me. I think it goes without saying that I miss her and I'm sure she knows that (and yes, I told her I missed her too). So I don't know if she was suddenly having doubts about Brad or regretted her decision or was just being polite or what.

 

Maybe she's trying to hold on to me just enough to where I don't go anywhere just yet. The reason I got to thinking that is because when the conversation started out I told her "You'll never believe what Josh is thinking about trying and wants me to go with..." out of the blue she replies "some speed dating?" I was like how the hell did you know that?! I could've just as easily said bungie jumping or snowmobiling, etc... I didn't mention anything that could've put that in her head. She has done that quite a few times right out of the blue like that. She says it only happens with me though. And obviously if she "tries" to do it, it doesn't work. Thing is, if she can read me like that she should know she needs to be careful with dropping statements like "I miss you" and making a big deal out of how nice it is to talk to me. Because that's going to trip up my getting over her.

 

I don't know if I want to get into trying to get her to see that he's going to hurt her again. For one, I really don't know enough about the guy other than I have a bad feeling about him (and from what I have seen and heard he doesn't sound too sharp). Second, every time I've tried to do that it's blown up in my face. Somehow it makes me look like the bad guy and the other guy look good. Third, I promised her I wasn't going to meddle (because I wouldn't want him meddling... even though in my opinion he already did).

 

I've already put forth to her that I wanted to remain friends and she can call me anytime if she needs me. And yeah, if she came back, I would probably want to try it again. In the mean time though I don't know. In lieu of any better prospects I'm probably just going to keep doing what I've been doing. I know a lot of people preach NC, but it's really not much of a temptation to IM her anyway because she's really not on IM much at all. Really the only times she's come on the past several weeks has been to talk to me.

 

Thanks for the insight though ShySoul... makes me feel a little better hearing from someone that's been in a similar situation.

[patience]

be careful not to get too attached to an unavailable woman

 

you have feelings for her, so basically you are having an emotional affair with her, think about that for a moment (you are not 'just' friends, because you are attracted to her, and you are hoping to be with her)

 

if she wanted you, she wouldn't be with him

 

just be careful here, because you may end up in a lot of pain...be very aware of the emotional risks you are taking

[RescueDiver]

be careful not to get too attached to an unavailable woman

 

you have feelings for her, so basically you are having an emotional affair with her, think about that for a moment (you are not 'just' friends, because you are attracted to her, and you are hoping to be with her)

 

if she wanted you, she wouldn't be with him

 

just be careful here, because you may end up in a lot of pain...be very aware of the emotional risks you are taking

 

That is all very true Patience, and I have to remind myself every day that she made a conscious decision. Even though in the e-mail she sent me she made it sound like she wasn't sure it'd work out.

 

I also realize the emotional pain I could be facing and the risks I am taking. Having said that, I'm not going to pass up other opportunites should I see them. That would be just downright stupid. Obviously what I'm hoping is going to happen is what ShySoul already said about her moving on to me (hopefully sooner rather than later). However like he said I have no idea how long that's going to take. The last time this happened to me was with my ex-girlfriend Marissa and that went on for 6 months before she came back to me. I also pretty much got constant updates on that relationship because Marissa and I were so close. It was painful, but I was able to pull enough information out to know to stick around. I don't have that "luxury" here, Jen and Brad could be doing great, or they could be doing crappy and chances are that I'm not going to hear about it. While the info would be nice... I don't really want to deal with the pain and frustration that goes along with it.

 

Probably what's going to end up happening is I'll pine over her for another month or two and then find some other interest. If she doesn't maintain any sort of reciprocated feelings (i.e. missing me, etc) then my interest and feelings for her are eventually going to die out. Like I've said, I've been here before and that is usually how it goes.

[ShySoul]

If they were doing great, do you think she would seem as concerned about you going out with someone else, doing something like speed dating? That was probably a slip up and she is still interested in you. She's not over you either and it shows at times. My girl would get jealous if I mentioned I was talking to any other girl, even if it was just friends. I went on a trip to see one, she assumed I was trying to get with her when I wasn't. Crazy girls...... what can you do about them? But you still love them.

