Close Calls

[Ant5157]

I dont know guys but today has been a really sorda like lonley the past few days Its been like 3 weeks since I spoken to my ex and like 2 months since we had broken up. Im getting better everyday but its times i get weak and want to break the NC . I have been strong with it so far . sometimes i get sexual emotional and want to have sex and I want it from my ex whom i been with the last 2 years . And I think about this week Thanksgiving coming up and Christmas and I will be depressed since i will be spending it alone. I wounder about him alot.I even thought about calling him and wishing him a happy thanksgiving but I wont it probably wont do no good. I try my hardest not to wounder about him and even not to think about him. I feel like gosh It gets old after a while to try to fool myself into not thinking about him when I really do. I dont know I just needed some comfort and some advise. I find myself posting my feelings when I get in these vonarable thinking stages and feel like im going to break the NC.

[chaos]

Today's been really hard on me too for some reason. i thought I was doing better but today... Maybe it's because it's been 5 weeks to the day, maybe because I balanced my checkbook and was reminded, in a way, of all the things we did together... back when she was either still happy with me or still pretending she loved me. Maybe it's the realization that she probably left me for someone else and that tensions just been building up. Maybe it was seeing Harry Potter last night with a friend instead of seeing it with her. Maybe it was watching some episodes of season 2 of Scrubs in bed, alone, while I ate dinner; we watched season 1 together, in bed. Maybe I'm just lonely because I have no one to share my life with. Maybe it's all of the above. Then theres the fact that I start my new job tomorrow and career wise, this could be a really good thing, if I don't screw it up. The one thing I do know is that I'm still mourning the life I thought we'd have together. By this time we should have been engaged for almost two weeks... Everything I'd planned, everything I'd hoped my life would be is gone. Guess I'm just feeling lost...

 

But, what we can't do is tell any of this to our ex's because it won't do any good. Posting here is a good substitution. We just have to stay busy and try to keep our minds off our ex's. And, if things build up, like they did for me today, just let it out. Holding it in will only prolong the pain. The faster you can get it out the faster it goes away. Hopefully, this will be the last emotional breakdown I have and, if not, the next ones probably a few weeks off. It's gotten easier and it will continue to get easier, we just gotta keep on keeping on.

[Ant5157]

Gosh Chaos I feel what you are talking about. l know how it feel with the tensions of ex building up. and all the memories starts to rumble in your mind its gut hurting. even the waiting for the ex to call is enough for me. I am glad to come on here and vent insted of venting to my ex when I definatly dont know what state of mind he's in. and yeah like you I still mourn the life we use to have together too. but i do agree with you and congrats and good luck with the new Job

[capricorn85]

I totally understand. Today was rough for me too. I found myself sitting here thinking of him right now. We are born 2 days a part so when that time comes, I dont know what I will do. Thanksgiving is soon and me and my love of my life are no longer together, its been about 2 months. It's so hard. We just have to take it day by day.

[Da5id]

I hear you guys... weekends are soooo rough!

 

I beat depression this weekend by filling my time with stuff to make me feel better and it's exhausting. But I do feel better.

 

I've been dreading the holidays and the threat of lonely reminders of my failed relationship, but I get it out of my head pretty quickly when I just try to remind myself to stay in the moment.

 

I make a conscious effort to pay attention to whatever is going on right now. And if I am just sitting there dwelling, then I am not being good to myself... so I try to motivate.

 

Either way, we do have people that care about us this holiday, and even if I don't get to sit at the table with her and her family, I know everything's going to be okay.

[bsp_kjm]

that brought tears to my eyes. not only because i have been thinking about and feeling the same things, but because another great person like yourself is hurting as well.

[Ant5157]

Yeah bsp kjm you have a point there staying away from someone you love with all your heart. I dont know but i am staying away becouse I have to try to heal myself and for all my ex has done to me threw out this whole ordeal with us breaking apart it has made me so uneasy with life in genral. All i wanted was for him to be honest about him breaking up with me and to understand my feelings as well and he didnt and I saw the games he was playing with me after we he'd broke up with me and also we had sex after it all and to find out that he was playing with my emotions and when I called him out about it then it became NC with him and I tried the friend thing even though i told him that it wasnt going to work becouse I still had strong feeling for him. And I just had to give up trying .. when all i could see was me hurting myself through this and god I wish that he nows that . I have been threw the angry part stage of being mad at him and all.. and I forgive him but I wont forget. I just feel so bad becouse I got the lower half of the stick in the end . And I never got to say what I wanted to say to him. And everyday its gets better but there are days. Its been 3 weeks witch sounds like so recent but its been a long time for me. We had our fights and aruguments through out the relationshp but I was the one that always put the pieces back together even if i was wrong . This time I just left the pieces as they lay and I still feel uncomfortable about that and its only becouse I still love him. people say that I will have these feeling for some time. well I believe them. I just wish I could here him say Im sorry . I know its wishfull thinking but I really do. Its just seem with this NC i am using the time to heal myself and to reflect on alot of things that are going on in my life. I know I have to be strong and I have been but Man... I tell yah and I know that I have some more stages to go threw like woundering if he has moved on to someone else and ect....... So moving on with someone else right now cant happened at this stage . I feel like the last thing I ever want to do is get with someone else

[ZoeMatthews]

I dont know guys but today has been a really sorda like lonley the past few days Its been like 3 weeks since I spoken to my ex and like 2 months since we had broken up. Im getting better everyday but its times i get weak and want to break the NC . I have been strong with it so far . sometimes i get sexual emotional and want to have sex and I want it from my ex whom i been with the last 2 years .

 

(((HUGS)))

 

Oh my goodness, your post reminds me of me!

 

My ex broke up with me on Sunday October 30. After 2 1/2 years of being together.

 

Its been two weeks since I contacted him...He broke NC last Tuesday. He called me at work to see if I had gotten a package he mailed me. At first, I did not know it was him...but he totally ruined my day. He laughed at me because he had caught me at a bad time, then he proceeded to ask me if I had gotten the package. I said, "yes thank you"...he said, "okay, just wanting to make sure". I said, "okay" and hung up the phone!

 

Last night, I was very upset and I was sooo hurt...i came very close to calling him and telling him that I was lonely. But I didn't. I am so proud of myself.

 

Do not initiate contact. let more time pass. You will feel better.

 

Love

 

Zoe