Is it wrong for a lady to make the first move?

[WArrior458]

Ok i meet this guy like over a month ago but when i meet him he just recently broken up with his girlfriend so really i didn't want to act like i was interested cuz i didn't want to be a rebound, so i just talked to him abit and we danced a few songs but that's only cuz i had asked him too..

when i was leaving i told him that hopefully we will see eachother again and he said yeah for sure blah blah but i didn't bother to give him my # or anyhting because of that situation..

 

I kinda regret it, but later on he had gotten back with his ex girlfriend and i figured it was better for me not to give him my # or vice versa. i also said if next time he brakes up than iam not going to miss my chance either..

 

well weeks passed by and i seen him this week and he had told me agian that he broken up with his girl and i told him "are you sure this i s for real?" he said yeah this time is a definte and blah blah blah ..I am sure he knows that i am interested in him because his friend had hinted it out to him ..

so we talked and i had mention to him that his friend and i went out with a few friends the other nite, we went salsa dancing, and he asked why i didn't invite him but i told him "i did mention to ur friend to invite you but i figured since u we're with your girlfriend u didn't want to come" but he said " next time just call me, cuz i never would get any message from him" so i told him yeah next time. ( i gotten his #, cuz one day his friend callled me from his phone and i programmed it in my phone, i also told him i had it) so while we we're talking he had mentioned that he loves movies and had a collection of dvds which i told him i did too but anyways i asked if he can lend me a few and he said yeah so i borrowed a couple..mind you this was on sunday that happen

 

I really am interested in him and would like him to give me a chance in getting to know me i haven't been on a date for a year now. I just had friends and now i lost my ways..lol

 

Now i had called him today, but he didn't answered the phone i didn't want to leave no message but i forced myself too (almost choked on my words, lol) i had left my name and #. it took me a lot of courage to call him i was like praying the whole day and night to get some courage , i am serious that's how much scared i was..

 

well i need ur opinion here, is it wrong for i to have pulled the first move?

I mean i am tryting not expect anyhitng he just broke up with his girlfriend , i am just feeling a bit weird hoping it wasn't wrong that i called him, i want to show him that iam confident and not someone who is shy and when i want something i give it a try.

i know iam not going to even bother calling him anymore if he wants he can call me back but what should i talk about?

 

Ia m not the most gorgeops girl on earth , i don't look like a modal, iam not fat nor skinny, But one thing for sure is i have a good heart and i know i have charisma, yeah there are times when i feel like blah but hey who desn't. See there are people out there who may be looking like models, tall and skinny but they have no charisma, is like when you talk or when ur with them u feel empty..

 

 

I know this is long sorry guys, can you just help me out please

some words of wisdom or whater that will make me understand things

Thanks

God bless

[traz]

Short Answer: No, most guys like it when a girl makes the first move

[WArrior458]

well if a girl does show some interest do u back away most of the time or do u meet her more than half the way? meaning that you will also put your part to ex: call her back, ask her out?

 

My point is now that i had left a message with my # i shouldn't bother and see if he wants to chat or even is interested?

[Msnak]

I keep noticing guys in their teens through 30s seem to like it when women ask and approach. So, no problems there. All someone can say is yes or no. And most times it's the guy asking, and women smile at someone at let a chance pass, maybe the guy was shy, or the woman was only going to end up with him if he made the first move.

 

I say, if you like someone, don't wait around forever or it'll never happen. Women have a mouth, women can ask. Men have a mouth, men can ask. Everyone would save time if they took a bit of effort to say what they are thinking, instead of waiting four weeks, wondering about it, losing the opportunity.

 

This is a lesson I've learned!

[JRM]

Short answer: No.

 

Most guys would be flattered that a girl actually liked them so much they asked him out herself.

 

Not to mention the relief of the ENORMOUS pressure put on us by a society that expects us to be heroes.

[FCTex]

I've always joked with women that this is 2005, almost 2006, and women CAN ask a guy out, make plans, AND.. God forbid... make the first move..

 

I have a daunting skill, that puts that on women I really like. I can wait.. I can tease, and manipulate the words, to let them know it's okay, but I can wait for them to do something. I am still old fashioned, and go by the set social "rules" of dating and etiquette.

 

However, it's still fun to have women take some initiative in some things. I'm flattered when a women asks me out, or is direct in wanting to do something.. For instance, I'm dating a girl now, who I'm head over heels for.. She was joking and made a rule about "no kissing for the first time in my truck".. Well, the other night.. She was just staring at me in the truck.. I wanted to kiss her so bad, and I knew she did too.. I waited, and smiled, and she finally "broke the rule" and planted the best kiss I've had in my entire almost 21 years of living.. Thats hot.

 

Girls... MAKE MOVES! MAKE DATES!! It's very, very attractive to the teen-mid-30 crowd... Very attractive. Remember, less pressure, means more fun.

