She's speaking to me again ...

[Bigbilly]

She's messaged me twice on MSN. I've answered neither time. She still has me on her contact list, but I haven't had her on mine for over a month.

 

I've heard through the grapevine, of sorts, that she dated a guy for about four weeks, maybe a little longer. Stayed at his apartment a ton of times (she's 18, by the way), really enjoyed the butterflies and really fell head over heels ...until he told her he doesn't really have those kinds of feelings for her.

 

I've been told (an assumption, mind you) that he probably just got some sex out of her and then lost his interest, as kids at that age are won't to do. Whatever the reasons (which are vey recent), I'm hearing from her again.

 

I've been in strict NC, note how I didn't answer her on MSN. She's not going to get to lean on me for support, she lost that privilage when she broke my heart.

 

Just wondering, does anyone think it's going to get worse? Maybe she can just turn to all these new friends she made in college and leave me the hell alone. I'm really feeling over her, but I would be a liar if I said I was over her completely. I'm not going to risk opening these old wounds again now that they've healed up a bit.

[Hawk]

Get worse for you or for her? Up to you whether you let it get worse for you - depends on how you respond to he attempts to contact you.

[Bigbilly]

Sorry, I meant; is she going to try to lean on me for support and protection.

[WyseOne]

No one knows why she is contacting you except her.

Could be she realizes what she lost or she may feel she is ready to be friends with you. It does sound like you have made up your mind and will not allow her to hurt you anymore however you are obviously curious as to why she initiated contact, would it really hurt you to just reply asking what her intentions of contacting you are?

[heloladies21]

She might try and lean on you or check in to see if you're there as a back up plan, but she'll never be serious about you ever again. You'd be best off to keep with the NC and talk to other girls. You'll find one who's not so confused and inconsiderate.

[Bigbilly]

Sorry I can't be more specific. I don't have very much right now that's concrete ....

 

WyseOne: the thing is, she's eighteen, a college girl, and far enough away that our relationship would be considered long distance. That's a recipe for disaster right there. I will admit, I still care for her, deeply, but I won't spend another moment of my life wanting something that I can't have. Even after two years, I thought I knew her, and I was dead wrong.

 

heloladies21: Yeah, that is more or less what my jaded sister told me. She warned me that if I heard from her again so soon, all it would mean is that she's fallen on her *CENSORED**CENSORED**CENSORED* and wants me to help pick up the pieces. As much as I wish I could have her back, I can't. I loved her, wanted to marry her, blah blah ...but it's never gonna happen.

 

I guess I don't know what it is I am looking for, in reference to responses. I guess I just wanted a few outside opinions. It's always helpful.

[WyseOne]

Okay if that is the case then ignore it. I just figured you have nothing to lose if you are truly at the stage of letting her go but are curious then replying with a simple "You left me, why are you contacting me" and then going back to NC shouldn't hurt you. Should it? Is there an answer that she could give that would hurt you or set you back?

[DropToZero]

I dont know if I really have any sort of advice...just thought I'd let you know you're in such a similar situation as I...except I wouldn't go as far as marriage. I haven't had her on my contact list for the past month at least...and I was pretty sure she still had me on hers....and it'd been a month of n/c...at least in my eyes b/c I didn't really want to talk to her b/c of some of things she'd done that angered me. Problem is, she msg'd me, and after a few msgs she said things b/c I wouldnt respond....I ended up responding b/c she pissed me off with what she said and I sent a nice long angry msg back sayin I didn't want to talk at the moment.

 

By the way...I like your words there...I may use this in the future...

 

She's not going to get to lean on me for support, she lost that privilage when she broke my heart.

 

good luck

[Tigris]

I advise you to keep doing NC otherwise you are going to continue getting hurt.

 

I hope you find someone more suited to you soon.

 

Good luck and take care.

[Bigbilly]

dont know if I really have any sort of advice...just thought I'd let you know you're in such a similar situation as I...except I wouldn't go as far as marriage. I haven't had her on my contact list for the past month at least...and I was pretty sure she still had me on hers....and it'd been a month of n/c...at least in my eyes b/c I didn't really want to talk to her b/c of some of things she'd done that angered me. Problem is, she msg'd me, and after a few msgs she said things b/c I wouldnt respond....I ended up responding b/c she pissed me off with what she said and I sent a nice long angry msg back sayin I didn't want to talk at the moment.