 

You are handling this right. I really hope it works out for you.

[RescueDiver]

I honestly don't know if she was really that concerned about me going out with anyone else. I know she thinks speed dating is a rather superficial way to meet people (and I agree, but I'm going to try it anyway). Once the mind reading thing happened we spent more time talking about how she is able to read my thoughts like that. We didn't really say anything else about the speed dating. I did think it was a little strange that she dropped the "miss seeing you" comment and the thank you e-mail. I was going to say that I also thought it was strange that all of the sudden I haven't heard from her since then either. Like maybe she realized she still has feelings and is backing way off. BUT, shortly after I started typing this she popped on to messenger (from home) and started a nice half-hour conversation. That in itself was an interesting.

 

Turns out that Brad did in fact delete me from her contact list (he finally fessed up to it). And from the sounds of it, after she locked down her home computer (because of the initial incident) sounds like he sidestepped that and went into her stuff again. I don't know if he started nosing around or not, but she said it was pretty obvious that he'd been in there without her permission. She busted him on it so if he's smart he won't pull that again.

 

Of course I couldn't resist starting up my webcam for her. So she turned hers on to and we had a nice half-hour webcam-aided conversation. Something we haven't done in close to a month. That works so much better than using emoticons. Anyway, I think you're right Shy... she may not be over me yet. She was like "you just had to start the cam right?" Yeah, I know that probably qualifies as meddling because it'll undoubtedly make her miss me (and sounds like it did).

[ShySoul]

Turns out that Brad did in fact delete me from her contact list (he finally fessed up to it). And from the sounds of it, after she locked down her home computer (because of the initial incident) sounds like he sidestepped that and went into her stuff again. I don't know if he started nosing around or not, but she said it was pretty obvious that he'd been in there without her permission. She busted him on it so if he's smart he won't pull that again

 

A leopard can't change his spots, is that how the saying goes? This guy is still the same as he was before, hasn't changed a bit. Sooner or later she'll she it. It's a pain waiting though. But hey, at least now you can have those webcam chats. Those are pretty fun.

[RescueDiver]

Yeah, it certainly is a pain waiting. It's also really hard to walk the line between keeping her interested but not letting her get complacent and think I'm going to wait around forever. I wasn't real sure if she'd allow the webcam thing because when I first got it (when she was trying to decide) and used it she made some crack about "making her miss me." Obviously it wasn't making her decision any easier. Tonight she kept saying that I was distracting her (and she implied it as a good thing). So I imagine that's a good thing since it sounds like she's still attracted to me at least. I know that doesn't change anything but maybe it'll give her a thing or two to think about if Brad continues being an a-hole. Anyway, I guess she's going to be in the area tomorrow babysitting her niece. I don't know why she felt the need to point that out.

[leopard]

Jen and Brad. Are you Angelina?

[RescueDiver]

Jen and Brad. Are you Angelina?

 

Ignoring ridiculous post from the peanut gallery

[ShySoul]

Jen and Brad. Are you Angelina?

 

No, Angelina is with me.

 

Rescue, she wanted you to know she would be nearby, so you'd be thinking about her more. Or maybe she was just telling you her plans. Hard to figure out at, these crazy women.

[RescueDiver]

Lol, I thought you said you had them all figured out? Yeah, actually Jennifer and I had a pretty nice conversation this morning. Yesterday when she was in town she was at one of the local malls (about 4 blocks from my fire station, so yeah, she was nearby). The weather we had yesterday was pretty crappy too so she said she was thinking about if she got into a car accident if I'd show up. I told her that if she was at that particular mall that yeah I probably would have since that's in our territory.

I was just thinking out loud anyway because there's really no way to know if she's just sharing plans or if she wants me to know she's going to be nearby so I'd be thinking about her. Only she knows.

[ShySoul]

Mostly figured out, but I can't be expected to know everything. Give me a few years, I might be able to do it. Of course, women had men figured out ages ago.

 

Do all the thinking outloud you need. If you are like me you will need to do alot of it.