[Caterina]

I say that it is almost always better to let them make the move. A lot of times they can act as though they are interested, and they really aren't. It saves you a lot of trouble and the risk is too big for rejection. And there is too much of a obvious fact that men like to chase...they like ambiguity. If you give it all away, there is no mystery.

[Belle]

Uh, what Caterina said. The guys will tell you they like it because it lets them off the hook but girl's pursuing guys usually doesn'tw ork out long term.

 

Basically you have to ask yourself do you want him to be flattered or do you want him to be nuts about you? Look around. Guys tend to really love the girls that they couldn't get right off the bat and made them work.

[FCTex]

Your right. We like to chase. I want the girls that I have to put some real work into. I want girl that when I go home I ponder whats going on, wondering what the next thing I will have to do, and what she's going to do. I wasnt implying, not chase, and give in to everything. That is certainly not fun.

 

The girls that I just have come to me.. The ones that ask to sleep with me, the ones that ask me out on dates.. Sure it's fun, sure it takes alot of the guess work out of it, but I'm not really intrested in what I know I can have so easy.

 

 

But, in the same boat women... It IS a good idea to put forth some effort, make a few moves, say a few things.. Make it easier, make the social distortion behind the "man does all" a little thinner. It's very flattering, and only makes a man chase that much harder when you give, and move back in the same instance.

[corvidae]

I hate chasing girls, it makes me so depressed. All this 'chasing' and games and stuff, it just seems to make something difficult so much harder. I don't know why people can't just communicate and get on. No I'm not being naive! Idealistic maybe. But what do I know! I'm rubbish with women. I don't know. I feel rubbish because people don't ever show interest and that makes me feel detached and...well, rubbish. So I think women should make the first move once in a while. OK, you might not end up marrying Mr.Right, but you might make someone feel good about themselves, and that can't be all bad. It's a lot better than making someone feel like trash. And maybe you can just have some fun. Life's not all about settling down. At least I hope it isn't.

 

Anyway, important message: not all men like chasing. So I guess it depends who you're after.

[JRM]

I say that it is almost always better to let them make the move. A lot of times they can act as though they are interested, and they really aren't. It saves you a lot of trouble and the risk is too big for rejection.

 

Are you kidding? Since all the pressure is on us to make the first move and ask you out all the time, we're the ones shivering our eyes out worrying if whether or not that girl, who is obviously too good for us, is going to trample all over your heart(and testicles).

 

Of course I'm exagerating, but still, I think it would be more fun if anyone, man or woman, could go after what they wanted without eating away at the old-fashioned social fiber we're all so used to.

[WArrior458]

you know what i guess the only way we can really find out is if we ask if their interested or not and by their actions....

becuase it's true i meet guys who acted as though they we're interested but really they we're just being friendly "too friendly"

[sparticuss]

Ok Warrior. Listen up.

Firstly - From the guys point of view. (Back me up on this one thank you gentlemen)

 

- If I had a choice between a girl who makes the first move and

- A girl who scrreamsss at the top of her lungs "Piss arrrrffff ya ^&*( creep" when I ask her out well

Give me the girl who makes the first move any day.

 

- Secondly Warrior. You know very little about guys. Thats not hassling you out or accusing you of anything. It's just a simple fact. Just be aware of it.

 

- Thirdly warrior. You have said you arent calling him back unless he calls you back. Big mistake. (Like I said you know nothing about guys.) Guys are often so emotionally bruised by relationship break up that they suicide. It's actually the biggest single killer of men until the age of fifty. So this guy is going to be reluctant to enter any sort of new relatinship of any sort no matter who asks first.

So you may well have to ask him a second time. Better still don't ask or date him. Just befriend him and see what goes from there.

 

Finally (one again you don't know about guys) unless you have a face so downright ugly that you actually turn more heads in the street than a beautiful girl then your appearance is irrelevant. It's you attitude that matters to the guys. Not your apearence.

[sparticuss]

I say that it is almost always better to let them make the move. A lot of times they can act as though they are interested, and they really aren't. It saves you a lot of trouble and the risk is too big for rejection. And there is too much of a obvious fact that men like to chase...they like ambiguity. If you give it all away, there is no mystery.

 

Now get this Caterina. Men do NOT, I repeat do NOT like to chase.

They tolerate the chase if in means geting the girl/date/sex at the end of it but they do not enjoy the chase.

It is the female, or morre accurrately the hoplessly boated, and fragile, female ego that needs to be pacified by the thrill of being worth chasing, that is the main cause of the chase.

Think I'm exagerating?? The Loreal "because your'e worth it" advertising campaign has made them billions by pandering to this fragile ego.

 

Men in general , real men in paticular like women who like

1/ Them in paticular

2/ Men in general

3/ Sex with or without the glamour touches.

Among real men the chase is necessary but is also a pain in the ^&*

[Belle]

Good lord. I feel like this is the convention for sissy American men who's egos are too fragile to pursue. You'd never hear European guys whining about having to ask out a woman. They just do it. And often. And if the girl rejects them, they move on and ask someone else.