 

Well, I know she has me on hers. With MSN, you can check and see who has you on their contact list.

 

Okay if that is the case then ignore it. I just figured you have nothing to lose if you are truly at the stage of letting her go but are curious then replying with a simple "You left me, why are you contacting me" and then going back to NC shouldn't hurt you. Should it? Is there an answer that she could give that would hurt you or set you back?

 

I have no idea. I don't really think I want to be friends, because yeah, I still love her. She broke up with me so she could play this dormroom dating game. She said she expected to have bad relationships, but I don't think she ever saw this coming, what's happening to her now I mean. She seemed to think that love was something like what you see in "Princess Bride" or "Ever After", and this is a very rude wake-up all.

[redandblack]

She seemed to think that love was something like what you see in "Princess Bride" or "Ever After", and this is a very rude wake-up all.

 

I think this is exactly what is going on. She realized she was used. Very common in the whole college dating game.

 

Maybe she is realizing how well you treated her. Maybe she is realizing you would have never hurt her. The real kicker will come when she realizes that she threw away one of the best things she had going for her.

 

Happiness is not a destination, it's a traveling partner. Things are what you make them. Stay strong man, you'll find someone who is right for you. Give things TIME and try to enjoy your life in the meantime.

[Bigbilly]

I tell you what, man. I don't appreciate her messaging me like that. It stirred up all kinds of emotions and I've been thinking about her again, a lot. I've had to fight tooth and nail the urge to check her livejournal, and find out for myself just what is going on. I haven't, though. Whatever is going on in her life had nothing to do with me, now.

 

These thoughts are just bouncing inside my head; I know we're broken up, but she still at least care about me? Is she thinking she might have made a mistake? Do I ever at least cross her mind? From what little I know, she is driven right now by a powerful desire to fall in love, to be loved, to love ...blah blah. The kinda crap we all felt back in High school, before we grew up a bit and learned what love really was. A few friends, who read her livejournal a bit to get to know what sort of girl she is, tell me how much better off I am, given how immature she is. Why do I still care? It's some emotional addiction.

 

I don't want her hurt, but it's not my problem anymore. I love her, I hate her. I wish she talk to me, I never want to hear from her again. I can't remember what she looks like, I'd give anything to see her again, and at the same time I pray that I never run into her, ever. I wonder what stage this is, that I'm in now.

 

My instincts, wisdom, and all the advice everyone has given me has kept me as far away from her as I can. I must admit though, that in my weaker moments, I do wish she would at least try to get in touch with me. Even if I didn't bring myself to answer, it would be nice to know she hasn't already pushed me out of her mind completely. But, I gotta take this like a man.

 

God, I only get like this when I'm bored. I swear.

[heloladies21]

All of your thoughts and feelings are normal. You should be angry, what she's doing is really selfish. Keep in NC and your mood swings will slow down and be less intense. Staying busy is key. Find something to do, anything. Talk to some other chicks. Get some numbers. It'll help.

[DropToZero]

I tell you what, man. I don't appreciate her messaging me like that. It stirred up all kinds of emotions and I've been thinking about her again, a lot. I've had to fight tooth and nail the urge to check her livejournal, and find out for myself just what is going on. I haven't, though. Whatever is going on in her life had nothing to do with me, now.

 

I know exactly what you mean man, that's what happened to me when I got messaged...all the emotions came rushing back and you're just like "NO..not now, just when it was getting better and easier to not think of her." It sucks...especially when you've already got a lot of other things on your mind from school and other girls you're dating...it's just something not needed to add to the mix. I'm an out of sight out of mind type person I think...so I fight myself not to look at any online journal sites or anything that would have her picture on it. I'm just like you tho, if you look at those entries online, you're just going to spark the feelings again and it's going to upset you...I've learned my lesson about those things. Get out, get your mind off of her, stay busy as possible...it'll get easier...I know it sucks having to more or less restart the n/c, but it's better than giving in. So...Good luck