 

So don't date! Let the men who have cojones do it while you guys date each other. But then if you're all too afraid to ask, I guess you won't be able to do that either.

[FCTex]

Good lord. I feel like this is the convention for sissy American men who's egos are too fragile to pursue. You'd never hear European guys whining about having to ask out a woman. They just do it. And often. And if the girl rejects them, they move on and ask someone else.

 

So don't date! Let the men who have cojones do it while you guys date each other. But then if you're all too afraid to ask, I guess you won't be able to do that either.

 

 

I'm with this.. LOL... If you don't like what I have, then the girl next to you certainly will.

 

I don't mind a chase, as long as it doesn't get so demanded and one ended, because at that point, it's not worth chasing.

[corvidae]

I'm English. We're the most reserved people in the world. If you tried to chat up a strange girl in the street you'd get arrested. I don't know where people meet in England, I think there's a special club that I haven't been invited to.

 

The thing about European guys, and I mean continental folk like the Spanish, Italians, French (most Latin blooded people), is you don't want all men to be like them. You might think you do, but you don't. I work with lots of French and Italians and maybe they can charm their way into the pants of any woman, but they do it through a shallow facade. Acting a part. They don't doubt themselves or have any apparent self-reflection. The French guy is fond of saying that if he wasn't married he'd have a one night stand every night. A lot of guys, of all nationalities, get by like this.

[corvidae]

If you want to ask a guy out, ask them out. If society doesn't like it, society can go stick its head up its a*se.

[Belle]

Cordivae,

 

Why do you feel the need to contradict everything I say? Your one French friend deal is purely anecdotal. I'm fairly sure I've dated a few more French guys than you and they're not remotely like the stereotype that's pushed out there. I might agree that Italian guys are like that, but with my limited experience I'd be just as guilty as you of promoting some goofy stereotype. Not all European guys are players but a lot of the latin variety know it's their job to pursue and they don't balk about it.

 

Also, your claim that a guy would get arrested for chatting up a girl in England? Please. It's so hard to take anything you say seriously.

[corvidae]

I'm fairly sure I've dated a few more French guys than you

 

Well I won't disagree with that! I'm not trying to deliberately argue with you in particular, it's just we have opposing views so when we talk about stuff like this we are going to disagree. I assure you, it's not personal.

 

Also, your claim that a guy would get arrested for chatting up a girl in England? Please. It's so hard to take anything you say seriously.

 

That was a joke. But seriously, in the UK it is much less culturally accepted to ask out random strangers or to just start chatting as compared to the US. My housemate (female) was amazed (and a little shocked), when guys would just start chatting to her in a coffee shop when she worked in the US. You would not be arrested, of course, if you did that here, but you would get some funny looks and people might think you were a bit dodgy.

 

You're right. I'm basing my opinion of Europeans on the half-dozen or so I work with. And from what my French student Audrey used to tell me. I haven't lived in Europe, so it could all be a case of the wrong impression.

[sparticuss]

I'm with this.. LOL... If you don't like what I have, then the girl next to you certainly will.

 

I don't mind a chase, as long as it doesn't get so demanded and one ended, because at that point, it's not worth chasing.

 

You missed two vital points FC

1/ If you don't like what I have then the next girl will. That istrue enough but she will be such a sheep that she will never admit to it. She will never take a rejected guy no matter how good he is.

 

2/ The one girl who isn't worth chasing is the one who needs chasing so the whole issue becomes irrelevant again.

[FCTex]

Your totally right. I guess you missed my point!

 

I've made a quote up on here, and I stick to it daily.

 

"The juice that is worth the squeeze, is when you don't have to squeeze it at all."

 

If you don't like what I have, then my confidence isn't ruined, and I can certainly walk back out there and offer myself to someone new.

[WArrior458]

you know what iam glad i didn'tcallhim again cuz he ended up back with his girlfriend so i do have my limits andit all comes for a reason,

and don't tell me thati don't know guys iwill never learn how guys arecuz everyone is different but one thing i can tell you is that through expereinces i havebeen taught alot andlearned from mistakes

[corvidae]

Yeah, everyone is different. If you walk around with these rigid notions that "all men like to chase" and "all men should make all the moves" and so forth, then you'll only ever meet that type of person, because anyone who doesn't make a move or chase is, automatically in your eyes, a 'coward', when in fact, they just have a slightly different view of the world. Life is tough for everyone (well, nearly eveyone), so let's try not to make things tough for other people. Be empathic. Remember the other person has feelings too. Be strong, be confident, be kind, and if that's not good enough for people, then they have issues to work out themselves.

[ducky]

you know what iam glad i didn'tcallhim again cuz he ended up back with his girlfriend so i do have my limits andit all comes for a reason

 

Pardon my impropriety, but have you ever wondered what could have been if you had made your move before he got back together? If you're not willing to make a move for someone you like, you'll always end up second best to those who make the first move.

 

Male or female, the SAS maxim "who dares wins" holds true in the dating game. Don't ever let the fear of rejection stand in your way!